


may your past be the sound (of your feet upon the ground)

by dreabean



Series: if I'm still alive (what shouldn't I do?) [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: (not really sorry), AU, Angst, Ben father of droids, Brainwashing, Darth Tantrum and his Evil Space Ginger, Eventual Happy Ending, Evil Space Boyfriends, Explicit Consent, Fix-It, Force Ghosts, Frottage, Han Solo's A+ Parenting, His name isn't Armitage, I am not nice to anyone in this, I did warn you that this was slow, I'm so sorry, Implied Non-consent, Inappropriate Use of the Force, M/M, Not in This Fic, OC droids, OCs - Freeform, Polyamory, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Resurrection, Shame, Slow Burn, Smuggler!Ren, Sorry LucasFilms, Sorry Not Sorry, Stealing, The Force, Torture, angry space boyfriends, balls, lots of droids, okay a little sorry, seriously, slowest burn of all time, so sloooow, sort of, stormtroopers - Freeform, that is not how the force works ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-06-07 10:59:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 110,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6800914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreabean/pseuds/dreabean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Ren stood and made his way over to the hooded man in the corner. He hooked his fingers in his vest pockets, putting on a deliberately easy going air. He could feel the eyes of the rest of the room on him, and with a small effort of will, gave them something to be distracted by.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <i>He’d never grow used to the whispers and stares. The hooded man barely twitched when Ren dropped lazily down into the seat across from him. “Heard you were looking for a transport,” he said easily, modulating his tone to be friendly and curious. “As it happens, I’m looking for some passengers.”</i></p><p>  <i>The man’s head came up, not enough to show his face, just the lower half of his chin, covered in a patchy red beard. “Who sent you?” he snapped, a crisp Order accent curling around his words.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [I_am_here_to_watch_you_suffer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_here_to_watch_you_suffer/gifts).



> Evil space boyfriends ate my life.
> 
> I'm so sorry.
> 
> This going to start out fun and light and full of snark, but it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better. 
> 
> Also, unbeta'd.
> 
> [SR-3 is a small (hand sized) version of BB-8 in blue, with long arms that she can retract. HK-51 is exactly who you're thinking of, I'm sorry I loved him in those games, and LT-55 is an astromech like R2.]
> 
> For Lex <3.

I.

 

Ren hated Mos Ila. 

 

To be fair, he hated the entirety of Tatooine, but the spaceport was the worst. He waved a hand at the docking attendant, who immediately about faced to log that Ren and his ship had already paid the truly exorbitant fees. As soon as the lights turned green, he strode out of the bay, his droid hot on his heels.

 

Blending into the crowd of moisture farmers heading towards the Cantina, Ren pulled his hair back, tying it up to relieve some of the oppressive heat. It was better than Dxun, but only because the air was so dry. “Master,” the droid grumbled from behind him, “there is  _ sand _ getting into my  _ servos. _ ”

 

Ren shot him a grin over his shoulder. “You say that every time we come here,” he drawled. “Don’t I always take care of you?” 

 

The droid made a static filled sniff. “You could take care of me by leaving me on the ship, Master.” 

 

Laughing softly, Ren shook his head. “You’d be bored in under a minute,”  he said. “Now come on, we’re almost inside.”  They slipped through the Cantina door, and Ren sighed in relief. The dark atmosphere suited him just fine, and the droid beside him clomped over to the door to take up a protective stance. 

 

The tender behind the bar looked up at their entrance and waved him over, putting out a glass of blue milk. “Ren,” the Rodian bleated, looking furtively around. “I have a job for you.”

 

Sliding into the seat, Ren pulled the glass closer to him. “Regg,” he greeted, with one eyebrow slightly raised. “Always a pleasure. What’s the job?”

 

With a quick gesture, almost too fast for eyes to see, Regg gestured to a man sitting hunched up in the corner of the Siltshift. “That man,” he says. “He’s been asking around, wants transport.” The Rodian shook his head. “Hasn’t taken his hood off, making my customers nervous.”

 

Ren glanced around the Cantina, and sure enough, the air was heavy with unease, the patrons giving the corner a wide berth. A few Gamoreans in the corner closest to him muttered in angry whispers. Refocusing on the nervous Regg, Ren nodded. “I can tell,” he said. “Can he pay?”

 

“Says he can,” Regg said. “Get him out of here,” he added. Ren pushed a credit chip towards him but the Rodian waved him off. “Your money is no good here, you know that.”

 

Once the glass of blue milk was gone, Ren stood and made his way over to the hooded man in the corner. He hooked his fingers in his vest pockets, putting on a deliberately easy going air. He could feel the eyes of the rest of the room on him, and with a small effort of will, gave them something to be distracted by. 

 

He’d never grow used to the whispers and stares. The hooded man barely twitched when Ren dropped lazily down into the seat across from him. “Heard you were looking for a transport,” he said easily, modulating his tone to be friendly and curious. “As it happens, I’m looking for some passengers.”

 

The man’s head came up, not enough to show his face, just the lower half of his chin, covered in a patchy red beard. “Who sent you?” he snapped, a crisp Order accent snapping around his words.

 

Ren’s eyebrows raised slightly, and his estimation of the man in front of him went up a notch. “Regg did,” he answered honestly. He inclined his head slightly towards the bar. “We go way back.”

 

The man tugged on the front of his hood, clearly a nervous habit. “Where are you going?” he asked. 

 

Ren shrugged one shoulder. “Lothal, for now,” he said. “Then, Dantooine, and a few other places.” He leaned his elbows on the table. “As long as you can pay, I’ll take you wherever.”

 

There was a long beat of silence between them, filled only with the sound of the band playing on the second level. Finally, the man nodded once. “I can pay.” He slid a chip across the table, his hands were filthy, but the nails were immaculately shaped. They looked soft, and unused to hard work. 

 

Sweeping the piece into his hand, Ren tamped down on the edges of his mind to curb the desire to find out just who this man was. “I’m in the spaceport, Docking Bay 008. Meet me there tomorrow at dawn, I launch just after. Don’t be late.”

 

He stood fluidly, ears tuned to hear the Gamoreans decide to find out once and for all who the stranger in their corner was. Ren slipped past them, twisting his fingers in the air. “ _ You do not wish to harm that man _ ,” he murmured, and the ugly mercs stopped in the middle of the room, blinking and looking confused.

 

Regg began hissing and shouting at them, ushering them out of the way of ‘paying customers’. Just before collecting his droid and leaving the Siltshift, he tipped a wink in the Rodians direction. It was certainly going to be an interesting time, with this First Order escapee. 

 

Ren spent the rest of the long day unloading his vaporizers from Coruscant and bringing them to the market. Right on schedule, just like the last fifty times he did this, the jawa who ordered the parts began complaining loudly. He stood in front of him, arms akimbo and gesturing expansively at Ren. “Aw come on, Tiktik,” Ren said, sitting on the edge of a crate. “I followed your instructions to the letter.”

 

Tiktik’s glowing eyes narrowed, leaning far into Ren’s space. “Ren is sure he did it right?” Tiktik asked.

 

Snorting, Ren nodded. “Yes,” he drawled. “Ren is sure he did it right. You can even check.”

 

“Pah,” Tiktik spat, waving him off the box. “Move, move. Take too long.”

 

Watching Tiktik and his team of Jawas do all the rest of the heavy lifting and moving, Ren leaned back against the nearest wall. It didn’t take too long for Tiktik to clear out the transport, and Ren collected his pay without paying the complaining Jawa any mind. 

 

With a whir, there was motion at Ren’s shoulder and he tilted his head back to look at the droid. “You are being watched, Master,” he said, voice modulated low. “Should I dispatch of him?”

 

Ren refocused, sending out tendrils of his will and finding the First Order refugee behind a building a few yards away. “No,” he murmured. “Keep an eye on him for now, HK. He’s relying on us to get him out of here, he won’t try anything.”

 

There was a static filled sigh. “As you wish, Master,” he said, sounding disappointed. “I can’t even shoot him a little bit?”

 

Laughing, Ren shook his head, looking down when Tiktik pulled on his jacket. “Is Ren sure he doesn’t want to sell big talky droid?” the Jawa asked, blinking up at him. 

 

HK spun around, eye lights narrow, one hand on its blaster rifle. “Master would not dare,” he said imperiously.

 

“Oh I don’t know, HK. A stint with the Jawa might teach you some manners,” Ren drawled, just to watch the droid have a fit. 

 

In many ways HK reminded him of 3PO, except for their underlying personalities. “Master!” HK grumbled. “You are not as funny as you think you are.”

 

“I’m hilarious,” Ren said, and the gaggle of Jawas around him laughed in tittering barks. “All set, Tiktik?”

 

“Yes, yes. Vaporizers fine. Good. Ren did good.” Tiktik passed him off a credit chip before he ushered his people away, leaving Ren in the loading zone alone with HK-51. 

 

Standing up straight and stretching, Ren nudged HK. “Come on,” he prompted. “Let’s go.”

 

They make their way back to Docking Bay 008, because despite the fact that Ren could almost trust Regg, he’s never slept well anywhere other than his ship. He felt safe there, wrapped up in his own handywork, wrapped up in the Force. HK led the way back into the bay, Ren only a step behind. 

 

He let the droid check the ship, knowing from years of travel that HK wouldn’t be satisfied with Ren’s assertion that the coast was clear. “Perhaps,” HK would say, whenever Ren would enter the ship with the Force at the forefront, “there are meatbags who can do what you do.” It was easy to indulge him, after so much excitement. 

 

As soon as HK gave the all clear, Ren stepped into the ship, pressing the button to close the ramp behind him.  _ [Friend-Ben!]  _ a voice beeped ecstatically from overhead, and Ren glanced up to see one of the duct covers move out of the way by seemingly invisible hands, only to have it fall to the ground with a clatter. Ren sighed, stooping to pick it up, and was startled when a sudden weight landed in the tangled mess of his hair.  _ [Friend-Ben!]  _ the voice said again, this time on the top of his head.  _ [You’re back!] _

 

Scooping the droid out of his hair, he brought her around to face him, cradling it carefully in his palm. Small enough to be the size of a baby bird, SR-3 wrapped tiny filament arm like appendages around Ren’s thumb, leaning her circular body against his palm. “SR-3,” Ren greeted, smiling. “Did you keep the Jawas away for me?”

 

The little droid’s modular head nodded solemnly.  _ [Yes, Friend-Ben. I monitored all communications carefully.]  _

 

With SR-3 tucked safely in his hands, Ren continued moving towards the cockpit where the tiny astromech’s charging port was. “Hear anything interesting?” he asked, curious.

 

_ [The First Order failed to destroy the Resistance, Friend-Ben!]  _ SR-3 beeped excitedly, doing a barrel roll in his hands.  _ [The base Name Designation: Star-Killer was destroyed by Friend-Poe!] _

 

Ren breathed a quiet sigh of relief, depositing SR-3 into it’s charging port. “Did they lose anyone?” he asked, a small frisson of apprehension skating up his spine.

 

_ [No,]  _ answered the droid.  _ [Nothing on the comm-buoys, Friend-Ben.]  _

 

Ren hadn’t seen hide nor hare of the Resistance in almost fifteen years. He’d ran from the massacre at the Jedi temple, ran from Snoke, ran from Rey, ran from Luke. It had been so long since that day because that was what Ren does best: running. 

 

He was very good at running.

 

“Well, SR-3, is there anything new to report on the ship?” he asked, staring out through the window at the gathering darkness. 

 

_ [No, Friend-Ben. The air ducts are clean and the smuggler cache room door is well oiled. LT-55 reports that the engine room is as good as it ever gets. He doesn’t like the sand, though, and requests we leave soon.] _ SR-3 did another barrel roll, settling into her charge port. 

 

“LT likes to complain about the sand as much as HK does,” Ren groused, poking SR-3 in the side. “We’re leaving at dawn, with a passenger.”

 

SR-3’s head cocked to the side.  _ [Passenger-Designation?]  _ she asked, beeping curiously.

 

“Meatbag,” HK intoned from the corner.

 

Ren twisted around to scowl at him. “HK!”

 

_ [Understood Friend-HK! Designation Passenger-Meatbag, arriving at dawn.]  _ And before Ren could reprimand her, or change the designation, SR-3 powered down, the sound echoed by HK. 

 

Groaning, Ren rubbed at the still healing scar on his face, wincing when it pulled the skin too taught. He shut down everything unnecessary before moving slowly to his quarters. He passed LT in the hall, dropping a hand onto the top of his circular body in hello. The droid nudged his leg, before rolling back to the engine room. 

 

Wrapping the Force around him, Ren sank into bed, finally allowing himself to rest. Hopefully with the Star-Killer base destroyed, Ren would have a moment's peace. To sleep without nightmares of Snoke murdering every friend he’d ever had, while he just stood by and watched. 

 

A coward like him could never be a Jedi.

 

*

 

SR-3 roused him just before dawn, rolling her tiny body over his face and shoulders until he grumbled and snapped, “lights!” in order to better scowl at her.  _ [Good morning, Friend-Ben!]  _ she chirped,  _ [Passenger-Meatbag will be arriving soon.] _

 

He groaned again, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “SR, you really can’t call him that.”

 

She rolled closer, perched on his chest, nearly touching his nose.  _ [Do  _ you _ have a name for him? _ ] she asked, and when Ren couldn’t come up with an answer, she rapped him smartly on the nose.  _ [Designation Passenger-Meatbag will do, then!] _

 

With that, she hopped down to the floor and began rolling away, using her arms to lever herself over the threshold of the door. “You don’t even know what a meatbag is!” Ren yelled after her. 

 

SR-3 poked her head around the corner.  _ [A meatbag is a bag of meat, Friend-Ben _ , _ ]  _ she said blandly, and beeped out laughter as she rolled away. 

 

He rummaged around in his bedside table, locating and rubbing bacta solution on the slice on his face before he flopped onto his back on the bed. By the time he dragged himself out of bed all the way, ten minutes had passed. He knew SR or HK would have started a cup or nine of caf for him, but it still took another ten minutes in the ‘fresher before he could face the world.

 

Pulling his hair back into another messy tail, Ben made his way to the main room of the ship, beelining for the cup of caf left on the edge of the holoterminal. “HK, LT, SR,” he called, getting their attention. “How’s the ship?”

 

LT arrived at his side first, plugging in a datastick from one of its many hidden caches.  _ [Hosnian System search and rescues are calling for help,]  _ he said without inflection.  _ [Otherwise, you have messages from both Ganna in Nar Shadaa, and Kiel from Dxun.] _

 

Thinking about the Hosnian system made his stomach turn, and he shook his head. “Take a hard pass on Hosnian,” he muttered. “But we’ll go to Dxun after Lothal.”

 

With a sharp affirmative beep, LT pulled out the datastick and rolled away, spinning elegantly around SR-3 on his way to the cockpit.  _ [Friend-Ben!]  _ she cheered.  _ [Designation: Passenger-Meatbag has arrived and is outside.] _

 

He nodded, scooping her up and putting her on the holoterminal. “Thanks, SR. I’ll get him. Will you start replying to all those missed messages for me?”

 

She wrapped one of her filament arms around his thumb in answer.  _ [Friend-Ben _ , _ ]  _ she said, beeping disapprovingly. 

 

Ren dropped a kiss on her swiveling head. “Thank you, SR-3,” he said sweetly. “HK, with me.”

 

The assassin droid fell into step with him immediately, brandishing his menacing blaster rifle. “If the meatbag tries anything, I will shoot him,” HK said. 

 

Rolling his eyes, Ren reached out and tapped the button for the docking bay to open. “I know. Be nice.” The door lowered slowly, spilling artificial light over them. The caped and hooded man stood under the shadow of his ship, and Ren bowed at the waist. “Welcome to The Untouchable,” Ren called out. “I’m Captain Ren.”

 

The man strode up the ramp, a small bag clutched tightly to his side. “A pleasure, I’m sure,” he said, in a cut glass tone. Once he was safely ensconced in the docking area of The Untouchable, the man’s shoulders slumped visibly. 

 

Ren crossed his arms over his chest, staring at the back of the man’s head. “How about a name, friend?” he said, and only because he was listening for it did he hear HK’s fingers tighten on his rifle.

 

Slowly, his back still to Ren, the man pushed his hood back. The patchy red beard matched the filthy hair on his head. Ren would know that color anywhere. “My name is Hux,” he said quietly.

 

“General Hux,” Ren repeated, hand snaking around behind him to clutch at his lightsaber, hidden at the small of his back. 

 

Hux turned to face him, and without the hood, Ren could see how pasty white and sickly the man looked. “Ah, just Hux.” It visibly cost him something to say it. “I’m afraid that I’ve rather been stripped of my titles, as the First Order has become somewhat disillusioned with me.” 

 

Letting the lightsaber go, Ren twitched his fingers, sending a tendril of curiosity over Hux’s mind. The howling, rending pain made his vision go temporarily black around the edges. Snoke’s fingerprints were all over Hux’s mind, and the general’s mental scream was nearly enough to bring him to his knees. 

 

HK’s icy cold metal fingers caught his elbow, squeezing hard enough to jar Ren back into the present. “Well,” he said, somewhat hoarsely. “I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.” He took Hux from the docking bay into the holo-room, patting SR-3 absently as he walked by her. “This is command center,” he said shortly, “through the door to the left is the cockpit, the doors to the right are the med bay and kitchen respectively.” 

 

He turned the corner, gesturing to the hallway. “My room is here,” he touched the door closest to them with a red circle glowing on the durasteel. “This one is yours.” He nudged the other door next to his room open. “It has it’s own ‘fresher, with both hot water and sonictech.” 

 

Ren spared a small, tight smile for Hux. “I’m afraid you’ll only have me and the droids for company. The lumbering hulk behind me is HK-51. The tiny blue droid is SR-3, she likes to play in the ducts, so if she falls on your head while you’re sleeping just toss her into the hallway. LT-55 is the astromech, he does all the repairs and handles communication.”

 

Hux nodded, putting down his meager belongings on the bed. “You said you’re going to Lothal?” he asked.

 

“I am,” Ren said. “Then on to Dxun, Nar Shaddaa and Dantooine.” He raised an eyebrow, leaning back a little to brace on the door frame. “Where would you like to be dropped off?”

 

Hux’s lips twisted in palpable bitterness. “Nar Shaddaa, I suppose,” he muttered. “It is as good a place as any to disappear.”

 

Thinking of the dark, howling blackness that lived inside Hux’s head, Ren didn’t really think disappearing was the best thing for him to do. Briefly he thought of what his mother would do, before shutting a durasteel door down on that. “As you wish,” he said, inclining his head. “We don’t stand on ceremony here, so when you’re hungry, go eat. If you have any needs, either tell SR-3 or come find me.” 

 

“I’m afraid I don’t speak binary,” Hux said, stiff. 

 

Ren grinned. “That’s fine. That just means you’ll be spared SR’s middle of the night epiphanies where she then talks your ear off.” There were exaggerated angry beeps coming from the holoterminal but Ren ignored her. “There’s just one rule,” he said. “HK, what’s the rule?”

 

With a long suffering sigh, HK lowered the rifle and turned to face Hux. The general turned his head to face him, giving Ren an unhindered view of his profile. Hux looked  _ tired _ , there was a pale heaviness to his entire being. And, at the words ‘rule’ he looked far more apprehensive and afraid than was logically due.

 

“We do not wake the Master without first supplying caf,” HK said, with such profound dignity that Ren snorted.

 

“It sounds like a joke,” Ren said when Hux turned to him in confusion. “But I do require caf to sound like a person in the morning. HK, go make sure our course is set and start the take off will you? I want to get off this god forsaken planet sooner rather than later.”

 

There was an encompassing sense of relief from Hux at that. “Thank you,” Hux muttered, eyes on the floor. It sounded grudging, and ripped from him, but Ren can feel the genuine sentiment behind him.

 

“Think nothing of it, Hux,” he said, nodding once sharply. “We should be to Lothal in a galactic day. Get some rest. I’ll have lunch around the middle of the day, if you’d like to join me.”

 

Hux paused at the door. “Of course,” he said. He disappeared inside before Ren could say anything more, and even though he knew what he was going to find, Ren reached out and touched Hux’s mind.

 

The black screamed at him, huge bleeding rends making his psyche jagged. Ren hit the floor outside the holoterminal before he could catch himself, Hux’s mind drawing him in hard and deep. Under the massive wounds, Ren could feel that Hux was expecting an interrogation at lunch, that he was expecting to be killed, even if it wasn’t by Ren.

 

The rest of his mind though, was one huge Force wound. Snoke had  _ taken  _ something from him, and he hadn’t simply not been gentle, he’d ripped it out of Hux and then destroyed the surrounding area.

 

Ren remembered Snoke’s fingers in his mind, he’d run from them, and was still running. He dragged himself out of Hux’s head, focusing on SR-3 who had rolled to a stop in front of him, all four of her filament arms resting on his knees.  _ [Friend-Ben?]  _ She asked, concerned beeps filling in her words. 

 

“I’m okay,” he rasped. 

 

Her head slid sideways, portraying her skepticalness.  _ [Friend-Ben,] _ she admonished.  _ [You are crying.] _

 

Startled, his hands flew to his face, scrubbing at the tears there. “I didn’t even realize. I really am alright.”

 

She nudged him, pulling herself into his lap.  _ [I believe you.]  _ She settled there, a quiet certainty. She was why he surrounded himself with droids. People could hurt him, could betray him. Hux, the starkiller general, had murdered untold numbers, he was everything the Resistance could want. He could go  _ home.  _

 

Hux meant him no harm. And he’d been through enough, as far as Ren was concerned. 

 

He managed to stand, putting SR-3 on his shoulder absently. Making his way to the cockpit where HK waited, Ren came to the startling realization: he was his father’s son.

 

“Great,” he mumbled. 

 

HK shoved him. “The meatbags at the port will not deal with me, Master. Sit. Talk.”

 

Ren shoved him back, dropping into the captain’s seat. “This is Captain Ren,” he snapped into the comm unit. “I have already paid all my docking fees, and you’re going to let me go.”

 

There was a hiss of static before the Docking Master said pleasantly, “You have already paid all the docking fees. You can go.”

 

He wasted no time in hitting atmo, trusting HK to put them into hyperspace when the time became right. He’d spent a lot of time programing the ability of co-piloting into HK’s core processing, after his second in command -- No. 

 

Ren shook his head, running his fingers through his hair, forcefully turning his thoughts away from Felix. The less said about how that ended, the better.

 

“Master?” HK asked. There was an uncharacteristic hesitance in his vocal module.

 

“Yes?” Ren said, matching his tone.

 

HK turned to him, head tilted down. “The Resistance’s reward for the meatbag in our ship is very, very high. You would not have to take jobs for many years, if you turned him in.”

 

He tilted his head up to give HK a dirty look. “Did you forget who I am?” he hissed. “I can’t go to D’Qar, I can’t go to Takodana. I’m not turning Hux in.”

 

HK sighed in disappointment. “I was afraid you’d say that, master.”

 

Ren scowled at him. “It’s not about the money, HK. I like this job.” He pointed at the droid. “ _ You _ like this job.”

 

“We could kill him ourselves,” HK said with characteristic eagerness. 

 

Throwing his hands up, Ren turned back to the map. “I give up. We’re not killing anyone. It sets a bad precedent.” 

 

Keeping half of his mind on what Hux was doing was draining, but it’d been a long time since Ren could trust anyone out of hand. Even force-injured refugees, especially ones who came straight from Snoke’s side.

 

People always betrayed him, in the end. A character flaw, maybe, one from birth. Everyone abandoned him sooner or later. He wouldn’t do the same to a paying passenger. His mouth twisted. “HK, move your charge port to my quarters,” he said quietly.

 

There was a sound of surprise from behind him. “So you don’t trust the meatbag,” HK said triumphantly.

 

Ren sighed. “I don’t trust anyone, HK. It’s why I’m still alive today.”

 

He tuned out the mechanical sound of HK removing the port from the side of the room, instead focusing on the sight of the stars. 

 

What  _ would  _ his mother say?

 

*

 

He made a variety of dishes with the food synthesizer, not knowing Hux’s preferences. SR-3 sat on the table, rolling back and forth excitedly.  _ [Passenger-Meatbag!]  _ she cried when he walked in. Clearly Hux had taken the time to shower, and his clothes were clean. He’d also shaved the beard off, and though he was still pale, he looked less like a crazed nerf herder. 

 

He also looked like the spitting image of the man who blew up the Hosnian system on holovid. “Afternoon,” Hux said smartly, and waited at the table for SR-3 to roll out of the way. 

 

_ [Passenger-Meatbag!] _ she cried again, spinning in a circle.

 

Hux looked at her for a long moment, before transferring his gaze to Ren. “Am I to assume that is it’s way of saying hello?”

 

SR-3 stopped spinning, filament arms dragging at her sides.  _ [Friend-Ben!] _

 

Ren scooped her off the table, depositing her on his left shoulder. “She gets very sad when people can’t understand her,” he said defensively. “But yes, she was saying hello.”

 

Hux waited until Ren sat down at the small table in the kitchen. They ate in silence, with SR-3 chattering away in Ren’s ear. LT-55 rolled in once, rotated his head slowly between the two of them and immediately turned and rolled out the way he came, his posture decidedly judgemental. 

 

As soon as most of the food was gone, Hux sighed and put down his fork. “You may as well get it over with,” he said. He’d gone more pale as his words dropped like stones between them.

 

SR-3’s beeping trailed off, and he could hear the whir of her servos as she turned her head to look at him. Ren gazed at Hux, reading the tension in his frame. “I really don’t know what you’re expecting,” he said, and took another bite of his crepe, though it now tasted like ash. 

 

“You know who I am now. There’s a bounty on my head so high that half the galaxy is after me. You’d be a fool not to take me back to the First Order,” Hux said bitterly.

 

Ren tapped his fork on the edge of his plate before leaning back in his chair. “I knew who you were before you even got on this ship,” he said. It’s only half a lie, he made it a point not to check the minds of everyone around him, but the beard’s color had more or less given him away. “I’m a smuggler, Hux. My moral compass isn’t exactly pointing North. As long as you don’t work against me, then we won’t have any problems.”

 

Hux gaped at him. “You knew who I was at the Cantina?” he hissed.

 

“Yes,” Ren said, tilting his head just enough to bump SR-3. “You had credits, you paid me. I’m a businessman.” He doesn’t mention the screaming void where Hux’s mind was supposed to be. “You’re welcome to stay on until I reach Nar Shaddaa.”

 

“The Supre--,” Hux cut himself off with a hard jerk, some of the terror from his mind bleeding into his eyes. “They’ll find you, if they catch me.”

 

Ren leaned his elbows on the table. “No,” he said with certainty. “They won’t.” 

  
*


	2. ii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren finds out the story of Hux's fall from grace, and settles his own.
> 
> Gratuitous Mando'ade, and more droids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex, as always!
> 
> This has notes of Ren/OMC. I chose to use an OMC because I didn't actually want to bash anyone in the Universe that was canon, and he won't appear past this chapter except in passing. 
> 
> Un'beta'd.
> 
> Also, what the hell am I doing with my life?

ii.

 

He hated Lothal.

 

It was boring, and it reminded him too much of growing up on D’Qar. He kept HK in The Untouchable, going to his contact alone. HK growled and spat invectives at him in at least six thousand languages but Ren remained firm. Directive: If Hux left the ship, he was to be followed. 

 

Jagonath waited for him, leaning against a high end speeder as Ren got off his own, pulling up to the cave where Jago and the rest of his crew worked. “Good morning,” Jago called, a mocking edge to his tone. “We were starting to wonder if you were coming.”

 

Ren shrugged one shoulder, leaning against his Lux. “Had to stop by Tatooine first,” he said with an unfeigned scowl. “Took longer than expected.” He pulled the box off the back of his speeder and tossed it to Jago.

 

“Ah, so you had no trouble?” Jago asked, eagerly going through the box. 

 

He really hadn’t. “Finding someone to forge you First Order papers was surprisingly easy, actually. Those are your new ident chips, so don’t lose them.” 

 

Jago’s head came up, eyes narrowed. “And the forger?” Ren rolled his eyes, giving him a look. Suspicions allayed, Jago went back to the box. Ren didn’t care; let him think the forger was dead. “Everything seems to be right,” Jago said finally. “Good work, Ren.”

 

“Anything for my trusted clients,” Ren drawled, accepting the credit chip when it was handed to him. 

 

Jago snorted. “Well, we’ll think of you when we take down General Hux,” he said. “Sure you don’t want join up with us? The amount of creds hanging on that buckethead, we’d be set for life.”

 

Ren paused, tilting his head. “I’m no merc,” he said after a second, when he was sure his voice wouldn’t give him away. “I’d just slow you down.”

 

“Worth a shot.” Jago clapped him on the arm. 

 

Stiffening, Ren twitched his fingers. “You’re going to let me go,” he said, staring into Jago’s pale eyes. 

 

“I’m going to let you go,” Jagonath said pleasantly. “We’ll contact you if we need anything else illegal. Later, Ren.”

 

As soon as the Lux speeder got him back to the ship, he slammed the doors closed, leaning his head on the wall. “Master?” HK said from the door. “You are unharmed?”

 

“No harm done,” he said. “Get us out of here though, and fast.” If HK were human, he might have asked after Ren’s health a second time. Instead, he just stomped to the cockpit to take off as soon as possible. 

 

SR-3 dropped down from her favorite duct.  _ [Friend-Ben _ ? _ ]  _ she asked, concerned. 

 

He put her on his shoulder again, making his way slowly to the cockpit to join HK. Half way there, once he passed the kitchen, he could see Hux seated at the main table. His elbows were on the table, forehead resting on his wrists. He gave SR-3 a sidelong look and she wrapped her tiny filaments in a lock of his hair.  _ [Passenger-Meatbag has been sitting there since you left,]  _ she reported. 

 

Ren snorted again. “His name is Hux, SR.”

 

She tugged on his hair, cheeky.  _ [Passenger-MeatbagHux.] _

 

“I’m never leaving you alone with HK again.”

 

Hux stood as soon as Ren entered the kitchen, poorly hiding an alarmed look. “Captain?” he questioned, standing at attention. 

 

Ren waved him off, sitting at his customary place at the table. “It’s fine,” he said. “You don’t have to stand up whenever I come into a room.” He propped his chin on his hand, registering that SR-3 has rolled down his arm. “I had a thought,” Ren said slowly, meeting Hux’s eyes. “We’re going to Dxun next, to meet a friend of mine.”

 

“Dxun has a fairly large colony of Mandalorians,” Hux reported acerbically. “It is likely I will be killed on sight.”

 

“That was definitely my thought,” Ren said, amused. Hux’s frozen expression didn’t change and Ren sighed. “That means,” he said, pointedly, “That we need to find a way to change your hair.”

 

Hux’s hand went to the top of his head. “Must we?”

 

Ren shrugged one shoulder, feeling the ship judder underneath his feet as HK piloted them out of Lothal. “You could theoretically stay in the ship the whole time,” he said. “SR, do we have something the good General could use to dye his hair?”

 

SR-3, who had been rolling gently around in circles, dragging one of her arms drawing designs on the table in something wet, paused.  _ [I think your ‘fresher might have something Friend-Ben. I will check!] _

 

She jumped down off the table, using her wet arm to swing to the floor, wheeling excitedly away. “She’s gone to look,” Ren said belatedly when Hux just watched the door frame where she’d gone. “There was someone here who used to dye his hair black,” he added, when Hux looked no more enlightened. 

 

Thinking of Felix still hurt, even after a year. Ren avoided Hux’s gaze, turning instead to get something to snack on. “Why are you helping me?” Hux asked, very quietly. 

 

Ren shrugged. “Why not?” he asked rhetorically. “You’ve paid me for protection and for transport. I’m simply following through on my end of the bargain.”

 

“The bounty on my head is far more than what I have paid you,” Hux pointed out. 

 

Turning, Ren leaned back against the counter. “True. And then it gets out that Captain Ren of the Untouchable killed his paying customer for a higher pay out. That sort of talk only brings the sort of people I don’t want to deal with.”

 

Hux’s shoulder slowly relaxed, and he gripped the back of his chair with tight fingers. “There is nothing I can do to repay you,” he muttered.

 

Ren watched him for a second. “You could tell me the story of how you came to be here,” he said. 

 

_ [Passenger MeatbagHux!]  _ SR-3 skidded into the kitchen, two arms holding up a bottle.  _ [It was under your cabinet, Friend-Ben.] _

 

Seeing the box sent a cold pang of loss through Ren’s chest but he took from SR-3 all the same. “Thank you,” he said, rubbing a cold hand over her head. “Here.”

 

He held it out for Hux to take, keeping steady eyes on Hux’s. Slowly, Hux took the bottle from him. “I can repay you.”

 

Ren shook his head. “No need. I’m hardly going to use it.” He tugged on a lock of his own hair. 

 

“Master,” HK said through the intercom. “We have breached atmosphere, and I have set a course for Dxun.”

 

Leaning over and hitting the button to reply, Ren said, “Thanks HK. I’ll holocall Kiel and let him know we’re coming.” He turned back to face Hux who had transferred his gaze to the bottle. “You have a few days of travel until we reach Dxun.”

 

He bowed, just a little, and slipped into the main room. “LT, cue up Kiel, please.” The holoterminal beeped a few times before the Mandolorian warrior flickered into being. Ren grinned up at him. “Su cuy’gar, Kiel!”

 

“Alor’ad Ren!” Kiel saluted him. “I am pleased you answered my message. I have news for you.”

 

Ren felt a frisson of fear up his spine for no discernable reason. He was too far from Dxun to check Kiel’s mind, but his face seemed fairly clear of anger, or hatred. “I’m on my way, Kiel,” he promised. 

 

The stark relief on Kiel’s face startled him. “Jate. My people can fight the First Order, or the Resistance, or enemies on our borders, but words, we cannot fight those.”

 

Frowning, Ren crossed his arms over his chest.  “I don’t know how I can fight words, ner’verd. But, I will be there in a few galactic days all the same. Haat, ijaa, haa’it.”

 

Kiel nodded once. “Haat, ijaa, haa’it,” he agreed. “I do have an actual paying job for you, if you’re in the market.” 

 

Letting the serious tone go, Ren laughed. “I’m always in the market, Kiel.”

 

“Ori’jate! We will see you soon, ner’ori’vod.” Kiel saluted him again, and the holo disappeared. Once the hologram dissipated, Hux stepped into the room. 

 

“I didn’t realize you were on such friendly terms with the Mandolorians,” Hux said icily, bottle of black hair dye clutched in his hands. 

 

Ren absolutely refused to feel badly about the connections he’d managed to cobble together since fleeing from Snoke. “They helped me, I helped them,” he said blithely. “Kiel is an old friend.” 

 

Hux grunted quietly, staring down at the bottle. “I suppose I owe you a story then,” he said.

 

Despite Ren’s frankly consuming curiosity, he shrugged one shoulder. “If you like.”

 

Mouth twisting, Hux dropped his hands. “I don’t like,” he snapped. “This,” he gestured with the bottle, “is not where I am meant to be.”

 

Ren quirked an eyebrow, leaning one hip against the holoterminal. “If you weren’t supposed to be here,” he said, “then you wouldn’t be.” Hux stared at him, half a scowl on his face, and Ren immediately wanted to kick himself. He sounded like his Uncle, he  _ hated  _ sounding like his Uncle. 

 

Hux snorted, turning and walking back into the kitchen, his gait stiff. “You have heard about the destruction of the Starkiller base?” he asked, rhetorically. Ren followed him, staying silent, sitting across from Hux only when the general dropped into a chair himself. “We should not have lost that battle,” he murmured. “Once we had successfully destroyed the Hosnian system, I expected to turn our sights to D’Qar.”

 

He couldn’t quite hide his flinch to that. “D’Qar?” he asked, when Hux paused.

 

“We’d captured one of the rebel pilots,” Hux said casually. “We got the name of the planet from him. He escaped, but not before breaking.”

 

Ren desperately wanted to ask which pilot, but curbed the impulse by biting his tongue. “I gather you didn’t target D’Qar, then?” he asked instead.

 

“We did, but Supreme Leader Snok--- He. His orders came… late.” Ren’s gaze sharpened on Hux’s. That was the second time that Hux had been unable - or unwilling - to speak Snoke’s name. “We targeted D’Qar, but not soon enough, as the Resistance had staged their own attack. The details aren’t important. We lost. Starkiller is gone.” 

 

“You escaped,” Ren commented. “You lived to fight another day.”

 

Hux sneered, one lip curling. “Perhaps. Sno--- Our leader did not see it that way.” Two times was coincidence, three times was a pattern. Hux could not or would not say Snoke’s name. “His punishment for losing Starkiller was… extreme. I believe he left me for dead.”

 

Ren swept his eyes over Hux’s form, checking for injuries. “You seem to be in one piece.”

 

“One of my captains found me, she smuggled me out of the Finalizer. I doubt anyone knows of her involvement. But I am now the only living survivor of S--- our leader’s particular brand of punishment. And I carry with me all the plans and tactics of the First Order. I am a liability.” Hux’s expression went blank. “There is nowhere that is safe, now.  _ He  _ saw to that.”

 

Ren was not a man who relied on sentiment. But something made him say; “You’re safe here,” in the mildest tone he could manage. 

 

“Am I?” Hux asked sharply. “How do I know you won’t turn me over to the First Order or to the Resistance as soon as I turn my back?”

 

“You don’t,” Ren said bluntly. “But consider this, General, I just left Lothal - a place where there are many resistance fighters, in fact, I just left a group of Mercenaries who explicitly stated they were going after you. I didn’t turn you in. I came back here, to you, to this ship, and left.”

 

Hux tensed, fingers tight on the edge of the kitchen table. “Why?” he asked.

 

Sighing slowly through his nose, Ren met Hux’s eyes. “Let’s just say I hold no love for the First Order, especially it’s leader. And the Resistance has no idea a man like me exists. I’d like to keep it that way.” 

 

“I suppose that’s the best I’m going to get, isn’t it?” Hux asked, bitter and tired.

 

That made Ren laugh, running his fingers through his hair. “I doubt I’m the best you’ll get, ever.”

 

Hux stood, cradling the bottle of dye in his hands. “I think you ought to let me be the judge of that, Captain Ren.” He turned abruptly on his heel and strode from the room, leaving Ren sitting alone with SR-3. 

 

There was a chittering beep from the droid. Ren turned to scowl at her. “Not a word out of you,” he said.

 

SR-3 didn’t respond other than to laugh at him again. 

 

*

 

They landed in Ren’s customary field just outside the Ordo compound. Kiel met them as soon as the docking bay doors opened. “Ah,” Kiel exclaimed, “ner’ori’vod! You made good time.”

 

He clasped Ren’s arm in hello, turning his gaze to Hux when he appeared over Ren’s shoulder. His hair was dark, all signs of dye erased from his skin. Ren’s spare rebreather, part of a dark Corellian leather armor set was settled over his face. Ren grinned, pulling Kiel in for a short hug. “Kiel, always good to see you.”

 

Kiel looked over Hux. “You haven’t traveled with anyone in almost a year,” he said. “I am glad to see you are no longer fighting alone!”

 

Ren nodded. “Yes, this is Gavin.” Hux strode around Ren to bow slightly to Kiel. The rebreather obscured the entire lower half of his face, leaving only pale green glass eyes as a defining characteristic. 

 

“A pleasure,” Hux said, accent absent and two octaves lower than his normal speaking voice.

 

As Kiel led them into the compound, Ren skated an inquiry over his mind, looking for suspicion and finding nothing but genuine relief. They cleared the check point easily, a few of the Mando’a waving at Ren as they walked past. 

 

The reason for Kiel’s holocall became immediately clear as soon as they were in the compound proper. In the middle of a circle of Mandalorian warriors stood the one man Ren never thought he’d see again.

 

“Felix,” he said, freezing to a stop. 

 

Hux bumped into his back, shooting him a sharp look over the modulator. The man in question looked up, focusing immediately on Ren. “Well, well,” Felix drawled. “If it isn’t my old Captain.” There was something in his voice that didn’t sit well with Ren, but after the last time he’d seen Felix he didn’t want to touch his mind.

 

He promised himself he’d never touch Felix’s mind again. 

 

“After you abandoned me on that no name spit of land,” Felix continued, slinking up to them, “I told myself I’d find a way back to you.”

 

Ren panicked. He threw out his awareness, frantically looking through Felix’s memories. There - nearly immediately, he found it. When he’d taken the memory of his true identity from Felix before he could be betrayed to the First Order, he’d not taken enough. Felix still remembered him as Ren, but he also remembered being left behind. 

 

Sloppy. Luke would be ashamed of him.

 

Hux was vibrating tension behind him, and Ren wasn’t doing much better. “After what happened,” He finally managed to grind out between clenched teeth, “I think leaving you on a planet was the kindest thing I could have done.”

 

Kiel had tensed at his side too, a dark scowl settling over his normally light features. “Felix, we offered you sanctuary due to the camaraderie you displayed at Ren’s side. This is not behavior becoming of a man of honor.”

 

Ren fingers tightened into fists. “Felix is no man of honor,” he growled. 

 

But Felix simply shrugged, looking unconcerned. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Ren. I used to wonder what I had done to you to have you abandon me to that. I don’t remember anymore, and I think you took something from me. I want it back.”

 

Hux’s tension skyrocketed, Ren could feel him shaking with it. “You’re right,” he admitted. “I took a mistake away from you.” Ren sighed, shoulders slumping. “What do you want from me, Felix?” 

 

Felix visibly relaxed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I challenge you to a Battle Circle,” he said. “Fight me as the Mando’a fight. Vibroblades only.” He eyed the blasters at Ren’s hips. “I know how you hate to face your opponents head on.”

 

Kiel looked like he wanted to intervene, but Ren placed a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry,” he said. “Ib’tuur jatne tuur ash’ad kyr’amur.” 

 

He removed his blaster pistols, leaving them with Hux. His lightsaber he kept, tucked tight against the small of his back. They continued on into the compound, into an open area where other Mandalorians lingered, watching. Kiel gave him a vibroblade, long and thin, much the size of his chosen lightsaber. “Jate’kara,” Kiel murmured.

 

“Luck?” Ren drawled, feeling his limbs loosening in preparation for battle. “I don’t believe in Luck.”

 

_ There was only the Force.  _

 

He twisted his wrist, swinging the vibroblade around and he stepped into the circle. 

 

When Felix attacked, he Felt it before the man moved. Ren dodged smoothly, twisting around him and smacking the flat of his blade against Felix’s back. “Too slow,” Ren taunted. Felix snarled, whirling back around to lunge forward into Ren’s space. He was clearly banking on Ren’s supposed distaste for close quarters fighting. 

 

It was telling, now, that Felix had never known Ren at all.

 

Ren slapped Felix’s blade away, sliding the weapons together until he could use his superior strength to shove Felix back a few steps. Balance lost, Felix stumbled, vibroblade dipping down. Ren pushed forward, pressing his advantage. 

 

There were clear cuts in the grass, a large browning circle meant to show where the Battle Circle began and spectating ended. He’d done this with Kiel enough times to know that the first step out of the Circle was the last step of the duel. He ducked under Felix’s flustered guard and slammed his shoulder into the other man’s solar plexus. 

 

Felix sucked in a breath, choked, and lost his footing. He fell, landing hard on his ass, just outside the Battle Circle. 

 

Ren sheathed the vibroblade, barely even breathing hard. Kiel stepped up to him, putting a warm hand on his shoulder. “I declare Ren the victor of his honor duel,” he said solemnly. 

 

Without another look at Felix, Ren handed back the vibroblade and collected his pistols from Hux. Clear glass green eyes caught his and held for a moment, curiosity and something else lingering there. Ren eventually dragged his eyes away and looked over at Kiel. “Thanks for the sword, ner’verd.” 

 

“Of course. Masterful fight, as always.” He kept a hand on Ren’s shoulder, gently steering him towards their command center. “Come. We have business to discuss.”

 

Hux fell into step with them, and Ren was ready for the day to be over. They’d barely arrived and too much had happened. 

 

Kiel closed the door behind the two of them, before turning to face Ren. “Are you well, Ren?”

 

Ren sighed again, tousling his hair and shoving it out of his face. “Yes, I’m fine. He didn’t hurt me.” Kiel didn’t look convinced, but he shook his head and let the subject drop.

 

“I sent several of our ad’ika on one of our ships to explore the Galaxy. To find their gett’se. It was meant to be a test of their merit, so when they returned they would be full Mando’a.” Ren nodded. He remembered meeting Kiel on his own journey to become a part of Clan Ordo. “They have not returned.”

 

Ren raised his eyebrows. “How long have they been gone? If I recall correctly, you were gone for quite some time.”

 

Kiel smiled ruefully. “Yes, I spent a lot of my time with you. But I sent holocalls back as regularly as we were able. It has been almost three months since we’ve heard from any of the ad’ika.”

 

Hux cleared his throat, the reverb in the modulator making him sound strange. “Could they have been in the Hosnian system?” he asked, haltingly. 

 

“We… assume the worst. But, Ren found me when I was in trouble. Perhaps you can find them as well.” Kiel handed over a datastick, closing Ren’s fingers around it. “These are copies of the holomessages that Torc, Pesh, and Garrick left for us, as well as their last known coordinates.” Kiel met Ren’s eyes. “Will you help us?”

 

He nodded. “I’ll help you.”

 

Later, once the pleasantries were over, Ren left Hux in the sparring yard and spread out his awareness to find Felix. He found him, after a moment or two of searching, and pinpointed his location as the far end of the compound. Felix was alone, sitting on a crate. 

 

There were many things Ren could say, apologies only being a small number of them. But, in the end, he stretched out his hand, and sent the force of his will across the grounds to wrap around Felix’s mind. 

 

He took care, this time. 

 

Ren sorted through Felix’s memories, picking and choosing the ones he needed to get rid of. He let Felix keep their time together, it seemed cruel to take that too. He took the knowledge of his name, the memory of the fight that precluded contacting the First Order. Instead, he fabricated something else, put it in the place of that horrible night. 

 

Felix would remember unfaithfulness, no matter what the story. 

 

Then, his work done, his mind throbbing, Ren strode through the camp, brushing past Hux who attempted to get his attention. He registered somehow that Hux had hurried after him, but Ren couldn’t  _ deal  _ with all the people anymore. He stormed into the ship, picking up SR-3 when she rolled to meet him and dropping her off in the kitchen just as quickly. 

 

He went straight to the room outside the engine hub, let it’s blank durasteel walls close in on him. He tried to breathe the way Luke had taught him, he tried to count the number of inhales and exhales. He tried to let go of the anger, let go of the passion.

 

With Ren, it was never just the Force. 

 

With a shout, he slammed a fist into the wall, it hurt, agonizingly so, but he did it again. And again. The wall dented with the force of his anger and pain, leaving bloody smears across the the struts and bumps. A knuckle shattered when he hit the edge of the wall wrong, and it only made him slam his fists harder. 

 

A wild swing took out a control panel, a small shock running up his arm as it clattered and came loose from the wall. There was shouting coming from behind him, an angry array of beeping and Basic, but Ren didn’t care.

 

There was only anger. There was only passion. His left hand broke with a snap and a scream, and suddenly, out of nowhere, pale fingers encircled his wrists, halting his next swing.    
  


Ren snapped his head up, staring at Hux in shock. Hux had ripped off the modulator, and it was hanging from one of his ears, forgotten about. There was a splatter of blood across his face, and SR-3 was seated on his right shoulder.  _ [Friend-Ben?] _ she beeped sadly, arms dragging downwards.

 

“Captain Ren?” Hux asked, and the sound finally penetrated. Hux was hoarse, as though he’d been shouting. The pain in his hands finally registered, and Ren dropped to the floor, his knees deciding he no longer needed to stand. Hux went down with him, keeping Ren from hitting the ground too hard. “You need medical attention,” Hux said firmly. “I will go back to the Compound.”

 

“No,” Ren said, his voice cracked making him sound young and broken. He hated it. “I’ll be okay.”

 

“Your hand is broken in at least three places,” Hux said sharply. 

 

Ren shook his head, pulling his wrists from Hux’s grip. “I’ll be fine,” he repeated. He focused, and now that the rage had drained from his system, the Force leapt to his command. 

 

His hands glowed in bright light that turned Hux’s complexion to bone. Then, after only a moment, Ren’s knuckles were back to normal. He flexed them absently and met Hux’s eyes. 

 

“You’re a Force user,” Hux said, neutral except for a slight shake. Ren nodded, keeping his mind and his will tucked in close. Sitting back to lean against the wall, Hux looked stunned. “Kriffing  _ hells _ .”

*

 

Iii. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mando'ade:
> 
> Su cuy’gar: hello (lit; 'you're still alive!')  
> Alor’ad: Captain  
> ner’verd: My solider  
> Haat, ijaa, haa’it: Truth, honor, vision (words to seal a pact)  
> Ori’jate: Excellent!  
> ner’ori’vod: My big brother (not blood related)  
> Ib’tuur jatne tuur ash’ad kyr’amur: Today is a good day to die.  
> Jate’kara: Good luck  
> ad’ika: lads (lit. boys, little ones, also used to describe youth)  
> gett’se: courage (lit. guts)


	3. iii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux and Ren bond over the Force, their love for inconvenient and unconventional things, and there's a lot of talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really have no idea what I'm doing with my life.
> 
> This chapter introduces a new tag: "slow burn of all slow burns", and also "force ghosts".
> 
> Still un'beta'd 
> 
> As always, for Lex <3
> 
> Thank you everyone for all your support and kind words. This project is eating my soul and you're helping feed it. 
> 
> Anyone wanting to chat about Evil Space Boyfriends on tumblr can find me [here](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/), I'm missdreawrites.

Iii.

 

Ren stared at Hux as he covered his face with his hands. “You didn’t think to mention that?” Hux snapped after a few minutes of silence.

 

“Well,” Ren said, his voice still too high and thready. “It’s not exactly something I talk about at length, considering what happened to the other Force Sensitives in the world.”

 

Hux flinched. “You told me I was safe here,” he spat.

 

Suddenly anxious, Ren unfolded himself from the floor to lean forward. “You are,” he protested. “I’m not--- I’m not like _him_.” The screaming darkness inside Hux’s mind threatened to swallow them both. “Look I… I know what he did to you. I can hear it, I can feel it. Let me help you.”

 

He flinched back again, cracking his head on the bloody wall behind him. “What do you mean you can _hear it_?” he shouted.

 

Ren had no idea how to answer that without divulging that he’d gone into Hux’s mind without permission. “Um,” he said quietly. “Force wounds resonate,” he settled on finally. “They linger in the air around you. I have a few of my own,” he added softly. “You just can’t see them.”

 

Snoke’s fingers had left bloody furrows in his head once. In fifteen years, he hadn’t been able to heal them fully.

 

Hux stared at him. “You have these… ‘force wounds’ as well?” Ren inclined his head. “How did you get yours?”

 

With a slight smile that was too strained to be genuine, Ren replied, “The same man who gave you yours. I told you that I had no love for the First Order.”

 

Ren shifted on the floor, sitting cross legged and reaching out for SR-3. She rolled quickly off Hux’s shoulder to cuddle into Ren’s lap. _[Friend-Ben_ , _]_ she beeped sadly. _[You scared me.]_

 

“I know, little darling. I’m sorry.” He let her wrap all four filament arms around his fingers and wrists.

 

A nudge from his other side caused Ren to turn and look at LT-55. The astromech leaned into his space, knocking the curve of his top into Ren’s forehead. _[You_ , _]_ the droid grumbled, _[broke something.]_

 

“You mean other than my hand?” Ren asked dryly.

 

LT-55 snarled out a series of beeps that Ren couldn’t translate before he glided away, still spitting out invectives in Binary.

 

Hux was staring at him again, but in Ren’s moment of inattention, Hux had taken off the dangling modulator. He watched Ren’s fingers as they stroked over SR-3’s head. “Is that why you have so many droids?” Hux asked.

 

“Droids are… honest,” Ren answered him. “They won’t betray me.”

 

 _[Never, Friend-Ben,]_ SR-3 promised.

 

Sighing, Hux reached out and touched SR-3. “I suppose I can understand that. Fine, say I believe you.”

 

Relief trickled down his spine. “Thank you.” SR-3 cuddled into his lap, and he looked down. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

 

She flicked his wrist. _[I suppose I can forgive you, Friend-Ben.]_

 

Ren smiled. He looked up again when he felt Hux’s eyes on him. “Can we get off the floor now?” Hux asked.

 

They stood up together, Hux taking SR-3 from him, and sequestering her onto his own shoulder. Ren stared a little at the wall, accessing the damage. It had been a long time since he’d destroyed something in a rage; he thought he’d been getting better.

 

Hux touched his elbow, pulling him away. “You can fix it tomorrow.”

 

LT-55 made a screeching noise, sealing the door behind them. “I think that LT will have it fixed before either of us decide to wake up,” Ren said dryly. “He’s used to cleaning up after me.”

 

Ren slipped into his room, with a quiet good night to Hux. He’d shown too much of himself tonight. He slept uneasily, feeling like he was being watched. HK stood in the corner, powered down, so logically Ren knew he was alone.

 

But the Force was never a logical creation; and Ren stumbled out of uneasy dreams multiple times over the course of the night cycle. He reached out and felt that Hux slept deeply, and with envious grumbles, Ren eventually gave up on trying to sleep soundly.

 

He rose, donning thick warm clothing, and went to make some caf. He might as well start reviewing the information Kiel had given him. Once adequately caffeinated, Ren sat down on one of the kitchen chairs, having dragged it out to sit in front of the holoterminal.

 

The first several messages that the ad’ika had given Kiel were standard; normal. They spoke of what they were doing, their glories in bar fights and hunting trips. As the timestamps grew further apart, the content of the messages grew shorter, until only one of the boys was actually writing anything. Garrick’s last message had them at the Mandalorian Compound on Ord Mantell.

 

“Damn,” Ren breathed, pulling up the Galaxy map and spinning it, looking for Ord Mantell’s exact placement. It would bring them perilously close to the First Order. He slipped a spike into the information network, looking for any reference of Garrick, Torc and Pesh - sifting through security reports and Ord Mantell’s intranet.

 

His back was just starting to ache and complain when a cup of caf was placed by his right elbow, clattering loudly. Ren looked up, blinking away the afterimages of the holos to focus on Hux. He was clearly amused, holding his own cup of something. “How long have you been awake?” Hux asked, gesturing to the datapads strewn around.

 

After a few sips of fresh caf, Ren noticed that SR-3 was back on Hux’s shoulder. “Did you stay in there all night?” he asked the droid.

 

SR-3 hooked her tiny arms around a lock of Hux’s hair, holding on. _[Don’t be upset, Friend-Ben! Passenger-MeatbagHux wanted someone to watch over him.]_

 

Ren raised his eyebrows. Hux managed to look both stubborn and concerned as he crossed his arms over his chest. “She wouldn’t leave,” he muttered.

 

Sighing, Ren pushed his hair out of his eyes. “Of course she wouldn’t.” He stood, shutting down the holoterminal and starting to collect the datapads. “If SR-3 was human, she’d be my mother. Yours too, now, I suspect.”

 

SR-3 only beeped an affirmative, rolling down Hux’s arm to land on the terminal, before swinging herself to the floor. _[Someone has to take care of you, Friend-Ben,]_ she said smartly, and rolled away towards her charging port.

 

“She’s very protective of you,” Hux said unnecessarily. “I might not be able to understand her, but I can recognize that she has names for us all.”

 

Ren nodded. “Designations.”

 

“What did she call Felix?” Hux asked, looking innocent even as the words dropped between them like stones.

 

He could feel the color drain out of his face. The cup in his hand knocked against the edge of the holoterminal, betraying the way his hand was shaking. Hux remained silent, watching Ren’s face. “She called him Designation Friend-Felix,” he murmured.

 

“Friend,” Hux repeated.

 

Ren scowled, drinking the last of his caf to hide his face. “Felix was here for a long time,” he defended. “We were friends.”

 

“More than, if I haven’t missed my guess.” Ren fumbled the cup, barely catching it. “Have I?”  Hux’s gaze remained even, eyes clear of judgement.

 

Looking down into his empty cup, Ren brushed past Hux to get a refill. “You’re not going to be satisfied until you’ve learned all my secrets, hm?” he asked, as he entered the kitchen.

 

Hux shrugged one shoulder, following him in. “You know quite a few of mine, Captain Ren.”

 

“Oh hells, just call me Ren,” he muttered, hunching his shoulders over the cup.

 

“Ren then,” Hux said, and if he sounded gentle it just made Ren want to stab him.

 

He turned, eyes catching Hux’s. “I don’t want to talk to about Felix,” he complained. “He was here, he was… mine, and then he betrayed me.”

 

Instead of the mirth that Ren was expecting, instead of the judgement or the censure, Hux just nodded. “I had a group of lieutenants,” he divulged quietly, “every single one of them stood by and watched me get flayed. Every single one of them left me for dead.”

 

“You said a captain of yours got you off the Finalizer,” Ren said, confused.

 

“She did. She came for me, she said, when she saw my lieutenants and I was not among their number.”

 

“What were their names?” Ren asked.

 

“Unamo. Mikata. Kaplan. Thanisson.” Hux said. The words had weight.

 

Ren let himself be distracted by fixing another cup of caf. “You want me to kill them for you?” he asked, only half a joke.

 

“Would you?”

 

Turning back to face Hux, Ren regarded him for a long moment. “It won’t make the wounds inside your head any better.”

 

Hux just smiled. “Maybe not the physical ones.”

 

“Well,” Ren said lightly, “If you’re planning on staying around that long.”

 

That turned Ren’s latent uncomfortableness right back on Hux. He crossed his arms over his chest, eyes sliding to the right. “It’s rather come to my attention that I’m not going to be safe anywhere that I go, not here, and very likely not Nar Shaddaa either.” He dragged his eyes from the floor to Ren. “We don’t know each other, not really. But yes… I am asking to stay.”

 

The last time Ren had this conversation, Felix had begged him for a place on the Untouchable. He’d almost said no, and hindsight is 20/20. He wished he’d said no to Felix.

 

Hux though, Hux inspired something quite a bit different. “Fine,” he said. “Welcome aboard.” He was momentarily stunned into silence when Hux gave him a relieved smile. It was genuine, digging a dimple into his right cheek.

 

“New Rule,” Ren said, taking a sip of caf to hide his expression. “No emotional drivel before at least my fifth cup of this.”

 

There was a gentle laugh to that, echoed by HK’s chittering from the cockpit. “I think you’d have to have slept for that rule to come into effect.”

 

Ren rolled his eyes, sticking his cup into the sink. “You may regret wishing to join up with me,” he said, leading the way back into the terminal room. “The missing ad’ika were last heard from in Ord Mantell.” The wound throbbed between them, connecting them like long strings, telling Ren that Hux’s tension went through the ceiling.

 

“Ord Mantell,” Hux repeated.

 

“Yes,” Ren sighed. “There’s a Mandalorian compound there. They went there for reasons yet unknown. Their last transmission was three months ago, so it’s an old lead, but the only one we have.” He slid his fingers over the terminal and called up Kiel.

 

“Su cuy’gar, Ren,” Kiel said warmly as soon as his image appeared. “I’m glad you stopped to say goodbye.”

 

“Su cuy’gar,” Ren said, saluting him. “I went through the information you gave me this morning. Their last transmission comes from Ord Mantell. I’m going to set a course as soon as we disconnect.”

 

Kiel nodded, concern folding down his features. “You will not be going alone?”

 

“No, I have back up this time,” Ren said, sighing. “Don’t worry about me, Kiel.”

 

He snorted. “Not hardly. Keep in touch, Ren.”

 

The holo flickered out, and Hux came back around the corner. “This time?” he said, curiously.

 

The corner of Ren’s mouth lifted in a smirk. “I have a habit of running off on my own,” he said. He took the captain’s chair, waving Hux into the co-pilots. “Don’t worry, I programmed HK to be able to fly this thing in my absence. You’ll be fine.”

 

 _[Ally-Hux!]_ SR-3 said, spinning around in a circle.

 

Hux caught Ren’s answering smile. “What did she say?”

 

“She changed your Designation.”

 

 _[I could go back to meatbag,]_ SR-3 said and Ren swatted at her.

 

Looking intrigued, Hux leaned down at brushed long, pale fingers over SR-3’s head, deftly avoiding her antenna. “What is it now?”

 

“She called you ‘ally’,” Ren answered.

 

Hux looked a little stunned. “That’s something I’ve never been called before,” he murmured. “Ally.”

 

Ren thought about it for a minute, moving SR-3 off the console and onto his shoulder. “She’ll probably be happy to teach you Binary,” he said.

 

“I’m afraid languages were never my forte,” Hux said apologetically.

 

He shrugged one shoulder. “At least you’d be able to learn our names from her. It would come in handy if HK isn’t around.”

 

“That,” the droid said, stomping into the room, “only happens when you _leave me behind_ , Master.”

 

Ren didn’t miss a beat, leaning his head back to look over at HK. “And it’s a damn good thing I did, you’d have shot and killed Felix on sight.”

 

A pause. “That is correct, Master. Permission to leave the ship?”

 

Laughing, Ren shook his head. “Denied. We’re heading to Ord Mantell.”

 

HK made a disgusted sound, head turned towards Hux. “Why is the meatbag in my seat?” he asked imperiously.

 

Hux whipped around, scowling. “Who’s he calling a meatbag?” he demanded, over Ren’s laughter.

 

“Try not to be too offended, general,” Ren drawled, still snickering. “He calls everyone meatbag.” He thought about it for a moment. “Well, not Felix.”

 

“That pfassk does not deserve a title,” HK spat. “You promised me I would be able to shoot him, Master.”

 

Ren leaned over to pat his arm. “You’ll get your chance.” He glanced at Hux, who was watching him with obvious interest. “What?” he asked defensively.

 

“As General of the Finalizer,” Hux said after a moment, “I interacted with many people. Mostly humans, but many droids as well. I have never seen anyone respond to, or speak with, droids as you do. It is… refreshing.”

 

Ren tilted his head to one side. “HK dug me out of a very dark place once,” he said. “And SR-3 was left for the scrap heap on Hutta. Without LT-55, this ship would never fly again.” He ran his fingers over SR-3’s head where she sat, charging. “They have earned their places in the universe.”

 

Hux smiled a little, the expression sad. “I had a cat,” he said, soft and weary. “She was against regulations, but I kept her anyway. Life on the Finalizer was never easy, and in some ways I enjoyed how challenging it was.” His expression turned sadder. “It’s always better at the top. But Millicent, she was best parts of everything.”

 

“What happened to her?” Ren asked, curious.

 

“I don’t know,” Hux murmured. “I was forced to leave her behind. When Phasma collected me from the room where _he_ left me, we had just enough time to get to a transport pod. Asking for anything more would have been selfish.”

 

Ren snorted quietly. “I’m a smuggler Force-sensitive who ran from everything and everyone he ever knew,” he said. “I’m sort of an expert in being selfish.”

 

Hux ruffled his hair, grimacing. “Have I thanked you yet?” he asked, after a long pause. “You’re risking exposure simply by associating with me.”

 

“You’re welcome,” he replied, looking away from Hux’s eyes.

 

The console beeped, drawing his attention. He set their course for Ord Mantell, taking them through take off smoothly. “Master,” HK said from behind them, “are you expecting a higher than usual output of meatbags for this trip?”

 

Hux chuckled as Ren rolled his eyes. “Strangely, yes. I don’t know if the ad’ika are still alive, but Ord Mantell will be crawling with First Order lackies. We’re going to need you.”

 

HK chuckled, the sound grating. “You’ll allow me to shoot as many meatbags as I like?”

 

Ren narrowed his eyes. “As long as they shoot at us first. Nice try.” Once they hit the black, Ren set the autopilot and leaned back in his seat. “We have a few days of travel to get there, so relax until then, okay HK?”

 

“What do you do on long trips? The ship doesn’t seem large enough to require maintenance,” Hux wondered as he followed Ren out into the main room.

 

“Well,” Ren said dryly, “I have a wall to help fix.”

 

There was outrage beeping from the engine room, and LT-55 rolled out, holding a dented panel over his head. He rolled straight up to Ren and deposited the thing at his feet and rolled away. _[You fix it!]_ he yelled pointedly before heading back into the room Ren had ruined.

 

Gesturing to it, Ren sighed. “See?”

 

With Hux’s help, he picked it up and carried it into the kitchen where he laid it on the table. “Do you have tools?” Hux wondered, running a damp cloth over it to clean off the dried blood.

 

Ren almost laughed but curbed the response when Hux seemed so earnest. “No, I… don’t need tools.” Once the panel was clean, Ren flattened his hand against the metal, feeling the imprint of the rage he’d left behind. “I left something of myself behind, when I used my strength to dent this,” he explained.

 

Hux stilled, fingers trembling on the edge of the durasteel panel. “Does… that always happen?”

 

Thinking of the gaping wounds in Hux’s mind, Ren wasn’t entirely sure how to answer that. “Sometimes,” he said after a moment’s thought. “I’ve certainly punched things and not used the Force,” he murmured dryly. “But I lost control, last night.”

 

“I take it that it doesn’t happen often?” Hux asked, and met Ren’s eyes when he raised them from the panel.

 

Caught and snared in green glass, Ren could only tell the truth. “Less often than it used to,” he said. “Felix… always brought out the worst in me.”

 

“What did he do?” Hux wondered, keeping his eyes on Ren’s.

 

“Ah… that’s a story for another time, I think,” Ren said. “Suffice it to say that he betrayed me, and he was the last man - the last anyone, really - that I ever trusted with more than the surface of my mind.”

 

Hux nodded. “Or your heart,” he added. It wasn’t a question.

 

“Yes,” Ren muttered, dragging his gaze away. “That, too.”

 

Hux let the topic drop, but Ren got the feeling that the conversation wasn’t really over. Instead, he focused on the panel, and withdrawing the rage he’d left behind. He flattened his hands over the dents, pulling the parts of him out and using the rest of his Force given strength to smooth out the pits.

 

A few passes of his hands and the panel was as good as new. Ren released a shaky breath, flexing his hands, and feeling the knuckles pop. “That… is very impressive,” Hux murmured, trailing his own fingers along the smooth steel. “I’ve only seen the Force destroy.”

 

Ren frowned, shaking his head and sinking into one of the chairs. “The Force is is everywhere,” he explained, thinking back to the Jedi school, and feeling Luke’s proud smile like a physical touch. “It’s wrapped around every living thing. Even if you’re not aware of it, you still contribute to it. It’s simply _there_.”

 

Hux snorted. “Yes well, it’s all space magic to me,” he said.

 

“ _Space magic?!_ ” Outraged, Ren shoved the panel into Hux’s side as the other man laughed. Catching it, Hux just pulled it away from him. “Space magic!”

 

After they delivered the fixed panel to LT-55 in the engine room, Ren could easily picture the dimple dug deep into Hux’s right cheek as he laughed at him, the way his eyes crinkled up at the corners in genuine mirth.

 

Ren was in _so much_ trouble.

 

*

 

Exhausted from being up for most of the last day, Ren retired early, leaving Hux to his own devices. He fell asleep nearly instantly, his mind and body tired from the rage he’d expended then assimilated. He wasn’t expecting good dreams, he rarely was blessed with those, but he also wasn’t expecting terror.

 

In his dreams, Ren ran. He fell into a twisted wood of dark trees and darker skies, mud clutching at his heels as he fled the nameless monster after him. He pushed himself harder and harder, but still the creature gained on him, licking at his back and digging sharp claws into his calves.

 

The woods had no end, the monster had no exhaustion. Ren was simply chased, his breath coming in hoarse whines.

 

Just when he felt he couldn’t run any further, when the monster had gained on him despite his speed, there was scream in the distance. High, clear, and so full of misery and pain that both monster and Ren stopped.

 

The creature, full of sharpened teeth and death and pain turned from Ren, and disappeared into the trees, leaving Ren alone.

 

A figure coalesced beside him, fingers gentle on his shoulder. “ _Wake up_ ,” she whispered, “ _wake up, Ben_!”

 

Ren jerked out of his dream with a silent scream, curling around a wound that didn’t exist on a body that wasn’t even his. He ran his fingers over his stomach, but found cloth and smooth skin. He took several deep breaths, trying to calm the panic in his throat.

 

The deeper he breathed in, the worse it got, and Ren nearly fell out of bed. That wasn’t his panic.

 

It was Hux’s.

 

The Force felt like a living thing, wrapping around his limbs and slowing down his progress. “HK!” he shouted, and the droid reactivated far more slowly that he usually did. “Get my door!”

 

The door slid open, the servos and wheels grinding together with a scream as it fought against some invisible force. Ren flung himself into the hall, slamming into Hux’s door and opening it with a few false starts.

 

Hux was still in bed, bone white with blood trailing from his lip and nose, body arched like a bow. His mouth was open in a scream, but no air or sound came out of him. The Force rippled it’s way around his rib cage, and Ren could _see_ it constrict. Still fighting the Force Slow, Ren climbed onto Hux’s bed, just in time to catch his limbs as the general started seizing.

 

Ren leaned over his body, twining his fingers into Hux’s hair, and holding him gently in place. He leaned in, pressing their temples together. “Hux,” he whispered, with a touch of Force behind it. “Wake up.”

 

With a ragged inhale, Hux did.

 

*


	4. iv.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Because the First Order is coming, and if they find you’ve been holding me, then they will stop at nothing to end your lives and the lives of our brothers.” He reached out to them. “I’m sorry about this,” he said softly. Hasty, but they’d only been together for a half an hour, Ren wiped their minds._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite getting stuck at work for a full 17 hours I managed to churn this out before I died of exhaustion. Still have no idea what I'm DOING with my life, considering how fast I've been writing this. What even.
> 
> For Lex <3
> 
> Note: About Mand'alor and the whole Mandalorian contingent. I know that the new movie which we all know and love has erased decades of canon that we all thought for sure was truth. However, I've played every single Star Wars game every made in the last ten years, and I don't think it's so easy to erase all the things I've learned. Hence, Mando'a and Mand'alor. I never did forgive KoToR for not letting me romance Canderous Ordo. So this is the most canon bendy thing in the entire planet and I _don't even care_. As ever, I can be found [here](www.missdreawrites.tumblr.com) on tumblr. I welcome discussions of Evil Space Boyfriends and every other thing under the sun.
> 
> Su cuy'gar = Hello! (lit. 'You're still alive')  
> ad'ika = the lads (lit. boys, group of youngsters)
> 
> Not beta'd. 
> 
> #sorrynotsorry

Iv. 

 

Ren fielded the wild punch to the side of his face easily, sliding back on the bed but not leaving Hux alone. “It’s me!” he yelled, holding his hands up in surrender. “Hux, it’s just me!”

 

Hux gasped, one hand fisted in his shirt, yanking the collar away from his throat. His eyes cleared, focusing on Ren. “What happened?” he asked.

 

“You were dreaming,” Ren said. “About… whatever happened to you. One of the wounds inside your head reacted.” 

 

Terror flitted over his face almost too fast for Ren to see it. “Will this happen every time I sleep?” he asked, voice shaking. 

 

“I don’t know,” Ren answered him honestly. “It could, and this time I was around to Feel it too, so it affected me as well. I woke you up.” He sat cross legged on the end of Hux’s bed, taking care not to touch him. 

 

Hux swallowed hard. “It… affected you?”

 

Ren tried to smile. “Don’t worry about it. I’m no worse for the wear.”

 

“No, I will worry about it. I told you that you would not be safe near me. This simply proves the point.” Hux shoved his dark hair out of his face, head tilting down. 

 

Daring, Ren nudged Hux’s knee with his own. “I’m fine. I’m glad I was able to wake you. Now we know more about what’s in your head. I can help you. Will you let me?”

 

Hux looked up, exhaustion dragging his entire body downward. Ren could feel it in the air between them, a visceral thing. “How?” he asked.

 

“Lay down,” Ren urged, sliding off the bed. “Let me guard your mind from dreams.” 

 

Flopping down with a disgusted noise, Hux grumbled. “More space magic.”

 

“It’s not magic,” Ren protested, shoving at Hux again. “It’s the Force. Now hush, go to sleep.”

 

Hux laughed into his pillow, his aura finally relaxing. “It seems very much like magic from my view.” But he laid down, curling up. Ren realized with a pang that the position that Hux had chosen was the position of a man used to being alone. He slept in it more often than not. 

 

Ren shook himself free of such thoughts, holding out a hand and letting it hover over Hux’s head. “Good night,” he said belatedly. 

 

Hux snorted another soft laugh into his pillow, sounding equal parts begrudging and deprecating. “I suppose we’ll see about that in the morning, won’t we?” he muttered, but subsided when Ren nudged him again. “Very well. Do your worst.”

 

Ren know exactly what his ‘worst’ was like. It was high time to find out what his best was. 

 

He focused, falling naturally into meditative breathing. Absently, he noticed that Hux was matching him, breath for breath, heartbeat for heartbeat. The air around Hux shimmered like the sun on a hot Tatooine day, the Force rippling around the wounds in his head like bloody smears in the fabric of the world. Ren reached out, sliding his fingers into the broken pieces and winced. The shimmers felt sticky like tacky oil spills, and without hesitation, Ren drew it into himself.  

 

This was another kind of healing, after all. After taking away the curtain of nightmares, Ren simply replaced it with his own will. It wouldn’t be perfect, but it would give Hux a sleep that wouldn’t be plagued by the horrors in his head. 

 

“Ren?” Hux mumbled, half asleep already.

 

“I’m here,” he replied gently. “Almost done.”

 

Hux relaxed further into the bed, the tension running out of him. “Will it ever end?” he asked, around a yawn. “Does it stop?”

 

Thinking of the wounds in his own head, Ren sighed. “Someday,” he swore gently. “Not today.”

 

Hux didn’t answer, already asleep. Ren stifled the urge to tuck him in, instead just laying the blanket back over him. He opened the door to the hall and was immediately faced with all three droids. He gestured them silent, closing the door behind him and making sure it was secure before stepping away. “What’s wrong?” he asked, hushed.

 

_ [You were screaming your sleep, Friend-Ben _ , _ ]  _ SR-3 said anxiously.  _ [We were worried.]  _

 

“ _ They  _ were worried,” HK drawled. “ _ I  _ was more concerned by my inability to move.” He nudged LT-55. “A symptom shared by this rustbucket.”   
  


Ren blinked. “The Force slow reached that far?”

 

LT beeped an affirmative, shuddering a little.  _ [I couldn’t disconnect from my port.] _

 

“That’s… concerning.” Ren chewed on his thumbnail, thinking. “Hux was attacked,” he decided on. “Like I was, once. He still carries the memories close to his heart. The Force amplified them.” He grimaced. “Proximity to me made it very strong.” 

 

_ [Can you help Ally-Hux?]  _ SR asked, sounding no less anxious for the explanation.

 

“In… a way,” Ren prevericated. “I’ve aligned his dreams to mine. That will help curb the nightmares.”

 

Thankfully, none of the droids were able to truly comprehend that bit of Force manipulation. LT-55 nudge him, before wheeling back to the engine room to finish the night cycle. SR-3 and HK followed him back into his room, HK returning to his position by the door. Scooping up SR-3, Ren laid back down. 

 

_ [Good night, Friend-Ben, Friend-HK] _ SR beeped gently and powered down.

 

HK didn’t answer, but neither did he deactivate. “You going to stay up all night, HK?” Ren asked tiredly.

 

The droid made a strange noise, half beep, half static. “Someone has to watch over you and the meatbag, Master.”

 

Ren didn’t comment - pointing out that he was beginning to care would only send HK into a sulk. “Night, HK,” he said instead. 

 

It didn’t take him long to fall asleep himself, still exhausted from earlier and from adrenaline crash. Hux’s dreams called to him, and Ren answered without hesitation.

 

The rest of the night cycle passed without note, Hux’s dreams - and Ren’s, by extension - were frivolous and empty. Eventually the dreaming petered out into darkness, and Ren registered somewhere in the back of his mind that Hux had woken up. No longer tied to someone else’s sleep cycle, Ren sank further into his own dreams.

 

“ _ You’ve done so well, _ ” a voice whispered in the dark. “ _ We are so proud of you _ .” 

 

Ren couldn’t pinpoint the voice’s location, but they sounded familiar. Achingly so. “Who’s there?” he demanded. “Show yourselves!”

 

Nothing - no one - penetrated the dark, just quiet laughter. “ _ I’m sorry, sweetheart _ ,” the woman said.  _ “We can’t. Just know that should you need us, we’ll be there. _ ”

 

“ _ Yes _ ,” a different voice agreed, this one male. “ _ Should you need us. _ ” 

 

Ren bowed his head. “Why now?” he wondered. 

 

A phantom touch on his chin drew his head up. Yellow eyes glowed in the dark, bringing a strange amount of comfort. “ _ You had no reason to see us. Now, you do. Be careful, Ben. _ ”

 

“Only SR-3 calls me Ben,” he protested.

 

“ _ For now _ ,” the voice said, with a dark chuckle. “ _ Wake up. Ben. _ ”

 

Ren opened his eyes, shielding them from the overhead lights. “Time?” he ground out, expecting SR-3 or HK to answer.

 

“Well past time for captains to wake,” Hux drawled. “Not to worry, I did bring caf.” 

 

Ren held out his hands for the cup without opening his eyes any further than he had to. “Caf!” he demanded.

 

Hux laughed, the sound at ease. “Yes, yes, here.” His fingers were cold when they touched Ren’s to wrap them around the mug. As soon as Ren gripped the cup, he withdrew quickly. “Thank you, by the way,” Hux murmured. “Though I’m not quite certain what is it you did.”

 

Downing the whole cup in two swallows, Ren mulled over his answer. “Do you want the simple explanation or the complicated one?” he asked.

 

“Start with the simple one?” Hux requested, leaning on the door jamb to Ren’s room.

 

Ren sat up to better see him, now that the caf had made the light bearable. “I essentially drew out the poison from the Force around you and replaced it.”

 

Hux actually looked interested as he digested that. “Which did what, exactly?” he asked curiously. 

 

This would be the tricky part. “It allowed me to feel the concept of your dreams,” he said slowly, thinking. “So that if you stumbled into another wound, another nightmare, I could draw you out.”

 

Hux frowned, darkness gathering in his face. “You were reading my mind?”

 

Ren snorted. “No. That takes considerable amounts of effort. No, it was more like, I read your aura.”

 

“My aura.” There were no two words more unimpressed ever spoken than those, Ren reflected with amusement. 

 

“Yes,” he insisted. “Force Auras can be very powerful indeed. They can augment your courage in battle, or aid in healing.” He tilted his head to the side, thinking it over. “Yours has been damaged, making it easier to read. I just used that.”

 

“Can anyone see it? Or use it?” Hux asked, alarmed.

 

Ren shook his head. “No. Just Force users. There are precious few of those, now.”

 

Hux’s expression clearly said there were at least one too many. “Well, thank you. I imagine I appear somewhat ungrateful, which is the last thing I want.”

 

Waving him off, Ren shook his head again. “It’s fine,” he said. “What’s not fine is that my caf is gone.” Hux laughed again, shoulders loosening as he collected the mug.

 

“I’m not delivering the next one. You’ll have to get it from the kitchen like the rest of us.” He disappeared before Ren could whine dramatically about fairness.

 

Alone again, Ren took the time to rub the bacta solution on his scar, he dressed, then scooped up SR-3 so she could charge. “I’ll be fine for a few hours, HK,” he said just before leaving the room. 

 

“Under no circumstances could I ever consider you to be fine, Master,” HK drawled, pithy. “Shutting down.”

 

He deactivated and Ren plugged him into the wall unit gently. Before heading into the kitchen, Ren checked the cockpit to make sure all was well before plugging in SR-3. Only then did he go collect his second cup of caf. 

 

“We should come up with a plan,” Hux said immediately, as soon as Ren had entered the room.

 

“A plan?” Ren asked, busying himself with the mug.

 

Hux nodded. “Ord Mantell has First Order personnel and citizens all over,” he said. “If I am recognized…” He let the thought trail off. 

 

Ren sipped as his caf, thinking that over. “In the short term, I can protect against anyone too interested in us,” he said. “And anyone in the Mandalorian Compound won’t look too hard.”   
  


“Yes, about that,” Hux said, sounding unconvinced. “You have incredible sway with the Mando’a, considering they are quite insular.”

 

Ren grinned. “You didn’t pick up on it?” he asked, gleeful when Hux shook his head in confusion. “Kiel is Mand’alor’s son,” he divulged with an evil sort of joy. “He’s Akielo Ordo, likely the next in line.”

 

Hux blinked once, twice. “How in the nine hells did you get so close to Mand’alor and his son?” 

 

Deliberately nonchalant, Ren shrugged. “Oh, I saved his life, a number of years ago,” he said.

 

“Lies,” Hux said, disbelievingly. “You’re hardly even old enough to be a captain let alone one who has stories from ‘a number of years ago’ under his belt.”

 

Ren wasn’t sure if he should be flattered or offended. “I’m thirty,” he protested.

 

Hux actually laughed at him. “You don’t look a day over nineteen.”

 

Grudgingly, Ren smiled. “Thanks. I think. I really am thirty though. I saved Kiel, hm… maybe ten years ago? It was right after I’d gotten this ship, before HK and SR-3.” 

 

“Bantha fodder,” Hux grumbled. 

 

A little sadly, Ren shook his head. “I wish, sometimes. But no, I’ve been on my own since I was fifteen.” He cleared his throat, pouring more caf. “Either way, Kiel named me Mando’a himself. Anyone I bring into the compound will be beyond reproach.”

 

“Unless they find out who I am,” Hux said.

 

Ren shrugged. “They honor war, Hux. They might challenge you. But none will stab you in the back.”

 

Frowning, Hux questioned that. “It’s dishonorable to get to drop on an enemy?”

 

“No. To take a life without acknowledging their strength against your own is cowardly.”

 

Hux rubbed his forehead, an adorably baffled expression on his face. “What about the rest of the planet then?” 

 

“I can persuade anyone who wants to see your ident chip that they’ve already seen it,” Ren said, hedging a little. 

 

“Oh, magic solves everything, does it?” Hux drawled, looking frustrated.

 

Ren scowled. “See, now I know you’re doing it on purpose,” he pointed out. “But yes. It absolutely does.”

 

Hux sighed, sinking into the chair closest to him. “Do forgive me,” he muttered, picking at the corner of one of his nails. “My only experience with the Force was… well, with  _ him. _ ”

 

Shrugging one shoulder, Ren reached across the table to touch his wrist. “I know. I’d apologize for it, but that’s just empty words. I’m not him, though.”

 

When Hux looked up from his hands, his eyes were wide, clear and so very green. “You know,” he said quietly, “That has been made abundantly clear to me. I don’t think anyone could confuse the two of you.”

 

Touched, Ren cleared his throat uncomfortably.  “That’s a relief,” he said, looking up at the ceiling. 

 

“No, I mean that. The Force is just magic to me, but I’ve been exposed to it in various forms since I rose to the position of General. The way you do things… it is different, than the way he did them. I could… feel it.”

 

“Well, thank you.” Ren glanced at Hux again, and the intensity in his expression drew him away again. 

 

There was something in Hux’s eyes. He’d seen it in Kiel’s face, and in Felix’s once. He’d seen it in Rey’s before Snoke killed her in front of him. He was haunted by that expression, fifteen years later, the trusting way Rey had looked at him before Snoke had struck her down. 

 

He’d never done anything but disappoint people who wore that face.

 

He wasn’t any kind of hero.

 

*

 

Landing on Ord Mantell went smoothly, a finger twist here and there to ease their passage along. Instead of walking through the city proper, Ren flagged a taxi, ushering Hux into it quickly. 

 

They’d touched up his hair before leaving the ship, making sure his face was clean shaven. The rebreather vocal modulator was fixed firmly over his nose and mouth, and he’d even gone so far as to pull up the hood on his armored jacket, giving him a grim and dangerous look. “You look like a Sith lord,” Ren murmured to him. 

 

The breathless and nervous laugh Hux let out to that was awkwardly deep but the way he ducked his head was pure embarrassment. “Perhaps that’s not such a bad cover,” Hux muttered. 

 

Ren thought about it for a minute, and eventually shook his head. “No, the sith lords of old would be noticeable - and we don’t want to be noticed.” 

 

“True.” Hux sighed, fingers clenched in his lap. “You’re certain that the Mandalorian’s won’t ask about my identity?”

 

“I’m certain enough.” 

 

“That’s really not encouraging.”

 

Ren shot him a grin. “Trust me?”

 

Hux looked at him, eyes dark from under the hood. “Surprisingly, yes.” When Ren blinked in surprise, Hux shrugged. “I’ve trusted precious few in my lifetime. Never without knowing their entire life history or record. But you… inspire it.” Ren pulled a face and Hux shoved him. “I am being serious. I was surrounded by trusted Lieutenants who sold me down the river without a paddle. But you give the impression of preferring to cut your own arm off before betraying another.”

 

“Well I wouldn’t cut my arm off,” Ren muttered.

 

The rebreather blocked Hux’s mouth but Ren can read the smile in his eyes. They passed the rest of the journey in silence, and despite the levity of their conversation, Hux’s tension ramped up until he was near vibrating with it. 

 

Ren wanted to reassure him - but how could he? He didn’t know how anything was actually going to turn out. As soon as they reached the Compound, they were greeted by several Mando’a ad’ika, all of whom were young enough to have just started earning their honors.

 

“Su cuy’gar,” Ren greeted, saluting them. “I’m here on behalf of Akielo Ordo.”

 

One of the ad’ika nodded, stepping forward - a clear ring leader. “We know who you are Captain Ren,” he said. “Kiel sent word that you would be coming.”

 

“Then you know what information I seek,” Ren said, reaching out with his will and scanning their minds for deception or lies.

 

None of them had lies to speak of, but all three were nervous and concerned. “Come with us, Captain,” the lad said. “We have something to show you.”

 

Ren and Hux fell into step with the ad’ika, following them down into the Compound, clearly away from prying eyes. If Ren had to put a fine point on it, he considered the Mando’a his people - the only ones to show him any kindness after his fall from grace. But, despite his connections, he still felt a frisson of unease zing up his spine the further they got from the main areas of the compound.

 

When they finally entered a room, the reason for the secrecy was abundantly clear. He’d found Garrick, Pesh and Torc, or whatever was left of them. The three ad’ika lay prostrate on beds, hooked up to machinery and life support. Ren stared, reaching out a hand and searching for their minds.

 

The darkness screamed down on him, sending him stumbling to the floor. His legs simply collapsed under the weight of the empty soullessness that encompassed the three ad’ika. It was like Hux’s wounded mind, only ten times worse and in threes. Whoever these boys were, their bodies were all that was left. 

 

When Ren’s eyes finally cleared and he could see beyond the blank desolation, he focused on Hux, who had knelt by his side. “Captain?” he asked anxiously.

 

“Unplug them,” he said hoarsely. “Their minds are already dead.”

 

The ad’ika who had brought them to the room swore expansively in Mando’a. “You are certain?” Ren nodded, breathing shallowly through his mouth to avoid throwing up all over Hux. “Then I am glad Akielo sent you. We can give these warriors rest, now.”

 

Hux helped him to his feet. “What was it?” he asked, low and directly into Ren’s ear.

 

Ren licked his lips to moisten them, feeling dried out. “What was done to them, was done to you. Only this time he finished the job.”

 

There was a long pause, as they watched the ad’ika take care of the empty shells that had once been Pesh, Garrick, and Torc. “Why?” Hux asked, after another moment. “Why them?”

 

“I don’t know.” Ren stepped closer to the body of Garrick, looking down into his still face. “Wait a moment,” he requested. “He lasted the longest of his friends. Let me…” he reached out and touched Garrick’s forehead. His face was cool to the touch, almost waxy as though his body knew he was already dead.

 

It felt like touching a corpse, but that horror was eclipsed by the yawning emptiness between his ears. Ren searched through it, shaking but determined. There had to be a reason. 

 

There. A bright spot in an otherwise dark universe and Ren touched it, looking for the memory it stored. 

 

“ _ You will return to the Mandalorian Compound _ ,” Snoke’s voice ripped through Garrick and Ren. “ _ Tell them to send anyone with Force Sensitivity. We will be waiting for them. _ ”

 

Ren ripped himself out of the memory, feeling what was left of Garrick scream in cold blooded terror. “ _ Fuck _ ,” he breathed. “We need to get out of here. Right now.” 

 

The Mando’a in the room paused, hands on their weapons. “Why?” one of them asked.

 

“Because the First Order is coming, and if they find you’ve been holding me, then they will stop at nothing to end your lives and the lives of our brothers.” He reached out to them. “I’m sorry about this,” he said softly. Hasty, but they’d only been together for a half an hour, Ren wiped their minds. 

 

“Ren?” Hux asked, alarmed, cheeks pale over the top of his mask. 

 

Ren shook his head. “Questions later. It’s time to go right now.” They ran for the doors, and up the stairs. 

 

“Ah, ah, ah,” an unfamiliar voice said from the top of the stairs. The Mandalorian compound seemed empty, frozen in time. A man stood in the middle of the room, yards from the exits. “My Master has been waiting for you.” 

 

His face was half hidden by a mask much like Hux’s, but his eyes were red and cold. Ren subtly put himself between the unknown assailant and Hux, fingers tight around the lightsaber at his back. “Who are you?” he demanded.

 

Hux grabbed the back of his vest, fingers tight in the leather. “I know him,” Hux whispered, and there was despair in his tone. 

 

The man affected a sweeping bow, coming up with a red double bladed lightsaber, which he spun threateningly. “I do apologize,” he said. “I am Erasmo Ren, sixth of the Knights of Ren.”

 

*


	5. v.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux spun one of the bottles to read the label, eyebrows raising in surprise. “Corellian brandy?”
> 
> “Only the good stuff for difficult tales,” Ren said, with a stilted shrug. “And I think after today, you deserve to hear mine.” He sat, pulling the cork out of one of the bottles with his teeth. “But I am, in no way, going to be sober for the last part.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't slept in 24 hours, and I've worked 25 of the last 36 but I really love this chapter and wanted you all to have it.
> 
> For Lex <3
> 
> As ever, I'm at [ tumblr!](www.missdreawrites.tumblr.com).
> 
> A note, for the fight scene in the very beginning, I wrote the whole thing to E.S. Posthumus' "Unstoppable". Go have a listen while you read it for ambiance. :D
> 
> Mando'a:
> 
> Su cuy'gar - hello! (lit. You're still alive!)  
> ad'ika - the lads (lit. young boys, youth)  
> alor'ad - Captain  
> Kih'parjai - No worries  
> K'oyacyi - We won! (A general cheer about winning a battle)  
> Oya - Huzzah! (Think "ooh rah!" as from the Marines)

V.

 

For one long moment, there was a cosmic dissonance inside him. He had been ‘Ren’ for so many years, he didn’t even remember how to be anyone else. That his chosen name, his chosen self was shared with these knights, that sat poorly inside his heart.

 

“Uh… who?” he asked, affecting a deliberately nonchalant tone. “I’m afraid I’ve never heard of you.”

 

Hux hissed something from behind him, and he could feel the way his vest tightened around him as Hux gripped him harder.  Erasmo laughed, spinning his deadly lightsaber almost as though in challenge. “That’s too bad,” he said lightly. “If you had made the right choices, you might have been one among our number.”

 

Ren smiled. It wasn’t a kind expression. “I really doubt that,” he said evenly, and smoothly pulled his own ‘saber from the small of his back. Hux jerked in surprise, and Ren half turned his head to get Hux’s eyes. With some effort, Ren reached out and touched his mind, bracing himself for the hollow dark there.  _ Get back _ , he told Hux.

 

Hux’s eyes visibly flew to his mouth, and Ren smiled grimly before turning back to the Knight. “So your lord and master sent you to collect me, is that it?” Ren asked, striding forward, wrapping the Force around himself in an attempt to look larger. 

 

Erasmo chuckled, falling into a familiar fighting stance. “Only those that we chose are inducted into our ranks. Fortunately, my Master requires you no matter the outcome of our battle.” 

 

He really doesn’t like the sound of that. Thumbing the indicator on the side of his lightsaber, Ren took up a defensive position. He lit up in a soft green light. If he was more his father’s son, he’d say something pithy and insulting. If he were more like Uncle Luke, he might quote the Jedi Code to himself. But Ren was truly his mother’s son.

 

Gathering the Force and his not inconsiderable will, Ren attacked. 

 

Erasmo clearly wasn't expecting Ren to have a lightsaber of his own. Not all that surprising, considering the political climate and general dearth of Jedi. Still, he'd searched every crack on Ilum, looking for a Crystal to make his chosen weapon. 

 

This battle had to count. 

 

He shoved with the Force, throwing Erasmo off balance, ducking under his guard to deal a devastating blow to his Solar plexus. The Knight grunted and jerked back a step, lightsaber going wide. 

 

Over his mask, Erasmo’s eyes narrowed in anger and the fight began in earnest. Ren spun to the left, deftly avoiding the upswing of one side of the double blade, and with his free hand, he pulled a chunk of the flooring up and slammed it into Erasmo’s back. 

 

The Knight cursed and flung his weapon out, letting it spin widely through the air. Green met red for half a second, as Ren blocked the first side of the attack but he was out of practice, and the smell of burning flesh filled his nose as the double blade caught him in the side.

 

Ren yelled, pulling up another chunk of marble floor. Instead of aiming it at Erasmo, he slammed it down on the lightsaber as it returned to it’s master. The marble chunk shattered, and so did the lightsaber under it. 

 

Erasmo bellowed, and the wave of Force that rippled from him took Ren off his feet, slamming him into the wall behind him. Pinned there like an insect, Ren could only watch, feet kicking and dangling as Erasmo retrieved one half of his weapon and reignited it. 

 

“A handy trick,” he said, droll. “You're a surprisingly formidable opponent.”

 

A blaster shot sizzled between them, and with his lapse in concentration, Ren dropped to the floor. Hux stood in the doorway leading to the exit, a stolen blaster rifle in his hands. His hood was pulled low over his face and his breathing was audible even from across the room. 

 

With his adversary summarily distracted, Ren put on a burst of speed and moved across the room where he could regroup.  _ Keep shooting!  _ he threw at Hux, who immediately complied, sending bolt after bolt towards Erasmo.

 

The Knight was easily able to deflect the shots, but the point wasn’t to hit him. Ren gathered his strength, ignoring the throbbing in his side, and focused on the air around Erasmo. 

 

His focus narrowed to the sound of the blaster rifle, Hux’s breathing, and the pressure of the Force. With a quick step and a hard punch into the air, Ren called down lightning with all the force of an angry rancor. 

 

Erasmo fled the storming area, sending Ren back several steps with another push. “There’s more to you than meets the eye, boy,” he drawled. “Perhaps we’ll keep you anyway.”

 

Phantom fingers closed around his throat, and the storm stopped as abruptly as it started. Ren choked, reaching for a hand that didn’t exist, stumbling to his knees. 

 

He could feel Hux’s panic despite his dwindling ability to focus, and the sound of the blaster rifle started up again, heavier fire this time. The fingers around his throat loosened just enough for Ren to stand. 

 

The marble around Erasmo was black and charged from lightning, blaster fire and the great sweeping motions of his lightsaber. Ren eyed the ceiling, and focused on a large crack that had appeared over the Knight’s head.  _ Get ready to run _ , he sent over to Hux, and dug his heels in.

 

Now or never. He tore a chunk of marble down from the ceiling, flinging it at Erasmo, unconcerned if he dodged it or not. He rained another down, then a third. He wasn’t trying to hit Erasmo. 

 

A fourth chunk slammed into Erasmo’s left shoulder, making his lightsaber go wide. He took a blaster bolt to the face, and he stumbled back into the broken masonry that Ren had dropped around him. “You’ll pay for that,” Erasmo snarled, standing with his hands raised. 

 

“No, we won’t,” Ren said, and dropped the ceiling on him.

 

Once the dust settled, he found himself standing beside Hux, green light spilling over them both. He put the lightsaber away, holding one hand to his bleeding side. He reached out with his will, and found Erasmo’s dying life force, helping it along to return from whence it came.

 

“Su cuy’gar!” someone said from the doorway, and both Ren and Hux whirled. 

 

One of the Mando’a stood in the courtyard, the others of the compound falling in around him. “I take it this was all a very elaborate set up?” Ren drawled, fingers tightening on the hilt of his lightsaber. 

 

“He was… very persuasive,” the man said. Ren could translate that pause into six hundred different languages and still come up with the right meaning. 

 

Ren cleared his throat and put away the hilt he was still clutching. “Sorry about your roof.”

 

“Kih'parjai,” he said, waving it off. “It is a drop in the well of our debt to you.”

 

Hux and Ren exchanged a look. “Kiel asked me for my help,” Ren said doubtfully. “I couldn’t ignore him.”

 

“Erasmo, sixth Knight of Ren, has been here for many cycles, waiting for any Force Sensitive to emerge. He has killed most of them, kidnapped the rest.” The ad’ika looked ashamed. “He has dishonored the whole Enclave.”

 

Ren chewed on the inside of his lip. “I have a feeling that this is not the last time I will see a Knight of… Ren. I will call on your people when I must fight, so you can regain your honor.”

 

“Akielo Ordo was wise when he named you Mando’a,” someone commented. “Do you require Medical attention, alor'ad?”

 

He did, but he would much rather receive it on his own ship. “I’m well enough to fight,” he said. “K'oyacyi!”

 

The entire Enclave of Mando’a shouted “Oya!” back, fists raised.

 

They led Ren and Hux back to their shuttle, and once they were safely on their way to the Ord Mantell spaceport, Ren leaned heavily into his seat. “Oh hells,” he muttered.

 

“What?” Hux asked, sounding worried.

 

“I just realized,” Ren said, burying his head in his hands. “HK is going to  _ kill  _ me.”

 

Hux’s laughter lasted a truly uncharitable length of time.

 

*

 

Once they were back on the Untouchable, Ren’s side stitched and bandaged up, Ren found Hux in the kitchen. He was looking down at an empty glass, his rebreather mask sitting by his left wrist. “Mind if I join?” Ren asked mildly. 

 

Despite Hux’s laughter in the taxi, Ren knew that his trust would be shaken, knowing that Ren could so easily reach out and touch his mind. In the moment it had come in handy, and Hux was a tactician, but now they were safe, and alone.

 

“It’s your ship,” Hux said. 

 

Ren winced a little. That was not an encouraging answer. He made his way to one of the cabinets, standing on his toes to reach as high and as far as he could. He came away with a bottle, then went back for the second one, hidden in the dark corners of his kitchen.

 

He could really only use one arm but he gently moved the second bottle over to the table with a small effort of will. “Sorry,” he said, when he heard Hux startle behind him. “Only have the one arm right now. Hurts too much to reach out that far.” He collected glasses next, two half pint tumblers in thick cut crystal. “Drink?”

 

Hux spun one of the bottles to read the label, eyebrows raising in surprise. “Corellian brandy?”

 

“Only the good stuff for difficult tales,” Ren said, with a stilted shrug. “And I think after today, you deserve to hear mine.” He sat, pulling the cork out of one of the bottles with his teeth. “But I am, in no way, going to be sober for the last part.”

 

Once he’d poured himself a glass, he poured Hux a glass, sliding it across the table with a gentle nudge of the Force. Hux took it, fingers closing reflexively around it, and stared into the amber liquid. “I suppose that’s fair,” he said. “Very well. I will drink with you.”

 

“Oh good, it would have been very awkward if I had to drink alone.” He took a large swallow of the drink in front of him, staring down at the table once he’d put it back. “I don’t really know where to begin,” Ren admitted sheepishly.

 

Hux snorted, taking a sip of his own drink. “You could start at the beginning.”

 

Ren wrinkled his nose. “I suppose I could. Well then, let me begin with this: I showed sensitivity to the Force at a disturbingly young age, to the detriment to my studies, my family, and those who I was close to. My mother knew I was struggling, but she didn’t wish to lose me. My father was insensitive, and ignored the Force and what I could do. My Uncle finally convinced them to send me away, to the Jedi school.” His mouth twisted, bitter. “I was twelve.”

 

Hux poured him some more of the Brandy, which startled Ren. He didn’t remember drinking the rest of his glass. “That seems very young,” Hux commented.

 

Ren scowled. “I didn’t want to go. I begged my mother to let me stay home. I told her I would never use the Force again if I could just--” his voice cracked and he cut himself off with another drink. The Brandy helped him swallow down the lump in his throat. 

 

“Can one cease using the Force once they have learned how?” Hux wondered absently, a calculating gleam in his eyes. 

 

“I don’t know. My mother didn’t think so.” Ren drew in a deep breath, steeling himself. “It wasn’t terrible, the Jedi Academy. There were others of my age, a few younger. I learned, and I learned very fast. I even made a friend… her name was Rey. She was much younger than I was, tottering around after me, sticky fingers in my robes. I taught her, with the other teacher’s permission.” 

 

Hux watched him for a moment. “What happened to her?” he asked, but his tone said he knew the answer.

 

“She died,” Ren said flatly. “A man came. He watched us, all of us, and then, one night… He let others into the Courtyard. Six of them. He reached out and grabbed my mind, wheedling his fingers inside until all I could hear was his voice.”

 

They both drank then, Hux with a haunted and pale expression on his face. “And then?”

 

Ren swallowed hard. “I fought him. His men killed everyone, everyone but me and Rey. He cut her down, when I refused to become his apprentice.” He licked his lips. “I could only watch.”Pushing the shoulder of his vest and white shirt down over his left shoulder, he showed Hux the scar. “It nearly severed my arm from my body,” he said in quiet explanation. “That… was the day I learned how to heal with the Force. I waited until they’d gone, I knitted up my arm as best I could, and I crawled away from the wreckage of my home.”

 

“How old were you?” Hux asked.

 

“Fifteen.”

 

Hux flinched, dragging his eyes away from Ren’s. “I’m sorry.”

 

He shrugged. “I survived. Perhaps only barely, but I survived.” He drank some more of the Brandy, feeling a flush steal over his cheeks. “I changed my name - I knew how to spike things and splice things. I got off the planet on a stolen ship, and I disappeared into the black.”

 

There was a pause as he drank the last of his glass before opening the new bottle. “Your family?” Hux wondered.

 

“I’m sure they think I died in the massacre,” he said. “I haven’t seen them, or spoken to them since I was fifteen.” He sipped at this glass, swirling it around with one hand. “The intervening years aren’t important. I taught myself how to use the Force. I kept a low profile, except for when I saved Akielo. For the last ten years, the only people who knew I was a Force user were the Mando’a.”

 

“Except for Felix.” 

 

Ren flinched. “Except for Felix,” he agreed. 

 

“You said he betrayed you,” Hux prompted when the silence stretched.

 

Heaving a sigh, Ren leaned back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. “He did. He… found out some things… about me. Things I thought hidden and forgotten about. He accepted the powers, and the Mando’ade, and the smuggling. This though… this he could not accept.”

 

Hux poured them another measure of brandy. “Will you tell me?” He asked, gently.

 

“My name,” Ren murmured, thinking of poor, long lost Ben Solo. “The one I left behind at the Academy. I… Please don’t ask me. I can’t go through that again. If this is where you make your home, and your stand, I will tell you. Just… not now.”

 

He surprised Ren by leaning over the table, listing slightly to one side to catch his good hand in both of his. “You don’t have to tell me,” Hux promised. “I like Captain Ren just fine.”

 

Ren stared at their hands, and he turned his so it lay palm up, almost but not quite lacing their fingers together. “Felix couldn’t see past it. And he… well, you saw today. The First Order has been looking for Force users. He ratted me out.”

 

Hux’s glass clattered to the floor when he startled violently. “He what?!”

 

Smiling, but with no mirth, Ren nodded. “I woke one morning, and heard him speaking to a Captain of the First Order. He said he’d found me, my true name, gave our coordinates. So I… I knocked him out, with the Force. I hyperjumped away from there immediately, and dropped him off on a moon. Before I left him there… I violated his mind. I took from him all the memories of our time together.” Ren’s stomach turned and he put down the glass. 

 

Hux’s fingers tightened on his. “All of them?”

 

“Most. I was… in a hurry. I needed to get to Nar Shaddaa to speak with Ganna, to change the serial numbers of my ship, rename her, I needed to reinvent Captain Ren.” He rubbed at his too hot cheeks with his free hand. His tongue felt heavy and thick and he knew he’d drunk the brandy too fast. “I’ve been alone since then,” he added, his s’s just a bit too elongated. “Except for SR-3 and HK-51, and LT-55.”

 

Hux gazed at him for a long moment, his own pale face a bit flushed around the cheeks and nose. “So that’s why you knew the… wounds in my head. Or, whatever you call them.”

 

Ren met his eyes, leaning forward as though to whisper a secret. “He did to you what he tried to do to me,” Ren murmured. “I’m sorry he succeeded with you.”

 

“Kriffing hells,” Hux muttered, leaning back in his chair, but not relinquishing Ren’s hand. “It was pure dumb luck that I ended up on your ship.”

 

Ren smiled, shaking his head. “It’s never luck.”

 

Hux narrowed his eyes. “I swear to all the gods if you say it’s the Force I will punch you in your perfect teeth.”

 

“Well it is!” Ren said defensively, then smiled, making it real and genuine. “You think my teeth are perfect?”

 

“Oh kriff. That’s enough brandy for you, I think,” Hux said and finally took his hand back to recork the mostly empty bottle. 

 

Ren pointed at him. “You had just as much as me.”

 

“I’m not a lightweight,” Hux said with great dignity. He helped Ren off the chair, looping an arm around his waist. “Thank you,” he said quietly as they moved down the hall towards Ren’s bedroom. “You didn’t need to trust me with this.”

 

Turning in Hux’s arms, Ren planted his feet so that Hux would look at him. Instead, he just ground them to a halt, leaving them pressed hip to hip, chest to chest. “No,” he insisted. “I had to. I can talk into your mind,” he added. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I don’t… I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

 

Hux’s lips twisted like he was trying very hard not to scowl or cry, Ren couldn’t tell which. “Alright, Ren. I believe you, and I’m not going anywhere. To bed now, though.”

 

Ren laughed quietly as Hux helped him into his room then onto his bed. “A little fast for you, isn’t it?” he asked, hardly hearing himself. 

 

“That is not what I-- You’re teasing me. Go to sleep, brat child.” Hux shoved him over onto the bed. 

 

Ren was only half aware of someone taking off his boots and tugging the covers up over his shoulder. He curled up around the pillow where Felix used to sleep and buried his face in it. After a year, the fabric just smelled of soap and fabric, which was something of a relief. 

 

“Good night, Ren,” a voice said, close to his ear.

 

He turned to look, seeing a blurry blob of pale flesh, glass green-blue eyes and messy black hair. “Stay?” he asked, and relaxed when, after a pause, a warm body slid into the sheets next to him. 

 

He fell asleep between one breath and the next. 

 

*


	6. vi.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Hux gazed at him for a long moment before turning slightly and facing him head on. “You may as well call me by name,” he said slowly. “Hux is a wanted name, but everyone assumes I was simply named Brendol, after my father.”_
> 
> _“I wouldn’t be able to handle a Bren and a Ren on this ship,” Ren said instantly._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex, as always <3
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr, [here!](www.missdreawrites.tumblr.com)
> 
> More Mando'a, because I'm obsessed:
> 
> Su cuy'gar - hello (lit. "You're still alive")  
> Kandosii - Brilliant!  
> Ori'vor'e - Thanks a lot  
> ad'ika - the lads (lit. youth, the boys)  
> Oya Manda - Glory to the Mando'a  
> Gar serim - Too true  
> Ner'ori'vad - my best brother (used for both blood relations and special friends)  
> hut'uun - coward (worst possible insult)  
> Ne'johaa - Shut up!  
> Shareshoy - the best life has to offer (no real lit. translation, simply love, and lust and fighting for life, a purely Mandalorian concept)  
> shebs - behind/buttocks/butt/ass
> 
> Still no beta but I've been editing along as I am able to. 
> 
> Slow burn getting a little burny :D

Vi. 

 

He woke up, head throbbing and boiling hot under his blanket. He twitched, trying to shove the blanket away from his shoulders, and froze, when an arm tightened around his chest. He opened one eye, looking down at who could possibly be grabbing him. A soft voice mumbled something from behind him, and lips pressed against the back of his neck. 

 

Ren flailed out of bed, hitting the floor and spinning to look and seeing… “Hux?” he demanded, hoarsely. 

 

“No yelling,” Hux mumbled, burying his face into Ren’s pillow. 

 

“You’re in my bed,” Ren said, not quite yelling. “Why are you in my bed?”

 

Hux opened one eye, a hint of a grin around his mouth, though he was still mostly buried in the pillow Ren had just vacated. “You don’t remember? Shame.”

 

Ren searched his memory ruthlessly. He remembered the first few glasses of Brandy. He remembered talking about Felix and what he did. Everything after that got fuzzy, though he did have a very clear memory of standing pressed full length against Hux in the hall. After that, nothing.

 

“Kriff,” he said faintly. “I don’t remember anything past getting up from the table.” 

 

Hux scowled. “Well then. I suppose I shall simply see myself out.”

 

Alarm flooded him. “No!” he shouted, ignoring the jangling in his head and the slight wince on Hux’s. “I have no idea what you remember, but I promise I can do better than a drunken-- you’re laughing at me. Why are you laughing at me?”

 

Hux sat up in the bed, and Ren noticed for the first time that he was wearing all his clothing. For that matter, he was wearing his clothes too. He scowled, throwing a spare pillow at Hux’s head. “Nothing happened,” Hux said, laughing lightly and ducking the projectile. “You were drunk and upset, so I stayed.” His lips turned up in sly amusement. “Flattering as your insistence that we attempt to bed each other again is, your virtue is safe.”

 

Ren snorted, flopping back on the floor, arms too tired to hold him up. “I don’t have much of a virtue left, Hux, so not even that is safe from your sense of humor.”

 

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with my sense of humor.” Hux leaned over the bed to watch Ren, chin pillowed on his arms. “But imagine if I hadn’t laughed, I only stopped you from embarrassing yourself.”

 

“Cold comfort, Hux.” Ren eventually managed to climb his way off the floor, rubbing his face and tousling his hair. “Thank you,” he added, after a pause. “For staying.”

 

Hux shrugged one shoulder, rising from the bed. He was unkempt, his hair in disarray. “Well, we neither of us had nightmares so, count it as a win.”

 

That was true, surprisingly. “Huh.” Ren stood, swaying only slightly, pulling his hair back into a messy tail to keep it out of his eyes. “Then I suppose despite the hangover, tonight should count as a success.” He leaned over Hux to grab his boots that were on the side of the bed. “But, should you ever change your mind,” he added lightly, with half a smile, “I’ll show you which virtues I’ve already lost.”

 

He waited a beat, not laughing, just smirking and swept into the ‘fresher, leaving Hux alone on the bed. It was beyond tempting to slip into his head and find out what he was thinking but Ren cheated like that with Felix and it wasn’t worth it. He hadn’t expected Hux to  _ flirt  _ with him.

 

Ren was really not prepared for anything of this sort. 

 

He spent the entire shower leaning his forehead on the wall of the ‘fresher, contemplating the last week and a half. What truly bothered him about all of it wasn’t that Hux seemed to be a person - as opposed to the fanatical automaton from the holovids - it was that there were Knights, and they carried his name.

 

When he was still Ben Solo, he knew he couldn’t keep his name, his ties to his family were his most dangerous assets, so he had to kill what was left of himself. He’d gone through a few names, all as unremarkable as the last, before someone said he reminded them of a little bird - he’d been small and scrawny then, not grown into his feet and hands. They called him ‘Wren’. 

 

It spawned the name he claimed now. The name ‘Ren’ was similar enough to his own, that until he grew use to it, he’d answer to it. Though now it had been so many years that even in his own head, he’d learn to think of himself as Ren.

 

SR-3 was the only being in his life to still call him Ben.

 

When Ren finally got out of the ‘fresher, Hux was gone, but there was a cup of caf sitting on his bedside table. HK was awake, leaning on the door by his charge port. “Something you’d like to tell me, Master?” he asked, poorly hidden amusement in his vocal modulator. 

 

“Nope,” Ren said firmly. “Don’t even.”

 

“ _ Me _ ? I would  _ never _ , Master.” 

 

Ren shot him a flat look as he dressed for the day. “Yes you would,” he said indignantly. “You absolutely would, your lies don’t work on me.”

 

HK sighed, sounding so long suffering that Ren had to hide a laugh. “Someday Master, you’ll end up in a situation where I am not and it will not end well for you.”

 

“Well, I’m taking both you and Hux with me to Nar Shaddaa, so don’t complain.”

 

If HK were capable of scowling, he’d be doing it. Instead his tone was as disapproving as a droid could manage. “You should have taken me to Ord Mantell, Master.”

 

Dressed, and with a cup of caf under his belt, Ren feels much more prepared to face the day. “Yes, yes, but I didn’t and I lived so stop that. Come along then.” He grinned back at HK. “ _ And _ ,” he added. “I dropped a ceiling on my enemy. Can  _ you  _ do that, HK?”

 

HK grumbled audibly as they went into the kitchen. “I’ll drop a ceiling on  _ you _ , Master,” he said, and absently picked up SR-3 who was rolling around his feet, handing her off to Ren. 

 

_ [No, Friend-HK! You can’t drop a ceiling on Friend-Ben, it wouldn’t be very nice.] _

 

Ren laughed, and patted her gently. “What did she say?” Hux wondered from the sink.

 

“She told HK that he couldn’t drop a ceiling on me because it wouldn’t be very nice.” Ren grinned. “Trying to explain to her that HK is not a nice droid is useless, though.” SR-3 hooked her little arm in his hair as he bent over to refill his cup of caf. “I tried to explain to her the nuances of the dark side versus the light side and she didn’t understand what I meant, really.”

 

“I’m afraid I don’t understand the difference myself,” Hux said with a frown.

 

Ren thought about it for a second, sipping his caf. “To follow the Light side of the Force you must follow their tenants, no anger, or passion, or ignorance. To follow the Dark, you would follow  _ their  _ tenants, only anger, only passion, only strength and victory. I… do not follow either.” Hux blinked at him, and Ren leaned back against the counter. “I have anger, and passion, but also intelligence, and strength. I can’t follow either of their rules, so I don’t.”

 

“The Knights of Ren,” Hux said after a pause, “I knew them. Or, I knew of them. They’re the lapdogs of S-- the Leader of the First Order.” 

 

Ren pulled a face. “They have my name.”

 

Hux inclined his head, brow furrowing in a frown. “I only knew one of them personally. Her name was Revan. She never went by Ren, in any instance. The other officers called her Lady Revan. She was my second in command, for the most part.”

 

“Was she the one who rescued you from your ship?” Ren asked, curiously.

 

“No,” Hux said, shaking his head. “That was Captain Phasma. Revan  _ helped  _ her Master… well. Whatever camaraderie we shared before that moment, it was easily forgotten.”

 

Ren remained silent though he couldn’t help but send out his aura in comforting waves. Hux visibly relaxed as he did so, and Ren knew beyond any doubt that not only was he in trouble, but he was going to fall very far and very hard.

 

“Master,” HK drawled, coming in from the cockpit, “we’re on our way to Nar Shaddaa. I feel it best to remind you that you’re wanted by at least three different Families on Hutta, so to lay low.”

 

“ _ Three different. _ .?” Hux demanded, as the holoterminal in the central room began to chime with an incoming message.

 

Laughing lightly, Ren ducked out of the room to answer the holocall. “Su cuy’gar, Kiel,” he greeted as soon as the form of his friend appeared. “I’m afraid I have bad news for you.”

 

Kiel crossed his arms over his chest, raising one eyebrow. “I spoke to Basten, he told me the whole story. You apparently took down a Knight of Ren with the entire ceiling of the Compound proper.” Ren nodded, half proud, half nervous. Kiel grinned widely. “Kandosii!” he cheered, fists up in acknowledgement. 

 

“Ori’vor’e,” Ren said back, bowing a little. “The ad’ika, though… the ones who went missing. They were dead, or as good as.”

 

Kiel sobered. “Yes, Basten told me. Most of the Compound is packing up and coming here. They’ve all proven that they can’t be trusted alone, and Mand’alor is displeased enough as it is.” He sighed, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. “Thank you, for looking, and placing yourself in that situation.”

 

Ren waved him off. “Oya manda,” he said. “You would have done it for me.”

 

“Gar serim,” Kiel agreed. “Where are you headed now, ner’ori’vad?” 

 

“We’re going to Nar Shaddaa, my friend and I. Ganna has a job for me and I have a few things I can sell off there.” Ren turned to see Hux seated in the kitchen, his back to the holoterminal.

 

Kiel’s smile turned sly. “I didn’t ask when you were here, but tell me! Has he healed your heart from the damage the hut’uun Felix gave you?”

 

Because Ren was actually phasing Hux when Kiel asked him that, he could see Hux’s shoulders and back get tense. “Kiel!” Ren snapped. “Ne’johaa!”

 

“You deserve some shareshoy, ner’ori’vad,” Kiel said gently. “And also, his shebs.”

 

Face flaming, Ren slams the disconnect button on the terminal. “Good  _ bye _ , Kiel!” he said, and Kiel disconnected laughing.

 

There wasn’t any hiding it; Ren fled to the cockpit. 

 

*

 

Just before starting the landing routine to dock on Nar Shaddaa’s spaceport, Hux dropped into HK’s usual spot, turning in the seat to face Ren. “I asked HK a few questions,” he said without preamble. Ren could feel dread creep down his spine. Hux had blessedly left his conversation with Kiel alone for the last six days, he should have known it wasn’t going to last.

 

He cleared his throat. “Oh?”

 

“I asked HK to translate the Mando’a that Akielo spoke. Apparently he believes you deserve all the best in life… and also my ass?”

 

Ren could feel the blush from the tip of his chin to the ends of his hair, and he buried his face in his hands. “I have no designs on your ass,” he muttered into his palms.

 

Hux reached over and patted his shoulder. “I know, my friend.” 

 

“Ugh, then why even bring it up,” Ren bemoaned, shoving at Hux lightly. 

 

“Because you turn a delightful shade of red, Captain.” Hux grinned at him and when Ren made no move to actually dock the ship, he took over easily. 

 

Once his face was back under control, Ren scowled at Hux. “Evil.”

 

Hux laughed. “Well, yes,” he said pointedly. “Deposed though I am, I’m still an General of the First Order.”

 

Thinking of the Hosnian system made Ren’s throat hurt, so he shook his head instead. “Well now you’re my second in command, so try to focus that evil nature of yours on not getting us caught by the Hutts.”

 

“I still want to know how you managed to anger that many Hutt Families,” Hux said. 

 

“No way in the twenty seven hells, Hux” Ren shot back, and Hux laughed again. 

 

Hux gazed at him for a long moment before turning slightly and facing him head on. “You may as well call me by name,” he said slowly. “Hux is a wanted name, but everyone assumes I was simply named Brendol, after my father.”

 

“I wouldn’t be able to handle a Bren and a Ren on this ship,” Ren said instantly.

 

Pulling a face, Hux shook his head. “No, that would be ridiculous enough. No, my name is Cian,” he said softly. 

 

Ren blinked. “Cian,” he murmured, testing the name. It suited him, in a strange way. 

 

It might have been the light from the red halogen signs, but it looked very much like Hux was blushing. 

 

*

 

Nar Shaddaa was exactly as Ren remembered it, and he found great amusement in how revolted Hux looked when they came out onto the Promenade. “It’s  _ filthy _ ,” he said.

 

Ren laughed, pushing at Hux’s shoulder. “It’s owned by Hutts, come on, what were you expecting? This is a den of smugglers and thieves, it’s hardly Corellia, or Coruscant.” Hux pulled another face, mincing around a pile of refuse on the ground. 

 

Ganna met them at the top of the Promenade, a striking figure. She stood almost as tall as Ren, with bright green skin, her twin lekku tossed over her shoulder. “Ren!” she called in Basic, and threw her arms around him. 

 

Ren embraced her hard, almost lifting her off her feet with the force of his hug. “Ganna, always a pleasure.” Once he put her back down, he turned towards Hux. “Cian,” he said, with a hint of a smile. “This is Ganna, one of my contacts and closest friends.”

 

She looked him up and down, ignoring Hux’s hand that he’d stuck out to shake. “Huh,” she said. “Well, he’s prettier than Felix, that’s for damn sure.”

 

“Better behaved too,” Hux drawled, pulling his hand back and crossing his arms over his chest. 

 

Ganna laughed, her lekku twitching as she threw her head back. “Oh, I like him. Come on, we should get back to my base.” Her easy smile faded quickly, replaced by something that looked like nerves.

 

Hux and Ren fell into step with her, as they hurried from the Promenade, and down towards the Taxis. “How are Rikka and Clio?” Ren asked, as they passed a contingent of heavily armed mercenaries. 

 

“They’re fine,” Ganna said with a smile, “Sharp as anything and fast to boot.”

 

“Always good to hear,” Ren said, with a smile. “I miss them.”

 

Once they were safely packed into a small Taxi, with Ganna at the controls, Cian finally turned to Ren. “I had somehow gotten the impression that this trip wouldn’t be like our last,” he complained.

 

Ren nodded in agreement. “As did I. What’s happened, Gan?”

 

“I’ll have to show you,” she said quietly. 

 

They stayed silent for the rest of the trip, Ren watching Ganna’s face, and Hux watching Ren’s. 

 

It was a short trip to the Justicar district, and a shorter trip down into the bowels of the factory workers. Ren kept close to Hux, carefully screening minds for recognition or treachery. Granted Nar Shaddaa was a den of squalor and most people down in the lower levels were more concerned with their next hit of whatever the popular drug of choice was. 

 

Nobody paid them any mind, which was probably why Ganna had chosen this side of Nar Shaddaa. They took an out of the way elevator, and came out into a large catina sized room. “Mom!” two voices yelled in Ryl. 

 

Clio and Rikka, two young twi’leks who were the spitting image of Ganna ran up. “Look who’s here?” Ganna said, stepping out of the way of Ren.

 

The two children immediately changed course. “Unc’ Ren!” they yelled, and Ren went down to his knees to hug them close.

 

Hux made a considering noise in the back of his throat, watching as Ren hugged the two kids. “Hey there,” Ren said cheerfully. “Long time, no see. You don’t write, you don’t call. Rikka, I’m starting to feel like you don’t love me anymore.”

 

“Never, Unc’ Ren!” 

 

Rikka and Clio were green skinned like their mother, but with bright violet eyes, unlike Ganna’s golden yellow. Ren hugged each of them again, and paused, stilling suddenly.

 

Hux frowned. “Captain?” he asked sharply. 

 

Ren pulled away, looking down at their lekku, and he heaved sigh. “When did you find out, Ganna?” he asked her quietly.

 

She looked uncomfortable, shifting awkwardly. “Felix told me. But, because  _ you  _ hadn’t, I kept it to myself. Figured if you wanted me to know then you’d have told me yourself.” Her expression shuttered. “Then, they both… well, they both showed signs.”

 

Ren flinched, hiding his expression in the top of Rikka’s head. “Felix told you. Kriff.” He looked up, eyes bleak and met Hux’s confused expression. “They’re sensitive,” he said sotto voce. “I can feel their ability already.”

 

He could see the exact moment that Hux put together why they were so concerned. “You think one of the Knights will find out,” he breathed. 

 

“I can hide their ability, until we can deal with the rest of those Knights,” Ren said slowly. “Ganna, have you noticed any First Order personnel? Ones like me?”

 

Ganna seemed to take his question seriously, sitting heavily and frowning while she contemplated her answer. “There was a hoload,” she said slowly. “It spoke of people wanting to join the a winning team. At first it seemed like it was geared towards mercs and their ilk, but then people started disappearing.”

 

Hux turned to her, and Ren would never ceased being surprised at the ease with which he scrubbed his voice of all accent. “Do you remember any names?”

 

“Just one,” Ganna said. “Castille.”

 

Ren glanced at Hux who nodded his head once. “I guess we have a plan then,” Ren said. “Where were these hopefuls meant to go?”

 

Ganna blinked at them. “You can’t possibly be planning on taking them on!” she protested. “I just wanted you to take the Force away from my children!”

 

“Oh. Oh,  _ Ganna _ .” Ren reached out to her, shifting Rikka and Clio so he could touch her knee. “I’m so sorry. It doesn’t work like that. I would need an entire council of Force users to be able to take away their ability and it would cripple them. It would be a violation of the highest degree.”

 

Hux stepped up behind Ren, and Ren could feel the solidarity pouring off him in waves. “We have defeated one of the Knights before,” he told Ganna, firmly. “If we can rid the galaxy of these people, then more Force sensitive people can live freely.”

 

Ren thought back to Dagobah, and the Academy. “Let us help you, Gan.”

 

She took a shuddering breath. “You can get rid of them?”

 

“I have to,” Ren said firmly. “They threaten me too, Ganna. I’ve lived in anonymity for most of my adult life. I wish to remain that way.” He shot Hux a sly smile. “Cian will help me.”

 

Ganna stood and went to her terminal, downloading something onto a stick. “Here,” she offered. “The ad itself, and the coordinates where people were disappearing.” She handed it to Hux. “Please be careful.”

 

Ren stood, one twi’lek child on each hip. “Hey you two,” he said and lifted the privacy aura from around them. Rikka looked up, catching her fingers in his hair. “You take care of your mother now.”

 

They nodded enthusiastically. “Unc’ Ren, will you teach us the magic?” Clio asked.

 

He sighed. “It’s not magic,” he protested, to Hux’s laughter. “But when I can, I’ll come back for you, I promise.” He handed them back to Ganna. “They’re young enough that they’re safe for now. I’ll keep in touch, and when… when I kill these Knights of Ren, I’ll come back and teach them.”

 

Ren hid his face behind his hair for a moment, to let his expression turn despairing. This was not what he wanted.

 

Uncle Luke would be so proud.

  
*


	7. vii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“It seems you have me at a disadvantage,” Ren called back, still searching for Castille. “You know my name but I don’t know yours.”_
> 
> _The man bowed, his every movement mocking. “Oh, I do apologize. I am Lucius Ren, Fifth of the Knights of Ren.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex <3 
> 
> Unbeta'd, and also: #sorrynotsorry
> 
> For once, there is NO Mando'a to translate in this chapter. 
> 
>  
> 
> [Come find me on Tumblr!](www.missdreawrites.tumblr.com)

Vii.

 

The Promenade was a busy place late in the evening. Ren collected HK from the Spaceport before heading to the nearest Cantina, relying mostly on memory to find the place. It had been a long while since he’d been on Nar Shaddaa. They entered The Slippery Slopes, and Hux led them to a darkened corner. “I feel like we’ve just become a stereotype,” Ren commented, sliding into the booth across from Hux. 

 

One of Hux’s brows raised from behind the mask. “Hiding out in dark corners waiting for information?”

 

“Exactly.” Ren put his elbows on the table, leaning his chin on his laced fingers. “Then again, it’s probably safer for the both of us if we’re hidden in the dark.” 

 

Hux’s eyes crinkled when he smiled.

 

“That’s a fairly obvious assertion for me, being who I am. But you have yet to tell me why you find yourself in such trouble here,” Hux mused. 

 

Ren groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Buy me a drink and I might tell you.”

 

Hux started to get out of the booth, and he reached out to press his fingers to the top of Ren’s head. “The last time you drank, I ended up in bed with you,” he said ruthlessly.

 

“That’s a risk you’ll have to take to hear my story,” Ren replied in the same tone. Hux laughed - the uncharitable bastard - and went up to the tender to buy them drinks. Ren watched him move across the floor, neatly side-stepping an Ugnaught with a tray he wasn’t tall enough to see over. Ren was so busy watching Hux and tuning into the minds around  _ him  _ that he missed the mind that wanted Ren. 

 

“Master,” HK warned, suddenly coming to life and brandishing his rifle.

 

Ren snapped to attention, and swore in fourteen languages as soon as he saw who had slithered through the door. “Shit, shit, shit, HK, get out of here. Go stand by Hux, he’s going to need your support.” 

 

It was a credit to his programming that HK didn’t bother to stop and argue, he just stomped over to Hux, jostling him visibly. Ren sat in tense silence, his hands in his lap waiting for the hutt to make his way over to him. “Well, well. If it isn’t my little Wren,” the hutt said, blocking the easiest exit out of the booth with his bulk.

 

“Hello, Kuna,” Ren said flatly. 

 

The hutt reached out and chucked Ren under the chin, his touch damp and slimy. “When I heard that you were back on the Promenade, I almost didn’t believe them. My Wren, returned to me, after all these years!”

 

Ren shoved away from his hand, rubbing his chin to get the feeling to go away. “I’m not your anything,” he spat. 

 

Kuna made a low noise in his throat, and several of the Cantina’s patrons turned to watch, the low hum of conversation dying around them. “I have a contract that says otherwise,” Kuna growled, sliding closer. “You ran off before it came due, that means you’re mine for the next five years of your puny life.”

 

“I beg your pardon,” Hux’s voice came from behind Kuna, and behind the rebreather, his accent was flat, crisp, and  _ utterly  _ annoyed. “What, exactly, do you think you’re doing with my Ren?”

 

Ren froze. Kuna half turned, the booth in the way of his tail. “ _ Your  _ Wren?” he said, incredulously.

 

Hux nodded once, and stepped closer, literally shooing Kuna out of the way so he could stand beside Ren. He had to fight not to react when Hux leaned his hip against the back of the booth, one hand on his blaster pistol, the other settling itself in Ren’s mass of brown hair. Behind Kuna’s shoulder, Ren could see HK take up a defensive position, flanking the hutt.

 

“I bought him off Jallo the Hutt a number of cycles ago,” Hux drawled, fingers moving through Ren’s hair. “Apparently he was quite proud of having stolen him from you. Either way, my paperwork is all in order, and the transaction is quite legal.” 

 

“Jallo?!” Kuna hissed, leaning into Hux’s space. To his credit, he didn’t flinch, though his fingers tightened in Ren’s hair. “Jallo sold him to you?!”

 

Hux sneered, shifting his body to look taller. “I just said that, you insignificant worm. Now, if you don’t have anything else, leave us. I have business here, and you’re disturbing it.”

 

Kuna thrust out a hand. “Your paperwork. Now.”

 

Ren twisted in his seat, ready to come up with his lightsaber swinging, but Hux pressed him down, hand still in his hair. “Of course.” Hux handed him a datastick which Kuna wasted no time in plugging into his personal holocommunicator. 

 

When Hux tugged sharply on Ren’s hair, he looked up, confused. Hux jerked his head toward Kuna and Ren reached out to touch Hux’s mind.  _ \-- USE YOUR MIND TRICK, KRIFFING HELLS HURRY IT UP  _

 

Hurriedly, Ren reached out, tracing his fingers through the air. “Everything seems to be in order,” he said, wrapping the Force up around his words. “Jallo betrayed you, selling your favorite pleasure slave to some unknown.”

 

Kuna dropped his holocommunicator on the floor. “Your papers are in order,” he snarled grudgingly. “Jallo has betrayed me.” He leaned in close to Hux. “Fifty thousand credits for Wren.”

 

Both Ren and Hux made incredulous noises, Ren leaning back contemplatively. “He’s not for sale,” Hux said sharply. 

 

Ren made another symbol in the air. “You should leave. There’s nothing for you here,” he said.

 

Kuna growled again. “There is nothing for me here,” he repeated, and turned, slithering away. Ren and Hux stayed where they were for a long minute, waiting for the people around them to go back to their own conversations. 

 

Hux’s hand was still in his hair. 

 

“I don’t suppose you brought anything to drink, did you?” Ren asked dryly.

 

“Sorry, no. When HK came to get me, I wasn’t thinking of offering the worm a drink.” His fingers were still stroking the back of Ren’s head gently, almost absently. 

 

Ren twitched, and Hux pulled his hand away. “I’ll get it,” Ren said, and scooted out of the seat. “Brandy good? Good.” He fled. 

 

HK took his place at Ren’s shoulder, making a judgemental whir at her. “Master,” he said, tones of heavy disapproval. 

 

“What?” Ren demanded, annoyed. “You can’t possibly be encouraging him.”

 

HK shifted a little. “I still have the programming of a protocol droid, Master,” he said pointedly. “I am programmed to have your best interests at heart.”

 

Ren laughed. “Says the assassin droid!”

 

“Make jokes if you must, Master,” HK sighed. 

 

He went back to the table, drinks in hand and passed Hux his brandy of choice. “Well. I suppose I have more of a story to tell you, don’t I?” he drawled, rubbing two fingers into his temple. “That was Kuna the Hutt, one of the faces of the Three Families. He has a weakness for pleasure slaves of all kinds. That… that’s where I met Ganna.”

 

Over the rebreather, Hux’s eyebrows raised high enough to nearly be hidden by his hair. “Ganna was a pleasure slave?”

 

Ren nodded. “Yeah, she was the youngest of her family’s children, they couldn’t feed everyone, sold her off for some creds and some food. She was there a long time, long enough that I didn’t want to ask.” He sips at his drink. “Long enough that we’re not really certain who the father of Rikka and Clio is.”

 

“So how did you manage to become a pleasure slave yourself?” Hux asked, poorly hidden amusement in his tone.

 

Scowling, Ren shook his head. “Let me make one thing clear, I was never bought for anything.” Hux snickered, uncharitably. “But Kuna kept me pretty close, I had a reputation, and he liked being able to have one up on me.” He shrugged again. “The middle of the story isn’t that important, Kuna left me alone, I met Ganna. She convinced me to help her get out. She knew she was pregnant, she didn’t want Kuna to find out. I got her out, and we escaped together.”

 

“I’m surprised she still lives in Nar Shaddaa,” Hux commented.

 

“Her family is still here,” Ren said. He finished his whiskey, and leaned back in the booth. “Thanks,” he murmured. “For stepping in. You didn’t have to.”

 

Hux rolled his full glass between his palms, whiskey sloshing over the edge. “You’ve done enough for me,” he said. “I owed you a bit of help.”

 

Ren looked down, tapping his fingers restless against the table. “Call it even,” he said. “You’re a part of my crew now. You know more about me than anyone else in the universe.”

 

When he looked back up, Hux’s eyes were dark and serious. “I owe you a few stories of my own,” he said. “When we’re back on the ship, we’ll talk.” Some of the void that Snoke left behind filled his eyes, during them a forest green. 

 

He nodded. “Whenever you’re ready, Cian.” 

 

The light was dim, but Hux was definitely blushing. Ren’s holocom chimed before Hux could respond, and Ganna’s image popped up when he placed it on the table. “I found the warehouse,” she said without preamble. “It’s in the middle of the Industrial Sector, just under the old Imperial security lockdown.”

 

“Thanks, Gan.” 

 

She nodded once, sharply. “Good luck. Don’t die. I don’t want to have to tell Rikka and Clio that their Uncle died. So don’t do anything stupid either.”

 

Ren grinned. “Who, me?”

 

With a disgusted noise, Ganna disconnected, and Hux echoed the sound. “Let’s go,” he said. “The sooner we rid this place of Castille, the sooner we can leave.”

 

“It’s not  _ that _ bad,” Ren protested, but he stood and followed Hux anyway.

 

“Yes. Yes, it is.”

 

*

 

The warehouse was silent when they entered, lit up with an eerie red glow. HK unslung his rifle, then handed Hux his spare. Hux leaned in close, shoulder to shoulder with Ren. “I’ll get higher,” he murmured. He gestured vaguely to the abandoned scaffolding, and slipped into the shadows. HK went the opposite direction, footfalls surprisingly silent. 

 

Ren shrugged to himself and strode into the central room. He purposefully tensed and loosened his shoulder muscles, awaiting the moment that Castille would show herself. He stood in the middle of the room, just under one of the red lights and closed his eyes. 

 

He opened himself to the Force, feeling Hux’s void high above his head, and HK’s servos behind some abandoned metal crates. The whole room was infused with dark energy, ancient, hungry energy. He breathed evenly, counting the inhales and exhales, sinking deeper into the well of his own power. 

 

He spread his awareness out over the main floor, sweeping upwards towards Hux, and giving him silent encouragement. Ren filled the room with as much of his mind as he could stretch out, and - there. 

 

The blaster bolt came from the opposite side of the room that HK had taken up his position, and Ren whirled, freezing the bolt in mid air. The red energy wavered in place, and Ren neatly sidestepped before letting it go.  “You’ll have to try harder than that,” Ren drawled, flexing his fingers.

 

A man stepped out from an adjoining room, his hood back and face exposed. Ren blinked a little in surprise, and he turned to face his attacker. The man was old, deep lines carved into his face, his eyes were black, nearly from lid to lid, with dark veins bisecting the skin of his neck and hands. “Welcome,” the man called, tossing the blaster rifle to one side. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Captain Ren!”

 

“It seems you have me at a disadvantage,” Ren called back, still searching for Castille. “You know my name but I don’t know yours.”   
  


The man bowed, his every movement mocking. “Oh, I do apologize. I am Lucius Ren, Fifth of the Knights of Ren.” 

 

Ren snorted. “Very dramatic.” The Knight grinned, and Ren dove to one side as Castille leapt down from the second level of the warehouse and landed where he’d been standing. “I see you brought help!” he called, as he ducked behind a strut. 

 

The woman stood straight, spinning a red lightsaber. “Less talking!” she growled.

 

There was a high pitched whine filled the air, and Castille spun sideways, shoulder smoking as Hux clipped her with a sniper bolt. Ren slid out from behind the metal strut, slamming both hands down onto the ground, shoving the force through it to knock Castille and Lucius off their feet. He ignited his lightsaber as he moved, and met Castille in combat. 

 

She leapt to her feet, blocking his strike. They were more or less evenly matched, Ren ducking under a wild strike and sweeping her off her feet again. He felt her gather the Force, but he wasn’t fast enough to dodge the wave she threw at him. Something in the right side of his chest snapped when he hit the metal container, but Ren ignored it.

 

Another sniper bolt hit her, this time in the back, and her cry of pain echoed. HK took that moment to rain bolt and bolt at her, just outside of her view. Ren came at her from the side, half his awareness with Castille, the other half on Lucius - who seemed content to watch Ren’s movements. 

 

Castille spun her lightsaber, blocking each of HK’s shots, sending them off in random directions, but Ren ignored them as he firmed his stance and wrapped invisible fingers around her neck. Her lightsaber faltered, then stopped completely as she choked and twisted. She dropped it, and Ren held her there for another beat to make sure she wouldn’t get up again when he let her go.

 

Lucius’s lightsaber igniting drew Ren’s attention, and he shouted, “HK!” and the droid immediately began peppering him with potshots to keep him off Ren.

 

Hux took another shot at him as well, but missed as Lucius disappeared entirely.

 

Ren made his way over to Castille’s body, senses scanning for any sign of Lucius. He lifted her lightsaber, igniting it and holding both his own and hers defensively. 

 

He turned slowly in a circle, throwing out his awareness wildly. Sudden alarm from Hux drew his attention, and he looked up at the scaffolding where he’d taken up his position. 

 

Castille burst into movement under his feet, and Ren flew backwards at the force of her throw. Her lightsaber clattered off to the right while his own flew to the left, both turning off as they hit the ground. 

 

“I am the Fourth Knight of Ren,” Castille said panting. One of her hands held her side, the other was questing for her fallen lightsaber. “I will not be defeated by some upstart with a stolen name.”

 

Ren kicked out at her, but she evaded him neatly, still advancing on him. His mind felt sore, like he’d spent too much time reading in dim light, but he gathered the Force around him, slamming her over the head with a stun. 

 

Castille swayed on her feet, tumbling to the ground. He struggled to his feet, his ribs screaming at him. “Master,” HK called from the other side of the room, “my sensors cannot find the other Knight.”

 

“I know, I got it,” Ren rasped. He gazed down at the insensate Castille. He unholstered his pistol, and shot her in the face. 

 

There was cold satisfaction filtering down the temporary connection Ren had implemented with Hux, and Ren tuned him out, turning all his attention on Lucius and where he could be hiding himself.

 

He could vaguely remember one of the older students at the Academy on Dagobah, he’d been training for months on Force stealth, could disappear for minutes at a time. Ren reached out again, waiting, breathing through the pain of his broken ribs. 

 

Ren made his way over to his fallen ‘saber, clutching it tightly. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Castille’s rise from the floor on it’s own and he whirled, hand upraised, throwing a Force wave at it. Lucius rematerialized as he hit the wall, his own lightsaber in one hand and Castille’s in the other. 

 

The old Knight pushed off from the wall and  _ leapt _ , high through the air, coming down lightly in front of Ren. “Impressive trick,” Ren grunted, and blocked the first strike. He threw himself into the fight, dodging and blocking what he could, staying defensive. He had to save his energy for an opening, even as HK peppered the air with blaster bolts and Hux kept Lucius from retreating too far into the shadows.

 

The ‘sabers left off sparks as they met and slid off each other, and Ren was tiring quickly. Each heavy breath shot agony through his chest, and he overshot a block, sending him to one knee.  _ Ren! _ Hux shouted - or thought - and a vibroknife clattered a few feet away. 

 

Ren reached out and the knife slid seamlessly into his hand. He could feel that Hux had used this knife often, that it was a beloved weapon, a favorite among all others. Despite his ‘saber having gone wide, Ren blocked with the borrowed knife, twisting up under Lucius’ guard. He pulled himself to his feet, spinning his lightsaber and brandishing the knife.

 

Too late, he realized that Lucius has manipulated them into the corner of the room, and the Knight stepped back into the shadows and vanished.

 

Ren backed away, going back to the center of the room where most of the light was accumulated. “Hiding is a cowards path,” he called mockingly, slowly turning in a circle to keep all angles in his line of sight. 

 

He slammed a hand to the ground, causing a large circle of the floor to crack and quake. There was a muffled thump and using the broken floor, Ren ripped up a chunk of masonry and threw it. Lucius reappeared as he ducked the projectile, and the fight began again.

 

Exhausted, Ren conserved as much of his energy as he could, relying on HK and Hux to cover him. Ren slid under a strike, coming up behind Lucius and struck as hard as he could with his lightsaber.

 

Lucius screamed when his hand was sliced off at the wrist, Castille’s borrowed lightsaber falling to the ground and going out. The Knight leapt again, disappearing into the shadows. “Kriffing hells,” Ren snarled. “Come out here and face me like a man!”

 

When he breathed out, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart, Ren could taste blood.  He reached out with the Force and touched Hux’s mind.  _ Try to find some thrice-damned lights _ , he said,  _ kriff this for a game of soldiers. _

 

_ Affirmative, _ Hux sent back, and there was none of the hesitation that there once had been at Ren’s mental touch.

 

Ren retreated into the center of the room, spitting blood to one side. A flash of exuberance from Hux, and then the room flooded with light.

 

“Master!” HK shouted, and Ren turned, seeing the air just behind him shimmer. 

 

Lucius reappeared, and he struck. Ren stared down at the area between them, blinking in shock at one end of a lightsaber buried in his belly.

 

Then the pain hit, and he screamed.

 

*


	8. vii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Shit-damn, Ren! Stay awake, sta--aw--ke! --- Ake!” The voice got quieter and quieter, and Ren’s eyes slid closed._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _“Sorry,” he murmured, and let his hold on the Force go. It was quieter in the dark, and there was no pain._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex <3 
> 
> Also for incomparablebutill, who fuels my write fire.
> 
> As ever, I can be found on [tumblr.](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> No Mando'a this chapter (I'm starting to get withdrawals!)
> 
> No beta, but I did a quick and dirty edit. I love you all.

_ vii. _

 

The next several minutes were a blur. Dimly, Ren could hear HK’s triple-toned scream, coupled with Hux's own shout of denial. The ‘saber disengaging and disappearing hurt more than when it had slid into his stomach, and Ren fell to his knees. Blaster bolts rained down around him, and though his eyes were going blurry he could see several hit their mark.

 

Lucius reached out to him, and Ren summoned the last of his strength to shove him backwards several feet. With that last bit of defiance, he let himself fall sideways, landing hard on his already broken ribs. For a brief flickering moment, that hurt more than the hole in his stomach and Ren heaved a hard breath, feeling a wet sucking sensation in his chest. 

 

A dark shape appeared by his side, then was gone, re-appearing like magic behind Lucius. The old man fell, and dimly Ren could register than there was a spreading puddle of blood trickling towards him. The dark shape knelt by him, hands on his belt and Ren groaned in pain. He wasn’t up to fending off another attacker. The Knights of Ren could have him.

 

“-en! Oh, hells damnit, Ren!” Hux’s voice penetrated the thick fog around him, and he managed to focus on him. “Ren, stay with me!”

 

“C-c-c-c-Cian,” Ren stuttered out, a hard click in his throat as blood welled over his teeth. “S-sorry.”

 

“Your -- municator -- ere is it?” Hux’s voice faded in and out, as Ren’s focus wavered. “Ren!”

 

He tried to reach across his body for the holocommunicator, but searing pain blanked out his awareness again. 

 

Through the fog that grew ever closer, Ren could feel Hux reach into the pocket that held his personal holocomm, could hear him fumble it. “Ganna! This is Cian, Ren’s second in command, I need-- edical -- sport -- hurry he’s not-- need it now!”

 

Ren focused on Hux’s hair, trying to breathe around the sucking feeling in his chest. “Cian,” he rasped, and blood sputtered horrifically from his mouth as he did. 

 

“Master, don’t speak,” someone said from his other side, and Ren tried to loll his head in that direction. “Don’t move either!”

 

He faded out a little until there was a cold hand on his face, tapping his cheek lightly. He looked up into Hux’s glass green eyes, focused on the rebreather mask hanging from one ear. “Mask,” he rasped.

 

Hux looked alarmed, then annoyed and shook his head. “Hang the mask,” he said. “You’re  _ dying _ , Ren, worry about yourself.”

 

“Kn-Kn-Knew we were coming,” Ren forced out, body shaking when he tried to hold in the cough that wanted desperately to tear free. “Betrayed.” He swallowed hard, and it felt like ground glass. “Take ship.”

 

Hux snarled, the sound echoed by whoever was behind them. “I’m not taking your kriffing ship, you melodramatic child!” 

 

Ren clutched at Hux’s wrist. “Take ship,” he insisted, trying to turn and look up at him. Something in his chest ground painfully, sending his awareness spiraling away. 

 

“Shit-damn, Ren! Stay awake, sta--aw--ke! --- Ake!” The voice got quieter and quieter, and Ren’s eyes slid closed.

 

“Sorry,” he murmured, and let his hold on the Force go. It was quieter in the dark, and there was no pain. 

 

He was safe.

 

*

 

Someone was singing.

 

He turned his head in the direction of the voice, a kind, melodic soprano, and the song stopped. “Try not to move, sweetheart,” a familiar voice said. “You were gravely injured. You almost didn’t make it.”

 

Ren forced his eyes to open, finding himself in some kind of medbay. It was dark, a little dingy. He was still on Nar Shaddaa, then, and not the Untouchable. There was a figure sitting next to him, and Ren very carefully moved his head to see her. 

 

She was sitting beside his bed, a light shining just behind her. He didn't recognize her in the slightest, except for her voice. "It's all right,” she said. "You’re safe, here. General Hux got you the medical attention you needed in time." 

 

He opened his mouth to speak, but found his throat too dry and cracked to make much sound. "It's been four days," the woman said, as though he hadn't tried to speak. "Your injuries were quite severe. Your young man has been here nearly everyday." 

 

Still completely unable to speak, Ren arranged his face into the most unimpressed expression he could muster. She laughed, and the sound was so achingly familiar that tears nearly sprung to his eyes. "You've had other visitors as well," She added. "A twi'lek, with her children." 

 

Ren felt distant relief at the news, relaxing into the cot. He leveled a look at her, as though to say,  _ Get on with it. _

 

The woman smiled, a sweet expression that took years off her face. “You’re so much like your mother,” she said gently. 

 

Ren’s eyes narrowed. He hated thinking about his mother - he’d long since forgiven her for sending him to the Jedi Academy, especially now that he was using his Force powers every day - but it was easier not to think about family. He could never see them again, it wouldn’t be fair. 

 

“We’re all here for you, Ben,” she murmured, eyes soft. “You’ve done so well at avoiding Snoke. When you were a boy… we worried we’d never speak to you again.” She leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “Keep him safe, Ben. Keep your young man away from him.”

 

She stood, pressing her finger to her lips with a mischievous grin. 

 

Ren scowled deeper, following her with his eyes as she turned the corner, and disappeared. Ren tried to watch the door, but his eyes kept unfocusing. There was a quiet beeping, and his chest got tighter, but he still watched for the woman with her familiar face.

 

The beeping got louder and Ren’s chest ached, but when he tried to breathe in, his spiraled back down into darkness.

 

*

 

When he came to again, Hux was sitting by his bedside. 

Ren took an experimental breath, and thankfully felt no pain. He lolled his head in Hux’s direction, studying him in the quiet of the medbay. His hair was messy, he’d clearly ran his fingers through it often. His face was pale, drawn, with dark circles under his eyes. “Cian?” Ren rasped out, his throat sore and dry. 

 

Hux startled badly, spinning in his seat, and dropping his hands from his face. “Ren,” he breathed. 

 

Ren tried to smile, but the scar on his face - now old, considering the other complaints his body his logging - pulled awkwardly. “Cian,” he repeated. “Water?”

 

“Oh, kriff! Of course.” Hux moved across the room, coming back with a cup of liquid. “Here. Drink slowly.” He held the cup steady for him, and Ren took several grateful sips. Once the cup was half empty, Ren pulled back a little. “How are you feeling?” Hux asked, sounding anxious. 

 

Taking a deep breath, Ren contemplated the signals he was getting from his chest. “Well,” he rasped, sounding a little better, “A lot better than the last time I woke up.”

 

An unreadable expression crossed Hux’s face. “You flatlined a few days ago,” he said quietly. 

 

Ren blinked in surprise. “I did?”

 

Hux nodded, concern filling his eyes and turning them bottle green. “Your lung collapsed on our way here,” he said clinically. “Your rib had broken, and punctured a lung, then after - probably when you got thrown the second time - your rib punctured through your side. Compounded with the massive hole in your  _ other  _ side, you were in very bad shape when I got you here.” 

 

“Sorry,” Ren murmured. 

 

He hissed, flicking Ren in the wrist. “Don’t apologize, you melodramatic fool.”

 

Ren reached out and touched Hux’s arm. “Mask?”

 

Hux made an annoyed noise. “Forget the kriffing mask, Ren.” Ren grabbed Hux’s arm, insistently. Even this deep into the criminal Outer Rim, despair for the Hosnian system ran deep. “HK warns me if anyone is coming, and I put the thing back on, stop fretting.”

 

He scowled. “Not fretting.”

 

“You are. Which is utterly ridiculous, since you nearly died twice this week, and you’re spending more time concerned about a mass murderer than about your own health.” Ren frowned, but talking still hurt his throat, and he reached out with his good hand to touch Hux’s temple. “Fine,” he said. “If you must.”

 

_ I apologize _ , Ren sent to him, keeping his touch as gentle as possible.  _ My throat still feels like I’ve been eating glass.  _

 

“Strangely,” Hux murmured, “it doesn’t hurt when  _ you  _ do this.”

 

Ren felt a strange thrill when he said it, reaching out with his mind to reassure Hux.  _ It takes a great deal of concentration, but I don’t want to hurt you.  _

 

Hux smiled a little, but the expression didn’t touch his eyes. “You see to be the only person in this galaxy that doesn't want to do me some injury, Ren.”

 

Ren shrugged a little.  _ I’ve done my share of terrible things, Cian. It would be hypocritical to judge you for yours. _

 

The bitter laugh that bubbled out of Hux was alarming in many ways. It was tinged with hysteria, and the guilt and rage that poured through their Force connection made Ren’s stomach cramp. “Did you destroy an entire planet system?” He shook his head, once and sharp. “No. You haven’t. Not only did I  _ design  _ the Starkiller base, but I was the one who ordered the weapons deployment.”

 

_ I know _ , Ren said, floating calm over their link.  _ I saw on the holovid.  _

 

“Of course you did. Everyone did.” Hux leaned his head back against the wall, avoiding Ren’s gaze. “The worst part, Ren, the worst part is… I didn’t regret it. I was doing my job, I was helping my people win a war.” Ren stayed silent, watching Hux. “We grew up thinking the Resistance was the enemy,” he began softly, head bowing and hair hanging lank into his face. “That the Resistance had never cared about the millions of casualties on the Death Star, that they were no better than the Imperials.”

 

_ What did you think?  _ Ren asked him, wondering.  _ Clearly you formed some sort of opinion on it.  _

 

Hux lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “It was war. Alderaan for the Death Star or the Death Star for Alderaan, it didn’t matter, it was just senseless death.” He sighed. “The world is chaos, Ren. There is poverty, and hatred, and failure. There’s murder, and mayhem and all manner of deplorable things that no one can control because no one cares enough to want to.”

 

_ And you think the First Order can bring peace to the chaos?  _ Ren asked skeptically. 

 

“Peace,” Hux scoffed. “No, peace is transient, it’s amorphous, it’s a passing fancy. What the galaxy needs, what I wanted to bring forward is order! And in my quest to assert order into the world, I was tapped to create Starkiller. And all that did was add to the chaos.”

 

_ I never thought of it as bringing order, _ Ren admitted. 

 

“I’m fooling myself if I think that firing Starkiller would ever have brought order,” Hux murmured. “It was hubris that created it and it will be hubris that takes me out.” 

 

Ren took a deep breath.  _ You said you didn’t regret it. What about now? _

 

Hux sighed, head bowing even further. “When I was in the Academy, I was young, skinny, too much of one thing, too little of another. I had.. nothing. No one. My mother had abandoned me to my father and my father could never be appeased. Nothing I ever did was enough.”

 

Ren drew sharp and horrible parallels between young Hux and young Ben.  _ You thought this would finally be enough? _

 

“Not… no. Not exactly. When I graduated from the Academy, I threw myself into the military. I easily surpassed the tormentors of my youth, and I excelled. Ren, you must believe this, if you believe nothing else, I did not grow up wishing to blow up a star system.”

 

_ Cian.  _ Hux looked up at him, expression blank.  _ If you grew up hearing the stories of the Imperials, then you must have heard of Darth Vader.  _ Hux nodded, frowning.  _ He blew up Alderaan, planned to destroy Yavin 4, and at the very end of his life, he forsook the Dark Side, and saved his son’s life. He redeemed himself, there is no reason you cannot do the same thing.  _

 

“I’m not a Jedi.”

 

_ The concept remains the same. Vader didn’t grow up wishing to destroy Alderaan.  _ He turned a little curling up on his good side to face Hux head on.  _ And I think you’ve been punished enough. _

 

The expression that ran over Hux’s face was all pain and suffering. "You would be the only one to think so," he murmured.

 

_ Have you forgotten I've been inside your head, Cian? I know what sort of darkness waits for you.  _ Ren tried to arrange his face into a comforting expression, but he'd never learned how to succeed at that. His father ran away from conflict, and his mother had trained herself to hide her faults.

 

“Ah, yes. My mind. I suppose you want to hear about that too.” 

 

_ Only if you want to. I can add two and two to get four.  _ Ren gazed up at Hux as guileless as he could. 

 

Hux snorted gently, pushing very lightly at Ren’s face. “Put those eyes away, you menace. You already know some of what transpired. That the Master we all answered to took out my failures on my mind, and his lapdog Revan helped.” Ren nodded, mostly to encourage Hux to keep speaking. “He reached into my head,” Hux murmured. “I could - I could  _ feel  _  his fingers digging through my head. It… it’s beyond description, Ren.”

 

Cold flashed over him, a phantom sensation of rain drumming against his skin.  _ It feels like worms, burrowing through mud.  _

 

“I-- Yes. You… You have felt him before.” Hux dragged his eyes from the floor, turning to face Ren. “When?”

 

Ren shivered.  _ I was fifteen. He wanted me to join him - his words were pretty. Come to my side, and I’ll give you power beyond your wildest dreams. Come to my side, and I’ll tell you the secrets of the galaxy. Come to my side and you’ll want for nothing. _

 

“I gather you said no,” Hux said. “He… really does not enjoy hearing that.”

 

_ I said no. I said no until I was screaming it instead. _

 

Hux nodded, his hand dropping down on top of Ren’s. “He told me build another starkiller with half the resources, half the manpower, and half the time.” He took a deep breath, fingers twitching on top of Ren’s. “I told him it couldn’t be done.” He licked his lips, eyes jumping from one point to another. “Then he reached into my head and turned everything I ever was inside out. When that didn’t work - when I still could not perform the impossible, he gave me to Revan.” His smile was hollow and his eyes a clear empty green. “Neither of them left any marks, but for one.” 

 

_ Marks don’t need to be visible to hurt,  _ Ren commented, thinking of the scarred furrows of his own head. 

 

“I’m missing memories,” Hux said evenly. “Revan said she could feel the screams of the dying worlds as they happened. She said she reveled in it - then she turned the force of those screams on me. You asked if I grew to regret it. And  _ yes. Yes, Ren.  _ I have never regretted anything in my life as I regret what I did to the Hosnian system.”

 

_ Cian… _ Ren tried to grip Hux’s hand, anything to help wipe away the despair in his tone. 

 

“Revan had me in her clutches for hours. At the end, I still refused to build another starkiller. And when her master returned, and I refused him too, he ripped out my mind and pulled out every happy memory I may have ever had.” Hux slumped in his chair, black hair falling over his eyes. “I know I had a mother - I must have. I remember her leaving me. But I don’t remember her name or what she looked like.”

 

_ I’m sorry,  _ Ren whispered into his head.

 

Hux shook his head. “No, don’t be. The happiest I remember ever being was fighting side by side with you.”

 

Ren stared over at him, awed and a little humbled.  _ Is that why you asked to stay? _

 

“In part. Truthfully, I asked to stay because your mind doesn’t hurt. And I laughed for the first time in memory because of you. Revan and her master tried to turn me into a machine, a monster. But you took that monster and reminded him how to be a man.” Hux looked up and met his eyes, and some of the void that surrounded him retreated. “So, whatever comes, I am your man, Captain.”

 

Ren shook his head.  _ Not mine. Your own.  _

 

Hux smiled, a dimple appearing in his right cheek. “That, Ren, is why I asked to stay.”

 

_ Thank you,  _ Ren sent to him, then shook his head slightly. “Thank you,” he repeated out loud. 

 

“No, Ren. Thank you.” Hux squeezed Ren’s hand once before pulling away and standing. “I’ll leave you to your rest.” 

 

_ Wait, what? No! I want to go back to my ship! Hux, get back here, don’t leave me here, you nerf herder! Stop laughing at me I can hear you in the hall! _

 

*

 

Eventually, Ren slept and woke again. There were no clocks, no windows, no way for him to gage the passage of time. Twice more he woke up with Hux at his side, once with Ganna instead. The woman who sang to him never returned.

 

Ren woke up, and when he took in a breath, it didn't hurt. His ribs didn't ache, his belly didn't throb, and kriffing hells, he was  _ starving _ . “Huh,” someone said. “Never seen anyone heal themselves like that, and in their sleep too.”

 

Ren sat up, pre-flinching, expecting pain and finding none. There was a man in the corner, all wild hair and golden yellow eyes. “What,” Ren intoned, thoroughly sick of visitors he had no knowledge of. 

 

“I'm just saying,” the man said. “That was impressive. If I could have done that at your age, I might have turned out a bit different.” 

 

Ren narrowed his eyes at the man. “You don't look like you're much older than me,” he said. 

 

“Looks can be deceiving, boy,” he said, a hint of mockery in his tone. “You should know better by now.”

 

“Why are you here?” Ren demanded. 

 

The man’s smirk only grew at the question. “I'm here to satisfy my curiosity.”

 

“I am not an exhibit!”

 

The man leaned forward, making a sharp gesture. “Will you stop shouting?” he hissed. “I don’t have a lot of time before your Hux comes back, so shut up and let me speak.” Ren scowled at him and gave half a thought - more than half a thought - to ignoring him and yelling for Hux. “No,” the man snapped. “You listen here, you ignorant little pup, because you’re going to need all the help you can get.”

 

Ren sighed heavily, tilting his gaze heavensward. “With what, pray tell?” he asked, teeth clenched. 

 

“The next Knight of Ren, boy.” That shut Ren up, and he leaned forward. “Oh, that got your attention didn’t it, now you’re listening.” 

 

“Hey,” he hissed, “you’re the one coming in here and acting like an ass, instead of just  _ telling me what I need to know _ .”

 

Surprisingly, the man grinned. “Alright, that’s fair. The third Knight of Ren is named Damascus, and he modeled himself after m-- Darth Vader.” 

 

“Where is he?” Ren demanded. “Is he here, on Nar Shaddaa?”

 

“No, he’s in the black, somewhere. In the wind. He’s very good at masking his presence, so  _ be wary. _ ” The man chewed on his lip for a second, a very human gesture, before seemingly making up his mind. “Also there’s a bug on your ship, you should know that before you fly off.”

 

Ren’s entire body went cold. “What?” he gasped, but the man was already gone.

 

When all the alarms in the monitor started to scream, Ren thought he was entirely justified in having a slight panic attack.

 

Neither Hux, nor Ganna agreed.

 

*

 

“No,” Ren said patiently for the sixtieth time, “I’m not going crazy. They’re called Force Ghosts, and I can see them because I’m a Force user. It’s not that great a phenomenon.” Hux didn’t look convinced, already shaking his head again. “No, stop that. Look. Every living thing is a part of the Force. When a Force user dies, their energy goes back into the fabric of the world, and because they could once manipulate that energy, they can choose to manifest themselves.” 

 

Hux just kept shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Ren, but that really sounds quite farfetched, you must admit.”

 

Ren gave him a flat look. “Cian, within in the first three days of your meeting me, you saw me heal my catastrophically broken hands  _ with blue light _ .” Hux wrinkled his nose, before grudgingly conceding the point. “So if he says that there’s a tracking bug on our ship, then we should be looking for it.”

 

“Fine,” Hux said, waving him off. “I’ll ask Ganna to get her people on it, assuming you trust them.”

 

The cold fist in Ren’s chest eased, and he nodded. “Ganna helped me build that ship from practically nothing. She’ll treat her well.” 

 

Hux nodded. “I’ll see to it, Captain. Until the doctor returns, though, you must stay in bed.” Ren opened his mouth to protest but Hux dropped something in his lap, distracting him. “And I have just the way to do it,” he said smugly.

 

Ren looked down. “Oh, Cian, that’s cheating!”

 

[ _ Friend-Ben!] _

 

“I know it is,” Hux said and stood up. “Somehow I think you’ll forgive me.” He snagged Ren’s holocomm off the edge of the table. “You two play nice now!”

 

SR-3 unfurled her filament arms, wrapping them around one of Ren’s wrist and hand, clinging tightly. “Hello, little darling,” Ren murmured, cradling with her his free hand. “I hope you’ve been behaving while I’ve been gone.”

 

_ [ _ You’re  _ worrying about  _ me  _ when  _ you’ve  _ been the one hurt, Friend-Ben? Really?  _ Really? _ That’s how you want to start this?] _

 

“So I’m not allowed to worry about you, despite my string of astronomically horrible luck?” Ren asked dryly.

 

_ [NO.] _

 

Ren laughed, he couldn’t help it. SR-3’s eyelight dilated until it was narrow, it gave her the impression of glaring. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry I worried you SR-3. As soon as the doctor gets back, I can go home, does that make it better?”

 

SR-3 rolled a little in place, tightening her grip on his wrist.  _ [Friend-Cian came to the ship every day to update us.] _

 

“You changed his designation,” Ren noted faintly, looking down at her. 

 

She cuddled into his hands, leaning her head against his thumb.  _ [He is a friend, though, isn’t he?]  _ She asked.  _ [He saved you life. Friend-HK said he killed someone for you, and stayed. Friend-HK said that once the last enemy was gone, he could have run. Friend-HK would not have left your side, Friend-Cian could have stolen the Untouchable and run away with me, and Friend-LT.] _

 

“Cian wouldn’t do that,” Ren defended. 

 

_ [And  _ that, _ Friend-Ben, is why I changed his designation. I like him. Will we keep him?] _

 

Ren signed, sliding down into the bed and laying on his back. He put SR-3 on his chest, where she balanced carefully, arms still wrapped around his hand. “I want to,” he said truthfully. 

 

She nudged him, tugging on his thumb. _ [Have you told him that?] _

 

“... Not in so many words.” Ren sighed when SR-3 practically radiated disapproval. “People aren’t like droids, SR,” he protested before she could berate him. “We don’t just announce things like that. It’s… awkward.”

 

_ [That’s stupid, Friend-Ben.]  _

 

He laughed lightly. “Yeah, maybe. But that’s the way it is.”

 

Ren could feel the eyes of the Force ghosts around him, but he just closed his own and cradled SR-3 to his chest.  _ [Friend-Ben?]  _ SR-3 beeped quietly,  _ [Are you going to tell him? Who you really are?] _

 

There were cracks in Ren’s chest, places where Ben still peeked through, and they widened a little at her question. 

 

“Yeah,” he murmured hoarsely. “I have to.”

 

*


	9. ix.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He sat by your bedside, day in, day out, and only moved when I forced him to. He barely ate, barely slept, he only showered because the doctor implied heavily that he was going to be the leading cause of sickness and infection in your wounds." She pulled back, her hands heavy on his shoulders. "You have a companion for life, in him."_
> 
>  
> 
> _Ren swallowed hard, looking away from hers. "I know."_  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex!! <3 
> 
> [As ever, I can be found at tumblr.](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Also, some Mando'a this chapter, because Ren is a consummate actor!
> 
> Su cuy'gar - Hello (lit. You're still alive)  
> Lek/Elek - Yeah, or yes.  
> Shabuir - enemy  
> Kyr'stad - Death Watch (lit. Death Society, a sect of Mando'a who ceded from the main host of Mandalorians, regarded as tratiors)  
> aruetiise - traitors
> 
> Note: Khoona probably doesn't actually exist in canon anymore but neither does Manda'lor or the Mando contingent I've religiously stuck in here so. Suck it, Lucasfilm/Disney!
> 
> Not beta'd and I promise guys, no cliffhanger. :)

Iv. 

 

“Home!” Ren shouted, racing into the main room of the Untouchable, SR-3 riding on his shoulder. He was still a little sore, a little stiff from the week of bed rest, but he could feel it slide off his shoulders as he entered his home. SR-3 cheered along with him, her high pitched beeps echoing in the empty room. "LT!" he called, and the astromech droid careened around the corner. 

 

_ [Master! Master is home!] _ he cried, bumping into Ren's legs repeatedly.  _ [You were gone for a very long time,] _ the droid said reproachfully. 

 

"I know," Ren said, apologetically, kneeling to run his fingers over LT-55's casement. "But you, SR and HK took very good care of our girl here, I'm so proud of you." LT preened, rolling back towards the engine room, leaving Ren with a glowering HK. 

 

"Master," HK growled, stabbing him in the shoulder with one metal finger. "If you had not just been released from the medical unit, I would shoot you." 

 

Ren waved him off. "Oh come on, HK. Ganna and Cian have already warned me and yelled at me. It was just an accident." 

 

HK prodded him again. "If the meatbag and I had not been there, you would be dead." 

 

Sighing, Ren nodded. "Yes, that's probably true. But I'm not dead, we killed two Knights of Ren, and we are so late for our drop off at Dantooine I can't even imagine that Sylar is expecting me anymore." He tried to move past HK but when the droid refused to get out of the way, all he did was bounce gently. "Oh for - how long are you going to punish me?" 

 

"That time measurement has not been invented yet, Master," HK said darkly. 

 

"I don't suppose ordering you to be nice is going to help at all?" Ren asked, more or less rhetorically. 

 

HK snorted, static and sound. "Nice is not within the bounds of my programming, Master," he said smugly. 

 

Ren rolled his eyes and groaned, but he was smiling as he did it. He wouldn't have HK any other way, not really. "Where's Hux?" he asked curiously. "Ganna said he was meeting me here, and that she'd be a few minutes late." 

 

As though speaking of her summoned her, Ganna strode up the walkway, a durasteel box in her hands. "We found your tracking bug early this morning," she said instead of a greeting. She thrust the box into his hands, patting the top of it. "I put it in here. I thought maybe you'd want to space it as soon as you hit the black." 

 

Ren put it on the edge of the holoterminal. "Thanks, Gan. For everything." 

 

She nodded, eyes a little narrow. "How are you feeling?" she asked. 

 

"Fine," he said, "at least for the mo-- ow! Kriffing hells, Ganna!" He rubbed his arm where she'd punched him, flinching back when she raised her fist again. "Was that really necessary?" 

 

She snarled at him, Ryl and Basic interwoven. "When Cian dragged you out of that warehouse you were more blood than boy, and you stopped breathing on the medical transport, flatlined in the medical bay, and worried my children! Yes, I think punching you was very necessary, you absolute pfassk." 

 

He winced. "I'm sorry, Gan. I wasn't expecting two Knights. We'll be better prepared next time." 

 

"Next time?" she asked, dangerously. 

 

Despite the tone and her black look, Ren nodded. "Castille and Lucius were only the Fourth and Fifth Knights. That stands to reason that there's a First, Second and Third." He touched the box with the tracking bug on it. "Truthfully, there's probably a Knight waiting for us on Dantooine. I made it no secret that we were going there at some point." 

 

Ganna hissed through her teeth. "Kriff. The trouble you get into, Ren. You better hope that General of yours is worth it." Ren froze, staring at her in shock. "Yes," Ganna said. "I know who your Cian is. He called me on your holocomm without that mask on, and he forgot to modulate his accent. If you hadn't gotten hurt, his disguise would probably have held up." 

 

"Um." Ren rubbed the back of his head, sheepish. "You can see why I maybe didn't say anything then." 

 

She gave him a dirty look. "Considering that the bounty on his head for both the First Order and the Resistance is enough to set even the most extravagant spenders for life? Yeah, I can see why you maybe kept it a secret. Kriff." 

 

Ren shrugged a little. "It's not like I lied to you. His name  _ is _ Cian." 

 

Ganna sighed, tugging him into a rough hug. "Just tell me one thing. Are you planning on double crossing him? Throwing him to the wolves?" 

 

"No!" Ren pinched her hard, before hugging her back. "Kriff, no. I don't care about the money, you know that Gan. Hells, what kind of question is that?" he demanded. 

 

"Good. Because he sat by your bedside, day in, day out, and only moved when I forced him to. He barely ate, barely slept, he only showered because the doctor implied heavily that he was going to be the leading cause of sickness and infection in your wounds." She pulled back, her hands heavy on his shoulders. "You have a companion for life, in him." 

 

Ren swallowed hard, looking away from hers. "I know." 

 

She nodded. "Good. Here." She pressed a credit chip into his palm. "For clearing the district of the Knights. I took a collection, and we all agreed to pay you for it. Call it an extermination fee." 

 

"Aw, Gan." He hugged her again. "When I can - when it's safe - I'll come teach Rikka and Clio about the Force, I promise." 

 

She smiled, her hard expression melting away into a surprisingly sweet one. "I wouldn't trust anyone else," she vowed. "Be safe, Ren." 

 

When she left, she clapped Hux on the shoulder, where he stood in the doorway. His mask was off, held loosely in his right hand, and he was a little pale, with two spots of color high on his cheeks. "Cian," Ren greeted, deciding not to comment on his appearance, or that he'd apparently heard everything Ganna had said. Hux waited a beat, then another, before he entered the room. 

 

"I apologize for my lateness," he said, formally. "I needed to go to the Promenade before returning here, especially if we're going to be traveling to Dantooine." 

 

Ren nodded. "Probably best, Dantooine isn't going to have much in the way of supplies, other than the basics. HK, you ready to get out of here?" 

 

"Exceedingly, Master." 

 

Moving into the cockpit, Ren was pleased when Hux slid into the co-pilots seat without prompting. A few Force related sentences later and they were up in the air and heading towards the black. "Have you ever paid a docking fee in your life?" Hux asked dryly as soon as they cleared atmo. 

 

Ren grinned at him. "Nope. When I traveled with my father, once we realized I was a Force user, he would have me train by duping docking officials. I got so good at it, I never broke the habit. He used to say that they fleece us anyway, because they can't make a profit otherwise but the profit doesn't go to the port, but into lined pockets." Ren smiled a little, thinking of the ranting that Han Solo could go on, and how much he hated docking fees. 

 

"Your father was a pilot?" Hux asked, curiously. 

 

Nodding, Ren leaned back in his seat. "Since he was younger than I am now. That's how he met my mother, he smuggled her. Or so the story goes, anyway. Apparently they also hated each other, but that's what my Uncle used to say." His grin widened, thinking of the spitting fights that Uncle Luke and his father used to get in. 

 

"Do you miss them?" Hux asked, watching him carefully. 

 

Ren's smile faded and he sighed. "Sometimes. I was angry for a long time, at my mother, for forcing me to go to the Jedi Academy on Dagobah." 

 

Hux laughed bitterly. "I'm still angry at my mother for leaving me with my father." He scoffed to himself. "Though, honestly I can't remember if she left because she wanted to, or was forced." 

 

"Maybe you could find her now?" Ren suggested. "I could put out a few feelers." 

 

Though Hux looked like he was thinking about it, he ultimately shook his head. "No... I'm sure wherever she ended up, she already heard about the disgraced General Hux." 

 

"I don't think you're disgraced at all," Ren said honestly. "I think you're just finding your grace now." 

 

He stood, and went into the holoterminal room to collect the box with the tracker bug, leaving Hux to think that over. 

 

It really did feel satisfying to send the box out of the airlock. 

 

*

 

Dantooine was just as dry and empty as he remembered it. 

 

They landed right outside of Khoonda, the small town sun bleached and sleepy. Hux and Ren made their way through the main building, HK a few steps behind. "Su cuy'gar," Ren said to the security officer, completely fine with pretending to be a Mando'a merc for the duration of their stay. "I'm here for Sylar, if he's available." 

 

The guard sneered, lip visible curling up as he took Ren's measure and clearly found him wanting. "Sy!" he bellowed, turning and leaning through the door frame. "One of your kriffing mercenaries is here." 

 

Sylar, a tall imposing Devaronian, strode out of the room, and Ren could feel Hux startle slightly. Sylar's eyes swept over them, and then he lit up a grin. "Ren!" he boomed. "I feared the worst, when you did not come two weeks back." He held out his hand for a warrior's clasp that Ren easily returned. "I take it you were successful?" 

 

"Lek, lek," Ren said. "Come on, I didn't want to traipse all over the kriffing countryside trying to find you." 

 

Sylar laughed, head tilted back. "Sure, sure, you Mando'a crazy. I'll get the transport." He fell into step with Ren, virtually ignoring Hux and HK. "You had no trouble?" 

 

"Well, not with your order, no." Ren touched his stomach, where a puckered scar marred his skin now. "I ran into some Sith shabuir wanna-be, ran me through with a kriffing magic sword." 

 

They halted suddenly when Sylar stopped in his tracks. "Was it a Knight of Ren?" he asked, voice hard. 

 

Hux and Ren exchanged a look. "Elek," Ren said slowly. "I disrupted his work, he took some pretty strong umbrage to that." 

 

Sylar heaved a sigh. "Yeah, I know the feeling, my friend. A good handful of my men were all murdered by a Knight of Ren, goes by Damascus. He drove out my people from the Crystal Caves, holed up there. No one's been able to get to him." 

 

"You want us to take care of him?" Ren asked, gesturing between himself, Cian and HK. "Cian here took down the Knight from the warehouse after I got injured." 

 

The Devaronian gave Hux an appraising look. "Did you?" he asked skeptically. 

 

"Of course," Hux said, flat and monotone. "Ren would not lie to you." 

 

Sylar snorted a laugh, shaking his head. "What are you, some kind of cyborg or something?" 

 

Hux's eyes crinkled when he smiled. "You could say that," he intoned. "Does it matter? We are offering to eradicate your problem." 

 

Nodding slowly, Sylar turned back to Ren. "I think he's working with the Kyr'stad," he said and Ren growled. "I knew you wouldn't like that." 

 

"Well now we're definitely going to kill him," Ren said. "And maybe all those aruetiise," he said. 

 

Sylar pushed at Ren's shoulder. "First, my supplies." 

 

"Of course." Ren led them back to the ship quickly, sending Hux in to get the large box that belonged to Sylar. "Your medical supplies, my friend," Ren said. He caught Hux's raised eyebrow, and reached out to touch his mind in answer.  _ I'll explain later. _

 

After checking the contents, Sylar nodded in satisfaction. "Thank you. I know these are expensive, and I don't want to know how you got so much of it, but you're saving the lives of my people." 

 

Ren nodded. "Of course. You're a good friend, Sy. I'm only sorry it took me so long to get here." 

 

The Devaronian laughed. "You got gutted by a lightsaber and lived, Ren! You should be celebrating, not working." 

 

Ren smiled, a little secretive thing. "Well, keep that bacta open for me, I might need it after going after this Knight who stole my name." 

 

"Are you certain you want to do that?" Sylar asked, looking concerned. 

 

Patting him on the elbow, Ren nodded. "If we can't even enter the caves, I'll turn back, and we'll figure out something else. But if he's working with those traitors, then I'd be disappointing Manda'lor with my cowardice." 

 

"Ugh." Sylar rolled his eyes, rubbing at one of his horns. "You Mando'a and your weird sense of honor." 

 

It was an old argument, that Ren knew he wasn’t going to win. Sylar was set in his ways, and Ren was set in his. He hadn’t always upheld the Mando’a creed, but over the years he’d grown used to it. Instead of following the old fight, Ren just widened his smile. "The Crystal Caves you said?" 

 

"Yeah," Sylar said, reluctantly. "Need a map?" 

 

Ren shook his head. "No, I know where they are." 

 

He walked Sylar back to the compound of Khoona, leaving him with the bacta supplies, and set out northwards with Hux and HK behind him. 

 

Until they disappeared behind the hills, Ren could feel Sy's eyes on their back the whole time. 

"Three questions," Hux said as soon as the sounds of the city had faded. "One, why do they all think you're a Mando'a merc? Two, who are the Kyr'stad or whatever they were called? And three, why do you hate them so much? Oh, Four, how did a Devaronian get on this spit planet?" 

 

Ren chuckled. "One, because I told them that a number of years ago to explain why I was on the planet in the first place. Two, the Kyr'stad are a secular group of Mando's who don't follow Manda'lor, they're considered traitors. Three, that's why I hate them so much. Four, Sylar is part of the Resistance, he heads up what's left of their base here." 

 

Hux whirled to face him. "That was a Resistance base?" he shouted. 

 

"Uh... Yes?" Ren said, hesitantly. "Why?" 

 

"It did not occur to you to mention that," Hux ground out between gritted teeth, "considering my status amongst the Rebels?" 

 

Ren shrugged one shoulder. "It occurred to me, but I didn't want to put you ill at ease before even landing. And it worked, Sy barely paid you any attention, until we talked about Lucius Ren. So stop complaining, it worked out fine." 

 

“Of all the inconsiderate…” Hux threw up his hands and stomped off ahead, coming to a junction in the hills and apparently choosing left at random. 

 

"Other left," Ren called out helpfully, and attempted not to snicker when Hux about faced and went back in the correct direction. 

 

HK nudged him on the shoulder. "And you wanted me to be nice, Master." 

 

"Never claimed to be nice," Ren protested. 

 

Hux hadn’t gone far, so they caught up with Hux quickly, as soon as they reached the end of the hills, the ground spilling out in front of them in wide brush covered plains. 

 

Attuning his senses, Ren reached out with the Force to check their perimeter, skating over the pack of Kath hounds, and dismissing them. The Crystal Cave was at the other end of the field, and, narrowing his eyes Ren could see that the entrance was blocked by some sort of force shield. But Ren had been inside that cave, he knew where the exits were, how to leave without disturbing the nests of creatures that took over the mouth of the cave. "Come on," he said. "We need to climb one of the hills. HK, you wait at the mouth of the cave for us to knock down the shield." 

 

HK grumbled a bit, but once they reached the mud and stone footholds that young Jedi children had once set into the hillside, he subsided. His chassis would obviously be too heavy for the stone stepway. Together, Hux and Ren climbed up the side of the hill, trekking quickly towards a large hole in the ground. 

 

"This will drop down around the first bend of the cave," Ren murmured, crouching next to the hole.

 

Hux glanced sideways at him. "How do you know that?" 

 

"Where do you think I got the Crystal for my lightsaber?" Ren asked, and dropped down, landing lightly on his feet. 

 

He could hear Hux complaining quietly about dramatic exits, as he took the corner and found the generator holding up the shield. It was the work of moments to disable it, and HK strode in, rifle at the ready. Hux had dropped down in the meantime, and was guarding their back with his own rifle, this one very obviously not HK's spare. 

 

Ren raised his eyebrows at it, impressed despite himself. "There are a lot of winding paths," he murmured for their ears only. "But I could almost guarantee that Damascus is in the central chamber where the crystals are most likely to be found." He caught both HK's elbow and Hux's. "Do not," he cautioned sternly, "shoot the crystals." 

 

"Why? Will they explode?" Hux asked, a hint of a smile on his face. 

 

" _ Yes _ ." 

 

Hux went pale, and he nodded shallowly. They crept silently through the dirt lined cave system, Ren relying on a ten year old memory. He could feel the crystals before he could see them, and Ren immediately attuned to them, using their resonance to feel the world around them. 

 

Damascus was sitting in the middle of the room, a frown snarling up his otherwise pleasant features. 

 

Ren glanced at Hux and HK, getting nods of acknowledgement before he reached out with the Force and wrapped phantom fingers around Damascus' throat. 

 

The Knight choked in surprise, flailing, and Ren came around the corner alone, lightsaber held loosely in his hand. "Damascus Ren, Third of the Knights of Ren," he drawled, feeling a little ridiculous for the grandeur. "I heard you were looking for me. I got bored waiting though, hope you don't mind." 

 

He lifted the Knight and tossed him to the side. The Knight leapt up, his chest still stuttering with coughs even as he ignited his own lightsaber. It was a deep purple and wasn't  _ that _ interesting. 

 

They clashed, just off center, and Ren pulled his awareness from the crystals to better concentrate on fighting Damascus. "Captain Ren," the Knight hissed. "You'll pay for what you did to my brothers and sister." 

 

"Hey," Ren drawled, spinning and using the Force to push Damascus forward a few feet, "They came after me. All your precious siblings would still be alive if they hadn't. That's on you, they're the ones that lost." 

 

Damascus snarled in rage, and Ren barely dodged the lightning bolt that sizzled from the Knight. He raced around the room, using the rock pillars as natural cover as bolt after bolt chased him. 

 

A blaster bolt caught him in the shoulder, and Ren grinned to himself. HK and Hux must have found the other entrances to the room. 

 

When Damascus turned, Ren slipped out from behind the pillar and yanked a chunk of the ground up and into his feet, causing him to stumble. 

The Knight snarled again, and with an incredible burst of speed, rocketed up to Ren. Their lightsabers met in a clash of green and purple, evenly matched. 

 

A strike here, a lunge there, Ren could no more break Damascus' guard than Damascus could break his. 

 

Ren spun, ducking under a strike he could have easily blocked, instead coming up on Damascus' side. He reached out with a Force stun, a little stunned himself when the power slid right off Damascus' shoulders. The lapse in his concentration put him on the defensive, simply blocking strikes and dancing out of the way of each maneuver. 

 

Ren leapt nimbly over the hole in the earth that he'd left behind when he'd pulled up his rock, forcing Damascus to go around. 

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Hux standing, slightly crouched, by one of the cave entrances. He spun, and when he looked again, Hux was gone. 

 

Ren frowned, blocking a powerful strike to the face and bracing his arm to push back. Damascus jerked suddenly, a low groan spilling out of him. He stumbled, and Ren was forced to leap back to avoid the flailing lightsaber. 

 

The Knight fell to his knees, lightsaber clattering uselessly to the floor, and Damascus looked up, pained confusion in his eyes. "I was supposed to win," he murmured. 

 

Then, he fell, a vibroknife sticking hilt deep into his back. 

 

Hux flickered into sight, and he retrieved his knife. "He was quite dramatic," Hux said crisply. "Almost gave you a run for your money, Ren." 

 

Ren was torn between offense - he was  _ not _ that dramatic - and complete and utter awe. "Where... What... How??" he finally settled on. 

 

Hux disengaged the rebreather mask, letting it hang from around his neck. "Well," he said, rubbing at his jaw, where deep lines were set into the skin, "I borrowed your credit chips and went to the Promenade on Nar Shaddaa to re-equip. I got the new rifle there, I saw you notice it. I also reaquired a stealth drive." 

 

"A stealth drive," Ren repeated. 

 

"Of course. I was trained as an infiltrator when I was at the Academy," Hux supplied. "The stealth drive was only a small part of it. It does come in handy though, doesn't it?" He patted his belt where the drive sat. "You looked shocked, Ren. I'm surprised. Did you think I got the position of General based off good looks alone?" 

 

Ren scowled at him. "I'm sure those helped," he said. 

 

Hux laughed quietly, and Ren turned his attention back to the crystals. "Hey, help me collect these," he said, gesturing to the chips and pieces. "If anything ever happened to my lightsaber, I would need these are a replacement." 

 

It was a few hours work, but with HK guarding them, it was a pleasant diversion from the fact that they were still fighting for their lives. Once all the crystals that could be gathered were, Ren went around the corner to find Damascus' things. There was a cot, a datacron, and a holocommunicator with several saved messages on it. He secreted those along too, just in case. 

 

"Ready?" Hux asked, and Ren grinned. 

 

"Ready." 

 

As they walked back to Khoonda, Ren commented, "You know, you could tell Sy that you were the one who killed this Knight too, you know." 

 

Rebreather firmly back in place, Hux shook his head. "I think not. Best just to take the credit." He shrugged when Ren made a face. "Come along, Captain," he said unmistakable fondness in his tone. "Let's get back. SR-3 promised to start teaching me binary, and I for one don't wish to anger her." 

 

Ren laughed, nodding. "Perish the thought," he said. "For such a little thing, her revenge is really creative." 

 

"She somehow changed all my oil dispensers, and refilled them with blue milk," HK supplied drolly. 

 

"That explains why all the blue milk dispensers suddenly were full of oil," Ren responded. "That baffled me for weeks and no one would kriffing say anything!" 

 

Hux laughed, snickering. "What did you do to anger her, HK?" he wondered, turning a little to look at the droid. 

 

"I called her fat," HK said, deadpan. 

 

Ren and Hux had to stop moving, too deep into hysterics to register HK's annoyed sigh. Ren leaned on Hux's shoulder, fingers pressing into muscle, while Hux had dropped his forehead onto the top of Ren's head. They hung there for an eternal moment, laughing, until HK shot a blaster bolt at their feet. 

 

Ren leapt away, more from shock than anything else, but Hux was red over the rebreather mask. "I'm sure you learned your lesson, HK," Ren said, conciliatory once he’d gotten his breath back. 

 

"Oh,  _ do _ get a move on, Master." 

  
*


	10. x.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“It must be my charming personality?” he said, half a question._
> 
> _“So modest,” Hux scoffed. “No, I doubt it’s your personality, or the fact that you can look like a kicked kitten at the drop of a hat –“_
> 
> _“—A kicked kitten?!—“_
> 
> _“But whatever you are, you have become the only person in my life I could truly call a friend. So it is I who should be thanking you.” Hux cleared his throat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex, Alex, and Song. <3
> 
> In which we finally get some kriffing action!
> 
> [As ever, I'm at tumblr.](missdreawrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> More Mando'a because Ganna is a tattletale.
> 
> Su cuy'gar - Hello (lit. 'You're still alive!')  
> jare'la - reckless  
> Me'vaar ti gar - "What's the situation?" (Formal 'how are you', if a Mando'a asks you this, they expect an answer.)  
> Naas - I'm fine. (lit. "Nothing.")  
> Ori'haat - Seriously!/I'm telling the truth!  
> Kyr'stad - Death Watch (Death Society)  
> Oya - Cheers/Huzzah!  
> kebise - Stuff  
> darjetii - Sith/dark jedi  
> skraan'ikase - best of Mandalorian meals, they can spend several hours eating it, party  
> lek - Yeah (Formal is elek)  
> Ret'urcye mhi. - Goodbye (Lit. "Maybe I'll see you again")

X.

  
Ren stomped into the kitchen, tossing the datapad full of Damascus' information onto the table before stomping over to the cabinet. Hux, seated at the table, blinked in surprise before pulling the datapad over to view it. "What's got you in a mood?" he asked, lightly.   
  
"Kriffing Corellia," Ren muttered. "Aleksi Ren went to kriffing Corellia."   
  
Hux glanced at the datapad, then back at Ren, finding no answers in the information. "And... What's wrong with Corellia?"   
  
Ren grumbled, pouring a measure of brandy into a cup and knocking it back like the strongest of shots. "Everything," he snapped.   
  
Sighing, Hux stood, gently taking the cup away from Ren and ushering him into a seat."You're making less sense than usual," Hux said sternly. "Stop drinking and tell me what's wrong."   
  
Ren leaned his head in his hands, digging his palms into his eyesockets. "My father was from Corellia," he muttered defensively. "He still goes back often."   
  
"And you don't want to see him?" Hux guessed, correctly.   
  
Colors burst behind his eyes as he pressed harder, trying to center himself. "My father doesn't even know I'm alive," Ren said. "They sent me away at twelve, I ran away at fifteen, and I'm thirty now. He wouldn't even recognize me."   
  
Hux laughed lightly, placing one hand on the top of Ren's head and nudging it away from his hands. "If only my father wouldn't recognize me," he said with a slightly deprecating grin. "That would be a nice change."   
  
Ren looked up at him, dropping his hands to the table. "Sorry," he said. "Fathers are a sore point on this entire ship."   
  
''Don't worry about it," Hux said. "It's not a big deal. I earned this lot, so I must live with it. Isn't that how the saying goes?"   
  
Frowning at him, Ren shook his head. “Your lot is what you make of it,” he protested. “My lot was to die on Dagobah, or be captured.” He shrugged, and turned in his seat to look earnestly up at Hux. “Cian, I changed my lot, there’s no reason you can’t change yours.”   
  


Hux’s eyes slid away, fixed to some point over Ren’s right shoulder. “Those eyes of yours should be illegal,” he muttered. “I doubt you want me to go back to the First Order.”

  
Ren shook his head. “Who says that’s the only way to change your lot?” he asked stubbornly. “Unless you’re not… Unless you don’t like being a smuggler with me. I know you were a hotshot General,” he tried to grin there, but was quickly growing concerned that Hux was actually unhappy. “And that it’s a massive step down to being here with me.”   
  
With a scoff, Hux pushed at Ren’s face, fingers cool on Ren’s cheek. “Do be quiet,” he said gently. “This is quite enough excitement for me.”   
  
Prodding Hux in the side, Ren shook his head. “I’m being serious,” he complained. “You’re my friend, Cian, and if there’s something you’d like to do differently, all you need is to say so.”   
  
Hux squirmed away from Ren’s poking, flicking at his fingers. “There’s a certain sort of pleasure that I’m taking from watching you annihilate the Knights of Ren. Once you meet with Revan, though, that will be glorious.”   
  


Ren grinned. “I do enjoy taking out these Knights who have stolen my name.” He stood, black mood all but forgotten about. “Thanks.”   
  
Looking surprised, Hux frowned at him. “Thanks? Whatever for?”   
  
“Corellia doesn’t seem so bad now that I know you like watching me work,” Ren drawled, and leaned around Hux to press the intercom button. “HK, you might as well change our course to Corellia.”   
  
“Oh may I, indeed, Master?” HK said scathingly. “I only attempted to do so twenty minutes ago.”   
  
“Yes, the fact that I’m a fickle bastard can’t possibly be a surprise to you, stop complaining.” Ren grinned at Hux, who was studying him with an unreadable expression on his face. “What?” he asked, a little wary.   
  
Hux shook his head. “You continually take me by surprise. A month, and I know you better than I’ve ever known anyone.”   
  
A pang resonated in Ren’s chest – a pang shaped like Ben Solo and a fake name – but he managed a smile anyway. “It must be my charming personality?” he said, half a question.   
  
“So modest,” Hux scoffed. “No, I doubt it’s your personality, or the fact that you can look like a kicked kitten at the drop of a hat –“   
  
“— _ A kicked kitten?! _ —“   
  
“But whatever you are, you have become the only person in my life I could truly call a friend. So it is I who should be thanking you.” Hux cleared his throat. “Now, that is quite enough emotional heart to heart for now, so, stop complaining about Corellia, I’ll protect you from your father.”   
  
When Hux grinned, his entire face lit up, dimple in his cheek, eyes bright and amused. Ren had never wanted to kiss someone as badly as he did when Cian turned the force of his smile on him. He swayed forward almost without meaning, and Hux’s smile faded a little, turning uncertain. The amusement drained from his eyes, turning them a confused bottle green, and if Ren hadn’t been focused on Hux’s eyes, he would have missed the way they dipped down to Ren’s mouth.   
  
Almost by reflex, Ren licked his lips, mesmerized by the way Hux followed the motion.

  
Ren made up his mind – this wasn’t just in his head, it had become fairly clear that Hux was just as invested as he was – and he leaned in just a little more.   
  
_ [Friend-Ben!] _ SR-3 sing-songed and dropped from a vent shaft into his hair.   
  
Hux jerked back, nearly upending the chair, and Ren ducked his head, swearing quietly under his breath. “SR,” he grumbled. “This better be important.”   
  
_ [I’m always important, Friend-Ben. You have a message waiting for you, in the main room. And I have a lesson with Friend-Cian. Go away.]  _ She reached out with her tiny arms for Hux, who seemed to pick up on her desire, as he scooped her out of Ren’s hair.   
  
“She says you two have a Binary lesson, and I’m to vacate the kitchen,” Ren said dryly.   
  
Hux cradled SR-3 carefully in his palms, giving Ren a considering look over her head. “Yes,” he drawled. “Apparently we do. Let me know when we get close to Corellia?”   
  
“Of course.” Ren patted SR-3 on the head, then brushed past Hux, touching two fingers to his sharp hip bone lightly for balance. Entirely unnecessary for him, but the slight flush over Hux’s cheeks when he sat down at the table made it worth it.   
  
Ren grinned, pressing the button on the holoterminal, and pulling up Kiel’s image. “Su cuy’gar!” Kiel greeted. “I just got an interesting message from Ganna.”

  
“Oh, bantha fodder,” Ren swore.

 

Kiel crossed his arms over his chest. “Strange,” he mused, eyes narrowed, “You didn’t strike me as the type to be jare’la.”

 

“Jare’la?” Ren scoffed. “Hardly that!”

“Is that so?” Kiel challenged. “Me'vaar ti gar?” 

 

Ren grunted, mirroring Kiel’s pose. “Naas,” he answered. When Kiel just looked him over skeptically, he insisted. “Ori'haat!”

 

Kiel sighed, sitting down in front of his holocomm, to be more on a level with Ren. “Ganna’s message very clearly stated you nearly died twice. Once on scene, and once in the medical unit. I will admit that you look fine, now.”

 

“She wasn’t lying,” Ren grumbled. “We didn’t know there would be two assailants, and one got the drop on me.” He rubbed his side. “Despite my close calls, I healed just fine.” He grinned, brightening. “And, when I was on Dantooine, I took out the leader of a Kyr’stad sect.” 

 

“Oh-ho! Manda’lor will be pleased to hear that,” Kiel said. “Oya!”

 

“Oya,” Ren murmured back, mindful of the lesson going on behind him. “You don’t need to worry about me, Kiel.”

 

Kiel snorted, shaking his head. “At least you have your friend there, to watch your back. After what happened with Felix…” he trailed off. “I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that he left Dxun, rather confused as to how he came to be there.”

 

Ren’s smile was all teeth. “Not a clue,” he said innocently.

 

“Well, now you have your friend, and Ganna’s given him her stamp of approval, so I suppose he’ll be good enough for you.” Ren rolled his eyes as Kiel laughed at him. “I’m glad you’re well,” he added. “Don’t be such a stranger.”

 

“Once all this weird kebise is over, with these darjetii who stole my name, we’ll come back for skraan'ikase, lek?” Ren offered.

 

“Elek,” Kiel answered. “Ret'urcye mhi.”

 

Ren disconnected the conversation, turning half an ear onto Hux repeating back letters to SR-3. As much as he wanted to go interrupt, he knew the moment between them - whatever it was - was gone. Instead, he went in the opposite direction, going to the room at the end of the hall just past the rooms.

 

He hadn’t spent much time in it, lately. He hadn’t felt any rage or discontent since seeing Felix on Dxun. But he settled inside the meditation chamber, falling into the comfortable position of counting each breath as it came.

 

Considering the coming days, Ren had a lot to think about.

 

*

 

Corellia was exactly how Ren remembered it, bright, beautiful and busy. He and Hux blended in easily, and Ren led the way to the nearest Cantina. The best way to find out information was there, and if he remembered correctly there was a zabrak ‘tender named Hadrod. 

 

“Where are we heading?” Hux asked curiously.

 

“Jewel of Coronet,” Ren answered. “The ‘tender there owes me a few favors, he might be able to tell us where Aleksi is.” 

 

Hux stepped closer as a crowd of people rushed into them. “I’m not overly fond crowds,” Hux muttered. 

 

Ren slowed his walk to bump shoulders with Hux. “Me either,” he agreed. Their fingers brushed a few times, pressed as close together as they were. “There are too many variables. Too many unknowns.” 

 

Nodding, Hux sighed. “Especially now.”

 

Their fingers brushed again, before the crowd thinned out, giving them their space. It wasn’t a long walk to Coronet City’s Cantina, slipping down the stairs and into the main room of the bar. True to Ren’s memories, there was a zabrak behind the central bar. “Ren,” he greeted, evenly. “Been a while.”

 

“Hello Hadrod,” Ren responded in the same tone. “I need your help.”

 

The zabrak leaned on the countertop, head tilting in so he could speak in Ren’s ear. Out of the corner of his eye, Ren could see Hux’s eyes narrow over the top of the rebreather mask. Unable to help himself, Ren reached out and touched the surface of Hux’s mind. It was immediately clear that Hux did  _ not  _ like how close the zabrak was to him.

 

Ren hid his smile and turned his attention to Hadrod. “There was someone here a few nights back,” he said in Ren’s ear. “He asked after you, specifically about anyone carrying the name Ren. You were the only one I could think of.” Ren stiffened, shooting him an alarmed look. “I said nothing. But he is here now. Corner.”

 

He darted his eyes to the corner and a presence brushed over his mind. Ren slammed down the shields around himself, but it was too late. 

 

The Knight of Ren leapt to his feet, shoving through the customers to get to them. “Get these people out of here,” Ren snarled at Hadrod. The zabrak mobilized, along with Hux, but Ren could pay them no more attention. He ducked around the bar, sliding in a skid under the wide swing of Aleksi Ren. The Knight of Ren ignited his lightsaber, and Ren swore quietly to himself. 

 

“Ren!” the dual toned voice of Hux drew his attention and by instinct alone he reached out and caught the vibrosword that flew through the air. 

 

He didn’t have any time to be awed that Hux would think of that - would know how uncomfortable Ren would be revealing his own Force powers in front of a crowd. He skated a heartfelt thank you through Hux’s mind, then he turned the full force of his attention towards the Knight. 

 

“You have gotten on my last nerve,” Ren hissed. “I killed your brothers. I killed your sister. Trust me when I say I’m going to kill you too.”

 

Aleksi laughed, the sound harsh and grating. “I don’t want to kill you, little bird. I want to take you home with me. My master has far grander plans than death!” Phantom fingers pulsed around his neck but Ren threw them off with ease. 

 

Ren slammed the vibroblade into the lightsaber, a little surprised when a vibroknife joins it. Hux stood beside him, knife upraised, just under the hilt. They were shoulder to shoulder, moving as one. With Hux’s added strength, they forced Aleksi’s arm up, leaving his stomach open to attack.

 

With a free hand, Hux pulled up his rifle, and the force of the bolt blew Aleksi across the room. 

 

“Nice shot,” Ren said breathlessly.

 

“Thank you,” Hux replied. 

 

Aleksi leapt to his feet, and a Force wave shoved them apart. Ren hit a few tables but he could see Hux slam into the side of the bar. “I’ve been waiting for you,” Aleksi growled. “I knew Damascus was not enough to dim your power. The Master was foolish to spread us out so. But I am not weak like my idiot brother. I will take your strength and make it mine!” 

 

Pain slammed into Ren, igniting along his nerve endings, blazing through him like wildfire. He bellowed, stumbling back down to his knees, as the Force cripple ate away at his muscles and synapses. 

 

He could hear nothing over the sound of his bones cracking, feel nothing other than white hot pain. Blood erupted from his nose, pouring over his lips. It fell to the ground in large red drops, and Ren curled in on himself trying to ease the pressure. 

 

Then, as soon as it had begun, it ended. When Ren’s vision had cleared, Hux and three Corellia Security guards had tackled him to the ground. He struggled to his feet, using a broken table to lever himself up. 

 

“Ren?” Hux asked sharply, turning his head just enough to see him. 

 

He waved a hand, still drawing in deep breaths. “I’m good,” he said, wiping at his nose. 

 

Aleksi shrieked like a mad thing, twisting and fighting against the holds of the guards. Ren limped forward, picking up the fallen lightsaber, poking the button to turn it on. The bronze gold light spilled out over the guards, and Ren glanced at them for a minute weighing his options. 

 

“Move,” he growled, and the security guards sprang away, the Force guiding their movements. 

 

With one thrust, Ren buried the ‘saber into Aleksi’s chest, staring him down as his chest collapsed under the weight of Ren’s body and the wound there. “Jedi aren’t,” Aleksi gasped, “Jedi don’t kill.”

 

Ren smiled. “I’m not a Jedi.”

 

He twisted the ‘saber, and felt Aleksi die. “Sir!” one of the Guards protested.

 

Glancing at them, Ren sketched a careless hand through the air. “You were never here. This never happened.”

 

The guards droned his words back to him, turning around and leaving the Cantina without further fuss. Ren rubbed at his nose, wiping away the last of the blood there. Hux caught his hands, tilting his head up, and checking Ren’s nose himself. “No other injuries?”

 

“No, I’m fine,” Ren said. “Barely even touched me.”

 

Hux sighed, tinged with relief and he was so close that their cheeks were nearly touching. His rebreather mask was loose, hanging from one ear, but Hux’s head was turned away from the rest of the Cantina. Ren thought, ‘finally’ and leaned in, just a bit, so their foreheads touched. He kept his eyes open long enough to watch Cian’s slip closed, and then --

 

“Captain Ren!” Hadrod said from behind him. 

 

“Really?” Ren protested, when Hux leapt backwards and immediately started busying himself with fixing his mask before picking up chairs and fixing tables. Ren turned back to Hadrod who looked amused and smug. “Thank you,” he said, bowing a little. “I am glad he is no longer a patron of my establishment.”

 

Hux avoided him for the hour that it took to fix the chairs and tables. Several of the less durable plasteel needed to be carted out to the trash compactor chute, which Ren was unanimously voted in as his job. 

 

Slowly but surely, patrons began trickling back in, some being so kind as to hold open the doors for Ren as he toted heavy pieces of plasteel, durasteel and duraplas outside the Cantina. It was warm, especially for Coronet City, and Ren peeled off his jacket and vest, leaving it on the edge of the bar. 

 

By the time he was done with the heavy lifting, Ren was damp with sweat, his hair curling around his temples and the back of his neck. He finally got to sit in a chair, with a glass of cold… something… that Hadrod put in front of him. 

 

Hux sat down next to him, knee gently touching his. “Well, this was an adventure,” Hux said crisply. 

 

Ren shot him a sly look, smirking a little. “Oh, I don’t know, I thought that went pretty well.”

 

Cian scoffed, shaking his head, tilting Ren’s chin up to examine his cheeks and nose. “Your cheek doesn’t look like it went pretty well, fool.” Ren laughed, shaking his head. “Stop moving,” Cian snapped, tightening his fingers on Ren’s face. 

 

The smile faded from Ren’s face as he realized how close they were. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, tilting his head a little into Cian’s touch. “I don’t mean to worry you.”

 

Hux sighed, dropping his head against Ren’s so their foreheads touched. “Stop apologizing,” he said. Ren was sure he had meant to sound snippy and annoyed but Hux’s tone was endlessly fond. He reached over and unhooked the mask, keeping his face turned towards Ren’s. 

 

When Hux leaned in, Ren tilted his chin downward to follow him, his hair falling around them. They were so close their noses were brushing and Hux focused on Ren’s eyes, expression soft, but serious. “Ren?” he asked, a wealth of questions in the name.

 

Ren’s lips curled up in a lopsided smirk. “Yeah,” he said, and answered all of them.

 

Cian leaned in, mask falling to his lap, and kissed him.

 

_ Finally. _

 

*


	11. xi.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _After they’d eaten a quick dinner, hiding out in the kitchen, Ren slipped out into the main room to check for SR-3. LT-55 had closed the door to the engine room, while HK had deactivated while in the cockpit. The tiny astromech was nowhere to be seen._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _He and Hux made it as far as his bedroom when SR dropped down from one of the ducts right into Hux’s damp hair. [Lessons, Friend-Cian!]_
> 
>  
> 
> _Hux made a put upon face, and scooped her off his head, holding her gently. “SR, there’s something I urgently need to do with Friend-Ren, is there any way we could postpone this until tomorrow’s day cycle?”_  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex, Song and Alex, as usual <3 Without you three I wouldn't write so fast I swear.
> 
>  
> 
> [Come find me and chat on Tumblr!](missdreawrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> CW/TW for mental abuse, and mental torture in this one. Also we do earn our rating. 
> 
> No Mando'a, nor is there a beta.
> 
> #SORRYNOTSORRY

Xi.

 

They stumbled into the ship, Hux’s fingers tangled in Ren’s shirt. Hux’s mask was hanging around his neck, his hair tossled from Ren’s fingers. The tie that held up Ren’s own unruly hair had long since been lost. As soon as they cleared the docking hanger, Ren blinding reached out to close it up behind them, still kissing Cian.

 

 _[Friend-Ben?]_ SR-3 asked timidly, from one of the vent ducts.

 

“Little busy right now, SR,” Ren said, between kisses. Hux grinned against his mouth, pulling him through the corridors and towards the cabins. “Yours or mine?” Ren asked, sliding a hand around the curve of Cian’s hip.

 

“Yours,” Cian said, and dragged Ren closer. They kissed languidly in the hall, Ren’s back against the door to his room, one hand fisted in Cian’s shirt, the other pulling his hips close. Hux leaned against him, rolling against Ren’s very interested body in slow circular twists.

 

“ _Get out of the hall, Master, you’re going to scar SR-3 for life and I for one do not want to explain to her what it is you’re doing!”_ HK yelled from the kitchen, and Hux laughed against Ren’s mouth.

 

“Sorry,” Hux tossed over his shoulder, and pressed the button for the door, shoving Ren through. “I had no intentions of lingering in the hall,” he murmured, drawing Ren’s face up for a kiss. “I’ve thought about this,” he confessed with a glint in his eyes.

 

The image of Cian hiding in his room to thoughts of Ren flashed through Hux’s mind, and consequently Ren’s. Arousal blasted through him so fast and hard that it left him gasping.  “Is this the part where I ask?” he inquired, sliding his hands through Hux’s hair.

 

Hux grinned at him, pushing him down onto the bed to straddle him, barely touching. “Only if you like,” he said archly.

Ren slid his hands over the backs of Hux’s thighs, pulling him down to press against him. “I don’t think _like_ is a strong enough word, Cian,” he said, a little hoarsely. “I’ve thought about this too.”

 

Cian leaned down to kiss him again, Ren’s hands still tucked under his thighs, pulling him in close. It felt like Ren couldn’t stop kissing him, couldn’t get enough of the way he felt. When that was no longer enough, Ren pulling Hux in tight, twisting one hip and spilling Cian onto the sheets instead. Hux laughed lightly, reaching up for Ren. “It’s been some time since you were with anyone,” Cian murmured, kissing Ren’s chin. “The same can be said for me.”

 

Ren tilted his head to the side as Cian leaned up on his elbows to kiss down his neck. “Since Felix,” Ren murmured on the tail end of a moan. “Less said about him the better though.”

 

Cian caught his lips in another kiss, and Ren bore him down to the bed, settling himself between Hux’s legs where he could feel every inch of how interested Cian was in the proceedings. He yanked Cian closer, holding him as close as he could, biting lightly on his lip. Hux was murmuring little gasps, squirming up against him.

 

Ren kissed his way down Cian’s throat, feeling his pounding heartbeat under his lips and tongue. As he made his way down his body, Ren flicked open buttons, pushing at fabric until Hux was bare chested beneath him. He was lithe, pale, and when Ren dragged his eyes from the lines of smooth muscle back to Hux’s gaze, visibly apprehensive.

 

“You’re gorgeous,” Ren murmured, pressing open mouthed kisses to Hux’s hipbone.

Hux snorted, running fond fingers through Ren’s hair. “Hardly that,” he said, dryly.

 

“No, you are,” Ren insisted, sliding his fingers up Hux’s thighs, and biting a mark into the pale flesh just above Cian’s belt. Hux’s hips jumped up at the touch of teeth, and he grunted softly. “I can prove it.” He bit Hux again, sucking an identical mark on that side, sinking his teeth in.

 

Gasping, Hux arched, one hand tightening in Ren’s hair, the other falling to the bed to grip the sheets. With his back bowed so, Ren couldn’t help but cup him through his leather pants, pressing his palm down lightly. A small sound escaped him, and Ren grinned to hear it. He kissed and bit at Hux’s chest as he rubbed his hand very gently over Cian’s trapped erection.

 

Fingers tightening in Ren’s hair, Hux gasped again, rolling his hips up. “Cruel,” he accused.

 

“Well, obviously,” Ren drawled, and tugged up Cian’s belt. A sound of relief rumbled deep in Hux’s chest, and Ren leaned up to kiss him thoroughly before divesting him of the last of his clothing.

 

“Also overdressed,” Hux complained, and Ren laughed.

 

He knelt up on the bed, eyes sliding over Hux, drinking him in. He shrugged off his shirt, tossing it to one side, before resting against Cian again. “Better?” he asked, as Hux’s fingers dug sharply into his shoulders.

 

“Fuck,” He said very clearly, and Ren ground down against him, his pants against Hux’s bared erection.

 

“We’ll get to that,” Ren said, kissing any protests away. “Patience, General.” He slid down again, pressing kisses with a hint of teeth down Hux’s chest, to his erection. Hux gripped the sheets on either side of his hips, tension so strong he was nearly vibrating with it running through him.

 

Ren glanced up, meeting Cian’s green eyes, and licked a stripe up the underside of his cock. Hux jerked like he’d been electrocuted, knuckles turning white. So Ren did it again.

 

Looking up over the planes of Hux’s stomach and chest, he could see how tight Hux’s jaw was, the way he’d thrown his head back, stark lines of his throat standing in relief. He wasted no time in sliding his mouth around the tip of Hux’s cock, sucking once before sinking down as far as he could go in one shot. Cian _keened_ , hips jerking both up and away, one hand flying to settle at the back of Ren’s head.

 

Ren worked his way back up, dragging his tongue as he went along. Hux whined in the back of his throat, a rough animal noise that caused Ren to grind his own erection into the bed. “Tease,” Hux growled, tugging on Ren’s hair.

 

“Does that mean stop?” Ren asked, and laughed when Hux snarled at him. Before Hux could retaliate, he dipped his head back down and took him back into his mouth, swallowing around him when the fit got tight. Anything he might have said got lost in the truly desperate strangled noise he made.

 

Hux buried his fingers in Ren’s hair, arching his back and groaning low in his throat. “This is feeling very one sided,” he managed to say, tugging not so gently on Ren.

Ren couldn’t exactly smile, but he hummed in agreement, and Cian’s eyes blew wide open, and he jerked up hard. “Kriffing hells, Ren,” he groaned.

 

His cheeks were red, the flush moving down his throat and turning his chest red as well. Ren hummed again, and sucked gently at Cian’s cock, wanting to draw out the experience. He liked doing this, he was _good_ at it.

 

Hux squirmed hard, legs falling open around Ren as he arched his back. “Kriffing hells,” he repeated, “you’re still wearing your pfassking pants!”

 

Ren pulled away, disengaging with a soft popping sound. “That,” he said, voice hoarse, “is more for my benefit.”

 

Leaning up on his elbows, Hux scowled at him. Though the effect was slightly lost as his cheeks were still flushed, and his hair was in total disarray. “Off!” he demanded, a thread of command in his tone.

 

Ren kicked off his boots, letting them fall to the floor as he pushed off his pants. Cian’s fingers hooked under Ren’s chin, urging him up for a gentle kiss. Ren cupped Cian’s face, letting himself sink down on top of him.

 

They kissed for an indeterminate length of time, tongue dueling, hips grinding together, when Cian hooked one leg around Ren’s waist and rolled them. Ren grinned up at him, as Cian - still flushed red and panting - pinned Ren’s wrists to the bed. It was light, just enough pressure for Ren to feel Hux’s individual fingers around his arms.

 

Ren flexed his shoulders, arching his back and pressing their bodies together in a long smooth glide. Hux shuddered, kissing Ren hard. “My turn,” he murmured, and bit what was obviously going to be a mark into the side of Ren’s neck.

 

Cian flexed his hips, back slightly arched to grind down hard, their trapped erections pressed together. Ren spread his legs just enough for Cian to slip down between them, wrapping one leg around his slim hips and arching up further. “No more waiting,” Ren said, and Hux kissed him.

 

When pleasure became a hard curl in his belly, and Hux’s eyes were nearly black with desire, Ren freed his wrists, to dart a hand between them. He circled both their cocks, thumb rubbing across both tips. Hux cried out, muffling the sound into Ren’s shoulder as he came, and Ren couldn’t help but follow behind.

 

Hux slipped off his lap, looking slightly uncertain. Ren snagged his wrist, dragging him back down, so that he lay beside Ren. “That…” he said with no hesitation or embarrassment, “was just as good as I imagined.”

 

“And how many times exactly did you imagine this?” Cian asked, fingertips playing along the planes of Ren’s stomach.

 

Ren grinned, tugging on a lock of Cian’s still black hair. “Probably every night since I was in the medical bay of Nar Shaddaa,” he answered. He turned on his side to face Cian, hooking their fingers together. “You know,” he added seriously, “I don’t expect this because you’ve decided to stay.”

 

Hux had the audacity to roll his eyes, leaning in and kissing Ren gently. “Yes, Ren. I know that.” He slipped off the bed, ignoring Ren’s whine. “I’m just going to the ‘fresher, you dramatic arse.”

 

He let his grin turn wicked, dragging his eyes up and down Hux’s body where he stood, framed in the light from the ‘fresher. “Want some company?”

 

Pausing with one hand on the door, Hux shot him a look over his shoulder. “I wouldn’t be opposed,” he drawled.

 

Ren pressed him up against the walls of the ‘fresher as soon as his feet hit the floor.

 

Hux laughed softly against Ren’s mouth, reaching behind him to turn the water on. “You have a strange preoccupation with seeing me against walls, dear Captain,” he murmured, returning his fingers to Ren’s face.

 

“Can you blame me?” Ren asked cheekily, bending to kiss him again.

“Oh no,” Hux replied, pushing Ren’s wet hair back and tucking it behind his ears. “I can clearly understand the desire.” He arched up, just enough to push Ren back a few inches. “I’m afraid though, that I’m no longer a young man and need at least a half an hour before we can continue this.”

 

Ren’s stomach took that moment to growl loudly, audible even over the sound of the water. “Food wouldn’t go amiss either,” he said, attempting to sound nonchalant.

 

Hux leaned against him, laughing, eyes a misty green grey. “Alright, food it is. Then, back to bed, before SR-3 manages to ensnare me.”

 

“Oh no, if she gets on your case, you’re all hers,” Ren said. “She’s the real captain of this ship, my title is only a cover.”

 

He laughed again, and Ren just _had_ to kiss him because of it.

 

*

 

After they’d eaten a quick dinner, hiding out in the kitchen, Ren slipped out into the main room to check for SR-3. LT-55 had closed the door to the engine room, while HK had deactivated while in the cockpit. The tiny astromech was nowhere to be seen.

 

He and Hux made it as far as his bedroom when SR dropped down from one of the ducts right into Hux’s damp hair. _[Lessons, Friend-Cian!]_

 

Hux made a put upon face, and scooped her off his head, holding her gently. “SR, there’s something I urgently need to do with Friend-Ren, is there any way we could postpone this until tomorrow’s day cycle?”

 

Her little eye light narrowed, and her arms waved around her round head emphatically. _[No, Friend-Cian! You’ve spent all day with Friend-Ren, it’s my turn now.]_

 

“She says that you’ve spent all day with me so it’s her turn now,” Ren supplied when Hux looked frustrated.

 

Sighing, Hux put her on his shoulder. “Fine. To the kitchen, then.” He started to turn away, then went back for a kiss. Ren kept it as chaste as possible, considering SR-3 was literally right there, but he still reached out and brushed Hux’s mind with all the intentions he had for the anomalous ‘later’.

 

Hux stumbled a little, craning his head to scowl at Ren as he turned the corner.

 

Ren grinned to himself as he headed to the cockpit to go through the holonet. It had been a long while since he scanned transmissions and there were several people he should write messages to. Ganna, being one of them, letting her know that they’d beaten Aleksi Ren with no trouble.

 

Well, little to no trouble. He certainly wasn’t going to mention to Ganna that he got Force crushed so hard that his nose bled. Though, knowing her, she probably would figure it out simply by reading the message.

 

Dimly, he can hear Hux repeating things back to SR, but he tunes them out. The holonet is splashed with information about the battles the First Order are losing against the Resistance. How each ship has failed, or how the Order have even turned tail and run mid battle.

 

He absently composed a letter to Ganna, describing the ease of their win: specifically about how Hux had stabbed a Knight in the back on Dantooine, and that they’d taken down Aleksi together. He writes one to Kiel while he’s at it, mostly about the change in his relationship with Cian, if only to gain advice on how to proceed.

 

When he’d been with Felix, they’d never labeled it anything. No words of love had ever truly been spoken. Felix had been out for a bedwarmer, and Ren had been out for not being alone. It had worked for a while - but Ren realized near the end of that horrible period of time that he’s never going to be cut out for casual.

 

If Hux wanted this; it had to be real.

 

“I’ve a question,” Hux said from behind him, SR-3 sitting on his shoulder. “I’ve begun to figure out what she calls us, but she’s not saying Friend-Ren when she speaks of you.”

 

The bottom dropped out of Ren’s stomach. He shut down the console, turning slowly in the seat to face him. “She’s calling me by my first name,” he admitted painfully. “It’s Ben,” he said.

 

Hux blinked at him. “Your parents named you Ben Ren?” he asked, with faint tinges of horror. “Truly?”

 

Ren dropped his head down, letting his hair fall into his face. “No,” he said, every word dragged from him. “Ren is… not my name at all. I assumed it, ten years ago. It… suited me, in a way that my true name didn’t.” He tore his gaze from the floor, looking into Hux’s eyes. “My name is Ben,” he said clearly. “Ben… Ben Organa Solo.”

 

There was a beat of silence. Then two. Hux very carefully reached up and removed SR-3 from his shoulder, putting her on the floor. Then, very slowly, and turned and stomped away. _[Friend-Ben??]_ SR asked, fearfully.

 

“Not right now, darling.” Ren leapt over her, and caught up to Hux in the kitchen. “Cian?” he asked, standing in the doorway.

 

Hux held up one hand, fingers trembling lightly, asking for silence. Ren gave it to him, biting his lip so hard he tasted blood. Hux turned around, his face pale with anger and his eyes a dark snapping green. “You didn’t think to mention that?!” Hux shouted. “Do you know what the First Order would _do_ if they knew I was with you? Do you know what _Supreme Leader Snoke would do to us_?” Ren flinched at the name, and Hux turned deathly pale. “Oh kriff,” he whispered.

 

“What?” Is all Ren has time to ask before the Dark presence fills the ship and the pain hits.

 

Ren went screaming to the ground, familiar fingers of ice and death driving wedges into his eyes, and Hux landed next to him, hands already covering his eyes. Snoke tore through his head, ripping up the memories of the afternoon, pleasure soaked and safe, throwing them into the darkness. Ren howled, fingers digging bloody furrows into his temples, trying to slam doors closed inside his head.

 

Hux rolled onto his back, eyes nothing but slits of white as he seizes, limbs jerking awkwardly.

 

HK’s triple toned yell split through him, and Ren screamed again, as Snoke found what he was looking for. _Ahh,_ the force in his mind whispered. _Little Ben Solo, ran away from home. You’ve done well for yourself._

 

“Get out of my head! Get out of _his_ head!” Ren slammed a hand into the ground, feeling the knuckles break, using the pain to center himself. “I will _never_ join your side.”

 

Snoke chuckled, the sound sending spasms to each of his limbs. _My poor misguided child,_ Snoke crooned. _You already have._

 

Ren shrieked like a mad thing, twisting on the floor, despite HK’s hands holding him down. “I reject you, _snake_!” he yelled, and the sensation of his spine being ripped out was his reward.

 

He collapsed to the ground, panting. Snoke used his eyes to look around, focusing on his current coordinates displayed helpfully on one of the consoles in the kitchen. _I’ll see you soon, my dearest boy._

 

Snoke’s presence fled, and Ren laid on the floor, trying to remember how to breathe, trying to tell his aching body that he did in fact still have a spine.

 

Hux lay just out of his reach, chest moving rapidly as he breathed. “HK,” he rasped out.

 

The droid struggled to his feet - there was a dent in the wall, he must have been blown backwards - and knelt by his side. “Master?” he asked.

 

“Help me up, we need to get out of here.” He clung to HK, relying on the droid to get him up. “Get me to the cockpit, then get Cian to the medbay. The First Order knows where we are, and I need to… we need to go.” His voice broke, but Ren didn’t have time to mourn his fledgling relationship.

 

Once he was up though, HK went and picked up Hux, carrying him towards the med bay. Ren limped along behind him; he had time enough for this. Once Hux was laid out on a bed, Ren leaned over him and pressed a tender kiss to his lips. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I think I could have loved you.” He leaned his forehead against Hux’s cheek then struggled back to his feet.

 

“Master?” HK questioned.

 

“Go set a course, HK. I’ll be right there,” Ren said, reaching out for the door to steady himself. Blood began dripping steadily from his nose, but he ignored it, too focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

 

HK nodded smartly. “Where to, Master?” he asked, stepping out into the hall.

 

Ren took a deep breath, exhaling it shakily.

 

“Set a course to D’Qar,” Ben said. “I think it’s time to go home.”

 

*

  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. xii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He let her go, stepping off the edge of the ramp and leading her out in the the camp proper. “I need your help. We need your help.”_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _“You… and the droids?” Leia asked, a delicate frown marring her face._
> 
>  
> 
> _“Me and Hux,” he said._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for Lex, Song, and Alex <3
> 
> No Mando'a, no beta and we're really getting into the meat of things now. I forsee probably another 8-10 chapters, but don't hold me to that. Enjoy! #sorrynotsorry
> 
>  
> 
> [Come talk to me about Darth Tantrum and his Evil Space Ginger on tumblr!](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/)

Xii

 

They came up on D’Qar within a few galactic hours, Hux still unconscious in the Medbay. SR-3 sat on his shoulder, her arms clutching at his hair.  _ [Friend-Ben?] _ She murmured sadly,  _ [Is Friend-Cian going to be alright?] _

 

Ren swallowed, throat clicking. His mind throbbed, and everything ached with a deep abiding pain. “I don’t know,” he whispered to her. “I’ll know more when he wakes up.”

 

The comm buzzed with a bit of static before she could say anything more, and Ren turned his attention to the giant blue/green planet he hadn’t seen since he was twelve years old. “This is Comm Officer Tannis Jakar,” the comm fizzed out. “You are approaching restricted space. State your business.”

 

He drew in a deep breath, holding it for a second to calm his nerves. “Comm Officer Jakar, my name is Ren, Captain of the Untouchable. I have important information for your General, Leia Organa, I’ve recently come from First Order controlled space, and barely escaped with my life and ship intact. I ask for sanctuary, in return for my information.”

 

There was a pause, before the comm fizzed again. “What information do you have, exactly?” 

 

Ren closed his eyes. “I have in my possession General Hux, recently deposed of the First Order,” he said. 

 

The pause was longer this time - they were likely arguing about how true his words were - but Ren took that time to center himself. He breathed through the pain of betrayal, this time his own, and reminded himself that this was the only choice. He let himself mourn, counting out the seconds, before he shoved it all behind a durasteel door and closed it. Hux would forgive him… or he wouldn’t.

 

“Proceed with landing,” the Comm officer said. “Please come out alone.”

 

Ren swallowed. “Other than the General, I am the only humanoid on the ship. I have three droids with me.”

 

“Understood, Captain Ren.” The comm buzzed once more and fell silent, so Ren began the landing procedure. 

 

As the autopilot took them down, Ren went and changed, fingers trembling slightly. SR-3 only let him go long enough for him to switch his shirts, before she climbed up his body again. Ren pulled his hair back, but SR just transferred her grip to the collar of his shirt. “You coming with me, little darling?” he murmured.

 

She pressed the top of her head to the corner of his jaw.  _ [Of course I am, Friend-Ben. I’m never leaving you alone again.] _

 

That, absurdly, was what made him want to cry. “Master?” HK asked from the doorway. “How are we to proceed?”

 

Ren dug his fingers into his eye sockets, rubbing hard for the barest second. “HK, I wouldn’t normally ask this, but… protocol programming only. No biting wit, or sarcasm, and definitely no assassination jokes. We need to be spotless right now.”

 

HK nodded, unhooking the blaster pistol at his hip, and removing the scattergun and rifle, laying them on Ren’s bed. “Are you going to tell them who you are, Master?” HK asked, vocal modulator scrubbed of his particular brand of sarcasm. 

 

He bowed his head. “I’m going to have to.” He strode out of the room, lining his spine with durasteel. “LT,” he called before heading to the loading bay, “hold down the ship for me. HK, SR, and I are stepping out.” 

 

The loading bay doors seemed to lower for a thousand years before he was able to make his way down the ramp. There were several people waiting for him, a few that he recognized immediately. His mother stood before him, still imposing despite her height. A young dark skinned man, with kind eyes stood at her left shoulder, Admiral Ackbar at her right. Poe Dameron was just behind them, and a young girl with brown hair and a double sided electrostaff. 

 

Ren stepped off the ship, hands half raised in surrender. “I am Captain Ren,” he said clearly. “On my right shoulder is SR-3, my communication droid. At my left is HK-51, my protocol droid. The astromech LT-55 will remain on the ship, as he is in charge of the engine room. You can find General Hux in the medical bay, unconscious.”

 

“Were you the one who knocked him out?” Dameron asked, half curiosity, half belligerence. 

 

He had to fight the urge to rub the back of his neck, a tell he hated, and shook his head. “No. We were… attacked, by the leader of the First Order.”

 

“Snoke?” his mother asked, and Ren flinched at the name, expecting pain and icy cold. 

 

“Yes,” he said. “Hux has been unconscious since that moment. When he came to me, he’d been tortured, this was another attack of the same.” He rubbed his temple, trying to will away the feeling of fingers inside his head. 

 

Someone brushed against his mind and he jerked back, slamming the doors of his head closed. The dark haired girl flinched. “He’s hiding something,” she said.

 

Ren scowled. “Forgive me if I’m just a little bit wary of people touching my mind after what happened a few hours ago,” he bit out. 

 

His mother registered surprise, and she tilted her head to the side. “You’re a Force sensitive.”

 

He sighed, tilting his head down. “Yes,” he admitted. “I am.” Both the dark skinned man, the brown haired girl and his mother frowned. HK stepped slightly closer, pressing his arm into Ren’s shoulder blade. “My name isn’t Ren,” he added, slow and painful. “It is, so far as my ID chip says, but I changed it to Ren years ago. I was… I was born Ben Organa Solo.” He swallowed. “Hello, mother.”

 

Pandemonium broke out. 

 

Leia jerked back half a step, Dameron jerked a full step forward, reaching out. Only the other man, and the girl didn’t react. “Ben?” Leia whispered. 

 

Ren scratched the back of his head. “Hi, mom,” he said softly. 

 

He felt a gentle touch brush across his mind, familiar as his own. Ren sighed in relief, and opened his mind to all the memories he’d done his best to bury. Every memory of sitting on his father’s lap learning to fly the Millenium Falcon. Every memory of following his mother around, spending hours learning how to talk to people. Every memory of the trouble he and Poe would get up to.

 

Leia gasped, her hand covering her mouth. “Ben,” she breathed, and the word resonated between them. 

 

Ren braced himself against her embrace, but Poe beat her to it. He found himself yanked into strong arms, and SR-3 squealed happily.  _ [Friend-Poe!]  _ she cheered. 

 

Poe leaned back, fingers still clenched in Ren’s vest. “Did she just call me Friend-Poe?” he asked, hoarsely.    
  


Embarrassed, Ren nodded. “I… may have told her about you.” 

 

“Kriff, Ben,” Poe murmured, and dragged him into another hug. This time, Ren wrapped his arms around Poe’s shoulders, hugging him back. 

 

When Poe stepped back, Leia gently pushed him out of the way to stand in front of Ren. He’d never noticed how small she was. “Sorry,” Ren murmured, looking down at her. “I… didn’t know what else to do.”

 

She embraced him tightly, her head not even reaching his shoulder. “I’m just so glad you’re alive,” she said, her voice breaking around the edges. “Oh Ben, I never should have sent you away.”

 

Ren winced. “We don’t need to talk about that now. Or ever.” He let her go, stepping off the edge of the ramp and leading her out in the the camp proper. “I need your help.  _ We  _ need your help.”

 

“You… and the droids?” Leia asked, a delicate frown marring her face.

 

“Me and Hux,” he said. 

 

She paused and looked up at him, her expression baffled. “Ben, sweetheart, what are you talking about?” 

 

Ren made a face, rubbing the back his neck. “Look, could we… not have this conversation out in the open? I know you need to put him a cell. And I want to see dad. Just… he’s been punished a lot.” He inhaled shakily. “We both have.”   
  


Leia gazed at him for a long moment. “Alright,” she said, gently. “We’ll take care.” 

 

They walked into a main building, a small entourage of people behind them. Poe bounced forward, hooking his fingers in Ren’s elbow. “Ben, you’ve gotta meet someone,” he said. Both the girl and his mother sighed heavily, wearing amused but long suffering expressions. “Here, here, turn around.”

 

Ben gave him his full attention, raising his eyebrows. “Who?”

 

“This,” Poe said dramatically. “Is Finn.” He gestured to the dark skinned man, who looked sheepish as he waved. 

 

Ren glanced at his mother, looking for a clue. She was visibly stifling a smile, offering him no help whatsoever. “Uh,” he said inelegantly. “Hi?”

 

“Finn,” Poe said proudly, “is the reason the Starkiller base fell.” 

 

“I am not,” Finn said immediately. “I just helped a little.” He smiled at Poe when he spoke though. “You really need to meet Rey.” Ren froze, staring him. 

 

The brown haired girl snorted. “I didn’t do anything,” she said immediately. 

 

Ren turned towards her like a homing beacon. “Rey?” he repeated. She nodded, slowly. “Rey?” he asked again, just to be sure. 

 

“Yes, that  _ is  _ my name,” she snapped. 

 

He crossed the room towards her in two steps, collapsing to his knees and wrapping his arms around her waist. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I would never have left you there if I had known. I thought you were dead, you were  _ so still  _ and cold.”

 

Rey was stiff in his arms. “What is he talking about?” she demanded, pushing at his shoulders. “Why are you hugging me, stop hugging me!”

 

Ren let her go, but remained kneeling in front of her. “When S--- uh. When the Supreme Leader attacked the Jedi Academy, fifteen years ago, I was a Padawan there - as were you. He killed, he and his Knights killed everyone. I saw you fall, he tossed your body like it was  _ nothing _ .”

 

There was a pause, and Rey tightened her grip on his shoulders. “I was at the Jedi Academy?” she demanded.

 

He looked up at her, confused. “Yes?” he answered. “You were very young at the time. We celebrated your sixth birthday only days before the attack.” 

 

She gasped, hands coming up to her mouth. “I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything!” 

 

Ren bowed his head, leaning his forehead on her stomach. “I’m sorry. I just left you there.”

 

Poe moved forward, lifting Ren with a light touch on his elbow. “I know you, Ben. You wouldn’t have hurt Rey for anything in the galaxy. It wasn’t your fault.”

 

“General? Sirs?” a voice said from the doorway. Familiar, mechanical… C-3PO. “General Hux is awake.”

 

“Where?” Ren demanded. 

 

*

 

He let himself into the cell block, listening for Hux’s loud complaining. “--ere is Ren?!” he was demanding. “He hasn’t  _ done  _ anything, what have you done with Captain Ren?!” 

 

Ren turned the corner, chest tight. “I’m here,” he said. “I’m right here, they haven’t hurt me.”

 

Hux went to the bars on his cell, reaching through. Ren took his hand, standing as close to the bars as he physically dared. “Don’t they know you are?” Hux asked. 

 

“Well,” Ren said with a rueful laugh. “They do now.”

 

“And?” Hux demanded. “What happened after they captured us?”

 

Ren realized then, with a slow dawning horror that Hux thought they’d been picked up by the Resistance by force. His fingers twitched, dropping Hux’s. “Cian,” Ren murmured, leaning his forehead on the bars. “What do you remember?”

 

“ _ He  _ came for us, you were screaming,” Hux said instantly. “I don’t remember anything beyond that.”

 

Ren nodded, gripping the bars. “He did. And I was. You had a seizure, like you did in the dream. He used my eyes to find our coordinates, promised he’d be with us soon. As soon as I could move, I knew we had to get out of there. That he’d seen me, he remembered me, and we would never be safe from him again.” 

 

To his credit, Hux only took half a moment to put it together. “No. Oh, no. Ren. What have you done?”

 

Ren closed his eyes. “I gave us up,” he whispered. “I called the Resistance myself.” 

 

Hux shoved away from the bars, pacing the length of his cell, once, twice. “So,” Hux said evenly, his back turned to Ren. “You lied to me.”

 

“I didn’t lie to you,” Ren whispered. 

 

“Then why,” Hux asked, very calmly, “am I  _ here,  _ Ren - oh. No, I’m sorry. That was another one of your lies. Why am I here,  _ Ben _ ?” 

 

Ren flinched. “Don’t call me that. You don’t have to call me that. I’m always going to be Ren.” He hunched his shoulders, huddling in close to the bars. “Cian, I’m  _ sorry _ .”

 

Hux laughed, bitter and broken. “I can’t believe I was  _ stupid _ enough to trust you,” he said. “Get out, Ben. Go back to your friends and family in the  _ Resistance _ .” It felt like Snoke all over again, like his heart was being ripped from his chest. He stumbled away from the bars, heart trailing bloody ribbons over the floor. He made it to the corner, leaning his shoulder heavily on it. “Just tell me one thing,” Hux said, voice raised slightly. “Are you going to stand by and watch them kill me?”

 

Inhaling sharply, Ren shook his head once without turning around. “No. I wouldn’t let them.”  He stepped around the corner, one hand out to steady himself against it.

 

“Ben,” Hux intoned just before he disappeared completely. He paused, head hanging. “Tell SR-3 goodbye for me.”

 

That, absurdly was what brought tears to his eyes. He blinked rapidly, nodded once. He made his escape before Hux could see his face. HK and SR waited for him outside the holding cells, and Ren scooped SR off HK’s shoulder, putting her on his own.  _ [Friend-Ben?]  _ she asked, sadly.

 

“I’m okay,” he answered, hating how his voice had gone thin and reedy. “We’re okay, SR.” HK made a considering noise of disbelief and Ren scowled at him. “Cian says goodbye,” he said, brushing gentle fingers over her side.

 

_ [Goodbye? Where is Friend-Cian going?] _

 

“Nowhere,” Ren murmured, “and that’s the problem.” He stood for a second, alone but for the droids, and tried to center himself within the Force. He eventually became aware of people on the periphery of his awareness, and he opened his eyes. Across the way, his mother stood with a tall man, hair long gone gray. 

 

As soon as Ren’s eyes focused on them, they turned toward him. Ren inhaled harshly, unsure he could take another emotional meeting today. The man stepped forward, seemingly content to wait for him to make his way over. 

 

Ren swallowed hard. “Dad.”

 

He gathered the tattered remains of his heart and his courage and walked over to where Han Solo stood. “Ben,” he said when he drew close. Ren barely managed to keep from flinching. “We thought you were dead,” Solo said, awkward, and fidgeting. 

 

Ren huffed out an awkward laugh of his own. “I know.” How was he supposed to explain that he thought that was best? That at the time, fifteen years old, alone and surrounded by his dead friends, that letting little Ben Solo stay dead seemed like the only answer left available to him. 

 

Han shoved his hands in his pockets, and Ren could read his desire to hug him clearly without even trying. He stepped in closer, realizing that he was now taller than his father who had once seemed larger than life to him. His father finally lost the battle with his resolve to give Ren space, and tugged him into a hug. “Sorry,” he said roughly. 

 

Ren shook his head, hugging his father back, trying not to jostle SR-3 who was strangely silent. “It’s alright,” he muttered. “It’s… it’s good to be back.”

 

Leading him gently by the shoulders, Han walked him away from the holding cell block. “I heard you were a smuggler, taking after your old man, hmm?” he asked, just too much strain to be properly teasing.

 

He let himself relax. “Well,” Ren drawled, “someone had me training to scam docking officials since I was six. It seemed wrong not to continue.”

 

Han barked a harsh peel of laughter. “You remember that?”

 

“Of course,” Ren said. “I never forgot.” 

 

He found himself led into another building, this one clearly a command center. Several minds leapt out at him, Poe’s, the man Finn’s, Rey’s, his mother’s. Whatever he was being led into, it was important.

 

“Captain Ren,” his mother said - and thank the Force, she’d picked up on his aversion to being called Ben - and smiled at him. “I know you have brought us a most important person. I’ve gathered us all here, though, to find out what your intentions are now that you’ve come to us. Do you intend to stay?” she asked, and if there was hope in the words, he was the only one who could hear it.

 

Ren inhaled, steadying himself. “I am fully prepared to offer my help to the Resistance,” he said. “With one stipulation.”

 

His mother didn’t look surprised, to her credit. “Of course, what is it you would ask from us?”

 

“I will stay,” Ren said evenly, “if you do not kill General Hux.” Ren would not be swayed. “If he dies, I will leave and never return here again.”

  
  
  



	13. xii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"What else can you do?" she asked, excitedly._
> 
> _"I can show you or I can help Uncle Luke," Ren said, teasing. "Which would you like?"_
> 
> _Her eyes brightened even further, and she reached out and grabbed his sleeve. "Teach me!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex, Song and Alex, and everyone who found me on [ tumblr.](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> No Mando'a in this chapter, but a warning for child death, and talk of force torture.
> 
> So much talking this chapter!
> 
> This was posted from my tablet, I apologize for everything.

There was a cacophony of noise to his declaration but Ren weathered it. He stood, firm in stance and belief. Dameron cleared his throat, stepping out and meeting his gaze. "You do know what he did, right, Ben?" he asked a mix of curiosity and disapproval. 

 

Ren nodded, inclining in his head. "I do. I know what he did to the Hosnian system. I heard the sound of billions of voices crying out and then the silence they left behind. Like many others, I watched the propaganda holovid. My stipulation remains the same: should you put General Hux to the death, I will disappear and you will never see me again." He stared hard at Poe, his mother, his father, willing them to see the truth in his eyes: he'd hidden from them once, he would do it again. 

 

Leia took over before the whispering could become shouting. "The New Republic does not condone the death penalty," she said firmly. "General Hux may live out the rest of his days within a cell - though perhaps not the ones here. We can have him transfered, when it comes to that." 

 

Ren would sooner break him out before that happened, but for now, Hux was safer where he was. "Agreed," he said. 

 

That seemed to break the tableau, and Poe strode forward, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "Don't think I didn't notice that entirely too recent love bite on your neck," Poe said pleasantly. "We are going to be talking about that." 

 

"We really aren't," Ren muttered. Leia materialized before them, holding out her hands for Ren. 

 

"I do apologize, Poe," she said warmly, "but there is someone else my son needs to meet." 

 

Poe nodded swiftly. "Of course, General. Come find me after, Ben." He debated whether or not to tell Poe to stop kriffing calling him Ben and decided that it ultimately didn't matter. Ben Solo was more of a dream anyway, let Poe keep dreaming. 

 

"Mom?" he asked, as she led him from the room, and out into the main compound. 

 

She patted his arm. "I know, it's been an emotional day and also a long one. But there is one more person you should see before we find you accommodations." 

 

"I can stay on my ship," Ren said hastily. "I'll be more comfortable there anyway." 

 

Leia regarded him for a moment, even as she walked beside him. "It's been a long time for you, I know that. But you can be safe here, Ren." 

 

A tightness in his chest eased at his chosen name, and he smiled. "I know. And thank you." 

 

_ [Why can't we stay with Friend-Cian?] _ SR-3 asked, speaking for the first time in a long while. 

 

At the name, Leia's fond look melted into startlement then morphed quickly into suspicion and a dawning knowledge. "Well," Ren said, tilting his head to look up at the clear blue sky, "that would be because Friend-Cian is very angry with me, and would probably steal you to cuddle with and kick me out." 

 

SR-3 thought about that for a second before spinning her head to look down at Leia.  _ [Friend-Mother, can I sleep with Friend-Cian?] _

 

"Friend-Cian, hmm?" Leia drawled. "Well, SR-3, what are your qualifications?" 

 

_ [I'm a specialized communications astromech,] _ SR-3 said proudly.  _ [But I'm currently disconnected from the system, as we are not aboard the Untouchable. When I'm within the ship, Friend-Ben can use my interface as though I was a holoterminal. I rarely leave the ship.]  _

 

"Where did you find her, Ren?" Leia asked, reaching up to touch SR. 

 

Ren made a face. "In a rubbish heap on Hutta. Her internal battery was dying and she was crying. I dug through the trash with a friend of mine, until we found her. We managed to fix her up, but for the crack in her casing here, on her face." 

 

_ [Friend-Ganna!] _ SR cheered. 

 

"Yes. Our friend, Ganna." Ren chattered needlessly on about Ganna's daring escape from Kuna the Hutt, until they reached an open clearing in the forest beyond the hub of the Resistance. 

 

He felt, before he saw, and Ren's head snapped up. "Uncle Luke." Luke stepped out from behind a tree, old, gray, and with one cold metal hand. 

 

"Hello, Ren," he said evenly. "It's been a long time." Out of the corner of his eye, Ren can see his mother give Luke a sharp glance. "What, Leia?" he asked, exasperated. "He prefers his chosen name, that can't be a surprise." 

 

Uncomfortable, Ren rubbed the back of his neck, looking anywhere but at his mother. "Sorry," he murmured when the silence became expectant. "I've been Ren for almost as long as I've been Ben." He didn't say 'Ben Solo is dead', he doesn't say 'I killed him', but he got the feeling that Luke heard him anyway. 

 

"We have a lot to talk about," Luke said, and Leia sighed heavily. 

 

"So many years and nothing has changed," she snapped, but with a thread of fondness in her tone. "Still edging me out like you think you can protect me." 

 

Luke's expression was very grave. "A General you may be, sister, but if I could protect you from what haunts our boy, then I will." He smiled then, a placid thing that looked ill placed on his features. "Would you bring me Rey and Finn, please?" 

 

Her glance at Ren was all worry, and Ren attempted to smile. He'd been living with the Force wounds in his head for fifteen years, it didn't matter much what they did with them in the next ten minutes. "I'm fine," he told her. 

Leia rubbed her forehead, right between her eyes. "You say that like I can't hear the way you and your General Hux are screaming." 

 

Ren made a face, tugging the shirt up higher on his shoulder and neck. "I've had those screams for fifteen years," he said, not unkindly. "I've learned to live with them." 

 

Both Luke and Leia looked pained at that admission, and Ren was immediately uncomfortable again. Leia gave him a brief hug, before turning and heading back to the camp to get Rey and Finn. 

 

Luke stepped closer, coming within touching range. "Tell me," Luke insisted gently. 

 

It all poured out, how little Ben Solo at seven years old heard the first whispers of the Dark - then an anomalous concept without name - and ignored it because it didn't say the right words. That when his mother or Luke had spoken of the dangers of the Dark side, he'd taken the mysterious voice literally. 

 

He'd thought the Dark had a sentient presence, and had cried and prayed and hoped that the Light side would too and that it would come for him and show him he was more than just an accident waiting to happen. 

 

He told Luke of how it had grown worse once he'd gotten to the Jedi Temple on Dagobah, almost exponentially so. How each new student was just another way to be taunted. Except for little Rey, who helped quiet the voices in his head. That when he attempted to tell Luke what was happening, he couldn't speak, the words were gone - leaving him trailing about like a halfwit. 

 

"Give in," Ren murmured in remembered fear, "and I will give you anything you desire. Give in, and you will know secrets beyond your wildest dreams. Give in... And  _ you will never be alone again _ ." 

 

His narrative stopped abruptly, and he wrapped his arms around himself. "Go on," Luke murmured gently. 

 

Ren blinked, trying to center himself. "I could feel the way the Dark chipped at me," he said. "I didn't know it was... Him, yet." He thought back, how he'd grown angrier and angrier, unable to control the smallest of things. He'd thought it was the Light finally leaving him, and he was terrified. "What was worse," he said, "was that no one noticed." 

 

Luke shut his eyes, a pained expression flitting over his face. "Ren..." he murmured. 

 

"No," Ren said. "You didn't notice, and neither did Rose, and neither did anyone else. I was alone with the voice of the Dark side in my head and we can't go back and fix it." He heaved a deep breath. "When they came - I know now that they were the Knights of Ren - when they came, and started killing, the leader came right up to me. Her eyes were black from lid to lid, like someone had spilled oil into her." He licked his lips. "I'd been fighting. I was trying to get to Song, and to Rey. They were so little." 

 

"Where were the others?" Luke asked him when Ren fell silent again. "I don't know where the older students were. I assume they... Died, first." Ren tightened his grip on his shirt, digging his fingers in. "I found Song too late. Rey had already found him, and she was crying. I shoved her behind me, and then... The Knight found us." The phantom feeling of rain fell over his skin and he shivered. "She grabbed my face, and when she spoke it was the voice. The one that was in my head, the one I thought was the Dark." Ren tilted his head down, staring at the forest floor. "Rey screamed at her, told her to leave me alone." He smiled a little at that. 

 

When he looked up again, Luke was two paces closer. "That does sound like Rey."

 

Ren nodded. "It was too late. There were seven of them, and two of us, and Rey was so little. One of the Knights grabbed her, threatened me. Demanded I go with them, or they'd kill her. Rey reached out for me, hands and mind, and told me to say no." Ren dug the palm of his hand into his eye, trying to fight back useless tears. "I said no." 

 

Luke took his hand gently away from his face, holding it in his flesh and blood one. "I found her under a rock, near death. I found a great deal of your blood not that far from her." 

 

"I... Panicked." Ren said slowly. "Rey was gone, Song was gone. I was the only one left. I used Project." He made a fist with his free hand, dragging stone up a few feet away and flinging it into a rock. "I used a lot of Project," he added dryly. "I blocked my mind they way you told me, hiding under the rocks I'd summoned. They left, thinking I'd committed suicide. That was the first time I heard his name - the Leader of the Knights said he would be displeased." 

 

"You saved my life," Rey said from behind them, sounding shocked. 

 

Ren froze, panic clawing up his throat and into his heart. Finally, he tugged his hand from Luke's and turned to face her and the man, Finn. "I did," he finally said. "You... Uh. You used to follow me around," he said. "You'd fist your hand in my shirt or on my belt so I couldn't walk too fast without leaving you behind." 

 

Luke cleared his throat, disrupting the tableau. "Rey, Finn, I know you both are new within the Force, especially you Finn. But we must do something about the marks that Snoke left on Ren." 

 

_ [And Friend-Cian!] _ SR-3 chimed in fiercely. 

 

With a confused frown, Luke blinked. "Who is Cian?" he asked, baffled. 

 

"General Hux," Finn and Ren said together. 

 

Ren twisted to look at him, just as confused as Luke. Finn looked sheepish, shuffling his feet. "How do you know Hux's first name?" Ren asked. "I was given to understand most people thought he was named for his father." 

 

Finn sighed, visibly apprehensive. "He um... Well. You see. Finn is a chosen name for me too, Captain. I'm actually FN-2187, I was a Stormtrooper." 

 

Ren raised both of his eyebrows. "That's... Impressive," he said. "You probably ought not go into those Holding Cells then," he added. 

 

"Trust me," Finn muttered, "I hadn't planned on it." 

 

Luke shook his head, stepping up so they were in a lopsided semi circle. "No. Despite your history, we will need to heal Cian Hux of the Force wounds he's sustained, else we will have a far greater chance of Snoke being able to listen in on us." 

 

Ren didn't bother to hide his flinch at the name. "It only seems to work when one of us says his name. We... Weren't doing terribly until he got angry with me." Admitting that hurt, and he stroked two fingers over SR's side when she beeped sadly. 

 

"It doesn't matter if he is our enemy," Luke said firmly. "A jedi strives to end suffering, not cause it." 

 

He gave half a thought to insisting he's not a jedi, but when Luke shot him an impatient side glance, he held his tongue. It was fairly clear that Luke knew he was no jedi. 

 

"What about the Knights of... Uhhh... Ren?" Finn asked. 

 

Ren hooked his fingers in his vest, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. "Most of them are dead," he said. "Aleksi, Damascus, Castille, Lucius, and Erasmo. The only one still living is Revan Ren, and she's on the Finalizer with... Her master." 

 

Rey frowned. "How do you know?" 

 

"Because I killed them," Ren said blandly. "And Hux was tortured by Revan and her master before escaping the First Order." Luke sighed again, and it was so familiar that Ren grinned. "Sorry Uncle," he said. 

 

"If we could get back to the matter at hand," Luke said firmly. "Ren, you seem to have extensive training for one who has been on his own for so long. Tell me what you can do, and don't destroy the clearing to do it please. Words will suffice." 

 

Ren grinned at him. "According to the books I found at the Jedi temple on Coruscant, I was inclined towards the path of the Sage." Luke's look of abject surprise was one to be savored for the rest of his life. "Finn," Ren said, perhaps a little grandly. "You have a wound on your back." 

 

Finn jerked in surprise. "Yeah," he said inelegantly. "Revan Ren sliced me open with her 'saber when Rey and I were fighting her on Starkiller. I've only been up on my feet for a few days. I still need to go back for bacta treatments every three days, or risk infection," he recited by rote. 

 

Ren unhooked SR-3 from his shoulder, handing her off to Rey who cooed and rubbed her cheek against the top of the droid's head. "If you'll allow me," Ren said, "I can show you what a Sage does." 

 

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Why not?" Finn moved closer to him, and tugged off his jacket and shirt. The wound was clearly grievous, durasteel cybernetics holding Finn's spine together. The skin that covered them was red and shiny, a pale milky color that contrasted poorly with his natural color. 

 

"I won't be able to do much for the scarring," Ren said apologetically. 

 

"That's fine," Finn said with half a laugh. "I'm not self conscious." 

 

Ren breathed in, counting out the seconds of breath and he fell deeper into the Force. It was harder to do with an audience that wasn't Hux, but after a minute of even breathing, Rey's anxious eyes on him ceased to make him nervous. He summoned the will to heal Finn's back, watching in satisfaction as his hands lit up with soft blue light. 

 

Without touching the wound itself, Ren trailed his way from the back of Finn's neck down towards his lower back where the slice ended. Finn jerked, but didn't move out of his range. "That... That's really weird," he said. "I can't feel the healing but I can feel you." 

 

"That's his force of will, manipulating the Force," Luke said, a familiar teacher tone to his voice. 

 

Ren did one more pass from top to bottom before he let the power fade away again. The wound was nearly entirely healed, the scar a pale brown, but the lights from the cybernetics were no longer visible through his skin. "Try to move," Ren invited. 

 

He did, turning side to side, bending down to touch the ground, and twisting only his upper body towards Ren. "It doesn't hurt," he said wonderingly. "Kriff! That's amazing!" 

 

Rey reached out and touched his back before turning with bright eyes to Ren. She'd followed his lead and put SR-3 on her shoulder, where the droid had clung to her hair the way she usually clung to Ren's. "What else can you do?" she asked, excitedly. 

 

"I can show you or I can help Uncle Luke," Ren said, teasing. "Which would you like?" 

 

Her eyes brightened even further, and she reached out and grabbed his sleeve. "Teach me!" 

 

*

 

Ren managed to avoid Poe for the rest of the day, spending the entire afternoon and evening in the forest with Luke and their two students. Truly, Ren had never believed he could teach anyone anything. But Rey ate up everything he threw at her - literally - and Finn was an attention and studious learner. 

 

When he imagined seeing Luke again, he hadn't believed they could even sit in the same room together let alone teach two burgeoning Force users together. 

 

After Rey and Finn had finally begged off, craving dinner, Ren collected SR-3 from her safe place on a rock and went back to the camp. He'd eaten dinner with his parents, which was probably the weirdest thing he'd done all day. 

 

He slipped back onto the Untouchable, citing SR-3's charge port as the reason he was sleeping on the ship, despite his mother's disapproving frown. 

It was Han who told her to leave him be, he prefered to sleep on the Falcon more often than not, he'd said. Ren plugged the flagging SR-3 in, sinking into the pilots seat, putting his arms down on the console and pillowing his head on his arms. 

 

"So," Poe said from behind him. "You done avoiding me yet?" 

 

"Nope," Ren said sharply. "We're not talking about." 

 

Poe leaned his arms on the back of Ren's chair, fingers trailing over his shoulder blades. "Sure, okay, buddy. How about we talk about the fact that I was ten and I thought my best friend was dead." 

 

Ren groaned, shaking his head. "I really, really can't go through what happened on Dagobah again today." 

 

His fingers brushed harder over Ren's back. "Come here. Sit up, come here." Poe urged him out of the pilot's seat and wrapped him up in a hug. "I missed you," Poe murmured. "We were going to take the Falcon together. We were going to take pilot lessons together. I had this whole life that suddenly didn't have you in it." 

 

Fingers clenching in the orange polymer of Poe's jumpsuit, Ren just held on. "Of all the people that I had to abandon," Ren murmured, "You were the only one I wanted to tell." 

 

"Aw hell Ben, I would have come with you." 

 

Ren sighed, pulling away. "You would have just been in danger," he protested. "I'm not going to lie, it was hard. I was young, I was so stupid." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Okay fine, this conversation sucks too. Go ahead, ask." 

 

Poe tilted his head up, fingers gentle on Ren's face. "You have a bite mark, you call him by his first name if you're not paying attention. If I had to guess," he said slowly, "I would say that you didn't give him up for the money. In fact, if you weren't in trouble you wouldn't have come back at all." 

 

He laughed a little, letting his hair hang loose around his head. "Well," he said lightly. "You're not wrong." 

 

"Are you in love with him?" Poe asked, point blank. 

 

"Yes," Ren said. "I am." He sighed, dragging his eyes up from Poe's collarbone to his face. "I know what sort of person that makes me - I'm either the sort to forgive too easily or not care at all. Whichever I am, Hux has been punished enough, and he deserves more than the hand dealt to him." 

 

"Kriff," Poe groaned. "I don't have any room to talk." 

 

Ren smirked, thinking of earlier. "Finn?" he asked, as a guess. Poe nodded. "So, you landed an ex-Stormtrooper, and I ended up with the ex-General. Only us, I think." 

 

Poe laughed, shaking his head. "Come on, don't sleep here alone. Come to my room, I have plenty of space, it'll be just like old times." 

 

He thought about it for a long second, before turning and scooping up SR-3. She beeped sleepily, wrapping her arms around his thumbs. "Sure, I'll come with you," Ren said. "Do me a favor first. Bring her to Cian." 

 

_ [Friend-Cian!] _ SR cheered with a flagging beep. Ren pulled her charging port cord out of the console, wrapping it around Poe's wrist.  _ [Friend-Ben, are you coming too?]  _

 

"No," he said gently. "I'm going to spend some time with Friend-Poe. Take care of Friend-Cian for me?" 

 

_ [Always,] _ SR said. 

 

They walked together in the gathering gloom, and Ren waited around the corner of the building while Poe went towards Hux's cell. "What do you want, Dameron?" Hux intoned from his bed. 

 

"Here," Poe said, his voice carrying easily. "I found her wandering around the concourse looking for her 'Friend-Cian'." 

 

There was a sound of displaced blankets, and Hux suddenly sounded anxious rather than angry. "SR?" he asked, and she trilled a few more beeps. "Where is her Master?" he asked, and Ren smiled in relief at the sound of his concern. 

 

"Not sure," Poe drawled. "Been busy, what with the Force pfassking with his head." 

 

_ [I wanted to stay with you, Friend-Cian,] SR insisted. [I asked Friend-Poe to bring me.] _

 

There were the sounds of Hux plugging her into the wall outlet, and her powered down sound. "Well, I'm off to find Ben. Anything you want me to tell him?" Poe asked, cheerfully. 

 

Hux was silent for a long second. "No," he finally said. "There's nothing I want to say to him." 

 

"You sure?" Poe asked, hesitating. 

 

"No," Hux repeated firmly. "I believe our business is concluded. You may tell him that, if you must tell him anything." 

 

_ Oh, _ Ren thought to himself.  _ So that's what heartbreak feels like. _

 

*


	14. xiv.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"The Jedi code - yes, Ren I know you're not a jedi, don't interrupt - warned against romantic entanglements, likely for this exact reason."  
> _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always for Lex, Sasha, and Song.
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr!](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> No Mando'a, and have a tissue warning. Also, I'm going to include a semi-lengthy second Note that you all should read AFTER the chapter, so I'm putting it in the end notes. Love you all.

Xiv. 

 

Morning found Ren out in the forest clearing, a blanket (stolen from Poe) under him, a spread of transportable food (given by Han) and a communicator (forced on by Leia) next to him. He leaned back against a tree, eyes closed. 

 

It wasn't often he got to sit in silence without being interrupted by something or someone. Even when he lived on the ship alone (after Kiel, after Ganna and after Felix had all left) he'd been unable to meditate in serenity. 

 

He'd learned in the fifteen years since the Jedi Academy, that his rage and anger and pain did not invalidate him as a Force user. It was easier to find great depths of power without it, that was truth, but anger did not automatically mean failure. 

 

Ren had long since learned that to truly find his own potential, he needed absolute calm. HK didn't always mean he got it; and SR definitely meant he didn't get it. But HK was left at the outskirts of the compound, and SR-3 was still with Hux. 

 

The less said about him the better. 

 

Ren dragged his thoughts away from the way his chest hurt, and how breathing felt wrong, everything was too tight and -- "No," he groaned. "Enough." He settled himself again, flexing his fingers until they were loose against his knees. He moved his toes until his legs weren't as tense, and he counted each breath until it was second nature. 

 

The last time he'd done this, Hux had been in the kitchen. 

 

"What the kriff, you pfassking sculag," Ren berated himself, whacking his head on the tree. He rolled his shoulders, cracked his neck and tried again. This time he focused on the air around him, how clean it smelled, the way that recycled and refiltered ship's air could never imitate, not even with environ scrubbers. The wind blew lightly across his face, and he began his count again. In for seven counts, hold, out for seven counts. 

 

His heartbeat was still a little too fast, but Ren ignored his chest and focused on the Force around him. He'd made the Untouchable a home, his own home, and the Force there had felt familiar like a old friend. The house on Corellia had held the power of both his mother and his uncle, and he'd felt there was no room for his own. On Dagobah, the Force was too perfect, touching it felt like blasphemy. 

 

There though, on D'Qar, the Force leapt to Ren's command, and he sank deep into meditation. 

 

It had been a long while since he could lose himself in the feeling of the Force. Images swirled around his head, a woman with black eyes haunted his footsteps, following his every turn. No matter where he went, she was a step behind him, clawed fingers reaching out to catch at his clothing and hair. 

 

Ren ran. 

 

The woman followed. Ren knew her face, he had seen her eyes before, but he could not name her. He fled her grasping hands, dodging obstacles in his path. He ran until he could run no longer, standing on the edge of a cliff, rain slamming into the ground around him, so loud he was nearly deafened from it. 

 

He whirled to face her, and her eyes dripped black inky tears down her cheeks. Her fingers still reached out for him, curled into grotesque claws, and her robes spilled like oil that spread around her. He wobbled on the cliff, edging back as far as physically possible. 

 

Ren slammed forward with the Force, but she didn't move, didn't react as she slowly and inexorably moved closer and closer to him. "Help," Ren croaked, his voice barely audible over the crashing rain. "Help, please."

 

The woman smiled, revealing a row of sharp teeth. Her mouth grew and grew until it was large enough to swallow him whole, and still her oil black eyes glared at him over ridges of teeth and gums. Ren stumbled, but he'd run out of ground. He could jump, or be eaten. 

 

Ren gathered his energy, and leapt…!

 

He opened his eyes.

 

In his meditation, Finn, Rey and Luke had joined him, sitting around him in a circle. Luke's eyes were open, and he gazed at Ren placidly, while Rey and Finn had clearly joined him in meditation. "You have seen something," Luke said knowingly. 

 

Ren rubbed his right eye, feeling it sting like with tears. Instead, he rubbed away a smear of black, and it sat strangely on the skin of his fingers. "Eugh!" he wiped his hand on the blanket, then rubbed his eye vigorously until the stinging feeling was gone and only the soreness of too much pressure remained. 

 

"What did you see?" Luke asked, eyeing the black smear on the blanket with thinly veiled curiosity. 

 

Ren shook his head. "I don't know," he answered. "Someone chased me. She had black eyes and too many teeth. There was cliff... I had to jump or be eaten."

 

Both of Luke's eyebrows raised slightly in surprise. "You couldn't use the Force?" 

 

"No, I could barely even speak. It was like I was too weak to do anything." Ren shivered. "It's been a long time since I dreamed like that." Since Dagobah, probably. 

 

Luke pursed his lips, thinking. "Did you have trouble meditating this morning? I could feel your irritation across the whole forest." 

 

Ren winced. "Do you really want me to talk about my relationship to Hux right now, Uncle?" 

 

"I have no room to talk," Luke told him gently, with a dry laugh. "I never did manage to find someone." There was a haunted look in his eyes, one that spoke of love found and lost, but Ren couldn't remember anyone from his childhood being with Luke. "If you wish to speak of your heart, I will listen." 

 

Rubbing his eye socket again, Ren sighed. "My heart is in pieces," he said. "My chest hurts, I can barely breathe." 

 

"Ah yes, that's love," Luke said sagely, laughing when Ren hit him in the arm. "I'm an old man, Ren. I've had my share of loss." Ren had been too young to care about the lives of the people around him when he'd spoken to Luke last. 

 

He shifted off his knees, sitting cross legged and checking on Rey and Finn who were still insensate to the world. "What happened to her? Or him." 

 

Luke's smile had a sad twist, drawing one side of his mouth down every so slightly. "Ah, they loved another. I would never have asked them to choose." He sighed, and mirrored Ren's position, resting his elbows on his turned knees. "It took me a very long time to be able to meditate again without thinking of that unspoken rejection." 

 

Ren's lips twisted. "This one wasn't unspoken." Luke's sad expression morphed into one of sympathy. "The Jedi code - yes, Ren I know you're not a jedi, don't interrupt - warned against romantic entanglements, likely for this exact reason." 

 

Looking down at his hands, Ren sighed. "I'm sorry, Uncle." 

 

"What for, Ren?" Luke asked, curiously. 

 

Struggling to remember the words, with only a very dim memory to go on, Ren chewed on his lower lip. "I... You wanted me to be more like you. When I was a child, I remember you telling Rose, that you could see yourself in me." 

 

Understanding lit Luke's expression from the inside and he smiled gently. "Ben Solo might have once been very much like me. But the man you are now, Captain Ren of the Untouchable reminds me very much of stories of my father." Ren blinked at him, shock blooming in his chest. "Don't force yourself to follow a path that is no longer your own," Luke advised. "Ben Solo's path ended long ago. But your path, Ren, is still spreading out before you." 

 

"Uncle," Ren breathed. 

 

Luke's smile widened. "And simply because your path is darker than my own does not make it any less valid. You are not a jedi, but Ren, my dear boy - neither am I." 

 

He had never thought of it like that before. All he remembered of Luke was tied up in memories of the Academy and he'd worked hard to block those out. "I thought you didn't like me," he murmured numbly. "You never wanted to teach me." 

 

Leaning forward, Luke placed his hands on Ren's where they sat on his knees. "I was angry," he admitted. "I didn't think you were ready for the Academy, and I knew you would feel my anger. I see now that I did more harm than good." 

 

"You didn't think I was ready?" Ren asked, surprisingly hurt by the thought. 

 

Luke tightened his fingers on Ren's hands. "You misunderstand. I thought you would be unhappy there, still happy enough to pilot the Falcon, and play your tricks. I didn't want to take away what was left of your childhood."

 

Ren snorted, looking down. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I tried to find you." 

 

Smiling and shaking his head, Luke leaned back, giving Ren his space. "No, I'm sorry. I wasn't there for you, or Rey or Song or any of the others." He sighed, head tilting to the side. "Your mother is looking for you." 

 

Ren laughed a little, rising unsteadily to his feet. "Handy trick." 

 

Luke's expression soured and there was something nameless in his face that Ren hated to see. "You best be on your way. Eat something." He handed up some of the nutribar's and shooed him away. "I'll lead these two out of meditation and we'll see you later." 

 

He nodded, taking a bite of the mostly tasteless bar. "Sure, Uncle. See you later." Ren wandered back to the Resistance base, strange meditation dream all but forgotten by the time he reached where he'd left HK. "All good?" he asked the droid. 

 

"This are progressing normally, Master," HK said with only a hint of the normal sarcasm that clung to the edges of his vocal modulator. "They moved General Hux from the cell area to another building. Your mother is looking for you." 

 

Slightly alarmed, Ren turned towards the building HK indicated. "Did he have SR-3 with him?" 

 

"I could not see so, Master." 

 

Ren hurried over to the building, finding his mother outside of it, a communicator in one hand and an irritated expression. "Mom?" he asked, coming up to her. 

 

"Ah, Ren. It would seem Luke didn't inform me you were returning. Come, we're going to speak to General Hux. I would like you to be there." She gestured to the door. "He has refused to give up the droid."

 

The empty feeling in his chest expanded. "Mom, he's not going to talk to me," he said. Leia smiled a little. "I did figure that out, Ben. But I thought you might like to see him all the same." 

 

They entered the building together, turning a corner nearly immediately and going into a small room. One side of the room was dominated by a huge window that reflected like glass. When Leia hit a small button on the side of the wall, the glass darkened and then showed the room on the other side. 

 

Hux sat at a small table, hands shackled to a loop in the surface of the table. SR-3 sat between his lax hands, two of her filament arms holding onto her thumbs. She looked tiny, compared to the huge surface she sat on, and judging by the way Hux's head was angled down towards her, she was speaking to him. 

 

Another person entered their room and Ren looked up, mind already reaching out to find out who they were. "Comm Officier Jakar," he murmured in greeting, her head easily yielding up the information. 

 

"Captain Ren," she answered. "General, they're ready for you outside." 

 

Leia pressed a warm and motherly hand against Ren's bicep, and disappeared through the door. Jakar sat at a console, and the room filled with the quiet beeping of SR-3.

 

_ [Friend-Cian,]  _ She was saying.  _ [Why are your hands bound?]  _

 

"Slower please, SR," Hux murmured back. 

 

_ [Sorry, Friend-Cian.]  _

 

Leia entered the room then, and SR-3 swiveled her head to look. For his part, Hux sat up straight, expression wiped clean. "General," Leia greeted. "SR-3." 

 

SR rolled forward a little.  _ [Friend-Mother,] _ she asked, in tones of urgency, _ [have you seen Friend-Ben?]  _

 

Smiling a little at the tiny droid, Leia said, "Yes, I have, SR-3. He's quite well, if not worried about you. Shall I pass a message to him?" 

 

_ [I want to stay with Friend-Cian,] _ SR said stubbornly.  _ [He's all alone in his room.]  _

 

Leia's smile widened. "I'll certainly pass that along. Now, I have to speak with your friend here. Please don't interrupt." SR-3 turned and looked up at Hux, arms visibly tightening on his thumbs if his slight wince was anything to go by, before she went into shut down mode. "General Hux," Leia said. "I'm sure you can guess why you're here." 

 

Hux laughed, the sound rusty and bitter. "Oh yes," he said. "I can make several guesses." 

 

"Your crimes against the Hosnian System are vast," Leia continued. "I would list them, but I think that we both prefer brevity over politicking." 

 

"You'd be correct," Hux said evenly. 

 

Leia nodded, her hands relaxed on the table. "You were the mind behind Starkiller. Our information is far from complete, but that seems to be the case, is it not?" Hux nodded once. "You were the one to find the planet that died so Starkiller could live, and you were the one who fired the beam." 

 

Hux's lips turned up in a slight smirk. "I didn't actually push any buttons." 

 

"You gave the order." 

 

He inclined his head. "I gave the order." He settled back in the chair, tension only apparent in his hands, and Ren doubted Leia could see it. "Deposed though I am, General Organa, I will not add  _ traitor _ to my list of sins." 

 

Leia's eyebrows raised. "You are aware that you do not need to speak for us to find the information you require," she warned, and Ren's own hands tightened on his elbows, holding his arms tightly to his chest. 

 

Hux nodded, a muscle in his jaw twitching. "Oh yes, I am very aware of what your Force powers can do," he said bitterly. "But I'm equally as aware that if you were to harm me in anyway, that your son would never forgive you. So, General, I'm afraid we are an impasse." 

 

Ren winced, dropping his head down. The Comm officer hissed between her teeth, causing Ren to look over at her. "Brace yourself," Jakar said. He turned his attention back to the window where his mother had leaned back. 

 

"My son is dead," Leia said flatly and the bolt of pain that ripped through him was equal parts surprising and devastating. "He died fifteen years ago on Dagobah, and if the man he's become does not forgive what I have to do to win this war, then I am no less a General for it, for I was never given a chance to become more of a mother." Hux blinked, and Ren can read the dawning apprehension in his face. "Do not," Leia said with a thread of quiet anger that Ren could feel through the window, "Assume that your dalliance with my son protects you in any way from the justice owed to you." 

 

He felt a little like he was going to be sick, the world swayed around him and the Comm officer said in a kind, flat tone, "Chair behind you." 

 

Ren collapsed gratefully into it, leaning in to hear the rest of the exchange. Hux's eyes had narrowed, thin slits of dark, biting green. "I see," he said. "My answer remains the same - take what you can from my head." He smirked, his lips mirroring the darkness in his eyes. "But be warned, General that my mind sent Captain Ren screaming to the floor. You won't find anything."

 

Leia frowned, and Ren could feel the swell of the Force even if Hux couldn't. This time he winced on his mother's behalf. Her touch jerked away from Hux in surprise, and she half turned to look at the window, instinctively seeking Ren's mind. 

 

Only slightly grudging, he sent out his own touch, all  _ sorry I didn't warn you  _ and  _ deep breaths mom _ , but including _ it doesn't get any better I'm sorry.  _

 

Hux watched her body language for a moment before his eyes flew up to the window, wide and afraid. He'd figured out Ren was there - and Ren resisted the urge to reassure him. If Hux had nothing to say to him, he had nothing to say to Hux. 

 

It was only a moment of connection, and Leia turned back towards Hux who schooled his features immediately. "I doubt Captain Ren did that to your mind," Leia said, leadingly. Hux remained silent. "I confess to not knowing him well, but it doesn't seem to be his style," she added, watching Hux's face sharply. "So if I had to guess - which I hate doing - I would say it was a Knight of Ren. Not Damascus or Aleksi, they were fools, according to Captain Ren's report. Perhaps it was Revan." Hux's eyes narrowed, but he remained silent. "No," Leia continued, unaware of the agonizing torment she was inducing in Ren. "Revan Ren has a reputation for cruelty, you only need to look at Finn's back. No," she continued, with a studied lightness. "My guess is Snoke did it to you." 

 

Hux flinched.

 

"Ah," Leia said. "I believe I guessed correctly." She stood, head tilted slightly to the side. "You know, Hux, considering the state of your mind, I would doubt the First Order - or Snoke - would welcome you back with open arms." Hux's eyes slid away from hers, staring down at SR-3. "You only have things to lose, should you continue to ignore our requests," she added. "Captain Ren will need his droid back for one." 

 

Hux's fingers circled around SR-3 tightly, pulling her slightly closer. "When Captain Ren comes to retrieve her, I will of course comply," Hux said snidely. "Until then, she does nobody any harm." 

 

Leia smiled, and the expression wasn't kind. "Who are you protecting, General?" she asked rhetorically. "You belong to nothing and to no one. There is no reason for you to hide your information, I doubt the First Order would thank you for it. And the Hosnian System thanks you for even less." She leaned over the table, hands flat. "Perhaps it's because despite what Ren would tell me, you feel no regret for your actions." 

 

Rolling his eyes, Hux curled his lip. "What would you know of regret, Leia Organa?" he snarled, leaning in closer to her. 

 

"I know the regret of a system's worth of lives screaming in terrified agony," Leia said, her voice placid despite her words. "Perhaps you should too." 

 

Ren sat up, feeling the gathering Force. He slammed his mind into hers, screaming  _ MOTHER, NO! _ and Leia flinched in surprise. 

 

It was too late. 

 

The Force tore through the room like a wild thing, ripping through Hux before wrapping around Leia, calm and settled again. Hux's nose erupted in blood, splattering over SR-3's casing, and his eyes rolled up in the back of his head. 

 

His mental scream echoed through the entire compound, and was silenced as he blessedly fell unconscious, head cracking on the table. 

 

The sound of seven billion dying people echoed through the room, and Ren reached out with one hand and drew it away, urging it back into the Force. 

 

Leia stood, stock still and shocked. Ren pushed through the door to the interrogation chamber, and only then did the screaming stop. Hux was bone white, his veins standing in sharp relief to his face, blood pouring from his nose and forehead. "Get him to the medical bay," Leia ordered the two guards who had followed Ren in. 

 

Ren scooped up SR-3, cradling her carefully. "That was cruel," he said as soon as they were alone again. "I expected better of you." He didn't wait for her reply, striding through the door and down the hall. 

 

He had a bedside to guard.

 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's the deal: I do not hate Leia. There is no character bashing whatsoever. I read somewhere that Luke is all Padme, but Leia is all Anakin. She displays it here - she's not adept enough in the Force to take what she needs from Hux's mind, not with how badly he's been damaged. She also doesn't know he's already had the death's of the Hosnian System forced upon him. Ren didn't tell her, and Hux certainly didn't. She made a call, as a General. It might not have been the correct one, but she still made it. I wanted to portray her here as a hard, because she's been made hard. This is a War and she can't lose. 
> 
> I hope all of you don't hate the way I characterized her, this was another agonizing decision. <3


	15. xv.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“It’s still fresh in our heads,” Finn said, helping Ren to his feet. “And Master Ren will feel better.”_
> 
> _They went off together, still discussing how the Force had felt this time, while Ren stood in the middle of the clearing gaping like a fish out of water. Luke joined him, and they stood shoulder to shoulder. “Didn’t expect that did you?” Luke asked, amused._
> 
> _“Master Ren,” he replied. “Kriff, those poor kids.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex, Sasha and Song <3
> 
> Come talk to me about Darth Tantrum and his Ginger Space Nazi on [tumblr!](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> No Mando'a, but I take some serious liberties with the Force here. Like, seriously. This deserves a new tag that says "THAT'S NOT HOW THE FORCE WORKS ANDREA" because wow. 
> 
> Slight tissue warning.

Xv. 

 

Ren stretched out his legs, leaning his head back against the wall. Hux was still unconscious, though the doctor insisted he had slipped into real sleep. The list of ailments plaguing Hux was staggering. Sleep deprivation, malnourishment, deficiencies in pretty much everything, and the most horrifying of all: “lesions, on his brain.”

 

A quick check of his cell and the holocam installed in it showed evidence of his eating - it seemed as though his body was simply not absorbing the nutrients. The medical droid had given him a shot of all standard vitamins, and several hours later his levels still showed no signs of rising. The blood pouring from his nose had finally stopped but it had taken too long, and prompted yet more testing. 

 

“Sir?” the doctor said, looking nervous. “His blood is too thin, as though he’s losing healthy platelets or they’re simply not being created. His entire body is one invisible infection.”

 

Ren rolled his sleeve up, holding out his arm. Burgeoning horror was curling in his gut, if Hux had lesions on his brain, it was very possible that Ren did too. If that were the case, Ren’s body would begin to show evidence of the same ailments plaguing Hux. Thin blood, malnourishment, everything. “Test me,” he insisted. “The General and I were attacked in the same way, it’s possible I have the same problems.”

 

The doctor took a hypo of his blood, looking nervous as he did so. “He will likely wake up soon.” 

 

Nodding, Ren settled back in his seat, rubbing at his arm where the blood had been taken. “I’ll be here until he does,” he said, tone brooking no argument. 

 

“Of course, Captain,” the doctor said. 

 

As he left the medical droid zipped in, several hypos in its many arms.  He gave Hux a regimen of shots before zipping away again, but a quick glance at the consoles and feeds around him showed no change. 

 

Ren dragged his eyes away from the readouts and met Hux’s startled gaze. “Uh,” Ren muttered, jerking a little in surprise. “You’re awake.”

 

“What happened?” Hux asked sharply, his voice frail and a little hoarse.

 

Chewing on the inside of his lip, Ren sighed. “What’s the last thing you remember?” he asked.

 

“The interrogation,” Hux said, a bitter twist to his words. “If we can truly call it that.”

 

Ren looked away. “My mother decided to show you the sound of the Hosnian System’s destruction, in order to better induce your regret,” he said flatly and without inflection.

 

Hux paused, mouth half open before he asked, slowly, “Revan already forced that upon me once.”

 

“I know. I didn’t tell them anything,” Ren said, struggling to keep his tone even. “It’s not my place. Once I realized what she was about to do, I tried to stop her, but I wasn’t fast enough. You passed out - the doctors… they’ve been running tests.”

 

Eyes narrowing, Hux frowned. “What sort of tests?”

 

“The sort that show how malnourished you are, and that your blood is too thin.”

 

Hux looked taken aback, but before he could say anything else, the doctor returned, holding several hypos of his own. “Captain,” he greeted. “General, good to see you’re awake. I’ll get right to the chase, then. Captain, your blood hasn’t reached the lowest plate count yet, but you’re well on your way there, your vitamins are way down, and you’re quite anemic. Though I haven’t run a test on your mind like I did with the General, I would imagine you share many of the same lesions he does. It’s as though there’s an invisible infection, slowly killing you and we can’t find it.”

 

“I know what’s causing it,” Ren said. 

 

“Do you know of a cure?” The doctor asked. “Because despite your best intentions, Captain, the General only has a few more months before his brain bleeds out into the rest of his systems.” He glanced over at Hux. “And then you will follow after.”

 

Ren pinched the bridge of his nose as Hux laughed breathlessly. “A few months?” he repeated. “You mean to say that I have a death sentence anyway?”

 

“No,” Ren said firmly. “I’ll find a cure.”

 

Hux snorted. “With what? Your secret medical training?” he asked venomously. 

 

Trying not to react to the hatred he can feel pouring off Hux, Ren shoots him a disbelieving look. “You’ve seen me heal my broken hand at least twice. Why do you think I can’t figure out how to cure this too?” 

 

The doctor stepped between them, interrupting Hux’s vicious glare. “Captain. These hypos will help keep your vitamin count up.” Ren submitted to them with ill grace, but didn’t complain. “Now, General,” the doctor said, turning towards him. “I’m afraid you will likely be incarcerated here. We have forgone a guard, as Captain Ren was here. But when he leaves, you will be afforded fewer accommodations.”  

 

Since Hux couldn’t see him and the doctor was turned away, Ren let himself wince before wiping his face of all expression. He stood, rubbing his arm and brushing past the doctor. “I need to go,” he said gruffly. “If I have any hope of figuring out how to eradicate this infection, I will need all the time I have left.” He paused at the door, half turned so he can almost see Hux’s bed. “General.” 

 

He left before Hux could respond, and maybe he was being a coward, but for the last fifteen years, cowardly had been working for him. 

 

He reached out with his mind, and now that he was looking for them, he could feel the wounds there - clearer than ever before.  _ Finn, Rey, Uncle. I need you. Meet me in the clearing,  _ he sent out, and went to find his mother.

 

Leia had clearly had the same thought, waiting for him by where he’d left HK. She seemed to be attempting to conversate with him but HK was snubbing her. “Mom,” Ren said, striding up to them, pulling SR-3 out of his pocket. “HK, can you bring her back to the ship? Her main charge port and cord isn’t there but you can use the one in my room.”

 

“Of course, Master,” HK said. 

 

Once the droids were out of earshot, Ren turned to his mother. “Hux is dying,” he said without preamble. “And so am I, though more slowly. He needs to stay in the medical bay, and I need to work with Finn, Rey and Uncle Luke to find a way to cure us.”

 

“ _ Dying _ ?” Leia exclaimed. “With what? How?”

 

“It’s… I don’t know.” Ren fisted his hands in his hair, pulling it back from his face. “Look, he has lesions on his brain, and so do I. His blood is too thin, and mine is getting there. He’s malnourished, he’s deficient in everything and so am I. Mother,  _ listen to me _ . We all know who did this,” he said when she focused on him. “I need to fix it - I need to fix him.”

 

Leia watched him for a minute, before putting her hands on his wrists, and urging him to lower his arms. “Alright,” she said gently. “Whatever you need, you may have at your disposal.”

 

Ren hugged her tightly. “Thank you,” he said. “Keep any Force sensitives out of his head. I think I’m more or less immune because I’m a user myself but Hux isn’t and he has no shielding to speak of.” She nodded, expression grim. “I’m meeting Finn, Rey and Uncle Luke in our clearing,” he said. “I have to go.”

 

She nodded, pulling his head down so she could kiss his forehead. “Let me know if you need anything,” she said. 

 

“More time,” Ren said, but the joke fell flat. “Sorry, that… sounded funnier in my head.” He chewed on his lip for a second. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I… was angry, earlier.”

 

Leia shook her head. “No, I’m the one who should be sorry. Whatever your name is now, you’re still my son. I didn’t take into account how hearing that would make you feel.”

 

Making a dismissive noise, Ren shook his head. “I couldn’t be Ben Solo again even if I wanted to,” he said. “Ben Solo’s path is over.” He hugged her, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “I’m sorry that you didn’t get more time with him. But Captain Ren still needs a mother, if you’re still hiring for a son.”   
  


She muffled her laughter against his shoulder, but when she pulled away, her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “Whatever your name is, you’re my only son.”

 

Ren nodded. “Then let’s scrap today as a bad job and start again tomorrow.” 

 

Leia smiled. “Go on, you. You’re as bad as your father.” She shoved him lightly towards the forest path. 

 

He laughed, heart feeling a little lighter after the interrogation from hell, and made his way towards the clearing.

 

Luke and Rey were already there, looking anxious, and Ren picked up his pace to meet them in the middle. “Where’s Finn?” he asked.

 

“He’s coming,” Rey answered. “He’s at pilot training with Poe.”

 

Ren glanced at his Uncle, and Luke’s expression very clearly said, ‘is that what we’re calling it now?’. Hiding a smile, Ren nodded. “That’s fine, we can fill him in when he gets here.”

 

“Yes,” Luke drawled. “What seems to be so urgent?”

 

“I’m dying,” Ren said, mind already jumping ahead in the conversation.

 

The entire clearing went silent, and Ren refocused to see both Rey and Luke staring at him with varying degrees of horror. 

 

“Sorry!” he said, holding out his hands. “That came out out terribly. I am dying - but Hux is dying faster, and it’s because of... “

 

“Snoke,” Rey filled in for him when he trailed off awkwardly. 

 

Ren nodded. “Yes. When he dug around in our heads, he… did something. Hux’s case is far worse than my own, but the symptoms won’t take long to appear in me.”

 

Luke visibly snapped out of Uncle mode and nodded briskly. “What are the symptoms?” he asked. 

 

“Lesions on the brain,” Ren rattled off, “thinned blood with a low platelet count, vitamin deficiencies, and extreme anemia.”

 

There was a calculating look on Luke’s face as he studied Rey and Ren respectively. “Ren,” he said slowly, as though he was thinking hard thoughts. “Have you ever attempted to teach anyone anything in the Force?”

 

Ren tried not to think about Felix asking him about how to reach out and touch minds, focusing instead on the very faintly sensitive Ganna and how easily she picked up sleight of hand, and a little nudge here and there. “Yes,” Ren said slowly, Ganna’s graceful hand movements in his mind’s eye. “I have.”

 

“Wonderful,” Luke said. “Then you can teach Rey your healing.”

 

Rey looked sharply at him, already halfway to shaking her head. “I couldn’t,” she protested. “I would have no idea.”

 

Luke merely smiled at her. “Ren taught himself this power, when logically he should have been unable to succeed. There is no reason you cannot also learn. Finn could too, though I think his skills lie elsewhere.”

 

“I’ll do it,” Finn said as he walked into the clearing. “If the two of us together can heal you, then I’ll do whatever I can.” 

 

For one very clear moment, Ren could see his future stretched out before him, before his vision snapped back to the present. He truly did not  _ belong  _ there, in a way that Finn or Rey did. They were good people at heart, and popular belief painted Ren as not having one at all.

 

“Alright,” Ren said, and he sat down in the grass, cross-legged for comfort. Finn and Rey sat before him, and he was struck entirely mute, completely unable to tell them how he’d learned the skill that had saved his life more than once. 

 

He felt a tentative brush of a mind against his, and when he opened to it, found that Luke was  _ pouring  _ how proud he was of Ren over their connection. Ren took a deep breath and centered himself, opening his eyes to meet Rey’s and then Finn’s. “The first thing you need to know about healing,” he said quietly, “is that it’s not painless. It hurts, because you’re accelerating a natural bodily function. I have many scars from early attempts to heal myself, because it was like I was using a hammer. It was a blunt object, serviceable but in no way an artist's masterpiece.

 

“When I grew more skilled at it, the more difficult it became to control. The energy you’re summoning to heal yourself - or others - wants to heal all the things that are wrong. If a body has an optimal peak for health and wellness, the Force wants to put you at that point. So I have only ever used it for egregious wounds - my broken hand, the lightsaber wound - so as to use a great deal of that energy healing what is serious, rather than what is inconvenient.”

 

“Is that why you have the scar on your face?” Rey asked guilelessly.

 

Ren grinned a little, touching his cheek. “I used the bacta gel and some butterfly stitches,” he admitted. “A friend promised it looks dashing.” He loosened his shoulders, relaxing a little, letting his voice fall down into a hypnotic range. “To begin, relax, allow the Force to flow through you with every breath, not meditation, just awareness.”

 

Finn visibly relaxed first, and once he’d gotten it, Rey followed soon after. Ren eyed them, finding their energy pattern and facial expressions serene. “Find the energy within yourself, dig down and find where the Force lives in your heart,” he added, dropping his tone even more. “Let yourself feel it.” 

 

Rey gasped, and her eyes lit with a soft green glow, the light haloing around her head. Finn murmured something to himself before his chest was infused with a bright blue light, like Ren’s own.

 

“Stretch out that awareness,” Ren murmured, barely more than a whisper. “Let it tell you where there is hurt, and pain, and suffering.” As he watched, tears began to drip down Rey’s face, and Finn’s expression twisted into an expression of extreme sorrow. “And once you have found the place where it hurts the most…” Ren added, “you let it go.”

 

The Force leapt around them, blue and green and perfect, and Ren could no longer pay attention to his two students. Light engulfed him and he could feel Rey’s methodical logic, Finn’s heartfelt caring. It was overwhelmingly close, and just when he felt the energy couldn’t get any more intense, then Luke’s terrible sadness joined them. 

 

He was unaware for a time, not quite unconscious, not really certain how much time had passed. When he finally opened his eyes, he was leaning on Finn, Rey holding both his hands, Luke only a few inches away. Rey’s eyes were bright, tears still drying on her cheeks. He sat up, slowly, fingers still clinging to Rey’s. 

 

Tentatively he reached out, feeling with his mind. The Force didn’t hurt. There was no pain. He scoured his brain for the fingermarks that Snoke had left behind and found nothing. He’d carried those scars for fifteen years and now they were gone as though they had never been.

 

“Well?” Rey asked impatiently. 

 

“It worked,” Ren said numbly. “I can no longer feel the lesions in my head.” His entire body felt weak, as though he’d woken up from a long sleep. “Kriff,” he muttered. “I’m positively starving.”

 

Finn laughed, handing over a calobar. “It’s nothing much but it might help,” he offered. 

 

Ren tore into it, and while it was still cardboard like in flavor, it was the best thing he’d ever eaten in his life. “Now,” Ren said, around his snack, “you two need to go heal Cian. Er, Hux.”

 

“Why can’t you do it?” Finn wondered aloud. 

 

Swallowing hard, Ren looked over at where Luke was sitting placidly. “I already violated his mind once,” he answered. “I won’t break his trust again.”

 

Both Luke and Rey looked exasperated at that, but Finn nodded like it made all the sense in the world. “I’ll heal him,” Finn said. “He was a good general,” he added. “He at least seemed like he cared about the troopers.”  _ Unlike Snoke _ , when unsaid but largely heard all the same. “Come on, Rey.” 

 

“What, now?” Rey asked, scrambling to her feet to join him.

 

“It’s still fresh in our heads,” Finn said, helping Ren to his feet. “And Master Ren will feel better.”

 

They went off together, still discussing how the Force had felt this time, while Ren stood in the middle of the clearing gaping like a fish out of water. Luke joined him, and they stood shoulder to shoulder. “Didn’t expect that did you?” Luke asked, amused.

 

“Master Ren,” he replied. “Kriff, those poor kids.” 

 

Luke laughed, patting his arm with his good hand. “Now you understand.”

 

Ren shot him a dirty look, but Luke just laughed again. “Come on,” he grumbled. “I want to see what their progress is with the General.”

 

Together they followed after their padawans, Ren experiencing some terrific muscle weakness in response to the healing. 

 

When they arrived at the medical building, they found the doctor displaced and disgruntled about it. “Captain Ren,” he said firmly. “Those two hooligans stated they are going to ‘use the Force’ to heal my patient where I cannot!” The sarcasm in his voice was practically a living thing and Ren smiled to himself.

 

“They are,” Ren said, trying to sound sage. “I did warn you that I would find a cure. Please, allow them to work. Don’t worry. I’ll supervise.”

 

He stood next to the door, listening carefully to Rey as she explained in concise terms what she planned to do with Hux. Through the slit between the door and the wall, Ren could see Hux’s eyes fixed on Finn, even as he gave Rey his attention. When her narrative trailed off, Hux looked between them, and said, “And where is your great Jedi Master then? Why has Ben sent me students instead of coming himself?”

 

“Ren wanted to be here,” Finn said, placid and kind. “But he told us he has no right to enter your mind again.” Hux stared at him, and Finn reached out daringly and laid a hand on his shoulder. “He refuses to violate your trust again.” He leaned in, and if Hux was at all sensitive to the Force, he’d have felt how it gathered around Finn and Rey. “Will you let us help you?”

 

Hux glanced between them, then looked at the door. Ren wanted so badly to reach out and brush his mind, but he kept his hands to himself, taking solace in his Uncle’s steady presence behind him. “Do it,” Hux said after a beat, if somewhat grudgingly. “It’s not pretty though.”

 

Rey smiled. “The best things never are,” she said sagely and then the Force lit up the room. 

 

Watching them felt like seeing a sunrise for the first time, as though he’d been blinded to color and sensation for his entire life and was now experiencing it first hand. Rey’s blue light and Finn’s bright green danced through the room and into Hux. There was a light breeze, it fluttered Rey’s hair, ruffled Hux’s.

 

The machines around him went silent, and the room was so still that it seemed as though they’d been frozen in stone.

 

Then Hux sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes opening with a snap. Even with Ren’s tiny vantage point, he could see the way Hux was shaking, the way his eyes were overbright.  _ Did I look like that?  _ Ren asked Luke, reaching out with a light touch. 

 

_ No, _ his Uncle replied,  _ You looked at peace. _

 

Privately Ren thought he’d never felt peace, and when Luke’s shoulder pressed against his, he figured it wasn’t as private a thought as he’d wanted. 

 

Finn’s light blinked out first, then Rey’s as she checked their work. “There,” she said gently. “No more force wounds.”

 

Hux touched his head, running his fingers through his messy hair. “Are you certain?”

 

“As I can be,” Rey answered. “Master Ren might know better, if you’d like me to get him to check. The doctor could also run his scans again and see how your brain has fared that way.”

 

Ren braced himself but still was unprepared when Hux said. “Ah, the doctor, please. I’ve had enough of Ren mucking about inside my head.”

 

He could feel the jolts of surprise from Finn and Rey, and resolved to have the romantic entanglement conversation as soon as possible.  _ It gets better _ , Luke promised silently.

 

_ Does it really, Uncle?  _ Ren asked, eyes on Hux’s glass green ones.

 

Luke exhaled in a long sigh.  _ No, _ he admitted.  _ But it sure sounds good.  _ He touched Ren’s elbow, leading him out of the hall and then out of the building so when Rey and Finn left Hux’s bedside they wouldn’t hit  him with the door. 

 

Ren was ready to sleep for a year, after eating every meal for the day in one sitting. When they exited though, Ren’s heart sank, as his mother waited for them. “Luke,” she greeted. “Ren. I must speak with you - we’ve been given some new information, and it’s very urgent.”

 

“What sort of information,” Ren asked, curious despite himself. 

 

Leia grimaced. “The sort where we’ve found where the First Order is planning their second Starkiller,” she said. “I need you, Ren. Will you help us?”

 

_ You’re my only hope _ , she sent him, a mother’s fear and a General’s longing all in one. 

 

Ren took a deep breath and inside his heart, where he’d held out hope that he and Hux could escape the Resistance together, he let it go. He let Hux go. 

 

“What do you need me to do?” he asked.


	16. xvi.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Leia pulled up a star map, zooming in on a planet several rings from a star. “This is an unknown planet, currently Designated PXY-333. The star it revolves around is dying, and sustainable life isn’t possible on it’s surface for much longer. The main core of the planet is made of diatium, which they can mine as a nearly inexhaustible power source. We’ve recently seen First Order ships in the system, and now they seem to be setting up a base on the planet itself.”_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Ren raised both eyebrows, scanning over the information on the planet. “So what do you need me to do?” he asked, only half paying attention._
> 
>  
> 
> _“I need you to slip into the system unnoticed and take care of Revan Ren’s ship,” Leia said firmly._
> 
>  
> 
> _The world slowed down a little and Ren tuned back in, staring at his mother. “I’m sorry,” he said pleasantly. “I think I went temporarily insane for a moment there, I could have sworn you just said you wanted my ship to attack the Revan Ren.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex, Sasha and Song <3
> 
> Tissue warning. Character death warning. Bear with me my darlings, I promise it will get better.
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr.](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/) If only to yell at me.

Xvi.

 

Leia pulled up a star map, zooming in on a planet several rings from a star. “This is an unknown planet, currently Designated PXY-333. The star it revolves around is dying, and sustainable life isn’t possible on it’s surface for much longer. The main core of the planet is made of diatium, which they can mine as a nearly inexhaustible power source. We’ve recently seen First Order ships in the system, and now they seem to be setting up a base on the planet itself.”

 

Ren raised both eyebrows, scanning over the information on the planet. “So what do you need me to do?” he asked, only half paying attention.

 

“I need you to slip into the system unnoticed and take care of Revan Ren’s ship,” Leia said firmly.

 

The world slowed down a little and Ren tuned back in, staring at his mother. “I’m sorry,” he said pleasantly. “I think I went temporarily insane for a moment there, I could have sworn you just said you wanted my ship to attack the Revan Ren.”

 

She smiled ruefully. “I did say that.”

 

Blinking in shock, Ren stared at her. “Mom, er- General, me and what army, exactly?”

 

“Revan Ren’s ship is much smaller than the Finalizer, it will have fewer personnel, fewer Stormtroopers. As the other Knights are dead, she is the lone Force user on the ship. If they are amenable, I will send Han with you to pilot your ship in and out, Finn, who of course has experience fighting Stormtroopers and can predict their actions. Rey, who won’t not go even if I try to keep her here. With you will also be Poe in his own Fighter and his Black Squad as well as Sasha and her Red Squad.”

 

“We’re to give you air support,” a woman in an orange jumpsuit says, just standing to Poe’s left. “Take out any TIE fighters while you go in to board her ship.”

 

Poe threw an arm around the woman, knocking her off balance. “Sash and me are the best,” he said proudly, laughing when Han, Ren and Rey all made quietly offended noises. “We’ve got your back.”

 

Leia nodded, with an indulgent smile. “Yes, and I do believe that your protocol droid is more than he appears, so you will have him, as well.”

 

Ren pulled a face, sliding his gaze to the ceiling and pointedly not answering. “When do we leave?” Finn asked, which prompted Ren to pay attention again. “As soon as possible, tomorrow morning if your Fighters are ready and your pilots well rested.”

 

Sasha and Poe exchanged a look, a wealth of information flying between them before they nodded simultaneously. “We will be ready for tomorrow,” Poe promised.  

 

“And you, Captain?” Leia asked. “Can the Untouchable be ready for the morning?”

 

Mind racing through the things that could go wrong, Ren eventually nodded. “Yes,” he said. “LT and HK can be ready at a moment’s notice.” He turned to Finn, making a split second decision. “After the meeting will you come with me to my ship? There is something I must do now, before it gets too late.”

 

Finn smiled good-naturedly. “Sure, of course,” he said.

 

Leia nodded. “Good. Rey, Finn, Ben, I know what I’m asking you. I know that Revan Ren nearly killed you the last time you met with her.” She sighed, expression pained. “But I also know that Snoke is more powerful with Revan at his side. But you are my best, and I have ever faith in you.” Ren couldn’t help the flinch when he heard Snoke’s name, and tilted his head down to hide his hair. “Good luck,” Leia said softly. “May the Force be with you.”

 

Ren snagged Finn’s sleeve, and together they went over to where the Untouchable had landed. “What do you need me to do, Master?” Finn asked with a surprisingly easy grace.

 

“Well, stop calling me Master for one,” Ren said, only half joking. “Luke is the real Master here. I’m just Ren. Or Ben, if you absolutely must.” He waved Finn into the ship. “HK, SR, LT, front and center, please,” he called.

 

SR-3 dropped from a vent a moment later, while HK and LT strolled in from their various places of rest. “Wow,” Finn murmured.

 

Ren scooped SR off the ground, placing her on his shoulder. “LT-55, this is Finn. He and a few others are going to be traveling with us soon. Finn, LT-55 is my astromech droid, he takes care of the engine room, and most of the other systems. LT, get us ready for departure tomorrow morning.”

 

 _[Yes, Master. We’re mostly ready for whenever you’d like to leave.]_ LT bumped himself into Ren’s leg affectionately before rolling away back towards his engine room.

 

“HK, back to normal Protocols, please. Though do try not to flay anyone on my ship alive with the force of your sarcasm.” Ren tensed a little in preparation of HK’s vitriolic ire.

 

There was a soft beeping noise from HK’s vocal modulator and his very stance changed. “Oh _goody_ , Master,” the droid drawled. “Yet more rules to follow! Next you’ll be telling me that I can’t kill meatbags, and their incipient do-gooding is our new battle plan.”

 

Finn started to laugh, covering his mouth but hiding his laughter poorly. “Sorry,” he said, waving a hand when he saw Ren looking at him. “Sorry, just - meatbags? Oh, Force, I would have loved to see him call the General that!”

 

HK grumbled. “Master wouldn’t let me.”

 

Ren cleared his throat. “HK, I have a second command for you.” HK immediately turned his attention to Ren and stood at the ready. “Where we’re going, there’s a very high chance that some of us won’t be returning. If the worst should come to pass, I want you to serve General Hux.”

 

“What!” Finn and HK chorused.

 

_[Friend-Ben??]_

 

Holding up a hand to silence Finn, Ren met HK’s red eyelights. “You, SR-3 and this kriffing ship are the most important things to me.  If I die, you will serve General Cian Hux, HK, do you understand?”

 

Grudgingly, HK nodded once. “Fine, Master. I’ll follow the meatbag.”

 

Ren pinched the bridge of his nose. “HK, just please, don’t call him Master Meatbag.”

 

Finn snickered again, even though he looked apprehensive. “Are you sure you want to do that?”

 

He nodded, dragging his hand away from his face. “Yes. You told me not too long ago that General Hux was a good man, a good general. He’s committed atrocities, yes, but anyone can find redemption. SR-3 loves him, LT tolerates him. Be my witness in this, Finn.”

 

“Hey,” Finn said, two parts gentle, one part urgent, “don’t talk like that.”

 

But cold, hard dread sat under Ren’s breastbone. “I have one more thing to ask you,” he murmured.

 

Finn nodded, a little anxiously. “Sure, of course.”

 

“SR,” Ren said, preemptively wincing in preparation for her wrath. “I’m not taking you with me when we go.”

 

 _[Not funny, Friend-Ben!]_ SR-3 said, swiveling to face him and yanking on his hair.

 

“And I’m not joking,” he said firmly. “You’re a communications droid, and if something happens to the ship - and to you - I will never forgive myself. Stay with Friend-Cian, for me, and for him. Please.”

 

SR narrowed her eyelight, staring him down, but Ren would not be swayed. Eventually, she slumped, her arms retracting from their hold on his hair, head hanging down. _[Yes, Friend-Ben]_ she said sadly. _[But please come home!]_

 

Ren nodded. “I’ll do my best, little darling.” He handed her to Finn who took her as gently as he would a baby bird. “Will you go give her to Hux?” he asked. “I… I just can’t.”

 

“Holy kriff,” Finn breathed. “You’re in love with him.”

 

Pulling a face, Ren rubbed the back of his neck. “You just figured that out?” He sighed. “Look, the Jedi warn against romance. Against… falling in love. I’m not a Jedi though. And no matter what the creed against love is, I’ve only ever felt stronger for the having of it.” He touched Finn’s shoulder, leading him out of the ship. “We leave first thing in the morning, HK,” he called.

 

Together they made their way towards the medical bay where Hux was still interred. They were drawn up short, however, when the door to his room was blocked by one of the larger guards. Ren stepped forward uncertainly but Finn beat him to it. “You want to go take a break now,” he said, and unlike when Ren did it, his voice was light, pleasant. Even though the Force wasn’t directed at Ren, he could feel the desire to sit down somewhere like it was his own.

 

“I want to go take a break now,” the guard said, sounding exhausted. “Can you watch the door for five minutes, Finn?”

 

Ren stared at him. “That was _impressive_ ,” he said, blinking. “Where the kriff did you learn that?”

 

Finn grinned at him, cheeky. “Rey.” He ducked into the door, leaving Ren standing in the hall. “General?” he asked, the sound only slightly muffled by the door which he’d left cracked open.

 

“Ah,” Hux said dryly, sounding more like himself than he had in recent weeks. “FN-2187.”

 

Wincing on Finn’s behalf, Ren sighed. “Just Finn now,” he said, and somehow managed to not sound offended. “You didn’t seem to recognize me before, I wasn’t sure.”

 

Hux made a considering noise. “I hadn’t. But I remember Phasma speaking of you. Why do you have SR-3?” he asked, sounding curious.

 

“Master Ren - er. Captain Ren, he gave her to me to give to you.” He paused. “Gave her to me to give to- no, that was right. That was a lot of gives. Anyway, here.”

 

SR-3 made a few contented beeps, and Ren could imagine her snuggling into Hux’s hands. “Alright,” Hux said slowly. “Why did Captain Ren do this, exactly?”

 

“We’re leaving tomorrow morning, first light,” Finn said, a soldier's answer. “He told SR-3 that she shouldn’t come with us because if anything happened to the ship he’d never forgive himself. He thought she would be happier here with you.”

 

“Uh… huh.” Hux was silent for a second. “And he didn’t come himself, why?”

 

“I don’t know, General,” Finn said, injecting just the right amount of honesty in his voice. “He asked me to do it, and it seemed a small thing, so I did.”

 

Hux full on snorted. “Come now, Finn. What’s the real reason? We are men of action, lies do not become us.”

 

Dread pooled in Ren’s stomach as Finn’s mental feedback registered surprise and determination. “Well,” he said slowly. “He wouldn’t thank me for telling you this, but Sir, Captain Ren is in love with you.”

 

“... I’m sorry, Ren is what?” Hux asked, faintly.

 

Ren threw his presence out, aiming a mental slap to the side of Finn’s head. _WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!_

 

 _Sorry, Master_ , Finn’s answer came with not nearly enough rueful apology tacked to do it. _But someone had to say it._

 

“He’s in love with you,” Finn repeated. “And he’s pretty certain you hate him, so he’s been avoiding you.” His clothing rustled when he shrugged. “A friend of mine had to point out to me that Poe was interested in me. If she hadn’t, I might not have ever noticed. So, for you, I’ll be that friend. And maybe, when we get back, you two can finally talk.”

 

Ren absolutely did not want to hear Hux’s reaction to that. With another growled invective across his connection with Finn, Ren fled.

 

*

 

“Stop kriffing _pacing_ ,” Han growled at Ren as they flew towards PXY-333.

 

Finn huddled miserably in the corner of the cockpit. “Master, I’m sorry,” he said for the eightieth time.

 

Ren waved him off. “I know. And maybe when we get back, it’ll work out.” He stopped pacing to sit heavily in his seat. “I just have a bad feeling about this.” He leaned forward and hit the comm relay button, “Red Leader, Black Leader, how’s it look out there?” he asked.

 

“Red Leader, checking in,” came Sasha’s voice.

 

“Black Leader, on your six,” Poe responded a beat later. “The Black looks clear from here. ETA to PXY-33?”

 

“About ten minutes, at this speed,” Han answered them. “Keep a close eye out.”

 

“Roger,” Sasha and Poe echoed.

 

Ren jerked his head at the kitchen area to Finn sending out a mental nudge. Finn rose to his feet and went immediately, calling for Rey. “Ben,” Han said before he could leave the room.

 

“Dad?” he answered, one hand on the door frame.

 

“Please be careful out there,” Han said. “Now that you’re back, we want to keep you. Clear?”

 

A quick brush of Han’s mind showed how true that was, how he’d hated this whole situation. “Yeah,” Ren said softly. “I’ll be careful.” He ducked through the doorway, finding HK, Rey and Finn waiting for him in the kitchen.

 

“What’s the plan, Master?” Finn asked guilelessly.

 

Ren took a deep breath, holding it for a count of seven before exhaling slowly. “First - Rey, this is for you.” He pulled a box out of one of the cabinets where he’d been hiding it, passing it to her. “I’ve made it as close as I can,” he said, “considering that I stole the original casing from a Knight. But you’re more used to a staff than a sword. That,” he said, as she ignited the deep blue double-bladed lightsaber, “should be more your style.”

 

“Wow…” Rey murmured, and immediately set to work clipping it to her belt.

 

“Finn,” Ren continued, pushing a second box his way. “This is for you.”

 

It was another one of the liberated Knight’s ‘sabers, this one done in a light, almost pale green. Finn took it solemnly, hooking it to his belt along with a blaster pistol and a rifle slung across his back. “Thank you,” Finn said.

 

Ren squared his shoulders. “The four of us are the ground team. When Revan notices us in the system - and she will - she’ll pull this ship into hers using a tractor beam. We can’t stop that from happening, but we can stop her from taking the ship once we’re inside. We’ll secure the docking bay, and HK - you’ll stay here with my father and make sure the ship stays in one piece.”

 

“As you wish, Master.”

 

“Good. The three of us will be able to pinpoint Revan’s location with ease, and we’re going to have to fight our way there. Once we make it to her, we have exactly one chance to get rid of her. If Luke were here, he might caution us against killing her. But I owe her a blood debt and I intend to collect.” He rolled his shoulders, loosening his muscles. “If any of should fall, know that I’m proud of you.”

“Game time,” Han warned from the cockpit a split second before Poe and Sasha shouted that they had eyes on TIE fighters.

 

Ren reached out and touched each of their minds a silent reassurance before falling into something like Battle Meditation. The three of them stood united in the kitchen, spreading the Force out from their location like a wave. It spiraled around and around, wrapping each fighter pilot up in luck and ease. It was the best they could do from there.

 

“Tractor beam,” Han shouted. “Get ready.”

 

He opened his eyes. “May the Force be with you,” he told his padawans.

 

The Untouchable jerked a little when it landed inside Revan’s black ship. “Go,” Ren commanded.

 

They mobilized, exiting the ship as one unit, Rey holding out a Force shield with one upraised hand. “Finn,” she murmured quietly, and Finn moved out in front of her. Ren and HK hung back only slightly,

 

The room was full of large metal boxes - offering too much cover - and Finn sent out a massive wave of Force, throwing the boxes against walls and doors, effectively clearing the area.

 

That seemed to be the cue the Stormtroopers were waiting for, and several of them poured into the room from a single doorway. _Small squad_ , Finn told them. _Cannon fodder._

 

The three of them made short work of the troopers, all of whom didn’t seem to be expecting a single Force user, let alone three. “HK, shoot to kill, unless it’s one of us. Consider all three of us your Master for now,” Ren said.

 

“Be careful, Master,” HK singsonged, shooting a stormtrooper in the helmet despite the fact that he was already dead.

 

Ren sighed, and then tensed as the sounds of battle reached their ears from the hall they had to travel through. “Let’s go,” he said. “Remain on the defensive.”

 

Rey and Finn went through the door first, and Ren almost walked straight into them. There was a much larger group of Stormtroopers in that hall, only all of them save for one were dead, scattered around in a pile. The ‘trooper in the middle a tall, skinny thing, dropped the electrostaff in his hands and tugged off his helmet. “FN-2187?” he said anxiously. “I really hope you’re FN-2187, my squad leader said you would be attacking.”

 

Finn and Ren exchanged a look, and Finn stepped forward. “I was FN-2187,” he said cautiously. “I go by Finn now, most days. Who are you, and what happened here?”

 

The man smiled, and he looked younger by ten years with the expression. “I’m TS-6006,” he introduced. “My Unit called me Tempest.”

 

“Hi Tempest,” Finn said gently. “What happened here?”

 

Tempest looked a little haunted, looking sadly down at his Unit by his feet. “I wanted to go with you,” he said simply. “They disagreed.”

 

Ren reached out with his mind and found the ex-Stormtrooper was telling the truth, and he gave Finn a nod. “Okay, Tempest,” Finn said. “Are there any others who want to defect?” Tempest shook his head. “We need to find Revan,” Finn added. “Where is she?”

 

“She has a meditation room on this level. If she knows you three are coming, then she’ll be there. There’s only one entrance and exit.” He strode over to the wall, pulling up a map on a console. “Here. End of the hall, a left, a right, door at the end.” Tempest tugged off his gloves, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “FN-- Finn. Be careful.”

 

“Go guard my ship,” Ren ordered. “There’s a droid there already, and Han Solo. Protect them with your life, Tempest.”

 

Tempest saluted. “Yes, sir!”

 

“Was that wise?” Rey asked as they made their way down the hall, stepping over dead bodies.

 

Ren shrugged. “He was honest about defecting. We don’t have the time for a lengthy interrogation, and he knew Finn’s designation. We’re expected.”

 

The feeling in the pit of his stomach was growing stronger.

 

True to Tempest’s word, they faced no opposition from anyone else, as they made their way to the Meditation chamber. Revan was clearly within, her presence a thickness that was difficult to walk through.

 

“Captain Ren,” Revan purred, when they fought their way through her barrier, and opened the door to the chamber. “I’ve been expecting you. Master Snoke is _very_ displeased that you’ve illuded us for so long.”

 

“So sorry to disappoint,” Ren growled, igniting his lightsaber. “But I’m afraid I have to decline his invitation.” He ripped out a chunk of the flooring, breaking the meditation lines on the stone and ending the pressure holding them as her barrier fell. Using that chunk of masonry, he flung it at her head.

 

Rey spun her own lightsaber, throwing it at Revan who ducked. The ‘saber returned to Rey’s hand in a graceful arch, and Finn looked impressed even as he slammed his foot down on the ground and forced Revan backwards with another Force wave.

 

Revan’s lightsaber was a bright gold, a dangerously long thing that looked unwieldy and difficult. She met Ren in combat, spinning like a dervish, and keeping Ren on the defensive. _Duck!_ Rey called to him, and Ren skidded to his knees, using the cloth of his trousers to slide him a few feet away.

 

The lightning bolt that fried the area he’d been hadn’t come from Revan, who looked just as surprised as Ren. Rey grimaced. _Sorry!_ She called, and the second bolt hit Revan in the chest.

 

Ren leapt to his feet, pushing the Force into the ground and keeping Revan off balance as she stumbled from the lightning attack. The ground around her quaked, but she kept her feet by sheer determination.

 

Finn leapt forward, clearing the entire room in one bound - a good twenty feet - and distracted Revan long enough for Rey and Ren to regroup. _Hold her still,_ Ren commanded Rey and Finn, who both attempted to crush Revan.

 

It was a split second, but it was enough to rip the ground from under her feet, leaving a knee deep hole for her to fall into. When she fell into it, there was a sickening snap, and she shrieked in pain. “Enough of these games!” she roared, and if she’d been pretty before the battle, she was positively hideous now.

 

Black lines filled her veins, her eyes going inky black. Her fingers curled into claws, and Ren froze solid.

 

The woman from his vision.

 

“Move!” a voice bellowed from his side, and Ren caught a glimpse of long hair before he dropped the Projected stone onto Revan’s head. She flickered once, then reappeared a few feet away, behind Rey.

 

“Rey!” Finn cried, and too late.

 

The gold lightsaber pierced through Rey’s chest, sending her tumbling to the floor like a doll. Revan kicked her out of the way, already striding towards Finn. She was limping, and her left arm was hanging at a strange angle but it didn’t slow her down any.

 

Finn threw a wave of Force at her and she stumbled but continued. Ren gathered his strength and wrapped his mind around Revan’s throat, squeezing with all his strength. He only managed to raise her a few feet, but it was enough for Finn to slide to Rey’s side. _Master, I can’t find a pulse!_ Finn screeched through Ren’s mind.

 

Ren let the world bleed out a little around him, focusing only on what was important. _Shut up, Finn, stop grabbing me_ , came Rey’s weak voice. Revan was fighting his chokehold, and in a few seconds he wasn’t going to be able to keep her off her feet.

 

Rey and Finn were close to the door out, only a few feet.

 

Ren had found his cliffside.

 

He threw Revan across the room with all of his strength, spinning and using another wave of Force to push Rey and Finn across the threshold of the room. _Tell them I’m sorry,_ Ren sent to them, letting them feel all his terror and sorrow. _Tell them there was no other way._

 

 _No!_ Finn cried, gathering the Force to jump back into the room.

 

Ren was faster. He slammed his hand down on the door lock, sliding his lightsaber into the panel and rendering it useless. The door to the meditation chamber closed him off from them, leaving him trapped in the room with Revan.  _Go_ , Ren whispered to them. _Get HK and the stormtrooper and my father, and get out of here. We do noone any good if we’re all dead._ He tried to reach out to Hux, but he was just too far away. _I’m sorry_ , Ren repeated. _I tried._

 

He turned back to Revan who was advancing on him. _Thank you_ , Rey whispered into his mind. _We won’t forget you_ . _Or this. We’ll be back for you._

 

Ren closed his eyes. _I know._

 

He leapt forward, slamming his body into Revan’s chest, and lighting up his ‘saber. The green of his blade sank into her chest, as the gold of hers ripped into his stomach. He reached out with his mind to find that Finn hadd lifted Rey and then had run.

 

 _I’m sorry Cian,_ Ren thought as his heartbeat slowed. _I’m sorry mom. I’m sorry dad. Tell them I’m sorry._

 

Ren stumbled and fell to his knees. Darkness consumed his awareness, and then there was nothing.

 

_I tried._

 

_*_


	17. xvii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I’m sorry,” he said after a second of truly uncomfortable silence. “I don’t remember your chosen name.”_
> 
> _FN-2187 smiled, a broken little thing. “It’s Finn. Not very original, I guess… considering. But it’s the first thing that’s ever just been mine.”_  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex, Sasha, and Song <3
> 
> And for all of you who held out hope... #sorrynotsorry
> 
> The Mando'a in this chapter gets translated right after it's spoken. 
> 
> My tumblr name is [missdreawrites](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/%22). Feel free to come yell at me.

Xvii.

 

When they moved him from the Medical Bay back to his cell, General Leia allowed SR-3 to stay riding on his shoulder. He didn’t want to be, but he was grateful for the small concession. SR clutched his hair where it finally had begun to grow back in his natural color. 

 

Ren, his ship, and the others he’d taken with him had been gone almost two weeks, not that he was counting.

 

General Organa had visited him thrice in that time, while Master Luke Skywalker had visited him near to every day. Neither of them spoke, nor did they ask him tiresome questions. They simply sat, as though in vigil, and waited.

 

He woke the morning of the first day of the third week, to cacophony outside the cell block. There was yelling, shouting, though he was too far from it to pick out individual voices. Eventually, everything quieted again, but Hux could feel that something had changed. 

 

“No,” the voice of FN-2187 said sharply from outside the door leading to his cell. “He charged  _ me _ ,  _ I  _ will go. You’re still injured, I’m not as good as he was--  _ Sit down, Rey! _ ” There were some mumbled protests but eventually FN-2187 entered the cell block. 

 

He looked exhausted, his pilot’s jacket hanging off him as though he’d lost weight. His face was too thin, drawn and pinched around the mouth and eyes. “Good Morning, FN-2187,” Hux said cordially. “I see you survived the trip.”

 

Those were the wrong words.

 

FN-2187 paled, looking like he was going to be sick as he sank into the chair by the bars holding Hux in. General Organa had sat there, and Luke Skywalker. Hux grunted when SR-3 tightened her grip hard enough to hurt. “Rey was injured,” FN-2187 said. “We lost a few Fighter pilots.” Hux nodded, more reflexively to get him to continue talking then out of any true care. “Revan is dead,” he said. “We felt her life flow back into the Force.” 

 

The wounds in his head were gone but the aching relief at hearing that did more to heal him than any magic space power. “Good riddance,” he said sharply. “The world is better for her loss.” He bit out an irritated sigh. “I assume Ren is still avoiding me,” he added when FN-2187 didn’t continue. “He can stop sending you to do his work for him, I’d welcome the chance to punch him in his perfect teeth. Carry him  _ that _ message.”

 

“I can’t,” FN-2187 said miserably. “Ren is dead.”

 

Hux blinked slowly, head tilting to one side. He couldn’t have possibly heard that correctly. There was no way. “Ren is what?” he asked.

 

“Ren saved our lives, and… his lifeforce blinked out. We didn’t have time to get the door open, we had to blow the ship… He’s dead, General.” Finn’s eyes were wide and watery. “I felt him die, inside my mind. He wanted me to carry a message for you. 

 

“What is it?” Hux asked sharply.

 

FN-2187 looked down at his hands which had curled into trembling fists. “He said he was sorry. He said ‘I’m sorry. I tried.’”

 

Hux is viscerally reminded of the day that Ren had found Felix inside the Mandalorian camp, and how he’d destroyed the wall paneling of his engine room after the fact. He had never felt more in tune with the emotions that had poured off Ren than he did now. Hux closed his eyes tightly, breathing back the rage. “I realize that I am a prisoner here,” he said through gritted teeth. “But Ren’s friends and companions need to be told. Sit with me if you must, but let me speak to them.”

 

FN-2187 seemed to think about it for a second, or perhaps he was communicating mentally with someone, before he nodded. “Okay,” he said. 

 

“There is also a vocal modulator in my quarters aboard the Untouchable - I will require it if I am to keep my identity a secret.” SR-3 was making sad beeping sounds that didn’t make any sense to him, they weren’t words so much, and he realized with a jolt that she was keening, crying. She knew her Master was dead. 

 

“Yes, General. Give me a few minutes, please.” Finn levered himself off the chair, scrubbing at his eyes. 

 

As soon as he’d disappeared around the door and it had closed behind him, Hux sank down on to the cot that made up his bed. SR-3 had simply shut down in his hands, and he leaned over to plug her into her unit on the wall. 

 

Five minutes. He had five minutes before FN-2187 would return. Five minutes to mourn. 

 

It was a little longer than five minutes, and Hux could hear the way HK’s footsteps echoed behind FN-2187’s. “Here,” he said, holding out a holocomm and his mask. “I’ve gotta stay right here though. Sorry.”

 

Hux shook his head, hooking the mask around his face. It felt familiar there, and smelled a little like Ren’s soap. “It’s fine,” he said and the sound of his voice through the rebreather made him feel like he was back on Dxun or Nar Shaddaa. He steeled himself against the feeling of Ren at his shoulder, and instead plugged in Ganna’s holo-address. 

 

She picked up instantly, her figure coalescing above the personal communicator. “Cian?” she asked, in surprise, hands on her hips. “Oh, Force help me, what has Ren gotten into now?”

 

He cleared his throat, hating how it sounded behind the mask. “Hello Ganna,” he murmured. “I’m afraid… I have some bad news.” The slight smile on her face faded into stone blankness. “Ren is…” He had to swallow back a lump in his throat. “Ren is dead,” he finally forced out. 

 

Seemed those five minutes weren’t enough to mourn after all.

 

“How?” Ganna asked tonelessly, her hands in thigh fists at her sides.

 

“Revan… the last Knight. She killed him,” Hux said, and glanced over at FN-2187 for confirmation. 

 

Ganna dropped her head, her shoulders hunching. The holo wasn’t good enough to show the tears on her face but when she spoke again, her voice was thick with them. “Did he at least take the pfassker out?” 

 

“Yes,” Hux mumurmed. “He took the pfassker out.”

 

“Good,” Ganna said viciously. “Thank you, Cian. You didn’t have to tell me. I appreciate your devotion to him. If you need anything, let me know.” 

 

Hux sucked in a hard breath, holding it and nodding once, sharply. Ganna logged off, but not before he saw her face crumple. He glanced over at FN-2187 who was kindly staring up at the ceiling, completely ignoring Hux.

 

Next he dialed in Sylar, though it took him a little longer to remember the address. It also took the Devaronian longer to answer than it took Ganna, which Hux appreciated. “Cyborg!” he greeted, gesturing widely in a wave. “Is Ren looking for work so soon?” 

 

“Sy,” Hux responded. “I’m afraid I have bad news.”

 

The smile dropped off Sylar’s face instantly. “How bad?”

 

Hux looked down, focusing on his fingers where they held the holocomm. “He’s dead, Sy.”

 

“Aw, son of a bantha,” Sy said softly, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “Kriff. I’m sorry, Cyborg.” He sighed, head tilted back slightly. “You need anything?” he asked.

 

“No,” Hux said. “I am well taken care of. Thank you.” His fingers tightened on the edges of the holocomm. 

 

“You have my address if that changes,” Sy said, and the way he pointed seemed vaguely threatening. “Ren was a good man, a good friend. He’ll be missed.” The Devaronian logged off then, rather abruptly, but Hux was unoffended. 

 

He really didn’t want to call Kiel. 

 

“I didn’t think you would do something like this,” FN-2187 said in the lull between calls. “The sort to contact the family or… you know. Do it personal like.”

 

Hux glared at him over the top of the mask. “I spent a long time in Ren’s company,” he said sharply. “His contacts became mine, by virtue of our close friendship.”

 

FN-2187 held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he said hastily. “I could tell you two were close.” Hux narrowed his eyes further, but could find no trace of the stormtrooper FN-2187 had once been. “I just meant… Even General Leia doesn’t do the personal stuff.”

 

Sighing, and relaxing his expression, Hux put his hands in his lap, freeing one to take off the mask. “Ren didn’t have anyone else,” he said quietly. “He had many friends - most of whom were sedentary, or planet-bound - so this falls to me, unless you prefer HK do it.”

 

Blanching, FN-2187 shook his head rapidly as the droid coughed out a laugh. “Oh, Master, do give me permission!”

 

“... Did you just call me Master?”

 

“Why yes,” HK drawled. “Master Ren’s last order to me was to transfer my subservience to you. He has also gifted SR-3, LT-55 and the Untouchable to you. What joy you must feel, Master.” 

 

FN-2187 covered his face with his hands, groaning quietly. “Is that true?” Hux asked incredulously and FN-2187 nodded still hiding behind his hands. “Kriff, Ren… what were you thinking?” 

 

The holocomm began to shrilly beep in his hand, and he hurriedly slid the mask back on to answer. The address told him Kiel was calling, and Hux swore inwardly. He scoured his memory for Ren’s sporadic Mando’a and answered with a click “Su cuy’gar,” he said, but the pronunciation was off.

 

“Cian!” Kiel barked. “Is it true?” 

 

“Yes,” Hux said quietly. “It’s true.”

 

Kiel shut his eyes. “The Clan will have aay’han,” he said. “A moment of celebration, remembrance. Come, join us. Aliit ori’shya tal’din. Family is more than blood.”   
  


Hux hid his wince behind the reverb mask. “I… I’ll try.”

 

“For now, just take this, Cian: ni su’cuyi, gar kry’adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum. Ren.” Kiel bowed his head. “I am alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal, Ren.”

 

“I am alive,” Hux repeated. “But you are… you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal, Ren.”

 

Kiel nodded once. “You will always be welcome here on Dxun.”

 

“Thank you, Kiel.” The Mandalorian disconnected, and Hux slowly handed the communicator back over to FN-2187. He was slower to take the mask off, but eventually handed that back too. He swallowed hard, could hear his throat clicking. “I’m sorry,” he said after a second of truly uncomfortable silence. “I don’t remember your chosen name.”

 

FN-2187 smiled, a broken little thing. “It’s Finn. Not very original, I guess… considering. But it’s the first thing that’s ever just been mine.” 

 

“Finn,” Hux said. “Thank you, for the opportunity to do this. And… you may wish to tell Master Skywalker than the twi’lek Ganna, currently on Nar Shaddaa… her children are Force Sensitive. Ren promised to teach them one day.”

 

Nodding, FN---  _ Finn _ \-- stood up. “Thanks, General.”

 

Hux was left alone with his thoughts, alone in a cell, alone in a world without Ren. 

 

In all the planning he’d ever done, this was not where he imagined finding himself. He sat back on the bed, leaning against the wall. SR-3 was cradled on the mattress between his knees, still deactivated. 

 

He’d been prepared to be angry - Ren had lied to him, multiple times, had dragged him to the Resistance without discussing it first.  _ It’s hard to hate the dead,  _ his mother’s voice said, echoing in his memory. 

 

She’d said it at her father’s funeral, a man she’d loathed and loved in equal measure. His father had declined to attend, leaving a six year old Cian to hold his mother’s hand and watch them as they buried a man he could barely remember. What he did remember about him had mostly faded in the last thirty years, but he could recall his cruelty. 

 

His mother had told him that you always loved your family, even if you hated them. And that, once it was over and they were gone, that the dead don’t care.  _ Keep your hatred, Cian, my love _ , she had said.  _ Those that have passed on beyond us will never know your heart anyway. Hate those who can be affected by your steel.  _

 

If Revan was dead, that meant there was exactly one person left to hate.

 

He touched SR-3 very gently on the top of the head. “SR, little darling,” he murmured, adopting Ren’s endearment for her. “I need you.”

 

She came awake with a sad beep. [ _ Friend-Cian?]  _ she asked.

 

“I need you to carry a message for me, SR. I need you go to speak to General Organa, on my behalf. Tell her.. Tell her I’m ready to talk.”

 

*

 

They brought him to an interrogation room - notably a different one that the last time this had happened. Hux shoved his hair out of his eyes, looking over the one way window - before, he had known that Ren was behind it, watching. Now, he assumed it was empty, or at least empty of anyone he cared to see.

 

General Leia entered the room, with a young resistance member following her. “General,” he greeted cordially. “Thank you for meeting me on such short notice.”

 

She smiled, likely more amused at his cordiality than at the words themselves. “General,” she greeted in kind, and sat across from him at the table. “SR-3 is with her minder, HK, who has threatened to shoot anyone who tries to go onto the Untouchable.” There was an amused dryness to her words, as though she was commiserating Ren’s fondness for being difficult.

 

“If you’ll allow, I’ll order him off. Apparently,” this he said long-suffering, “Ren saw fit to saddle him with me.”

 

Her smile widened, just a little. “Don’t you mean the other way around?”

 

Hux snorted softly. “Oh no, I’m quite sure that he’s rather put out that his new Master is me. He’s not made his complaints yet, but I’m expecting they’ll come shortly.” He linked his fingers together, placing them on the table. “I’m sorry,” he said slowly, “for your loss.”

 

Leia nodded once. “As I am sorry for yours,” she responded curtly. “Now, if we could get down to business please, General Hux?”

 

He  looked down at his hands, and took a deep breath. “You remind me a great deal of my mother,” Hux started out. “You’re more than willing to do what is necessary, even if it does not benefit you. I see much of Ren in you. I don’t know how much he spoke to you, while he was here, about our… companionship. We traveled together for quite some time, even after he discerned my identity.”

 

“He mentioned little,” Leia said, with a frown. “The only time he spoke of you was to tell me, and my entire council that should we decide to give you a death penalty, he would leave again and never return.” She met his gaze, one eyebrow slightly quirked. “It was heavily implied that he’d take you with him.”

 

That hit him in the solar plexus like a blow. “He did?” Hux asked, incredulous. “That utter fool.” Leia raised her eyebrows at him, visibly curious. “Ren would have known my feelings on that,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The minute we arrived here I became expendable. Attempting to keep me alive only would have brought more consequences down on his head.” 

 

“He didn’t seem to care about consequences,” Leia said. 

 

Hux scowled. “Apparently not.”

 

Leia leaned in, her elbows on the edge of the table. “What changed your mind, General?” she asked. “You seemed content to hold yourself above this process.”

 

“Do not hate the dead, for the dead do not care,” Hux quoted softly. “There is only one person I hate more than Revan, General. And with Ren… gone… there is no one else I can turn to but the Resistance. It’s been some time since I have been within the First Order, but I believe some of my information is still viable.”

 

“Tell me,” Leia prompted.

 

Imagining Brendol Hux’s horrified face was what spurred him on, and Hux squared his shoulders. “My codes are likely long since disabled, however, I believe I have a list of names and ships that could come in handy. “Val Ardan, General of the Pathfinder, another flagship of the First Order. 

Myn Gavond, General of the Endeavor, third flagship of the First Order. The Finalizer would have gone to Tiian Unamo. The ship that Snoke himself flies on is the Aristarchus, and I have seen it only once.”

 

“Do you know the quadrants of the galaxy that these ships tend to circulate?” Leia asked, hope ill disguised in her face. 

 

Hux thought for a moment. “The Pathfinder tends to stay within the Core Worlds, while the Endeavor stays in the Inner Rim. The Aristarchus came from the Unknown Regions, but we met it Mid Rim, near Calecedon.”

 

“How would you communicate with Snoke then, if he was not on the Finalizer with you?” Leia asked.

 

“He has this… holoprojector, that connects to the Finalizer. And I believe to the others as well, though I did not spend too great a time on either the Endeavor or the Pathfinder. It’s… rather ludicrous, his projection is massive, truly. It takes an entire room, so he could look down on Revan and me. He could holocall us at any distance, and his command of the Force was so great that he could manipulate us through the projection.”

 

Leia frowned. “That’s… Is that how he did injured you?”

 

Hux scowled. “Most of that was Revan. And when she was done, yes. Snoke took his time as well. It’s my understanding that young Rey and FN-2… I apologize. Finn, were able to heal my head.”

 

“They were,” Leia said. “Ben didn’t tell me how you both sustained your Force wounds.”

 

Hux lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I am an intensely private man, General Organa. This open dialogue does not come easy to me.”

 

“I appreciate your candor,” Leia said dryly. 

 

He smirked. “I have another list of names, ones that you will find both interesting and upsetting. The list was given to me by the Captain who rescued me from the Finalizer. I’m unaware of how she received it herself - I assume she believed I would go straight to you, once I was well enough.” 

 

“Why didn’t you?” Leia asked.

 

“Stubbornness.” He tapped two fingers to the table. “Also, an inability to find someone willing to cart me about as a passenger.” He closed his eyes to better picture Phasma in his mind. “The list is thus: Amida Lowsyk, Einapai Graven, Vinon Dystra, Rhysio Tanau.” 

 

When he opened his eyes again, Leia was very pale. “Why do you have those names?”

 

“Captain Phasma of the Stormtrooper program gave them to me,” Hux answered honestly. “Who are they to you?”

 

“They are messengers, who ferry smuggled goods, messages and other things between Resistance bases. That you know their names means…”

 

Hux shook his head. “I’m afraid they are not,” he interrupted, almost gently. “Phasma gave me these names for leverage, they are First Order spies and much of my information on your movements and whereabouts when I commanded the Finalizer came from their word.”

 

Leia’s face was bone white. “You were correct, General,” she said. “Your information was quite valuable to the Resistance.” She turned to her aide, who looked just as horrified as Leia did. “Return him to a cell, please, but see to it his accommodations are more comfortable.”

 

Once they exited the room, Hux still bound with his hands in front of him, they were joined by a silent HK, who held an equally silent SR-3 on his shoulder. “This way,” the aide said, and led him to another building entirely. 

 

He was given a room, and though it locked from the outside, it had charge ports for HK and SR-3, as well as his clothing from the Untouchable. On the desk by his bed - a real bed - was the rebreather mask. 

 

_ General Hux,  _ barely legible writing said,  _ I managed to ~~conven~~ ~~convic~~ convince your droid HK-51 to let me on the Untouchable. I thought you might want your stuff. Sorry this is messy, Poe is teaching me to ~~writ~~ ~~ right ~~ write. Let me know if you want anything els. ~~Sincirl~~ ~~Cinser~~ \- Finn.  _

 

The rebreather mask still smelled of Ren, as did the pillows and blankets on the bed.  _ How does it feel to be a traitor _ ? His inner voice asked sounding suspiciously like his father.

 

Before, when Ren had lived, the idea of being a traitor to the Order that had given him purpose had seemed anathema, had cramped his stomach and made him sick to think of. Now, it simply felt like freedom. Ren was gone, but Hux remained. He would have to make the most of it. He always did. 

"Goodbye Ren," he murmured to himself. He thought he felt a quiet touch of a mind against his, but the feeling passed quickly and was gone.

 

*


	18. xviii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Skywalker,” he greeted, sitting on the bed. “I’m surprised to see you here. I would have expected you to join the banquet outside.”_
> 
> _Lips quirking up in a bitter smile, he shook his head. “No. I had no desire to pretend to celebrate the life of a boy I failed.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're going to get a double chapter today, because I wrote, wait for it, NINE THOUSAND WORDS LAST NIGHT, apparently to make up for my utter lack over the last three days. I've worked a lot of hours in a very short amount of time and while yay, money, boo no time to write. 
> 
> As always this is for Lex, Sasha and Song <3
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr!](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Tissue warning. Lots of tissue warnings.

Xviii.

 

The next several weeks passed like molasses, a slow drip of time that neither rushed nor dallied. He had the occasional visitor - usually Finn, who kept him updated on current events - or Rey, who helped him with his Binary lessons. Occasionally Skywalker came to see him though they never spoke much. 

 

It was Finn’s doing that got him to the memorial service for Ren, though he was in shackles. General Organa had spoken to him briefly beforehand, warning him that while he was the one who knew Ren best, she didn’t think it wise to let him speak during the service. 

 

Though it hurt to know that he was the only one who would truly carry the memory of Ren rather than the memory of Ben Solo, Hux actually agreed with her. So he kept quiet during the memorial, schooling his face as carefully blank as he could manage, standing sandwiched between Rey and Finn. 

 

After the service, once Hux had returned to his room, he found Skywalker waiting for him. The man looked tired, haggard, and there was a strange tightness to his face that sat poorly with Hux. Whatever the man was here for, it wasn’t anything good.

 

“Skywalker,” he greeted, sitting on the bed. “I’m surprised to see you here. I would have expected you to join the banquet outside.”

 

Lips quirking up in a bitter smile, he shook his head. “No. I had no desire to pretend to celebrate the life of a boy I failed.” 

 

Hux blinked. “Failed?” he questioned, curiously. 

 

Skywalker sat in the chair left helpfully by the door. “Your surprise is appreciated but unnecessary,” he told Hux dryly. “One does not get to be my age and not realize his most grievous failings.”

 

“To be honest, Skywalker, I’m not at all certain why you’re telling  _ me _ this,” Hux said slowly.

 

“That’s fair,” Skywalker said. “We have virtually nothing in common. In every way we are fundamentally different - except for one thing: Ren.” He folded his hands in his lap, looking every inch the sage jedi master. “I was robbed of knowing him as he was - you are robbed of sharing that.”

 

Hux laughed shortly, though it came out for more embittered than he’d like. “I’m not sure why you think I need to hear all this --” 

 

“I think you need to talk, more than you need to listen,” Skywalker said, cutting him off gently. “My nephew was a complicated boy, at the end. And fifteen years ago, when I saw him last I would never have guessed he was the sort to sacrifice himself for others.” He made a face, rubbing his forehead. “Then again, fifteen years ago I hardly even knew him then.”

 

Forcing out a hard sigh around a lump in his chest, Hux looked away. “He wasn’t a jedi,” he said. “He wasn’t patient, nor was he calm. He was angry, often. But he loved his droids - especially SR-3.” Both he and Skywalker looked over to the silent charge port where SR-3 was deactivated. “He was Mando’a, did you know that?” Hux asked, when words could not describe the debt he owed Ren.

 

“No,” Skywalker said, sounding legitimately surprised. “He never mentioned.”

 

Hux nodded reflexively. “He apparently saved Akielo Ordo’s life, ten years ago. We spent some time with the Ordo clan on Dxun.” 

 

Skywalker blinked. “He thrived,” he murmured, looking down. “When he left us, he thrived. That is… surprisingly good to know.” 

 

“What did you  _ expect  _ him to do?” Hux asked, one part vicious, two parts curious. “He was an intelligent man, he had to have been an intelligent boy.”

 

“Intelligent, yes,” Luke agreed. “But also rash, unkind, angry. He could accept no help, from anyone.” His smile was wan. “Especially me.”

 

Today seemed to be a day for revelations. “Unkind?” Hux repeated incredulously. “Did you know your nephew at  _ all _ ?”

 

Skywalker had the gall to smile at him. “No,” he said mildly. “That is why I came to you.” Hux grunted, looking away again. Skywalker took his silence at face value and continued speaking. “I had this thought,” the man mused, “that had Ren run from the Jedi Academy and into the arms of the First Order, we’d have never gotten him back.” Hux raised an incredulous eyebrow at him. “Oh, not because of Snoke - he might have drawn Ren in, but he’d have stayed for  _ you. _ ”

 

“What makes you say that?” Hux asked, throat suddenly dry.

 

“Because his every waking thought was of you,” Skywalker answered him evenly. 

 

Alarmed Hux looked over at Skywalker. “You were in his head? Is that something you jedi can do on a whim? Simply enter the minds of those around you?”

 

Skywalker waved him off, uncharitably amused by his discomfort. “I’m not in your head, General,” he said kindly. “Ren was far more skilled at mental communication than I could ever hope to be. I knew his thoughts because he let me know them - unless I put effort into an attempt, your mind is closed to me.”   
  


Though on some level Hux knew that every jedi - or not-Jedi - was different, having faced enough of the Knights of Ren, he wondered absently what made the powers so strong yet so different. “And what’s your skill set?” he asked.

 

“Precognition,” Skywalker answered. “Dodging a blow before it lands, or seeing a future that I have a chance to save - or change.” He rotated his metal wrist, gears grinding quietly. “Sometimes, there’s a level of sacrifice in each moment. Sometimes you work as hard as you can to keep a future from happening.” 

 

“Is that how you lost your hand?” Hux asked. 

 

Luke chuckled. “Yes. It wasn’t the most important vision I’d ever had, but the loss of my hand was a small price to pay for the lives of my… friends.” There was a wealth of information in Skywalker’s awkward pause, but Hux let it lie. Skywalker cleared his throat, flexing his metal hand. “When Ren was still Ben, and just a small child, I saw him join the First Order willingly. I tried to change his future, and seemed only to make it worse. So, as you can see, precognition isn’t exactly a boon either.”

 

“When Ren spoke of you… he did not speak unkindly,” Hux offered him as gently as a man like him was able. “He held up your image as The Jedi to be, even though he knew he could never reach it.”

 

Skywalker laughed. “That just goes to show how poorly Ren and I communicated,” he said dryly. “He was never going to be a jedi, but I didn’t need him to be. I wasn’t a very good jedi either.” His face crumpled, just slightly. “I’m going to miss him terribly.”

 

Hux swallowed down the grief. He’d had his five minutes to mourn, and Hux’s did not cry. “I… didn’t get a chance to return his feelings” he said slowly.

 

“I think he already knew,” Luke said gently. 

 

“Cold comfort now, isn’t it?” Hux snapped. 

 

Inclining his head, Skywalker agreed. “I suppose it is, yes.” He stood, holding out his hand for Hux to shake. “Thank you for indulging me. I’m sure that you are less than comfortable sharing anything, surrounded as you are by enemies.”

 

Hux stood, shaking his hand. “I’ve been surrounded by worse enemies,” he said dryly. He walked Skywalker to the door despite the fact that he couldn’t open it on his own. “Tell me one thing,” he requested, staring at the floor. Skywalker paused, waiting. “Was Finn telling me the truth?”

 

Luke touched his shoulder, clasping firmly, grounding him. “Ren loved you more than he’d ever loved anyone,” he said. “You will see him again, someday.”

 

“More of your Force Ghosts?” Hux asked, sarcastic. 

 

A touch of alarm skated across Skywalkers face. “Force help anyone saddled with Ren as a Ghost,” he said, half a laugh caught in his tone. “No one would get any rest.”

 

Privately Hux thought he’d prefer that to the empty nights he’s faced with now. “Thank you for the conversation,” he said politely.

 

Luke’s hand tightened on his shoulder. “There will be a moment for you, soon,” he said quietly. “You will see the world stretching out before you; one choice will send you down a path to Ren, and the other sends you far from him.”

 

Hux frowned. “Which is which?” he asked.

 

“I don’t know. I can only hope you will, when the time comes.” Luke squeezed his shoulder once more, and opened the door with a handwave, leaving Hux alone again.

 

*

 

During the next several months, Hux had more meetings with Luke and General Organa, the former about Ren and the latter about the First Order. Solo had weaseled his way in there as well, bringing him broken electronics to tinker with - correctly inferring Hux’s boredom of having nothing to do.

 

He eventually was allowed freedom enough to go outside, spending time with the Padawan Rey, and Finn. Poe Dameron joined them occasionally, offering drips and drops of a childhood spent with a tiny Ben Solo. 

 

“And then,” Dameron said, already laughing, “Ben leaned over too far and fell face first into the mud!” Hux hid a smile as Rey and Finn leaned over each other laughing. “He laid there for so long I thought he’d drown or something and I’m about ready to start screaming for his mom when he flops over onto his back, still in the mud, and he says, so seriously: ‘this is my life now’ that I started laughing and fell in the mud with him!”

 

Hux smothered his smile with a cup of whatever they were drinking, out in the fenced in yard where he was allowed to wander. The day was warm, and Hux enjoyed sitting out in the sun - better than his windowless room. 

 

SR-3 sat on his shoulder peeling out high pitched beeps of laughter. It was only when she stopped that Hux noticed the fauna of the area had gone silent, and the air felt heavy. He glanced up, expecting sudden rainclouds, as was the norm on D’Qar. 

 

Rey and Finn had stopped laughing as well, suddenly focused on something no one else could see. “TIE Fighters!” Finn suddenly shouted, and the world devolved into chaos. A missile screamed towards them and Hux curled himself around SR-3 as Rey and Finn leapt to their feet. 

 

The missile imploded against an invisible shield, obviously held in place by the Padawans, if the strain on their face was any indicator. Dameron ran for the door, shouting into his comm for Sasha and his Squad to get ready to fly. 

 

The camp around them flew into action, fighter pilots rising into the air, ground troops deploying around important sections of their camp. Finn took several steps backward and  _ leapt  _ over the high fence that kept them quarantined, which made Hux stare for a second like a slackjawed yokel. 

 

Rey grabbed his wrist. “We have to get out of the open,” she said urgently. 

 

Together they ran back into the building that served as Hux’s extravagant prison. “I have to get out there,” Rey said urgently. 

 

“Take HK,” Hux commanded, going over to slap HK’s chassis. “Up, up, you lazy droid!”

 

HK reconnected, eyelights narrow. “Lazy, master?” he drawled.

 

“Help Rey,” Hux commanded. “Guard her with your life - and if you see any First Order enemies… shoot to disable. They’ll want them alive.” 

 

Without warning Rey threw herself at him, hugging him tightly around the waist. “Thank you, Cian,” she whispered into his shoulder as he belatedly attempted to figure out what to do with his hands. 

 

She let go before he could hug her back or do more than stand there like a knob, and she unhooked her lightsaber in one smooth move. “Stay safe,” he said, more than half a question.

 

Rey gave him a beautiful smile. “I will. She disappeared out of the door, leaving Hux alone. 

 

With no weapon, no droid defender, and nothing to do but wait, Hux paced. He could hear the sounds of battle outside, the familiar sound of TIE fighters raining bolts down. Hux guessed that perhaps a half hour had gone by before his building shook dangerously. 

 

Hux stood, as still as he could make himself in the middle of the room, head tilted to better hear what direction the blast had come from. The building shook again. 

 

_ Move! _ Shouted a voice by his ear, and moving on instinct, Hux ducked.

 

A TIE fighter, on fire and clearly disabled crashed into the building, shearing off half the room and a good portion of the left wall. Hux turned towards where the voice had come from, seeing an older man, with long brown hair and a slight glow standing where Hux had been. “What are you waiting for?” the man demanded, pointing to the clearest path out of the wreckage. “This is your chance!”

 

The path through the broken masonry and disabled TIE fighter was clear.  _ There will be a moment for you, soon,  _ Luke’s voice echoed in his memory.  _ You will see the world stretching out before you; one choice will send you down a path to Ren, and the other sends you far from him _ .

 

Hux shoved his hair out of his face, red again, with no trace of black, and wished absently for something to hold it out of his eyes. He strode through the wreckage, climbing into the TIE fighter long enough to liberate the dead ‘trooper of his weapons. No stealth drive, but a fairly sizeable rifle, and two blaster pistols. Good enough.

 

He turned back to look at the Force Ghost who stood in the room still. “Which way to General Organa?” he asked.

 

The man smiled. “You’ll be able to tell,” he said. “Look for the Lightsabers.”

 

Hux nodded once, turned on his heel, and strode out into a warzone. He’d made his choice. 

 

The Ghost, whoever he was, had been correct. He caught a glimpse of one of Finn’s truly staggering Force leaps as well as the green and blue flashes of light across the compound. He crept through the shadows of fallen TIE fighters, broken buildings and other debris, mourning the loss of his stealth drive intensely. Organa was standing with her people, her own vibroblade in her hands, fighting with her brother.

 

As Hux drew closer, he saw a distinct shimmer of a shadow operative, as he passed by an unrestrained fire. Hux centered himself, and took aim. 

 

The blaster bolt clearly took Organa and Luke by surprise, as they whirled to see who had shot. The comical surprise on Organa’s face when the shadow operative fell at her feet was worth his every hardship. “General,” Hux greeted, jogging over towards them, and neatly liberating the drive from the dead soldier. 

 

“General…” Organa replied. “Rey seemed to think you would be safe where you were.”

 

“I’m certain I would have been, had a TIE fighter not decided to land on my bed,” Hux said dryly. 

 

He caught Luke's poorly hidden snicker out of the corner of his eye, and judging by the disapproving frown on Organa's face, she did too. "Well you're here now," she said, clearly giving up on arguing the point. "And you seem to have killed an attacker meant for me." 

 

It was First Order fancy that had him dropping to one knee in front of her. "In gratitude to you, General Organa," he said solemnly, feeling Ren's ghost standing at his shoulder. "I pledge my loyalty to you, and to your ideals. To uphold your standards and traditions, to serve you as I would serve myself, to my utmost ability." 

 

Luke lost the ability to stifle his laughter, even as the fight around them raged. Organa looked horrified, reaching down to yank at his shoulder. "Get up," she hissed, "Your First Order traditions are  _ ridiculous _ ." 

 

Hux only smiled to himself. "I need a comm unit," he said. 

 

"Why?" Organa asked, still sounding suspicious. 

 

Looking up at the dogfight in the sky, Hux gestured. "This is a maneuver I designed, General," he said. "I can direct Dameron into a counter maneuver with little trouble." 

 

Organa was still staring at him in suspicion but Luke unhooked his comm unit from his ear and handed it over without protest. "Here," Skywalker said. "Keep it, Captain." 

 

"Captain?" Hux and Organa chorused. 

 

Luke's smile was all mysterious jedi, and his eyes were fixed behind Hux, as though he was looking at someone standing by his shoulder. Hux was too old to hope, too tired to stop himself, and he turned slightly to see what Skywalker was watching. 

 

It wasn't Ren - of course it wasn't - but the long haired man stood there, with a younger man close to his side, a man with yellow eyes at his left, and a woman with a kind smile holding his hand. 

 

Hux put the comm in his ear, waiting for it to come online as the ghosts around them disappeared one by one. Once the link beeped, he touched his ear and snapped, "Dameron, do you read?" 

 

"Yes I rea-- Hux? The kriff? How did you get a comm? Wait, is Finn okay?" Dameron asked all in a rush. 

 

Rolling his eyes, Hux sighed. "Yes, it's me Dameron. Finn is fine, get your head out of your pants." There was a rush of laughter - strained and tense, but laughter all the same - from the others on the comm. "Finn and Rey are handling the ground troops just fine," Hux added. "But I need you and Red Leader to listen carefully." 

 

"Red Leader checking in," a woman said. "What have you got for us, General?" 

 

Hux tracked their movements with his eyes for a second before nodding. "The TIE fighters are using a basic combat spread," he said. "Apparently Unamo isn't creative enough to try for anything fancier. The best way to defend against this spread isn't the defensive split you and Red Leader have going. You need to go for a sandwich maneuver," he said authoritatively. "The Finalizer won't be anywhere near here, so what you see is what you get for TIE fighters. Use a barrel roll, two circle defense to get around them, and if you have to, overshoot. TIE fighters can't target so close to their own wings, so you'll be safe to flow around." 

 

"Uh..." Dameron said. "Sounds good, General. You catch that Snaps, Iolo, Pava?" There was a chorus of affirmatives, and the resistance fighters suddenly broke into a two circle flow, sending both Dameron and Red Leader into an overshoot. 

 

To Hux's trained eyes, the TIE fighters drew up short, attempting to barrel turn but the fighter pilots were faster. "Brilliant," Hux said breathlessly, ducking a blaster shot from a ground troop. "That was masterfully done, Dameron." 

 

There was another burst of wild laughter over the comm before Hux's attention was stolen by shooting an attacker off Rey. He hit the button on his stealth drive, sinking into the shadows and searching out the Captain in charge of the raid. 

 

"Hey, General, er - Hux!" Dameron said loudly into his ear. "Would a high-pass gun attack work if they try to break?" 

 

"Likely," Hux murmured, impressed despite himself. 

 

"You heard the man," Red Leader said. "Jae, Dhene, Kandri, let's get higher." 

 

Hux refocused on throwing off the remaining 'troopers on the ground. With him in the shadows, and Finn drawing attention with his enormous leaps and jumps, and Rey's spectacular speed, they cleared the area around the General and Skywalker easily. 

 

A few times he could hear the triple toned shouting of HK, taunting the 'meatbags' he was disabling. "General!" Dameron said, cheering. "The TIE fighters are turning away, they're retreating into hyperspace!" 

 

As soon as the dogfight ended the 'troopers left alive on the ground surrendered. Hux left the rounding up to more trained Resistance members, instead making his way back to Luke and Organa. 

 

"Alright," Organa said grudgingly. "I don't know why you did this - you could have escaped easily." 

 

Hux sighed, tilting his head back to look at the blue sky. "Is it so hard to believe that Ren would have wanted this?" he asked. "I'm never truly going to regret what I've done, General Organa. I regret the chaos, because that wasn't what I wanted to cause. I regret that I ever listened to Supreme Leader Snoke. I regret that I did not immediately recognize him for a madman. I can't make up for the Hosnian system," he said. "I can make up for not helping Ren when I promised to stay by his side. I can make up for the weeks of my ignoring him, though I'll never manage to make up for not getting to say goodbye." He pulled the comm out of his ear and handed it back to Luke. "I'm not a good person, General," he said, not unkindly, "but I can be useful one, all the same."

 

Organa's looked softened only a little. "You expect me the power of love changed you, General Hux?" she asked skeptically. 

 

Hux snorted. "The power of love? Nothing so melodramatic I assure you. Trust in the power of betrayal," he said. "The power of betrayal is what drove me from the First Order and into the company of your son. The power of betrayal lead me to opening my eyes. I know it's bite and sting and I'm not so eager to taste it again." He leaned in, meeting her eyes. "General, let us face the facts: if I do not stand with you, I stand with no one. And alone, I am vulnerable." 

 

"The consummate tactician," Organa murmured. Hux quirked a smile. 

 

"As you can see, my tactics came in quite handy for the First Order - and without them they struggle to live up to my shoes." 

 

Dameron interrupted, his helmet under one arm, coming up and clapping Hux on the shoulder. "Well done, Hux! That was beautiful, I got close enough to see one startle like a skittish womp rat!" 

 

Hux's smile widened. "You're quite welcome, Mr. Dameron," he said pleasantly. 

 

Organa gazed at him, her expression blank but her eyes chips of ice. Living with Ren had inured him to the sensation of mental touches to his mind, and he felt the brush of hers a moment later. It was weaker than Ren's had been but just as stubborn. 

 

It was a test - an act of trust, to see if he would fight her. Hux relaxed, and turned the force of his thoughts on her.  _ Oh, do come in _ , he thought dryly.  _ Everyone else has been here to stay. _

 

When Organa's lip twitched, he felt her smother the smile that wanted to come at the use of his droll sarcasm.  _ Well _ , she said, her voice far gentler than he expected.  _ Welcome to the Resistance, Captain. _

 

"Captain?" he said out loud, for the second time. 

 

"Of course," Organa said, withdrawing from his mind. "Someone has to pilot the Untouchable." 

 

"I'm afraid I'm not much of a pilot," Hux said dryly. 

 

Luke gestured, and Rey sped up to him, hitting his side with a thump. "Perhaps not," he said. "But she is." 

 

Rey grinned at him while Hux narrowed his eyes at Skywalker.  _ I did tell you your feet would find the right path _ , Luke whispered into his head.  _ Now all you must do is follow it. _

 

Hux sighed. "Welcome aboard Rey," he grumbled quietly, and this time, when she flung herself at him and embraced him, he hugged her back.


	19. ixx.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _They called him Captain Cian Hux now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOM. 
> 
> For Lex, Song and Sasha <3
> 
> As ever, I'm at [tumblr](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/) for all your Kylux needs.

Ixx.

 

They called him Captain Cian Hux now. 

 

Hux sat on the bed of his quarters - real offical quarters with a window and space for SR-3 and HK, and the ability to socialize. Only the pilots would, after his neat takedown of the TIE fighters, the Red and Black Squad were more than welcoming. 

 

There was exuberant knocking on his door and Hux suppressed an amused smirk. The knocking was always Rey. "Cian!" she cried through the door, "I'm a jedi, I know you're awake and trying not to smile, open the door!" 

 

Sighing, he stood and opened the door, leaning against the jamb to look down at her. "Can I help you, Rey?" he asked. 

 

"Come on, come with me, you've got to see this!" She reached out and tugged on his sleeve, yanking him not gently into the hall. He capitulated without much protest, calling a goodbye to SR-3 and heading out a step behind Rey. 

 

They passed the training yard where Finn was sparring with a tall man who looked vaguely familiar. "Who's Finn sparring with?" he asked, curiously. "I feel like I've seen him before." 

 

"Oh, that's Tempest," she said offhand. "He was a Stormtrooper too. Ren rescued him from Revan's ship." 

 

The name clicked everything into place. "Ah," he said. "TS-6006. Of course." 

 

Rey slowed down so she could walk in step with him. "Do you know every 'troopers designation?" she asked, half curious and half revolted. 

 

"Most," Hux admitted. "If they served on the Finalizer or on Starkiller Base, I did. Tempest was on both at one point or another. Fantastic hand to hand, if I recall correctly." 

 

"He gives everyone a run for their lives," Rey said brightly. "He uses a saberstaff like I used to, so it's been fun to play with him." 

 

Hux nodded. "I wonder how he broke the conditioning," he commented. "Finn is the only other one I've known to reject the reconditioning." He found himself several feet ahead of Rey a moment later and half turned to find she'd stopped in the middle of the hall, a twisted look on her face. "What?" he asked. 

 

"I'm going to need you to explain that," she said after a second, her accent clicking on the x. 

 

Frowning, Hux tilted his head to the side. "Finn hasn't spoken of it?" 

 

"No!" 

 

Hux combed his memory for what he could remember of the Stormtrooper program, though it hadn't been his jurisdiction since Phasma became captain. "We take the 'troopers from birth, or as close to as possible," he said clinically. "They are fed the best diets, both mentally and physically. All they know is the First Order, and all sense of identity is stripped from them." 

 

Rey's eyes filled with tears. "Why?" she whispered. 

 

"Supreme Leader Snoke found that the Empire-centric clone troopers became too... Individualized," he said carefully, finally realizing this was a far more sensitive subject that he originally had thought. "He bid us to find away to keep the 'troopers from becoming... Human." 

 

Finn finally turned and noticed them, waving. Hux raised a hand back, but Rey put on a burst of Force speed and rocketed into him, hugging Finn tightly. 

 

Shooting Hux a baffled look, Finn hugged her gently. Hux took that time to go out into the courtyard, leaving Finn to deal with the emotional Rey. 

 

Whatever she wanted to show him could wait. 

 

Except, apparently it couldn't. 

 

The long landing strip was full of unfamiliar ships, more than normal and far larger than both the Falcon and Ren's Untouchable. Hux tried to place their make, model and designation but drew a blank. It wasn't until he rounded the corner that he realized why Rey had come to get him. 

 

"Cian!" called a familiar voice, and Hux felt the world shift slightly on it's axis. Kiel jogged up to him, reaching out for his hand. Hux was red haired again, and his rebreather mask had been abandoned in his cell. There was no hiding his true name. Kiel didn't even blink though, clasping him in a warriors grip. "Su cuy'gar!" Kiel said, clapping Hux on the shoulder. 

 

"Su cuy'gar," Hux responded reflexively. "It's good to see you again, Kiel." 

 

"When I heard you'd joined up with the Resistance, I knew I had to make good on the debt we owed Ren," he said brightly. "Basten from Ord Mantell swore the service of his Clan to Ren if his services were needed, and, here we are!" He grinned. "I wasn't going to let Basten Fett have all the fun!" 

 

At a total loss, Hux just nodded. "Well you missed the fight from last week," he said. "It was quite the dogfight. We'll introduce you to Poe Dameron, so you can hear the whole thing from him." 

 

"Sounds like a tale to be told!" Kiel followed him back towards where Hux could see Luke and Organa. 

 

"Ah, there's our Captain," Organa said. "Hux, have you any idea what Mr. Ordo is talking about? What debt?" 

 

Hux looked incredulously at Kiel, who just shrugged in a way that very clearly stated ' _ I tried _ '. "Early on in my... Partnership with Ren, we went to Dxun to speak to Kiel. Ren took a job for him and brought us to the heart of Ord Mantell, where we found the Sixth Knight, Erasmo. Erasmo had much of the Mando'a clan in thrall, and once we'd dispatched the worm, Basten Fett pledged a service to Ren. That if ever Ren should have need of them, they would come to fight." Dryly, he added, "Kiel Ordo on the other hand, is clearly an interloper who can't pass up a good fight." 

 

Kiel shoved him good naturedly. "If you were not going to come to aay'han, I was going to bright it to you." 

 

Hux snorted. "I was a little busy being a prisoner then, Kiel." 

 

The Mando'a shrugged. "If Ren didn't care, we don't care." 

 

Ren had told him as much - but Hux wasn't exactly convinced. He turned to Organa, and mentioned quietly, "I fear I upset Miss Rey earlier," he confessed. "And, I believe I may be able to shed some light on the Stormtroopers and their actions, I know we captured several." 

 

Organa nodded. "Yes. Before we had these... Visitors, I had contemplated asking you if you would speak with them." 

 

Hux made a face. "I'm afraid I make a poor interrogator," he said, doubtfully. 

 

Organa waved that off. "If they see that you - esteemed General of the First Order army - has defected, perhaps they will be more willing to do so themselves. It worked for Finn and Tempest." 

 

Dryly, Hux replied, "I believe that Finn was a special case, General." 

 

"Still," she insisted. "Let us get your warrior friends settled, and we'll discuss it at length." 

 

She swept away, leaving him standing with an amused Kiel. "Joy," Hux drawled. "Well come on then, Ordo. We've got some quarters for you to find." 

 

* 

 

Hux crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back against the wall of Organa's office. "Alright," she said placidly. "How exactly did you upset Rey over the Stormtrooper program?" 

 

"I have no idea," he said honestly. "I simply told her the facts, and she... Reacted poorly." 

 

Organa had that look on her face that said she was asking for patience and not receiving anything but more irritation. "And the facts are...?" she asked, leadingly. 

 

"We have - They, I apologize - a number of worlds that owed fealty to the First Order," he said. "I could point them out to you on a map, even if I can't remember all their names. There were a great deal of them, however, more than enough to take the youngest born from the families able to reproduce." 

 

Organa held up a hand. "I'm sorry," she said. "You take them from their families at birth?" 

 

"Birth, or close enough to it," Hux agreed. "They are given the tools to grow strong - many of them would not survive otherwise - and in return they are... Ah. I believe I know why Rey reacted poorly to my facts," he said ruefully. "The children are then stripped of their name and given a designation, FN-2187, or TS-6006, for examples. They are stripped of their ability to be individuals, though I'm given to understand that many of them manage to be given a nickname of some kind, to make communication easier." 

 

"And what happens if they fail their tests, or their loyalty is tested?" Organa asked, sharp and full of angry bite. 

 

Hux sighed. "They are submitted for reconditioning," he answered. "That would have been Finn's fate, had he not escaped with Dameron." 

 

Organa's look of disapproval grew stronger. "And what exactly does reconditioning do?" she asked. 

 

"Exactly what it sounds like, Organa," Hux said, dropping into the chair in front of her desk. "I can't say that I ever went down there. That was... Revan's expertise. I turned the whole program over to my Captain, Phasma, and she knew better than to cross Revan." 

 

At that, Organa looked intrigued. "Did you not agree with the program?" she asked, curiosity and concern. 

 

He shrugged. "I didn't want clones, that's for kriffing certain," he said drolly. "As long as my soldiers were loyal, I cared little about their personalities or individuality." Any humor he'd managed to scrape together faded under an assault of memories. "I've found that my penchant for loyalty has become somewhat higher as of late," he added quietly. 

 

Her expression softened out of intrigue and into neutrality, which was the best he'd probably get out of her. "I'm sure it has," she said. "Would a jedi be able to help along any sort deprogramming for the Stormtroopers?" 

 

"I'm not actually certain," Hux answered, turning the idea over in his mind. "The 'troopers are fed a diet of pro-Imperial propoganda for their entire childhood. They don't torture them unless they fail." He realized belatedly how that sounded and hurried to add, "So as long as any of the 'troopers you have in custody have never undergone reconditioning, I would say yes, a jedi or Force User could help." 

 

"Good. Bring Rey or Luke, when you go speak with the prisoners," she said. 

 

Hux thought about it for half a second and said, "And where is Master Skywalkers location?" 

 

Organa tilted her head to the side. "He's in the clearing, where he used to meditate with Ren," she answered. "He's expecting you." 

 

"Expecting m- Why isn't  _ he _ coming  _ here _ ?" When Organa only arched an eyebrow at him in amusement, Hux rolled his eyes and stood, heading towards the door. "You jedi will be the absolute end of me," he said. 

 

Her low laugh followed him out into the hall. 

 

The time just after lunch was the quietest D'Qar ever got. Most of the pilots were out flying maneuvers and practice over the lake several klicks away, while the Force users as a general whole tended to enter into meditation. 

 

Except for today, apparently.

 

Mandalorian's were everywhere, setting up tents and places for each of them to stay - as there hadn't been enough major quarters for the entire force that Kiel had brought to their doorstep. Hux grimaced, dodging out of the way of several workers, waving at the various hellos he was getting. He made his way to the edge of the forest, slipping into the shadows and walking quickly to get to the clearing. 

 

Luke wasn't alone, though he was the only one not in meditation. He stood when Hux drew close, touching Rey's shoulder briefly. She didn't react but Luke wandered away within a few seconds. "My sister mentioned you'd be coming," Luke murmured. "Shall we?" 

 

Filling Luke in on the 'trooper dilemma was twenty times faster than telling anyone else, as Luke didn't ask stupid questions or interrupt. Instead, he nodded a few times and pushed his hood back. "I don't know if you can actually help," Hux admitted. "But Organa believes so." 

 

Luke chuckled. "Cian, my sister has an over inflated sense of what I can do - however, I'll try my best to help." Hux raised an eyebrow at him, but Luke only shook his head at the unasked question.

 

The Cell block had been patch repaired at best, and when Hux entered the building, he startled to find that the two people posted on guard duty were saluting him. 

 

"Captain," one of the guards said. "We have six 'troopers in custody, all of whom refuse to talk." 

 

Hux gave them a look that clearly told them their intelligence was lacking. "I'll take care of it," he said dryly. "Master Skywalker and I will have things well in hand." 

 

"Of course, sir!" 

 

As soon as Luke and Hux moved out of their earshot, he murmured, "that's going to take some getting used to." 

 

"You were a General, Cian," Luke said, uncharitably amused. "One would expect you to be used to the salutes." 

 

He shot Luke a dirty look. "From terrified lackies who were more afraid of Revan than of me? Of course. Those two saluted because they  _ felt _ like it." 

 

The first 'trooper had given her designation as VT-2310, Hux looked through the slit in the door at how she was seated. Out of armor, she was curiously small, back ramrod straight, hands in her lap. 

 

Hux opened the door, and noticed how she startled, narrow shoulders tensing. Then, when she turned her head to look at him, her blank facade drained away to be replaced with something equal parts horror and shock. "General Hux?!" she gasped, hands on the table to better lean forward. 

 

"VT-2310," he greeted. "You seem surprised to see me." 

 

She blinked her wide eyes in shock. "But... You're dead!" 

 

His lips twisted up, amused despite himself. "That does seem like a very good reason to be surprised," he said, sitting across from her. "But I assure you, I'm very much alive." He placed one of his hands, palm up, fingers slightly curled and visibly relaxed on the table between them. VT-2310 reached out slowly and placed her hand on top of his, and the tension in her shoulders eased. "Now then," Hux said, pulling on a gentle voice he'd learned and stolen from Ren. "Tell me, do you have a squad nickname?" 

 

"Blue," she whispered. Hux smiled at her. 

 

"Hello Blue," he said. "This is a friend of mine, Luke. We're here to help you." 

 

Her bright blue eyes jumped from Hux to Luke and back, expression torn. "The Lady Revan gloated about your death," she said, her hand still covering his. "She described it in detail, how she killed you for failing, and tossed you out of an airlock to watch you twist as your air ran out." 

 

Grimacing, Hux spared a moment to thank the Force that wasn't exactly what happened. "Well," he said, somewhat grandly, "as you can see, she may have forgotten to actually do the tossing part." 

 

Blue smiled, biting her lip. "The Finalizer hasn't been the same without you and Captain Phasma," she admitted. 

 

Hux paused, frowning. "Where did Captain Phasma go?" he asked. 

 

"I don't know," Blue answered. "One day she was gone, and Captain Astros was in her position." 

 

His lip curled. Astros was a weasel-like slime of a man who cozied up to whomever and whatever seemed to be in charge. He'd never liked him, finding his presence to be more like an obnoxious pet that didn't even belong to him, but to someone else. 

 

"Blue," he said, not quite managing gentle, "It must be quite clear I'm no longer a part of the First Order." She nodded, hesitantly. "I've defected," he added when understanding still didn't fill her face. 

 

She gasped, pulling her hand away from his. "Oh!" 

 

Dryly, he added, "I'm certain that can't be a surprise, considering Revan apparently told you what she'd done to me. Left for dead, I had few options." He leaned in. "You've heard of FN-2187?" he asked, lowering his voice like a secret. Blue nodded, eyes wide. "He's here," Hux said. "Safe, sound, in love. He became Finn, instead of FN. Just as you can truly become Blue, instead of designation VT-2310." 

 

"What about the rest of my squad?" she asked. "They're all here, too, somewhere." 

 

Hux glanced at Luke who nodded. "They'll be offered the same choices, Blue. I was offered the choice, and I took it. Will you?" 

 

Slowly, very slowly, Blue reached across the table again and placed her hands in his. "I will follow you," she swore. 

 

He smiled again. "Very good to meet you, Blue," he said lightly. "Welcome to the Resistance." 

 

*

They made it through three of the 'troopers by the time dinner rolled around - Blue, Tens, and Eagle - only one of them had required Luke's Force intervention. 

 

Hux left Skywalker at the dining hall, ducking into his room and locking the door so he could lean against it. SR-3 rolled over to him, bumping into his foot.  _ [Friend-Cian?] _ she asked. 

 

"Little darling?" he greeted, sliding his back against the door until he was sitting. He held out his hands and she heaved herself into them, curling filament arms around his thumbs. 

 

_ [I miss Friend-Ben,] _ SR said sadly. 

 

Hux leaned his head back against the door. "So do I, SR." He lost track of time, sitting on the floor until his legs and lower back were numb and tingling. SR-3 stayed in his hands, her machinery a reassuring hum in his palms. 

 

_ [Friend-Cian?] _ SR asked, when the sounds of people retiring for bed filtered along the hallway. He'd sat long enough for dinner to begin, end and the night cycle to start, but Hux couldn't bring himself to care. He wasn't hungry. He wasn't even tired. 

 

"This doesn't come naturally," he said to the tiny droid in his hands. "Being kind. Being... Thoughtful. Helpful." SR nudged his thumb, tightening her grip. "Kriff, Ren..." he breathed, staring at the ceiling through blurry eyes. "I can't  _ do _ this without you."

 

_ [You can, Friend-Cian,] _ SR-3 insisted, nudging him harder.  _ [Friend-Ben had faith in you and so do I.]  _

 

Hux sighed, slumping further into the door. "This was not meant to be my life, SR." 

 

She beeped sadly, rolling up his arm to settle on his shoulder.  _ [Maybe not,] _ she said, managing to sound doubtful.  _ [But it's the only life you have, now. Friend-Ben gave it to you.]  _

 

Making a disgusted noise, Hux leaned his temple on the top of her head. "Friend-Ben is an ass," he grumbled. 

 

_ [Yes,] _ SR-3 agreed.  _ [He died too young, and didn't say goodbye.]  _

 

"I loved him," Hux murmured, saying it out loud for the first time. "As much as a man like me can love." 

 

She made another mournful sound, wrapping her arms up in a lock of his hair. [We can make it through,] she said firmly.  _ [You have me, and Friend-HK, and Friend-LT, and Friend-Rey, and Friend-Finn, and Friend-Poe, and --] _

 

Hux laughed softly. "Alright, alright, I get it, SR." He sighed, levering himself to his feet and stumbling over to the bed. He had a long day planned, finishing with the VT unit they'd captured. "Goodbye Ren," he murmured, and let himself stop hoping for his Ghost.

 

_ There are no goodbyes, _ a voice whispered through him.  _ There is only the Force. _

__

When he opened his eyes though, he was alone in the room. As ever.

 

_ * _


	20. xx.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _She snorted, suddenly looking every inch of her age. "You've been very tolerable," she said, like she was surprised. "I expected... That you'd be angrier."_
> 
> _Hux sat up straighter in his chair. "General," he said dryly, "I am angry. I have lost everything. But losing everything means I now have things to gain. I survived the First Order out of sheer tenacity. I'll survive you too."_
> 
> _He did not say 'anger was Ren's thing'. He did not say 'you've been tolerable as well'. He definitely did not say 'you saved my life'._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS GUYS GUYS. I have art. [GO LOOK AT IT.](http://meggiesobsessions.tumblr.com/image/145468832985) It was done by [meggiesobsessions](http://meggiesobsessions.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr and it is GORGEOUS. It's like she took my vision of SR-3 right out of my head!! 
> 
> So this is for Lex, Sasha, Song and ALSO meggiesobsessions!
> 
> **Content Warning:** There is some fairly serious implication in this chapter that some people in the First Order abuse the blind loyalty of their brainwashed stormtroopers. It's brief but rather strong, where one of the 'troopers talks about their explicit consent (or non-consent) being ignored because of a supervisor.

_ Xx. _

 

It took nearly all day to get through the rest of the VT unit. Having Blue, Tens and Eagle at his back helped, but the last 'trooper - an imposing woman who called herself Day - took the entire unit, plus Hux, plus Luke to break through the reconditioning she'd gone through. 

 

It wasn't until her mind was her own again, that things really picked up. "I was the last to deploy," Day said, holding Blue's hand. "They were grooming me for a leadership position in the other VT unit. Captain Astros brought me to his... Office." 

 

Hux didn't like the sound of where this was going. When he was a General of the First Order, anyone abusing the open minded loyalty of a Stormtrooper was punished harshly. Apparently Unamo and Astros cared far less of their charges. 

 

"There was another man in his office," Day continued to say. "I was afraid. I would serve Captain Astros as was my duty to the First Order... No matter how distasteful. But to be... Loaned out? I almost broke the rules and told him no." 

 

Blue winced, as did Eagle, the other woman in the Unit. "Astros didn't like when we said no," Eagle supplied. 

 

"But he didn't order me to serve him," Day said. "He said that Unamo was deemed incompetent by Supreme Leader Snoke, and he had sent another to replace the loss of Revan Ren." 

 

Hux turned to look at Luke who had a wide unhappy expression on his face. "Another Force user?" he asked. 

 

Day nodded. "He didn't give me a name, but he was robed, head to foot in black, he wore a mask." 

 

"Another Force user under Snoke's control. Fantastic," he muttered, pressing his fingers into his left eye socket to stave off a headache. "Thank you, all of you. The Resistance will be glad to have you." 

 

He left Luke to sort out who was going where, and headed towards Organa's office. He knocked once on the door, anxious for her to allow him entrance. "Enter," she said loudly."Come in, Captain, what's so important?" 

 

Hux immediately went for the chair, sitting down in a tired sprawl. "Well," he said slowly, "I've come to learn that Unamo's incompetence is utterly legendary, Phasma was eradicated somehow for her involvement with my rescue, and apparently her successor is a disgusting pfassker of a man who rapes the 'troopers for fun." His mouth twisted. "And to top it off, there's another Snoke controlled Force user on the Finalizer." 

 

"Another Knight of Ren?" Organa asked, alarmed. 

 

"I doubt it," Hux said. "There were only six, and we killed all of them. If I recall, Snoke had many apprentices on his ship, though many of them never survived the Rite of Passage from padawan to Master." He can remember clearly dropping several of them off on a dusty red planet and never getting a returning holocall. "Most of them never returned from their 'pilgrimage'," Hux said, with heavy air quotes. 

 

"You believe this one must have?" Organa mused, clearly thinking it over. 

 

Hux thought about it for a second, trying to order his brain after all the information they'd been handed. "No," he said after a minute. "I don't believe Snoke has so many apprentices that he can afford to throw them away blindly any longer. He had a buffer in the Six Knights of Ren, so anyone else he'd duped and controlled could be expendable. With no buffer? That Force user could be anyone, of any skill level." 

 

Organa nodded, leaning her chin on her hands, visibly turning the concept over in her head. "Ben was easily the strongest Force user we had," she said, only a shade of grief touching her tone. "Finn and Rey are close seconds. I'm going to send you out there, bring Akielo Ordo, Rey, Finn, and anyone else you feel you may need." 

 

Hux blinked. "Send me? Why not send Han Solo?" 

 

Organa's lips twisted. "He is... Indisposed. Currently." 

 

"Ah." Hux translated the pause as 'drunker than an angry Rancor'. "Then of course I will comply." 

 

She snorted, suddenly looking every inch of her age. "You've been very tolerable," she said, like she was surprised. "I expected... That you'd be angrier." 

 

Hux sat up straighter in his chair. "General," he said dryly, "I am angry. I have lost everything. But losing everything means I now have things to gain. I survived the First Order out of sheer tenacity. I'll survive you too." 

 

He did not say 'anger was Ren's thing'. He did not say 'you've been tolerable as well'. He definitely did not say 'you saved my life'. 

 

"Well," Organa said slowly. "I suppose in that case, you should call me Leia." 

 

He smiled. "Do you imagine I refer to you as Organa out of some unspoken dislike?" he wondered. "I'm simply used to calling those of my acquaintance by their last names. Unamo, Kaplan, Thanisson, Mitaka, all last names. Hells, I even think of myself as Hux, more often than not. It's a sign of respect, I promise you." 

 

Organa laughed lightly. "It also reminds me of my father." 

 

Hux winced. "Say no more. I understand." He would no more like to be associated with his father than anyone else. "When do you wish me to leave?" he asked, falling into a more professional mindset. 

 

"Tomorrow," Leia said. "That will give you time to gather the troops." 

 

Once he left Leia's office, Hux lingered in the courtyard, wishing for the first time for some kind of Force sensitivity to help himself find the people he needed. 

 

First on his list was Han Solo. 

 

*

 

As it turned out, Solo was easy enough to find: all he had to do was follow the sounds of the angry wookie. 

 

Hux ventured outside the bounds of the Resistance base, heading towards where many of the Mando'a had made their camp. A short walk later found him in a large clearing, a massive fire pit dug into the center, with some sort of game cooking over it. 

 

Off to one side stood said angry wookie, yelling something Hux couldn't hope to understand, and gesturing at a very drunk Han Solo. Solo was holding out a tankard, clearly empty, and ignoring his companion. He sat sandwiched between Basten Fett, and another Mando'a Hux didn't recognize. 

 

Another warrior - also a stranger - began to make his way over to Solo with a full vase of some kind of alcohol, but Hux was faster. He liberated the tankard from Solo's lax fingers, handing it off to the wookie without a seconds thought. "I think you've had quite enough," he said stridently, frowning down at the older man. 

 

Squinting up at Hux, Solo stood, swaying dangerously. "I don't think  _ you _ ," he slurred, "get to tell _ me _ how much I can drink!" 

 

Hux hooked two fingers against Solo's elbow, keeping him balanced. "You're absolutely correct," Hux said. "I am though, the person that will go tell Luke Skywalker where you are and what you're doing. And, judging by the way your friend here is moving, I think the wookie will help me." 

 

Solo tilted his head comically to the side to look over at the wookie who made some growling noises that might actually have been agreement. "You wouldn't," he accused. 

 

"Oh, I would," Hux said with relish. "I would happily go to Luke and tell him his best friend would rather drink with strangers - sorry Basten - than join him in his grief." 

 

For a moment, Solo looked guilty before drunken ire filled his face again. "Luke doesn't need me," he slurred petulantly. "Never did." 

 

Hux tilted his head back slightly to look at the sky. "Whatever I have done to be saddled with this, I am wholly and completely sorry," he said to the Force at large. "Solo," he barked, when the man reached out for another drink. "Luke needs you. Your wife needs you." 

 

Solo looked miserable, but he swayed in until he was nearly nose to nose with Hux. "Look here you," he growled, though the effect was largely lost by the slurring and terrible breath, "you don't get it. You're a First Order machine." 

 

Tempted to shove him over, Hux tightened his fingers on Solo's elbow. "You're in no state to judge my grief, you kriffing bantha’s backside," he hissed. "I loved him too. I failed him too. I  _ understand _ , and so does Luke. So does Leia. Go back to your family, Solo."

 

They stared at each other for long seconds, before Solo nodded. 

 

With the wookie's help, they got Han out of the Mando'a camp. As soon as they were back on the paths however, the wookie turned towards the Meditation clearing, where Luke undoubtedly was. 

 

It took much longer than normal to get there, as Solo had a tendency to either drag his feet or try to wander away, and Hux learned very quickly the sort of nonverbal communication required to talk to a wookie. Eventually though, they arrived at the clearly where Luke stood alone in the gathering darkness. 

 

"Luke?" Hux called gently. Skywalker turned, blinking. 

 

"Cian?" he questioned. "Chewie? Oh. Oh dear."

Chewie took the bulk of Solo's weight from Hux, walking him over with harsh shoves until he was even with Luke. Then, without preamble, he shoved Solo straight into Luke's arms. It was probably the Force alone that enabled Skywalker to catch him. 

 

The wookie stomped over to Hux, looked him up and down and clapped a hand against his shoulder before stomping away. 

 

"Uh...?" Hux stared after him, shoulder throbbing. 

 

"That means thank you," Han slurred from his position in Luke's arms. "Lemme go Luke, I'm not as think you as you drunk!" 

 

Luke hid a smile. "Alright," he said soothingly. "Let's go sit down, hm? Come on." 

 

Hux nodded to him, and turned on his heel to go back to the compound. He was actually hungry for once, and dinner had already begun. 

 

He found himself drawn into the group of converted 'troopers, seated beside Tempest and Blue. "So," Tempest began with a winning smile that showed off his dimples. "We heard you were taking a small group of people out into the black to investigate the new Sith." 

 

Amused, Hux took a few bites of his food before answering. "Word travels fast," he allowed, with a sly grin. "Must be Finn's fault." 

 

Finn, at the end of the table, twisted around and scowled at him. "It is not!" 

 

"Yes it is," Rey and Dameron chorused, which made all the ex-Stormtroopers laugh. 

 

Hux chuckled, casting his eyes around the group. "Well, then you already know that Finn and Rey will be coming with me, as well as Akielo Ordo. HK-51 too, since if I left him behind he'd likely murder me once I got back," he added, just to draw it out. "The ship will hold two more," he said, tapping his chin. "Perhaps you, dear Sasha?" he called over to the Red Leader. 

 

She held out both hands in a gesture of surrender. "Oh no, Captain, don't drag me into this," she cried. "I fly ships, not passenger about in them." 

 

"Fine, fine, perhaps not Sasha." He looked out over the 'troopers and cast a glance at Rey who - thankfully - seemed to know what he wanted.  _ Take Tempest and Blue _ , she said, her touch as light and delicate as a flower. "Tempest, Blue," he said immediately. "Are you up for an adventure, so soon after your last?"

 

Their faces lit up, Tempest’s dimples digging deep grooves into his cheeks, Blue’s excited gasp nearly drowned out by laughter and congratulations. Rey’s mental presence touched his mind again and he raised an eyebrow.  _ You’re doing a good thing, Cian, _ she whispered through him.  _ Ren would be so proud of you. _

 

Absurdly, the grief he’d pushed down rose at her words, and he cleared his throat awkwardly, reading out for a drink.  _ I have no doubt, _ he managed to send back to her.  _ I’d rather have him alive, than proud. _

 

Rey’s mental touch went mothering and sad.  _ Me too _ , she whispered quietly. 

 

_ You remind me of him,  _ Hux told her, the sounds of the dining hall fading around them as he focused inward on her voice.  _ The way you… Feel in here.  _

 

_ Thank you, Cian.  _ There was a pause, but he could still feel her.  _ You have an old connection,  _ she said sadly.  _ I can feel where he lived in here with you _ . 

 

Dameron snapped his fingers in front of Hux’s face. “Yo, Captain,” he said loudly, drawing Hux’s attention outward. “Dinner’s over. You want to get a drink in the officers mess?”

 

Hux thought about it for a second before shaking his head. “Thank you, Mr. Dameron, but no. I have things to do before the morning, and little time to complete them in.”

 

“Oh for kriff’s sake, call me Poe.” Dameron flicked Hux in the temple, and he reflected that at a time not long past, he would have killed Poe for less. Rey’s sudden smile told him she’d heard the thought. 

 

He narrowed his eyes at her.  _ Is this where you’re going to stay, you obnoxious thing?  _ He asked her sardonically.

 

Rey’s grin widened.  _ Ren did, can’t I? _

 

Hux rolled his eyes, standing and urging Poe out of the way. “Fine, if you persist. Why the Resistance dislikes their last names so, I’ll never understand.”

 

Poe pouted at him. “Rey calls you Cian,” he protested.

 

“Yes, I’m aware. I’m also aware she has no last name for me to call her.” He pushed his chair back into the table. “Forgive me,” he said, overly formal, with a half bow. “I am simply unused to the ways of the Resistance, and I’m slow to learn.” 

 

Looking uncomfortable, Poe waves him off. “It’s fine, it’s fine. I’m only Dameron when I’m in trouble, don’t worry about it ---” Hux looked up, half a grin on his face. “--- And you’re having me on, the Captain does have a heart!”   
  


“Black and shrivelled,” Hux said, “but yes, I have one. Now get, your entourage is leaving, and I have things to do. Blue, Tempest, Rey, Finn - we’re leaving at 0800.”

 

After receiving confirmation, Hux made his way over to the Untouchable, standing in front of the open gangway. He hadn’t been on the ship since the horrible cycle where his life had finished falling apart. HK-51 stood at the entrance, hands wrapped around a rifle. “Are you coming in, Master, or do you plan on staying out there for the rest of your short life?” HK drawled.

 

Hux sighed. “Why did Ren give you to me again?” he asked rhetorically, striding up into the docking bay of the ship. 

 

HK paused, head tilted to one side. “I have an answer to that, Master.” He opened his own chassis where the vocal modulator lived and touched a few buttons. “My modulator is very advanced,” he said, “I record everything spoken to me. Do you want to hear it?”

 

Hux nodded, breath coming in quick shallow gasps. “Yes,” he murmured. “Let’s have it then.”

 

A few more tweaks and Ren’s voice burst out of HK’s modulator. “HK,” he said, and he sounded hoarse and tired. “I have a second command for you. Where we’re going, there’s a very high chance that some of us won’t be returning.” There was a slight break there, as though he’d had to swallow. “If the worst should come to pass, I want you to serve General Hux.” There’s a beat or three of silence, and then Ren said, “You, SR-3 and this kriffing ship are the most important things to me. If I die,” he said firmly, “you will serve General Cian Hux, HK, do you understand?”

 

There was ice in his chest, cracking with each breath that he took after HK closed up his chassis. “That intolerable, self-sacrificing pfassk,” Hux growled. “He knew. He got on this ship knowing he was going to die!”

 

HK nodded. “That did seem to be the case.”

 

The ice in his chest was crawling up his throat, filling his lungs and his mouth and his nose. He slammed a hand into the button to close the door to the docking hatch, and as soon as it click closed, he let the ice pour forth.

 

Ren had been dead for almost two months, and Hux finally,  _ finally  _ let himself grieve.

 

*

 

Kiel, Rey, Finn, Tempest, and Blue all arrived at the Untouchable around 0730, and Hux was ready for them. He’d moved his things from the guest cabin he’d inhabited, not that much had been left, and placed it in Ren’s room. He’d placed beds and bedding in the old Meditation room, and then spent most of the night repairing the charge ports for HK and SR. 

 

_ [Friend-Cian, they’re here!]  _ SR-3 cried from one of the ducts, her voice bouncing around. 

 

“I got it, little darling,” Hux called back. He opened the doors, and leaned against the wall. “Welcome,” he called to the assembled warriors before him. “This is the Untouchable, do make yourselves at home. The door with the red lock on it is mine - everywhere else is free for whoever wants it.”

 

Rey hugged him on the way up the ramp, ducking into the holoterminal room with a squealed, “Hello SR-3!”

 

As everyone spread out over the ship, only Kiel was left standing with Hux. “Cian,” he said, holding out an arm for a warrior’s clasp. “Good to see you.” His smile faded into something a lot sadder. “The last time I was on this ship, I wasn’t yet a Mando’ade, and Ren was it’s captain.”

 

“Funnily enough,” Hux said, “the last time I was on this ship, I definitely was not Mando, and Ren was captain then too,” he said dryly. “Trust me, if you prefer him as a captain, I won’t be offended. I’d prefer that too.”   
  


Kiel clapped his shoulder gently. “Well come on, Captain Hux. We have a First Order ship to capture.”

 

As Hux watched his - were they friends? He’d never had those before, really - friends walk about the ship, poking and prodding and exploring, he was struck with a sudden thought. In all his thirty some-odd years, Hux had never had any agency of his own. As a small child, his actions and even his clothing choices were dictated first by his mother and then by his nanny. His pre-teenage years were dominated by his acquaintances, who forced him to become a different person simply just to survive their cruel japes and taunts.

 

As a young man, his father took his agency and molded it, enrolling him in the academy and being implicitly clear that failure was not an option. He was a Hux, and Hux’s did not fail. As a man, he’d followed the doctrines of the First Order without fail, knowing that any deviation from their norms would result in harsh punishment. 

 

Now, out from under his father’s thumb, away from rules and regulations, and  _ especially  _ separated from Snoke, Hux could make his own choices. 

 

He hadn’t had the ability to choose for himself, not in all the years he could remember.

 

But this? This was a good choice.   

 


	21. xxi.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I wondered when you’d come, General Hux,” the man said, vocal modulator disguising any trace of humanity in his voice._
> 
>  
> 
> _Hux cleared his throat, stepping slightly in front of Tempest. “I’m afraid you’ve been misinformed,” he said politely, over enunciating his First Order consonants. “My formal title is Captain.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“Ah,” the sith said, a laugh tied around his words. “A step down.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _Casting a look over his shoulder at the four lieutenants lying dead behind him, Hux raised an eyebrow. “A step up, I’d say, considering my underlings are slain behind me.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was really hard to write.
> 
> For Lex, Song, and Sasha <3
> 
> As ever I can be found [at Tumblr!](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I'm fully prepared for a lynching.

It took the better part of a week to find the Finalizer. It was far out in the Unknown Realms, pinging their radar just enough to send them in the right direction. 

 

They were loitering behind a random moon, watching the Finalizer through the front viewports. The star destroyer lingered in space, neither moving nor changing in anyway. “I have bad feeling about this,” Finn said quietly. Rey promptly hit him in the arm. “Ow! What was that for?”

 

“Why would you say that?” Rey asked, acerbically. “The Force takes comments like that as a challenge, honestly Finn.”

 

Hux gave them both a dry look. “She’s not wrong, Finn,” he pointed out. “But, sadly, neither is Finn. There’s something very wrong with the Finalizer.” He pointed abstractly. “The lights on this side of the ship are out - that means there’s some kind of power failure.”

 

Kiel looked impressed. “You know the ship that well?” 

 

Tempest, an arm slung around Blue, nodded. “We all three of us do,” he answered. “It’s been a while but I can’t imagine that it’s changed all that much.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Hux pressed his shoulder to Tempest’s. “There was once a time where I would have given anything to return to this ship. It was my home, for longer than anywhere had been a home. Now…” he trailed off, shaking his head.

 

“Now,” Blue murmured, “it’s like looking at a shadow.” 

 

Hux silently agreed. It was a shadow, both in the black and in his mind. “It’s nearly dead out there,” he murmured. “The Finalizer rarely stopped moving unless we were planetside.”

 

“Was it attacked?” Kiel asked, shifting slightly into a battle stance. 

 

“Not from this side,” Hux said. “It’s shields are down though.” He touched HK’s shoulder. “Take us in, HK.”

 

The droid complied immediately. “Yes, Master. Are you planning to take a boarding party?” 

 

Hux nodded. “I am. Rey, Tempest, Kiel, you’ll be coming with me. Finn, Blue, HK - I need you to stay here and protect the Untouchable.”

 

HK turned and his red eyelights narrowed into tiny pinpricks. “The last time I was left behind, Captain Ren died.”

 

Hux winced, tightening his grip on HK’s shoulder. He still wasn’t certain if the droid felt pain, though he occasionally made reference to Ren’s absence. “You want to come that badly?” he wondered.

 

“Master,” HK said witheringly, “I have gone through many Masters in my time. Rarely do I chose who I follow. You, at least, are tolerable.” 

 

Laughing lightly, Hux flicked HK’s shoulder. “Tolerable? That’s high praise coming from you, HK. Alright. Blue, Finn - you’ll hold down the ship then. Keep your holocomm’s open.”

 

_ That was kind of you _ , Rey whispered into his head. 

 

_ He’s an unmitigated pain _ , Hux responded.  _ But we owe each other great debts at this point.  _

 

She hid her smile behind her hand.  _ He’s lucky to have you. _

 

_ Stop distracting me, wench.  _ Hux nodded to HK. “Take us into one of the docking ports. It doesn’t really matter which one.”

 

Slowly they moved in, creeping ever closer to the place Hux still occasionally had nightmares about. Nothing shot at them, no one seemed to even notice as they flew into a random docking port. Many of the TIE fighter ports were empty, and when the boarding party emerged, Tempest and Hux stopped short.

 

Something had indeed happened - the place was destroyed, there were lumped bodies of stormtroopers, some in pieces, laying about like broken dolls. “What the kriff,” Tempest breathed, kneeling down beside a fallen stormtrooper and tugging off his helmet. 

 

The corpses were littered with blaster bolts, and huge rending gouges that didn’t bleed. “Oh,” Hux murmured, mind flashing back to the sound of Ren screaming and the way his side had looked with a smoking, cauterized hole in it. “These are lightsaber wounds.”

 

There was a sound of crackling, displaced air that signified Tempest’s electrostaff. He had it hefted over one shoulder, a frown set on his face. “If the Sith lord is unstable enough to kill every single ‘trooper on this ship,” he said, “We need to be cautious.”

 

Hux nodded. “I agree,” he said, shaking off the memories. “To the bridge. If no one else, we may find Unamo.” He leaned down and closed the ‘troopers eyes. “Goodbye, RQ-3333,” he said. “HK,” he added, avoiding everyone’s eyes as he stood. “Take point. Shoot to disable, for now.”

 

“Yes, Master. Any meatbag unfortunate enough to cross us will rue the day,” he said dryly. 

 

_ Something is really wrong here, _ Rey whispered. “There’s a disturbance in the Force,” she added aloud. “I don’t know what, but… it feels  _ sick _ .”

 

“Can you pinpoint it?” Hux asked her, as he urged them after HK. Kiel fell into step with him, bringing up the rear.

 

Rey shook her head. “Just… forward,” she said. 

 

“Fall in line,” Kiel hissed. “I can hear akaanir, somewhere ahead. Cuyir ulyc,” he added. 

 

Everyone fell silent but for HK’s footsteps, and within several halls it became clear that there was some sort of battle going on. Hux held up a fist, asking for silence and stillness. He reached down and triggered his stealth drive, touching Rey’s shoulder on his way past her.  _ I’m here, Cian _ , she said, cool water flowing over him.

 

_ Good. Normally I’d be a bit more hesitant but I’d rather have you watching through my eyes than have anyone be blindsided.  _ He crept around a corner, then down a long familiar hall, before he found the source of the fighting.

 

_ Oh,  _ Hux thought both to himself at to his mental passenger, in tones of dismay.  _ They’re fighting  _ each other _ , Rey. Hells above and below, look at their eyes. _

 

There was a distracted pause on her end of their connection, and then she said,  _ Can you get closer? _

 

_ Yes.  _ Hux crept forward, keeping both to the wall and to the shadows. The lights in this sector were completely off, red emergency lights glowing faintly. He frowned to himself as the squadron of stormtroopers tore into each other, so animalistic that they were using their blaster rifles like clubs, rather for what they were made for. He was sprayed with hot blood painting the side of his face in wetness as a female ‘trooper slammed another into the wall next to him, using her long thumb nails to gouge out her victims eyes. 

 

He fought not to make a sound even as Rey cried out in horror in his head. The ‘trooper’s eyes were black on black, spilled pools of oil inside her skin. She had Revan’s eyes.

 

They all had Revan’s eyes.

 

The ‘troopers were tearing each other apart. Fingers and fists and teeth, like primitive creatures who could barely understand each other. Some of them were growling and screaming, sounding like the feral kath hounds of Dantooine, and some others were hissing like cats. 

 

None of them registered any cognizance whatsoever.  _ Get out of there, Hux,  _ Rey begged.  _ You can’t help them. I can’t help them. _

 

_ They were my people _ , Hux said, shock and anger.  _ I had a duty to them. _

 

There was a pause.  _ Kiel says that there are battles to fight and battles to pick and this is one you should not pick. Cian, whoever they were, they’re gone now. There’s nothing left. _

 

Gritting his teeth, Hux pulled away from the wall, slipping through red tinted shadows to get back to the docking control room where he’d left his companions. 

 

As soon as he reached them, he disabled the stealth field and wiped blood off the side of his face. “I found that disturbance you were talking about,” he said dryly. 

 

Rey looked ill, but she pressed her lips together and nodded. “We’re going to have to fight our way through the ship,” she said mournfully.

 

Hux grimaced. “Tempest, if you don’t wish to fight your old squadmates, no one here will blame you.”

 

The ends of Tempest’s electrostaff crackled and ignited. “No,” he said firmly, face stern. “I owe it to them to free them from this madness.”

 

Clasping Tempest’s shoulder, Hux nodded once. “Good man,” he said quietly. “Let’s go free our comrades.” 

 

By the time they’d moved into the hall Hux had just left, finding that whatever dark force had been influencing them was not only violent, but ruthlessly efficient. Blood dripped down the walls of the hallway, it coated the white armor of the ‘troopers, the gunmetal grey of the halls. It was everywhere.

 

Rey made a wretched sound, sprinting across the hall and sliding through gore to kneel at the side of one of the downed ‘troopers. “Cian, this one is still alive!”

 

He slid in beside her, finding the catches in the helmet to reveal the face below. “G-General,” the ‘trooper gasped, blood spilling out of his mouth. “Th-th-th-thought you were dead.”

 

Hux smiled, wiping the blood out of his eyes. “CZ-4092,” he murmured. “Headshot, try not to move.” The ‘trooper’s eyes were still  _ wrong,  _ one of them Headshot’s normal light green, the other an ink spill of metallic black. “Headshot, what happened?”

 

“The sith,” the ‘trooper murmured. “Snoke did something.” He took a shuddering breath. “‘M Sorry, sir,” he breathed. “We failed.”

 

Swallowing hard, Hux shook his head. “You didn’t fail, Headshot. You did the best you could. You fought well.” 

 

Headshot smiled, the blood dripping down his chin. “Be careful, sir,” he murmured, and the darkness in his left eye drained away, leaving the ‘trooper staring blankly at the ceiling. 

 

“Oh hells,” Hux swore quietly, closing CZ-4092’s eyes. He stood, scrubbing his hands through his hair, feeling the strands stick together with tacky blood. “This is a kriffing waste,” he snarled, pointing to the destruction around them. “Why would Snoke command his force using puppet to murder my entire ship?”

 

Rey shot to her feet, lightsaber activating. “Incoming!” she cried, and the door at the end of the hall opened with a loud snick. Hux slammed a hand down on the stealth drive and disappeared. The stormtroopers coming through the door were… wrong, like the others had been. Most of their helmets were gone, their eyes blank and black. 

 

They were growling and snarling at each other - and then at Hux’s and his friends - as they loped into the room. Rey slammed a foot down, and despite sliding a good half foot forward, the wave of Force still took out several of the ‘troopers. 

 

The fight was dirty and brutal but thankfully short. It was surprisingly hard to kill his own men. Hidden in the shadows, he kept the darkness touched ‘troopers off Rey and HK. Tempest lived up to his name, standing planted, with his electrostaff spinning in deadly arcs that spread electricity through the ‘troopers around him. 

 

“On your left, Tempest!” Hux called, and Tempest ducked smoothly, the blaster shot going over his head. 

 

Hux slid up behind the ‘trooper targeting him and slid his vibroknife into his side, shoving the ‘trooper away. His stealth field faltered for a second, and a bolt slammed into his shoulder. Another flashed towards his face and froze in the air. Hux turned and looked over at Rey, who held out both hands, intense concentration on her face. 

 

He ducked around the bolt, disappearing again.  _ Well  _ done,  _ you.  _

 

_ Thanks, _ she sent back, and even her mental voice was panting.  _ Get Tempest out of the way, please. _

 

Hux grabbed the back of Tempest’s belt. “Out of the way now,” he ordered gently. Tempest laughed breathlessly. 

 

“You know, Captain,” he said, even as he swung his electrostaff. “If you ever did this when you were still General, you’d have terrified the pants off most of the squadrons.”

 

“Who says I didn’t?” Hux asked. He slid across the bloody ground to rescue Rey from a massive ‘trooper bearing down on her. “Move it, Rey!” he cautioned, and dropped the stealth field in order to keep the attention of the ‘trooper trying to attack Rey. 

 

He dodged a strike, spinning and slipping in the refuse on the floor. He tensed, expecting a blow, when several blaster shots were heard and the ‘trooper stumbled to his knees and fell. HK loomed over him. “And  _ that _ , is why you bring me, Master.” That was the last of the ‘troopers to fall, and HK nudged the one at his feet, kicking him onto his back. “Master,” he drawled, “These also show signs of lightsaber wounds.”

 

“What is going on here?” Hux asked, climbing to his feet.

 

“Only one way to find out,” Kiel said, hefting his vibroblade over one shoulder. “Captain, the bridge will likely have the answers we seek.”

 

Hux sighed, viewing the carnage. “This is madness, Kiel,” he murmured. 

 

The Mando moved through the bodies on the ground, clasping Hux’s shoulder. “I know, my friend.” He tightened his grip. “Ib’tuur jatne tuur ash’ad kyr’amur.”

 

“Today is a good day to die?” Hux guessed, with half a smile.

 

“Naa,” Kiel said, grinning through blood splatter. “Today is a good day for  _ someone else  _ to die.”

 

“From your lips out into the Force,” Hux said, wiping at his face again. “To the bridge, HK. Take point!”

 

“As you wish, Master.”

 

The rest of the ship was hauntingly empty - after the first time Rey opened a door and found a pile of bodies on the floor, they decided to just take a direct route. Once at the bridge however, Rey went white and turned away. “The dark side of the Force is strong in there.” 

 

“Expect the worst,” Kiel said, unsheathing his blade. 

 

The worst was far more disturbing than Hux could actually have imagined. 

 

The room was mostly pristine, except for the smoking ruins of the consoles and panels. “Krif,” Tempest breathed. “General. Look.” Edging around a sparking bit of machinery, Hux came even with Tempest. 

 

Hux had seen a lot of atrocities in his years as a General; he’d caused most of them. He could still feel the echo of six billion screams as the Hosnian system dissolved around him. There was very little in the galaxy that could surprise him.

 

Except for what was in the center of the room.

 

“Mitaka. Thanisson. Unamo. Kaplan,” Hux murmured, the names ripped from him. 

 

His four betrayers, laid out in death. Each of them were missing their eyes, their mouths were burned. Blood pooled around them, running into each other so their shrine of death was surrounded by a glistening half circle. 

 

The worst part wasn’t that they’d clearly been tortured. The worst part was the perfect hole, cauterized in a perfect circle in the center of their foreheads. 

 

There was a low laugh from behind them, where they’d just come from. The group of them whirled to face their new adversary. A man stood in the doorway, tall, black robed and wearing a helmet. “I wondered when you’d come, General Hux,” the man said, vocal modulator disguising any trace of humanity in his voice. 

 

_ Rey?? _ Hux asked anxiously.

 

_ Talk to him, I’m working on it.  _ Hux cleared his throat, stepping slightly in front of Tempest. “I’m afraid you’ve been misinformed,” he said politely, over enunciating his First Order consonants. “My formal title is Captain.”

 

“Ah,” the sith said, a laugh tied around his words. “A step down.”

 

Casting a look over his shoulder at the four lieutenants lying dead behind him, Hux raised an eyebrow. “A step up, I’d say, considering my underlings are slain behind me.”

 

The sith laughed again, crossing his arms over his chest. “They did not value my mission,” he said.

 

Swallowing hard, Hux asked, “And… what is your mission…?”

 

“I am to find Luke Skywalker,” the sith said. 

 

Rey’s alarm filled his head and Hux took another step forward. “Who exactly are you?” he asked. “What is all this? What happened here?”   
  


“Ah,” the masked man said, uncrossing his arms. He bowed, very shallowly. “Forgive my manners, Captain,” he drawled. “My name is Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren.” He rose with a flourish, but made no attempt to attack them. “After your precious Captain Ren died killing Revan, it gave me the purpose to leave my Master’s side.”

 

Thinking of Ren just made the entire situation worse. “What about all this?” Hux asked, gesturing to the broken Finalizer.

 

The masked head tilted slightly to one side and Hux got the distinct impression he was being laughed at. “They annoyed me,” Kylo Ren said. “Annoyances get dealt with quickly at Supreme Leader Snoke’s side.”

 

“What about the Stormtroopers?” Tempest asked, voice tight and angry.

 

Kylo Ren shrugged. “A failed experiment.” He held up both hands, gloved and skintight. “I have no current quarrel with you, Captain Hux,” he said. “As far as my Master is concerned, you’re of no further use. I do hate to cut and run, but I really can’t have you mucking up my plans.” His hands twitched and the Force turned the air to gelatin.

 

As as they fought and struggled through the Force slow, Kylo Ren disappeared around the corner. “We need to go,” Rey shrieked, over the roaring of the Force. “He’s set the self destruct!” She planted her feet, and a moment later they were moving again. “Let’s go,” she panted, her face too pale.

 

They ran.

 

*

 

Watching the Finalizer explode from the viewport of the Untouchable was bittersweet at best. Hux leaned his forehead against the metal edge of the window and sighed. “Did you get anything?” he asked Rey, turning away from the debris floating in the black.

 

“Off of Kylo Ren?” she asked, her mouth twisting. “No. He was… empty. Just… screaming blankness.”

 

Hux made a face, rubbing his forehead. “I know the feeling,” he said. 

 

Rey touched his shoulder, one hand curving over bone and the other curling around his waist. She rested her cheek against his back, holding him tightly. “I wanted him to be Ren,” she whispered, voice clogged with tears. “I saw him standing there and I thought it was going to be Ren. I wanted it so badly.”

 

He turned, letting her cuddle into him. “So did I,” he murmured quietly. 

 

He slung an arm around her waist, leaning his head on the wall. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I tried.”

 

Hux winced. “You can’t make something happen out of nothing,” he said. “No matter how powerful you are. We’ll survive without Ren.” 

 

“I’m sorry about the Finalizer,” she said after a moment. 

 

“Me too,” he said, quietly. “But I have another ship now. And a better crew. We survived, and I think that right now… that’s all that matters.” Together, they stood and watched as the stars became lines, and they left the Finalizer and all her secrets behind.

 

*


	22. xxii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"What the kriffing pfassk happened to you?” Hux breathed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for Lex, Song and Sasha, especially Sasha who is flying away and won't be available really for a while and asked for it before 11am PST. Here you go, darling, 8:45am EST. For your viewing pleasure.
> 
> As ever, I'm at [Tumblr,](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/) for all your Kylux needs.
> 
> Tissue warning, sort of - I'm really not nice to ANYONE in this universe. I'm sorry, so sorry.
> 
> Still not over yet!

Xxii. 

 

Hux’s personal holocomm woke him, buzzing loudly in his ear. He rolled over, reaching for where he’d left it on his side table. Through the glow, he managed to see that General Organa was comming him and he frowned, hitting the button. “General?” he asked, not bothering to clear the sleep from his voice. “What’s wrong?”   
  


“You’re on your way back, Captain?” she asked, sharply.

 

His frown deepened. “Yes?” he responded, more than half a question. “Why?”

 

“We need you back as soon as humanly possible,” Leia said stiffly. “There’s… been a development.”

 

Hux sat up. “Kriff, tell me that this Kylo Ren character didn’t beat us there.”

 

Leia smiled. “Relax, Captain. After so many years on a remote planet, my brother has become quite adept at hiding himself from others. This Kylo Ren has not found us - or him. This is… something else.”

 

He narrowed his eyes. “You’re not going to tell me.”

 

Her smile widened a little. “I’m not going to tell you. I see no reason to worry you unduly while you’re still so far. I simply need to warn you. Brace yourself.”

 

“Brace myself?” he repeated incredulously. “You woke me up to tell me to brace myself?”

 

Leia’s expression softened. “Captain, is it so hard to believe that we’re concerned about you?” 

 

“Why?” he asked, rolling his eyes. “Because there’s another Ren out there and he isn’t…” He stopped, swallowed, unable to say the word.

 

Her smile faded away. “I can’t imagine what that felt like.”

 

Hux shook his head. “I wouldn’t wish that on you, Org-- Leia.” He glanced at a console on the wall, checking their current coordinates. “We’re about a day away. Will your surprise wait that long?” 

 

She chuckled lightly. “I think so, dear Captain. Come see me as soon as you land.”

 

“Absolutely.” He rubbed his left eye, stifling a yawn. 

 

“Oh, and Captain? Thank you. Chewie told me what you did for Han. You didn’t have to do that.” Leia still looked a little sad but she smiled gently at Hux, the blue light making her look years younger. “Though Han says you could have been a bit gentler.”

 

Hux laughed. “Good night, General Organa.”

 

“Yes,” sighed Leia. “Good night, Captain Hux.” She disconnected the call, leaving Hux alone in the dark room. He laid down on his back, staring at the shadowy ceiling. 

 

He covered both his eyes with the heels of his hand, pressing until colored lights bloomed and swirled around him. The slight ache wasn’t enough to alleviate the pain in his chest, but simply not being able to see the room helped a little.  _ I can’t sleep either _ , Rey’s voice skated through his head.  _ I just keep… imagining how different it could have gone. _

 

Hux dropped his hands, curling up under the blanket.  _ If he’d been Ren? The… real, Ren? _

 

_ Would I have been able to break the brainwashing?  _ Rey wondered, her mental voice caught up in a sob.  _ Would he have remembered us? _

 

_ I don’t know, _ Hux answered her honestly.  _ This… all your space magic is beyond me. _

 

Her irritated huff made him smile, it reminded him of Ren.  _ It’s not magic, and you well know it Cian.  _

 

He chuckled.  _ Certainly seems like magic to those of us unable to do it _ , he said pointedly.  _ Ren hated it when I called it magic too. That’s… why I did it. He turned such a delightful shade of red whenever he really worked himself into a rant. _

 

Rey’s smile translated oddly over the link, as though she was both laughing and crying.  _ I wish I could have known him like you did. _

 

_ Hopefully not exactly like I did,  _ Hux said, dryly amused as Rey’s fiery blush suffused him.  _ Otherwise I might have to ask if there was something you’d like to tell me. _

 

No, _ Cian,  _ Rey said firmly.  _ You know that! Besides I… don’t do that.  _ She sounded uncomfortable and Hux let himself feel a pulse of regret so she could feel it.  _ Ren loved you. _

 

_ So people keep telling me. _ Hux sighed, giving up on sleep.  _ Go to sleep, Rey.  _

 

Her light laugh filled his head with warmth.  _ I will if you do. _

 

_ We both know that’s not likely to happen, _ Hux murmured. He sat up in bed, and as soon as his feet hit the floor, someone knocked on the door. Even without the Force at his fingertips, he knew it was Rey. He hit the button to open the door, holding out an arm to her. She went immediately to him, wrapping herself around him. “SR-3 is in with Blue and Tempest,” Rey murmured against his chest. “Otherwise I would have sent her.”

 

He chuckled tiredly. “That would have been an effective way to keep me in bed, yes. I used it on Ren, once.” 

 

Rey looked up at him, her eyes red rimmed. “You did?”

 

“Mm,” Hux agreed, urging her towards the bed to sit. Fixing the blankets to be straight on the bed, Hux sat, back against the headboard with Rey curled up next to him. “When we were on Nar Shaddaa, two of the Knights were waiting for us - Castille, who we expected, and Lucius who we did not. Castille fell first, but Lucius had powers Ren and I had never experienced.”

 

“What could he do?” Rey asked, twisting slightly to face him.

 

“He could go invisible,” Hux said. “Like me - but without the generator field. He used the Force, somehow.” Rey looked intrigued. “Lucius impaled Ren through the stomach with his lightsaber. He stopped breathing on the medical transport, then later completely flatlined. Once we were assured of his continued health, I used SR-3 to keep him in the medical bay, since he... Seemed disinclined to stay otherwise.”

 

Rey laughed, pillowing her cheek on his shoulder. “What happened to Lucius?” she asked curiously. “Did he escape?”

 

“After all that work to track him down?” Hux asked, smiling slightly. “No, HK and I took care of him.”

 

“You two really were through a lot,” Rey murmured. “He shared a little with me. I think he… he felt guilty for what happened.” Hux made a wordless sound of questioning and Rey tightened her grip on his arm. “To me.”

 

Her spike of sadness and alarm registered over their still unbroken mental connection. “What did?” Hux wondered. “On the Finalizer, they simply called you the Girl from Jakku, but if Ren knew you on Dagobah, then you’re clearly quite more than that.”

 

“I don’t know,” Rey said quietly. “I don’t remember. I… almost remember being left on Jakku. And I’m reasonably certain that Luke was the one who left me there.” 

 

Hux blinked. “Luke did that?” he asked incredulously. 

 

She nodded. “Mm-hmm. But everything before that is a blank. Ren told stories of my following him about, of other padawans. One named Song, who was only nine when he did. A woman named Rose who helped Luke run the Academy. He had all this history that I… was supposed to share. And I don’t remember any of it.” Her forehead wrinkled in a frown. “And now he’s dead, and I won’t get to hear it either.”

 

He tightened his grip where his arm was slung around her waist. “I’m sorry. I’ve been… very wrapped up in my… self.” That sounded better than  _ loss,  _ at least. “I haven’t really attempted to talk to anyone about Ren.” 

 

“You’re allowed to be private in your grief, Cian,” Rey murmured. 

 

“Hux’s don’t grieve,” he muttered. “Well,” he said, overriding her before she could say anything to that. “If you ever need to talk about it, I can’t promise I’ll be any good - but I’m willing to listen. It’s the least I owe you, after all that’s transpired.”

 

Rey waved that off. “Everything is squared between us,” she said, sleepily. 

 

Hux grinned a little, sliding his arm out from behind her. “Go to sleep, Rey,” he murmured. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

She asleep before he’d even gotten off the bed. Hux covered her with an extra blanket and moved into the cockpit, stepping carefully. He wouldn’t sleep more, but HK’s rumbling and the sight of the stars was soothing in it’s own way.

 

Whatever D’Qar had in store for him next, at least he wasn’t alone.

 

*

 

As soon as they disembarked the Untouchable, Hux found himself faced with several of Organa’s aides and other retinue. “Kriff,” he said in surprise. “She really wasn’t having me on, was she?” He craned his head around and said to Rey and Blue, “Will one of you go get SR and entertain her for the duration of my… meeting?”

 

Blue nodded enthusiastically, disappearing back into the ship. Tempest, Kiel and Finn all passed him on the ramp, clapping him on the back and dispersing without comment from the cadre of lieutenants before him. “Sir?” one of them asked, anxiously.

 

“Yes, alright, I’m coming.” Hux handed his things off to Rey who swanned by with Blue and SR-3 who beeped an ecstatic goodbye to him. “Well, let’s have it,” Hux demanded as he followed the retinue towards his least favorite building in the compound. “Who died? What’s happened?”

 

“I really think it would be best if you saw for yourself, sir,” someone said apologetically. 

 

Hux scowled. “You’ll have to forgive my hesitance, considering where we’re currently going.”

 

He could see the head of the aides - Lanigan, perhaps - falter, her spine bowing a little downward before she cleared her throat and straightened. “I know this isn’t the best place,” she said, still annoyingly apologetic, “But this is where we had to put… them.”

 

They entered the interrogation building, turning a few corners and coming up on a large door that Hux had never had the pleasure of seeing before. “I already told General Organa I make a poor interrogator,” he protested. 

 

Lanigan shook her head, smiling a little. “You don’t have to interrogate anyone,” she reassured him. “Our… uh, guest… has asked for you.”

 

That only made him want to ask more questions. His list of compatriots and companions was irritatingly short, with most of the names being Ren’s contacts first, and what was left of his own being left in a long repressed childhood from Arkanis.  “That’s not ominous in the slightest,” he muttered. “Alright, I’ll see what I can do.” 

 

“Thank you, sir,” Lanigan said in relief. “I’ll be on the other side of the glass if you need me.”

 

They opened the door and Hux walked in, not seeing anyone at first. He turned towards the one-way glass to scowl. “This joke is in terribly poor taste, Lanigan!” he said loudly. “I can’t imagine that Leia O--”

 

“ _ Prrow?” _

 

He cut himself off, heart in his throat. He looked down in shock at the orange tabby sitting as his feet. It tilted his head to look at him, stretching out it’s long spine to sniff at his leg. He stood, utterly frozen until loud vibrating purrs floated up from the cat as she lunged her shoulders into his shin. “Millicent?” he gasped.

 

Hux dropped to his knees, holding out a hand for the cat, who sniffed him once and then climbed directly into his lap and headbutted him in the chin. There was a wet cough and a grating sound as someone cleared their throat. “I thought you’d like her back more than any of your First Order poodoo,” a familiar voice said from the floor behind the table.

 

Scooping Millicent off the floor, Hux scrambled to his feet and moved around the table to look down at…  “Phasma!” 

 

She was laying on a cot placed helpfully in the corner of the room, wrapped in blankets and bandages. Her hair - usually cropped close - was much longer, pin straight and messy. She’d never been pretty, in the conventional sense, holding fast at striking - or intimidating. The Phasma that gazed up at him now was a ruined mess. 

 

Her lips, smiling now that she had his attention, were cracked, and the corner on the left had been sliced into, giving her the appearance of constantly smirking. Her left eye was gone, only a bruised and empty socket remained, a long horizontal scar digging a groove from left temple, over her eyebrow and slashing across her nose to end curved around her right cheekbone.

 

“What the kriffing pfassk happened to you?” Hux breathed. 

 

She reached up and touched her cheek, revealing splinted fingers. “Oh this?” she drawled. “Courtesy of the Knights of Ren.”

 

“All of them?” Hux exclaimed. 

 

Phasma nodded. “Revan gleaned what I had done to help you from me - she sent her dogs after me. They left me, once they were done, and I managed to get to your quarters where I stayed for a time. When they came for me, I took the cat when they threw me in a cell.”

 

Hux sat hard, hands settling on the back of Millicent as she curled up in his lap. “You saved my cat,” he repeated numbly. 

 

“Yes, General, I saved your cat,” Phasma repeated. 

 

“Captain,” he corrected automatically.

 

Phasma raised an eyebrow, the one bisected by her scar. “Captain?” she asked. “So it’s true. You did join up with the Resistance.”

 

Hux made a considering face. “In a sense. It took me a little while. We can discuss what became of me after, it’s something of a long story and requires a lot of explanation. How did you escape your cell? I was just there, it had to have been before… well before I got there.”

 

With a groan of effort, Phasma pushed herself into a seated position. Hux didn’t offer her a hand, he knew she’d only be offended by the gesture. “The Master of the Knights of Ren, Kylo,” she said. “He came through the prison, opened my door. He wore a mask, but I could tell he was frowning. He asked me what I had done to be forgotten about in a prison cell.”

 

“That seems like a strange question that someone like Kylo Ren would ask,” Hux mused. Phasma’s eyebrow arched higher. “I recently ran across him,” Hux answered dismissively. 

 

Her questioning look melted into incredulity. “And you lived?”

 

“We all did. He was rather a bit distracted  _ blowing up the Finalizer _ , I think.” Hux sighed, thinking of his ship. “What did you tell him to make him let you go?” he wondered.

 

Phasma gave him her left hand, the hand that was the least visibly damaged, he clasped it as he would Kiel’s. “I told him that I had saved the life of a man I deemed more honorable than myself. He asked me who that man could possibly be, and when I told him your name, he said he had heard of your great deeds, and then he walked away.”

 

“He just… left the door open?” Hux asked.

 

She nodded. “When I climbed out of the hole they’d thrown me into, he was waiting at the end of the hall, like we’d planned it and he was look out. When I drew even with him, he reached out and pet the cat.” Hux’s eyebrows raised in surprise. Millicent was ungodly prickly with strangers. “He said,  _ you should leave, Irimingard Phasma. The Supreme Leader has a plan for this failed ship, and I owe you a debt. There’s a ship in hangar 6. Pray we do not meet again.  _ And then he left.”

 

“You owe him a debt?” Hux asked doubtfully.

 

Phasma shrugged expansively. “No debt I could think of. But none barred my way, even when I went past the bridge. It was like no one could see me. And Kylo, Lord Ren. He was torturing Thanisson, Mikata, Kaplan, and Unamo. I could see him standing on the bridge from the hall, he was angry enough that I could feel it from the hall. They were  _ screaming _ , Hux, I’ve never heard humans make the noises they were making.”

 

Hux felt goosebumps race over his exposed skin. “He never said why?”

 

“I heard nothing. As I was getting into the transport pod, though… “ She shuddered. “You know me, Cian. I’ve never put much stock into the nonsense of the Force and it’s strange inconsistent magic. But I swear to you, I felt that ship go  _ bad _ just before I closed the doors.”

 

He nodded, bleak. “I know the feeling. It was still… that. When I got there, two days ago.” 

 

“Whatever Ren did,” Phasma said, not noticing the way Hux jerked a little at the name, “he really angered Supreme Leader Snoke.”

 

Hux shrugged a little. “Trust me,” he said dryly. “It’s not that hard to do.” Phasma leaned back against the wall, wincing a little. “I’m surprised the Knights let you live,” he said, frowning. “They seemed rather hellbent on killing me - though that might have been because I was murdering my way through them.”

 

She snorted. “You have close combat killing,” she said.

 

“My priorities have become somewhat skewed as of late,” Hux muttered. 

 

Looking very much like she understood, Phasma nodded, expression tight. “They were very specific that my injuries would disable me, but not kill me. They wanted me to see Astros rise to power as I languished in the officer's quarters.”

 

“No crueler punishment, for you,” Hux murmured. 

 

She nodded, once. “So I planned. I knew that someday they’d come for me - I was still being brought meals, the medical droid came twice a day, but I knew - someday they’d come for me. I packed what I could in a bag, yes, including the cat, who was… not pleased. And when the came, I went peaceably. It didn’t stop them from breaking my fingers.” She tilted her head to the side, revealing fading bruising from around her neck. “It was soon after that Astros told the ship that the Knights of Ren were no more, including Revan. And then he introduced Kylo.”

 

Hux’s lips twisted. “We have a number of recovered ‘troopers,” he said. “One of them admitted that Astros had been raping her, and the other women in her unit.”

 

“Which unit?” Phasma snapped, expression cold. 

 

“The VT unit, with Blue, Eagle and Day.” Her expression froze even further, and he knew that like himself, Phasma knew every name, rank and serial number for her ‘troopers. That was why he’d put her in charge of them - she was truly a great captain. “The question is,” Hux said slowly, “will you follow them? Follow me? My footsteps to this place?” 

 

“You mean, join the Resistance?” Phasma asked, sounding incredulous.

 

Hux shrugged. “You gave me the names and tools I needed to join myself,” he said simply. “You are the most capable person I’ve ever met. And while Captain is a step down, and my priorities are… different, this is no bad life.”

 

She chuckled, one hand slung over her chest with another wince. “Is FN-2187 here?” she asked, in lieu of answering.

 

“He goes by Finn, now,” Hux responded. “And yes. We just returned from our mission together. Why?”

 

Phasma sighed. “I hate apologizing,” she said, grinding the words out. “But I owe him one. Probably several.”

 

He nodded. “Let’s get you to a medical bay first, please,” he said. “Your injuries may not be life threatening but they are severe, and if you’re to whip up these new recruits into fighting shape, you’re going to need all your rest.” 

 

He picked up Millicent, holding her comfortably and watched, impassive and non-judgemental as Phasma struggled to her feet. “You seem to expect me to just fall in line again,  _ Captain _ ,” she said dryly, with mocking emphasis on his new title.

 

“Not at all,  _ Irmingard _ ,” he said with the same tone on her given name. “I simply know you, and I know boredom will have you at my side soon enough.” He turned to the window. “Lanigan, would you have them prep a room down in the medical bay? Preferably one she can’t escape from when she grows tired of bed rest?” 

 

The door in front of them opened and Lanigan looked to be suppressing a smile. “Sure thing, Captain,” she said. 

 

Phasma scowled at him. “Why did I come to find you again?” she asked.

 

Hux grinned, tipping a wink that was all Ren in her direction. “You  _ missed  _ me,” he said. “Come along then, Captain Phasma. We have a lot to discuss and I intend on being comfortable when we do it.”

 

With a retinue of aides behind him, Phasma grumbling invectives in a language he didn’t understand, and Millicent in his arms, it was  _ just  _ like being on the Finalizer again. 

 

Hux had finally found home.

 

*


	23. xxiii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Black Leader, checking in, Hot Dameron pulling up your six," Poe said smartly, to a small litany of groans._
> 
> _"Red Leader at your nine, Commander," Sasha drawled. "I didn't give myself a stupid call sign though."_
> 
> _"Blue Leader, at three to you," Jessika Pava said. "We've got your back and sides, Commander."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE PENULTIMATE CHAPTER GUYS. BEAR WITH ME FOR JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER.
> 
> For Lex (as always), Song (who stuck with me), Sasha (who asked me questions) and also for Spinning_Seraph (for the conversation).
> 
> As ever I am located at [tumblr,](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/) for all your Kylux needs. 
> 
> #sorrynotsorry

Xxiii.

 

In the weeks that it took for Phasma to heal, Hux had hardly a minute to sit and think. His days were filled with supply runs, sometimes on the Untouchable, sometimes at Han Solo’s side on the Falcon. His days on D’Qar were filled with meetings, laying out tactical strikes with Poe and Sasha, or training with the ex-Stormtroopers. 

 

“We have been running you a bit ragged,” Leia commented during lunch, almost a month after their mission to the Finalizer. “I hadn’t realized how much we’d been giving you to do.”

 

He waved that off. “Oh no, please. This is normal for me. Have you any idea how much goes into the day to day running of a Star Destroyer? This is nothing.” He stifled a yawn as he said it, drinking another sip of tea. “Besides, the more I do the less I have time to… think.”

 

Though she laughed, it had a tinge of rueful bitterness to it. “Yes,” she said. “I understand that feeling all too well.” She took a sip of her tea. “How long have you been here? A few months?”

 

Hux nodded. “I couldn’t tell you the exact number,” he said. “But, yes. Why?” He narrowed his eyes a little, slightly suspicious of her motivations. In all the months of his work, she’d never asked him to a personal lunch meeting before.

 

Leia laughed, likely picking up on his sudden suspicion. “You haven’t changed a bit, Captain. It was only a question.”

 

He smiled, amused. This was a playing field he knew how to navigate. “Oh, General, with you, it’s never just a question.”  

 

“Hm, true. I gave you the title of Captain since it would have done your vast military history something of a disservice. Even still, the rank is… inefficient.”

 

He shrugged one shoulder. “I have a feeling we don’t stand on rank or ceremony here the way we did in the First Order.”

 

“While true,” Leia said, “That doesn’t negate the point I’m trying to make.”

 

“Which… is?” Hux asked dryly.

 

“Considering how many Captains you’re overseeing currently, I think ‘Commander’ is a more worthy rank for your skillset, no?” 

 

Hux blinked. “Are you certain that it isn’t more than I deserve?” he asked lightly. “Don’t get me wrong, Leia. I will gladly accept the title. I’m simply wondering if it’s wise.”

 

She met his eyes frankly, looking at him over the rim of her cup. “Answer me this, Hux. If you could go back and do it all over again, would you?”

 

He had to pause, thinking it over carefully. There was a part of him that would say ‘no’ in a heartbeat. But, there was an equally large part of him that wondered if perhaps he would never have met Ren if Starkiller had never been fired. “Is there an answer to this question that doesn’t paint me as a selfish pfassker?” he wondered out loud. “If I say yes, I would never end up here - despite whatever I feel about the Hosnian system, it led me to Ren, and then to you. If I say no, I’m still the cold-hearted bastard I always was and my answer still doesn’t matter.”

 

“Diplomatically put, Hux,” Leia said amused. “I won’t lie, the New Republic - whatever is left - has been calling for a disciplinary action, against you.” 

 

Snorting a laugh, Hux raised an eyebrow. “And your answer is to promote me?”

 

“My answer,” Leia repeated, “is to give you some recognition for the good deeds you’ve done.” He snorted again but she just gave him a quelling look. “As Ren so aptly put it - you were punished enough.”

 

Uncomfortable, Hux just shrugged. “Is there enough punishment for a man like me?” he asked with affected lightness.

 

Leia’s response was mild and placid for all it was steel. “To have everything you’ve ever loved then have it torn away? Yes, I think that’s enough punishment. Even for men like you, Commander.”

 

He couldn’t help the bitter smile. “I appreciate that, General Organa, coming from you.”

 

She scoffed. “Alright, you. Dismissed.”

 

Poe and Rey were waiting for him when he left her office. SR-3 sat happily Rey’s shoulder, and she squeaked out a few excited beeps.  _ [Friend-Cian!]  _

 

“You two look very…” Hux trailed off, seeing their faces. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Luke’s had a vision,” Rey said, stepping in close, handing SR-3 off to Hux. “He wants to speak with you as soon as you can.” A cold chill ran down his spine like ice water. He glanced at Poe who looked bleak.

 

“It resonated,” Poe said, with the air of someone repeating an explanation that made no sense to him. “Luke got it, so Rey got it, so Finn got it.” 

 

Hux swallowed reflexively. “Ah,” he said. “That does not sound pleasant.” He nudged his cheek into SR when she pushed against him. “Then I suppose I’m off to see Skywalker.”

 

Rey placed a hand on his wrist. “I fear it will be the first stop on a list of many meetings,” she said apologetically. 

 

_ [Ally-Han asked to see you,]  _ SR-3 piped in with bright beeps.  _ [Friend-Kiel, too. And Ally-Irmingard.] _

 

Hux winced. “SR, make a note that Ally-Irmingard would prefer Designation Ally-Phasma.”

 

_ [Understood, Friend-Cian.] _ She nuzzled against him.  _ [Ally-Sylar has sent you a message marked important, Friend-Ganna has as well.] _

 

That particular day cycle was normally Hux’s free day and he could see it draining away by the moment. “Kriffing hells,” he said. “Is there anyone who  _ doesn’t  _ want to talk to me today?”

 

Rey slapped the back of her open hand against his shoulder. “You’re as bad as Finn!” she scolded.

 

_ [Friend-Rey!] _ SR-3 shrieked, scandalized. 

 

Hux just laughed. “All is well, little darling. Will your prioritize all my messages by sender? I’ll respond to the most important after I see Skywalker.”

 

SR-3 offered an affirmative beep as Hux moved past Poe. “Hey,” he said, turning to face Hux. “Good luck.”

 

Faintly baffled, Hux just nodded, moving forward towards Luke’s clearing. Despite the fact that he walked by both Kiel and Solo, neither of them reacted,making him wonder if Luke had done something Force-like.

 

The clearing was empty but for Skywalker, Finn was nowhere to be found. “The answer is yes,” Luke said, in pale shades of his usual amusement. “I know that your attention is prized, and I wished to be first.”

 

Hux snorted. “Prized?” he repeated with heavy sarcasm. “Hardly.”

 

But Luke only smiled in that nebulous mystic way. “You are a nexus,” he said evenly, wonderingly. “You are the center of a vast network, physical and mental. If you fall, so do many others.” Hux snorted again, and Luke frowned, the world growing slightly darker. “You listen here,” he said, and though he never raised his voice, it still thundered through the clearing. “In all the futures I have seen, you are a lynchpin. Upon your shoulders rests many fates, times and lives.”

 

Hux blinked, unease rushing over him. “Me?” he asked, incredulous. “I’m nothing. No one. Trust me, that was made  _ very  _ clear to me.”

 

Luke waved that off. “By inconsequential minions that you later killed.” He leaned in, wind picking up and ruffling his hair. “What I’m about to tell you will save your life,” he said.

 

That seemed suitably ominous. “I’m listening.”

 

Eyes blazing with blue fire, Luke nodded once. “Soon, when death holds you by the throat,” he intoned. “Ask to see it’s eyes.”

 

The fire went out and Luke began to collapse forward. Hux leapt towards him, catching him just before he hit the ground. “Skywalker?” he asked, anxiously. “Luke?”

 

Though he was breathing, Luke seemed to be out cold. Hux reached out into the warm place in his mind where Ren once lived and Rey now did, and said,  _ Um. Luke’s unconscious?  _ With a sort of rising hysteria tacked to it.

 

A spike of alarm went through Rey and he knew she was coming with Finn at her side. Laying Luke down on the moss, Hux settled in to wait, with his datapad. SR-3 had marked and prioritized everything, and he found the first message was from Sylar. He was promising his men and their trained kath hounds from Dantooine, so he forwarded that to General Organa. Ganna was reporting excess First Order personnel in and around the Hutta system. He sent her back trade routes to smuggle herself out of the area with Rikka and Clio, cautioning her to get to ground. 

 

He sent Kiel a short message asking if he needed to talk in person or if the message system medium would do. The other messages were all downloaded from Ren’s personal mailbox, mostly questions about his absence or sorrowful messages about his passing.

 

Unable to look at them, Hux deleted all of them.

 

Rey and Finn joined him, watching over their overtaxed Master. Eventually Finn - looking overtaxed himself - cajoled Hux into a game of Pazaak. An hour passed by quietly in that way, with Finn beating Hux in cards and Rey reading by sunlight. 

 

Luke’s eyes opened just as the calm ended. Everyone’s holocomm’s suddenly went off, clanging loudly. At first, it sounded like the general alert but once Hux pulled his out to look at it, a figure coalesced into being, a frighteningly familiar hologram, despite it's being only eight inches tall. 

 

Hux froze.

 

The figure smiled, a dark terrible thing. “General Organa. Luke Skywalker.  _ Captain  _ Hux.” He said each name like the toll of a bell. “I have had enough of your disobedience and warmongering,” Snoke said. “Meet me on the field of battle, back where it all began, or I shall destroy D’Qar the same way I destroyed the Hosnian system. I have always known where you are, Captain Hux, my erstwhile general. Fight me, fight Kylo Ren. We’ll be waiting for you.”

 

The comm shut off, only to be replaced by Comm Officer Tannis. “General alert: First Order forces amassing over Yavin 4. Repeat.”

 

Hux tuned her out, turning to look at Luke. “Well,” he said dryly, “Time to look death in the eyes.”

 

*

 

“No,” he said firmly. “You’re not coming with us. You’re staying here with Friend-Millicent.” He held up a hand. “SR, my little darling, do you know what it will do to me if you get hurt?”

 

Arms akimbo, SR-3 narrowed her eyelight at him.  _ [Friend-Ben said that too!]  _ she shrieked.  _ [And he never came back! Do you know how  _ that  _ feels, Friend-Cian?!] _

 

“Yes!” he shouted. SR-3 stopped, her head hanging down. "Yes," he said more quietly. "Ren didn't even say goodbye to me," he told her not quite evenly. "The last thing I ever said to him was a rejection of everything he was - I wouldn't even call him by his name." He touched the top of her head, drawing her eyelight up to him. "So yes, my little darling. I know how it feels to be left behind." She made a sorrowful murmur and rolled into his waiting hands. 

 

_ [Come back to me, Friend-Cian,] _ she said sadly.  _ [Everyone leaves.] _

 

Hux clenched his jaw, the muscle twitching. "I'll try my very hardest," he promised."That's the best I can offer." 

 

SR-3 nuzzled his cheek.  _ [Okay, Friend-Cian. I'll wait for you.] _

 

He left her with Leia. "Wish me luck?" he asked her. SR reached out with a tiny arm and hooked it around his wrist, squeezing gently. Her lights were dim, and when she unwrapped her arm, it dragged downwards dejectedly.

 

Leia smiled, reaching up and brushing his hair out of his eyes, a motherly gesture he hadn't had bestowed on him since he was a small child. "May the Force be with you," she said gently. "Take care of my brother." 

 

Hux nodded once, bowing sharply. "I will." 

 

He turned on his heel and made for the Untouchable, finding a small crowd gathered around it. Poe and Finn were locked in a clinch off to one side, while Rey was hugging Pava, the newly promoted Blue Leader. Skywalker stood on the ramp, Phasma beside him. Her missing eye was covered with an eyepatch of shining chromium, like her old armor set, and she gave him a challenging look. He just smirked at her, refusing to rise to her unspoken challenge. He would never disallow her to regain her stolen honor, though she didn't need to know that.

 

Kiel slid up to him, clasping his arm as a warrior would. "Cian," he said warmly. "My fleet follows yours, we're meeting Sylar there. The whole of the Mando'ade will answer my summons, and may Manda'lor guide your blaster." 

 

"Good luck, Akielo Ordo," Hux said formally. "It's been an honor." 

 

The Mando'a grinned. "Honor's all mine," he said. "Oya." 

 

Ironically, Hux inclined his head at that. "Oya," he repeated, and the forces around took up the cry. "Let's go," he said. "Skywalker, Rey, take the helm. HK, charge up, I'm going to need you. Finn, come with me, Phasma, you too." HK clomped off to his charge station, littering the area around him with weaponry. 

 

Hux lead Phasma and Finn to the middle hall of the ship, sliding two almost invisible doors away. "These are the gunnery ports," he said. "Finn, I well remember your shooting from your escape from the Finalizer. Take the laser cannon." 

 

Finn lit up. "Laser cannon?" he exclaimed and immediately climbed into the tunnel. 

 

Hux turned to Phasma. "I've run too many simulations with you," he complained. "Take the plasma cannon." 

 

She tsked him, slapping one hand to his shoulder. "Now that's cheating, Commander," she said. "Using my strengths like that." 

 

He shrugged, unapologetic. "We only have a few hours jump to Yavin 4. I want to make it count. Kiel's fleet plus the Resistance, plus Sylar - that gives us an advantage with Luke's battle meditation. But if I don't play to our strengths, we might never make it to the Aristarchus intact." 

 

Phasma tilted her head slightly to look at him with her good eye. "You haven't changed even the slightest bit," she said. "That's... Surprising." 

 

Hux frowned. "Why should I change?" he asked her, confused. "I am myself, as I have ever been." 

 

She snorted and shook her head. "Nevermind, Commander. Good to see you in top form, that's all." 

 

"Well at least I  _ look  _ it," he said dryly. "I'll be in the holo-command center, if you need anything. Headsets are on the left." 

 

He left her there to climb in on her own. The holoterminal seemed strangely empty without SR-3 rolling all over it, but he knew it's interface well enough. Putting in the comm unit, he tapped his ear a few times. "Am I being heard?" he asked the ship at large. There were a chorus of affirmatives, except from Luke who was already deep in meditation on the other side of the terminal. "Lovely. Red Leader, Black Leader, Blue Leader, do you have a copy?" he asked, switching frequencies easily. 

 

"Black Leader, checking in, Hot Dameron pulling up your six," Poe said smartly, to a small litany of groans. 

 

"Red Leader at your nine, Commander," Sasha drawled. "I didn't give myself a stupid call sign though." 

 

"Blue Leader, at three to you," Jessika Pava said. "We've got your back and sides, Commander." 

 

"Good. Stay on the line, and be careful," he told the X-Wingers. "Hail if you need me." He switched frequencies again, checking in with Kiel and Sy before turning his attention back to the ship at large. 

 

Rey was talking quietly to Finn over the comm system, a sweet reminiscence of their first flight together. Hux leaned over the holoterminal, taking measured deep breaths. 

 

_ Relax _ , Luke whispered into his mind.  _ Remember what I told you. _

 

"Yes," Hux said out loud. "To ask to look my death in the eyes." 

 

He felt ridiculous saying it - melodramatic like Ren at his worst. Like Revan at her most official. He could feel the familiar tightness of an important mission falling over him, but this time he had people behind him that he could trust. 

 

Mitaka, Thanisson, Kaplan, Unamo - they were gone. But Finn, Luke and Rey, they were solid, and Phasma was the most trustworthy of all. 

 

He spent the two hours before reaching Yavin 4 drawing up plans with Kiel and Sylar on the comm system, until Luke opened his eyes, blue fire filling them like a tintertwig to oil. "They're here," he said. 

 

The Untouchable dropped out of hyperspace, the rest of the fleet behind them. "Game on," Poe whooped in his ear, and the X-Wings fanned out. 

 

"We'll draw their fire, Commander," Sylar growled from his fleet on the left. 

 

"Oya Manda," Kiel whooped, and the Mandalorian forces leapt ahead. 

 

Hux slid into the cockpit, standing behind Rey. "Evasive maneuvers," he said. "Finn, Phasma, take out any TIE fighter or ship you can. Remember that the laser cannon needs to charge, so don't overload her circuits, I can't get down there to fix it." The ship rocked with a glancing shot but the shields held. One of the many things Ren had changed about the corvette-class ship, to Hux's gratitude. 

 

"Aye, Commander," Finn said sharply. "Charging now!" 

 

He tightened his grip on the back of Rey's chair as she moved them through bolts and between ships. Dimly, he could hear the sound of Finn cheering, and Phasma's quiet exultations. "There," he said, pointing over Rey's head. "Large black durasteel ship, on our eleven, Rey. That's the Aristarchus, aim there." 

 

"Got it," she said, fingers tightening on the controls, pulling them into a steep dive to get around a cluster of TIE's.

 

Hux switched the comm over. "Black Leader, Red Leader, Blue Leader, on my eleven is the ship we're aiming for. The TIE fighters will be protecting that ship above all others. Clear a path, would you?" 

 

"Hot Dameron is on it, Commander!" Poe called. 

 

He allowed himself a brief smile. "I'm not calling you that." He switched his comm to Sy and Kiel. "Aristarchus on my eleven," he said, "Kiel, get rid of those destroyers on my ten and two, please." 

 

Kiel whooped again. "Oya!" 

 

The battle around them raged, as they drew ever closer to Snoke's flagship. The ship rocked hard, hit off course, Finn's startled swear drew his attention. "Sorry, Commander, a lucky shot took out my cannon. I'm coming out." 

 

A TIE fighter screamed by, startling Rey. "Kriffing hells, Sasha, get that thing off my tail," Hux shouted. 

 

"On it!" Pava's X-wing flew out ahead of them, dipping sharply and disappearing under them. Rey pressed a few buttons and their choppy flight smoothed out considerably. A nearby explosion rocked them a little, and Phasma's quiet cheer made him grin.

 

The mandalorian ships surged ahead, cordoning off the other star destroyers, giving Rey a straight shot forward. 

 

"Go," Hux urged her. 

 

She nodded. "Punching it," she said, and they streamed forward. The docking port of the Aristarchus was before them in seconds, and Rey said, "We're coming in hot," just before they ripped through the shields and slid inside. 

 

Hux touched his ear, broadcasting over all his channels. "We've made it inside. Going silent until we have completed our objective or in case of emergency. Black, Red and Blue leaders, stay safe and get out if you're overrun. Let the Mando'ade cover you, and Sy - your medical transport should stay well out of the firefight. Any last words before I log out, speak them now?" 

 

"Good luck, Commander," Kiel said. "You've led us through a victory. Let us take care of the clean up." 

 

"Tell Finn I love him," Poe said. "And good luck." 

 

Hux took a deep breath, and silenced his comm. "Phasma, Finn, Skywalker, Rey. Let's go." 

 

* 

 

The ship was... Terrifying. Hux had only been on the Aristarchus once, when he was a General, and it had been significantly less... Lethal looking. The black durasteel was polished to look like wet oil, gleaming in the red lights that lined the walls. 

 

Rey took point, leading them towards the highest concentration of Dark side energy. Finn and Phasma pulled up the rear, with HK behind them. Hux himself moved under cover of stealth, just behind Rey. It appeared that the ship was empty, after long tense minutes. "I don't understand," Rey murmured. "He should be better protected than this." 

 

Finn shook his head. "He didn't expect us to get this far. He would want to watch our ship blow up, outside, and then annihilate our army." 

 

"He also probably didn't expect the Mando'ade fleet either," Hux added dryly. "How far?" he asked Rey. 

 

"Close," she whispered. "Really, really close, _move_!" She ducked, throwing herself into a skid, as Hux pivoted to the left. A bolt of force lightning sizzled down the center of their group, hitting the far wall. Through the arch way just in front of them, they could see Kylo Ren, sitting in a common meditation pose, the room teeming with dark energy. 

 

"Welcome," he said, standing slowly. "I have been expecting you." His mask made his voice hollow and dull, but to Hux's ears, it sounded rehearsed. Or like the words weren't Kylo's. 

 

"How could we miss your Masters kind invitation," Phasma shouted back. Hiding a smile, Hux slipped into the room, thinking banal thoughts about hiding behind Phasma's bulk. Or about Finn's sharp strategy during pazaak. Anything other than his movement into the room. 

 

It wouldn't have mattered, because as soon as he cleared the doorway, Finn gathered the Force around him and leapt, coming down just in front of Kylo and shoving him. The Knight stumbled, clearly not expecting the wave of Force that Finn's landing emitted, and Rey ground her heel into the floor to push herself into a speed approach. 

 

Phasma calmly unloaded her plasma rifle, and she took the archway on the left, while HK took the archway on the right. Luke had disappeared, but Hux knew that he'd be behind HK or Phasma, kneeling down to lend them his battle meditation. Kylo reached into the folds of his cloak and pulled out a lightsaber, red and crackling, and visibly unstable. 

 

"Come," he breathed through his mask. "Little Finn, Little Rey. Let me teach you. Come with me, and Snoke will show you all you've ever dreamed." 

 

Rey snorted. "I've already got a master," she said, face blank and focused. "I don't need yours." She ignited her own lightsaber, and the battle was on. 

 

Hux could barely track who hit what, as sparks of purple light flew around them. Finn leapt, Rey ran, and together they drove Kylo back away from the door. Hux checked the charge on his stealth drive, and right on cue, he slid behind Kylo Ren, still thinking hard about how to beat Finn at pazaak. 

 

Rey and Finn pivoted, opening a space between them and Hux kicked. Kylo, not expecting the blow from behind, stumbled forward, his back now to the archway where HK and Phasma waited. HK peppered him with blaster bolts, while Phasma shot at the ground, melting a hole in the durasteel and causing him to stumble. "I will not be defeated by some ignorant scavenger girl from Jakku and a blood traitor!" Kylo shrieked, his voice breaking. 

 

He reached out with one hand, and Finn dropped like a stone. Rey cried out and used the Force to shove Finn's unconscious body closer to the door where HK could collect him. Another moment and Rey stood, completely frozen, eyes on something in the distance.

 

Hux had seen Ren use that exactly once, he called it a stun. It allowed him to shoot Castille in the face with his pistol. Kylo though, did not shoot her. He instead strode forward, and with another handwave, turned off Hux's stealth drive.

 

They were going to lose.

 

"Very clever," Kylo Ren sneered. "Pazaak? I wouldn't have guessed that was your game, Captain." 

 

With a haughty smirk and a quick two-step backwards, Hux said, "Actually, it's _Commander_ , now." 

 

"Ah," Kylo said. "A step up, after all." His hand snaked forward and the force of the blow across his face was animal. Hux scrambled for his vibroknife, even as he spat blood but Kylo was quicker. He threw Hux backwards a few stumbling steps and as he lost his balance, Hux reached for the plasma pistol. If he was going to go down, he was going to go down fighting.

 

_Wait!_ Luke's voice slammed across his mind. _Just wait!_ The distraction cost him his edge, and Kylo grabbed him, lifting him slightly so his balance was entirely on his toes. Hux trembled in Kylo's grip, until he felt himself hit the wall, Kylo's fingers almost gentle around his neck.

 

_ Skywalker! _ Hux cried, but there was no answer as the darkness filled him. Kylo's hands tightened on Hux's neck, pinning him to the wall as he kicked uselessly. 

 

Kylo Ren's mask was so close to his face their foreheads were nearly touching. The inhuman strength in his fingers made the world go dark around the edges of Hux's eyes, as they closed over his throat. "Any last words?" Kylo Ren purred, tightening his grip. 

 

Hux choked and flailed, pushing at the mask with one hand with failing strength. Hux had found the face of his death. "Yes," he coughed out. " _Let me see your eyes_." 

 

The pressure around his neck faltered, just enough for him to take a ragged inhale, filling abused lungs. "What?" Kylo Ren asked, both hesitant and incredulous. 

 

"If I am to die here," Hux said, around his choppy breathing, "Look me in the eyes." 

 

He was dropped unceremoniously to the ground, and he struggled to his knees, one hand covering his throat, feeling the tender places where bruises were certain to bloom. 

 

With a snick, and a hiss of depressurizing air, Kylo Ren pulled off the mask, pushing back his hood in one smooth motion. Hux's breath caught in his throat, and it had _nothing_ to do with being choked. The name on his lips died between heartbeats as he stared. 

 

"Happy now, Commander Hux?" his human voice said. "How very Mandalorian, to wish to look your death in the eyes." 

 

Hux dragged in another ragged breath, half caught on a sob.  _ Ren, _ he might have said, if the name weren't shared.  _ Ren, _ he might have screamed, if he had the capacity for it. 

 

He took another breath, held it, and finally forced out the one word that might get a reaction. "Ben," he whispered, just loud enough to carry through the silent room. 

 

Ren's achingly familiar face twisted in broken confusion. He exhaled sharply, and said, "Who the hell is Ben?"

 

*


	24. xxiv.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Ren's eyes - once a familiar and warm brown - were a cold and angry yellow, staring down at him in confusion. "You are," Hux forced out. "You the hell are Ben." Those golden eyes narrowed dangerously and Hux scrambled backward on his knees. "You prefered to go by Ren," he said loudly. "We were friends, Ren, don't let this win."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex, Song, Sasha, Spinning_Seraph and everyone else who hangs in there when I throw shit at them. Still not at the last chapter, I promise.
> 
> As ever I am at [tumblr](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/) for all your needs. Feel free to come scream at me. :)
> 
> I promise you. It gets better. I know I've said that before. But it does!

xxiv.

 

Hux's heart stopped. 

 

Ren's eyes - once a familiar and warm brown - were a cold and angry yellow, staring down at him in confusion. "You are," Hux forced out. "You the hell are Ben." Those golden eyes narrowed dangerously and Hux scrambled backward on his knees. "You prefered to go by Ren," he said loudly. "We were friends, Ren, don't let this win." 

 

Whatever shock allowing Hux a reprieve clearly ended, as Ren's hand raised again. Hux met those unfamiliar eyes and relaxed. He'd looked his death in the face, and this time, he'd get to say goodbye. "It alright, Ren," he murmured. "I forgive you." Ren's eyes widened in shock just before they rolled up in his head and he collapsed at Hux's feet. 

 

Luke stood behind him, covered in sweat, hood thrown back. "You may want to sedate him," Skywalker said, "that Force sleep won't last long on someone his strength." 

 

Hux pulled out his kit, running his fingers over the syringes there. When he'd trained as an Agent, he hadn't taken to the chemical warfare aspect of the job. He'd excelled in training - he wouldn't allow for anything else - but had stayed within the confines of stealth and assassination once he'd graduated. Phasma had taught him very quickly when they'd been stationed together the first time, that a true Agent is always prepared. He'd kept the chemicals on him at all time since then. 

 

Sedating Ren with twice the normal amount of tranquilizer, Hux looked up at Skywalker who had yet to look away from his nephew. "We need to get him back to the Untouchable," Hux said firmly. "Leaving him here runs too many risks." 

 

Finn, limping and ashen faced, came up behind Luke, visibly using Rey as a steadying point. "I'll take him," he said. "HK and I can make our way back to the ship, hold out there with Ren." 

 

Rey hugged him tightly while Hux struggled to his feet, and handed him the chemical kit. "Here," he said. "In case he begins to wake up before we get back. The ones labeled in red are lethal, so don't... Use those." 

 

Finn nodded once, taking a few deep breaths. The Force wrapped around him in nearly visible ways as he bent to lift Ren into his arms. Hux had the most insane urge to kiss Ren's forehead before he was gone, but he suppressed it ruthlessly. 

 

He had a battle to finish. 

 

"We should tell the others," Rey said quietly. "They'll want to know." 

 

Hux nodded. He touched his ear, turning back on the comm system. "This is Commander Hux," he said, striving to sound even despite the hoarse quality of his voice. "I have some news that is integral to our efforts." There was a burst of sound as everyone attempted to speak at once, and dimly, under that, the cacophony of exploding TIE fighters. "We have taken down Kylo Ren," he said, "We demasked him. Kiel, Sy, Poe... Kylo Ren is our Ren. Let me repeat that, we have reacquired Captain Ren." 

 

"Are you certain?" Kiel asked. Hux grinned. 

 

"Yes, Ordo. I am. Oya." There was a roar of sound as everyone rallied, and Hux turned off the headset with a wince. 

 

"They'll fight twice as hard now," Rey said, wrapping an arm around Skywalker's waist. 

 

Phasma jogged up, her plasma rifle over one shoulder and one of HK's scatterguns in her arms. "FN-2187 and HK-51 are on their way back to the ship with Captain Ren," she reported. "We should move on, this is a vulnerable place for us." Hux nodded, sheathing his fallen vibroknife, and unhooking the safety harness for his pistols. "This answers a lot of questions," Phasma commented as they left the giant hall and continued onwards. Hux raised an eyebrow at her. "Kylo Ren murdering the Lieutenants who abandoned you and rescuing me from prison." 

 

He inclined his head. "Ren once promised to kill them for me," he said quietly. "But the entirety of the Finalizer was... In ruins. I hadn't made the connection."

 

She nodded back, and fell behind to take up the rear as Hux engaged his stealth drive. Luke and Rey led them down several more abandoned halls, and through the gleaming windows Hux could see that Snoke's forces were losing the fight terribly. 

 

Pieces of a star destroyer that Hux recognized as the Endeavor floated by, as two X-wings rallied against several fighters. They came up on a large door, made of some unknown element, with ornate sweeping designs carved into it. 

 

Rey reached out with one hand and pulled the doors open using the Force. They swung out towards them on silent hinges, revealing an echoing throne room. In the middle of the room sat a dias, and a chair, and in the chair was Snoke. He looked even worse than the last time Hux had seen him. His skin was a damp, molting grey, with long swathes of skin that looked loose and flaky. There was a plethora of scarring over his face, giving him a mean and grizzled look. 

 

His eyes, which Hux had thought were blue, were actually the same golden yellow as the eyes that had looked out of Ren's face. At his side stood a short, stocky man, dressed in First Order officer clothing. 

 

Phasma's lip curled up in a snarl. "Astros," she growled. 

 

He laughed. "Phasma," he greeted, bowing mockingly. 

 

Snoke stood from his seat, and he was barely any taller than Astros, though he had a thin and willowy build. "General Hux," Snoke said, with the same amount of pomp and ceremony as he once did during their holocalls from the Finalizer. 

 

Here, Hux would have bowed deferentially, and called him 'Supreme Leader'. Today he just smirked, dropping the stealth field. "Snoke," he drawled, irreverent. 

 

The frown creased Snoke's misshapen face unpleasantly. "Skywalker," he said, looking over Luke. "And little Rey." They both stiffened slightly at being addressed, and Snoke folded his hands in his large sleeves. "It's been some time," Snoke continued to say, "since the last time I saw you. When I took you from your home on Arkanis," he went on, looking at Rey directly. 

 

Hux looked over at Rey in surprise. "What?" she breathed. 

 

Snoke's smile was a viper's nest. "Oh," he said lightly, "did they not tell you? You were never a wanted child. Your mother gave you up to me, begged me to get rid of you and your horrible powers." He tsked gently. "You were a dear child, but you needed a mother's touch. I gave you to a trusted follower." 

 

"Not so trusted," Skywalker interjected. "She gave you to me," he added.

 

Rey glanced at him with a half smile. "Your games won't work on me, Snoke," Rey said viciously. "I don't care who my parents were, or anything. I have a family now and you aren't part of it."

 

Snoke's low laughter filled Hux with dread. "No?" he asked archly. "Not even if  _ I _ am your father?"

 

It made her falter, and she looked at Luke helplessly. Luke was clearly not expecting that either, if his frozen expression was anything to go by. Phasma sighed, loud and heavy in the silence. "Kriff this for a game of soldiers," she muttered and Hux grinned, reminded of Ren.

 

She raised the plasma rifle and fired three times in quick succession. Astros clearly had not expected to be the target. He fell, purple plasma melting holes in his face, chest and groin. Snoke stepped neatly away from the smoking corpse, twitching his robes away from the dripping plasma. Looking down at Astros' body, Snoke sneered. 

 

"Your aim is an exemplary as ever, Captain," Hux complimented. 

 

"Thank you," she said primly. 

 

Snoke snarled. "You'll pay for that!" 

 

It seemed the time for talking was over, and Hux slipped around Phasma's bulk, reactivating his stealth drive. Rey screamed out a challenge, and the room was lit with her bright blue lightsaber. Snoke pulled out his own, a huge black glowing thing that seemed to absorb the light. Luke's own 'saber, the same color blue as Rey's joined in, while Phasma took pot shots at Snoke. 

 

Hux knew from conversations with Ren that plasma bolts were harder to deflect than blaster bolts, but Snoke brushed off Phasma's fire with alarming ease. For the first time, Hux truly wished he had the Force to fall back on, if only to be able to feel his opponent's strength.

_ Rey! _ He called, touching the part of his mind that belonged to her. _ I need to get behind him. _

 

Her eyes narrowed in concentration. _ We'll try, _ she answered, and took several dancing steps back, forcing Snoke to follow her down off the dias. 

 

With her Force speed, Hux knew she could run literal circles around anyone, but she kept her attacks even, in sync with Luke's. Hux very carefully moved up towards the battle, staying well out of the way of lightsabers and plasma shots. He knew from numerous meetings with Snoke, that unless he was attempting to get into your head, his skill set was elsewhere. 

 

Hux was planning on using that to his advantage.

Luke and Rey continued to back away from Snoke's attacks, giving him ground and widening the gap between Snoke and his throne. Hux huddled behind the black stone chair, feeling his skin crawl just by being near it. Over the sounds of shooting and the clashing of lightsabers though, he could hear a tinny, high pictched sound. 

 

Frowning, Hux turned to face the throne, looking it over with a critical eye. On the floor of the dias was a large red crystal, which at first glance looked like the same red as the lights in the halls but when Hux got closer, the sound got louder. 

 

There were letters etched into the top of the crystal and Hux could tell they were old Imperial, but couldn't read them. It was fairly obvious however, that this was a sith datacron. 

 

He slammed his knife into the edge where datacron met black durasteel, prying it out of the ground. It was the size of his palm and it burned him to touch it. When he stood, holding it gingerly, all sounds of battle had stopped. 

 

Snoke had whirled, facing him, face etched in a terrible rictus of anger and terror. "Put it down!" he roared, and the Force compulsion broke over Hux like water. 

 

Hux let a grin flit over his face. "You want me to put it down?" he asked, and let it go. 

 

The datacron tumbled edge over edge towards the floor, and Snoke roared, holding out one hand as though to stop it. Rey darted forward, blurring with how fast she'd pushed herself, and lopped Snoke's right arm off at the elbow. 

 

With a tinkling sound, the datacron shattered. 

 

All twenty seven hells broke loose. 

 

The Force filled the room with dark, angry, malevolent energy, swirling like a maelstrom around the pieces of broken crystal. It howled through the room, tearing great pieces of durasteel and duraplas off the walls.Hux ducked down behind the throne, covering his ears. 

 

It seemed an age before the Force had settled again, pieces of the room dropping around in chunks and clangs. When Hux looked down at his stealth drive, he found the battery was dead, and the comm system in his ear was hissing static and giving him mild shocks. 

 

He stood, slowly, pulling the unit out of his ear and dropping it to the floor. Snoke knelt, missing pieces of his skin where the force tornado had ripped it off. His arm flung uselessly at his side, and to Hux's eyes, he'd never seemed like such a frail old creature than he did at that moment. 

 

Hux walked forward, his boots echoing throughout the chamber. Rey and Luke uncoiled from around Phasma, their force shield falling away. Snoke looked up when Hux drew even with him. He unholstered his plasma pistol. "This is for Ren," he said clearly, and shot Snoke straight in the face. 

 

He watched dispassionately as Snoke's old body quailed, then crumbled, hitting the ground and exploding into dust. 

 

The Aristarchus shuddered suddenly, and the sounds of engines going offline reached Hux's ears. Phasma's eye widened. "Oh no," she said. She pushed at Skywalker and Rey. "Move!"

 

Hux raced after them, shouting, "Rey, use your speed! Get to the Untouchable!" She blurred a moment later and disappeared from their sight, as they raced for the hangar bay. Luke stumbled once, but Hux caught his metal arm and yanked him even again. 

 

The ground began to shake lightly, and a pleasantly voiced alert began to sound. "Warning: all systems off line. Hull breach at 87%, Evacuation is recommended. Hangar bays one through 7 are inaccessible. Please proceed to Hangar bay 8 or 9." 

 

They skidded around a corner and when Hux looked back, he had the pleasant experience of watching parts of the ship crumble out into space. "Hull breach at 92%," the alert reminded. 

 

The hangar bay doors came up ahead, already open thanks to Rey. Phasma slammed through first, and Hux dragged Luke along as he flagged. The Untouchable was already hovering, ready to go. Phasma leapt onto the ramp, spinning and offering Luke a hand up. 

 

As Skywalker scrambled up onto the ramp, an explosion rocked the ship throwing the Untouchable to the left and Hux to his knees. "Hull breach at 99%," the alert said. "Shields failing. Hangar Bay 9 doors closing." 

 

He turned and saw that the doors were beginning their slow descent downwards, and Hux leapt to his feet, reaching for Phasma's hand. 

 

Another explosion dragged her away from him and Hux felt true fear filter into his chest. He backed up several steps, took a deep breath and ran. Using all of his strength, he leapt, the ramp catching him mid-chest and he slid alarmingly for half a second before Phasma grabbed the scruff his armor and yanked him up onto the ramp. "Go!" she shouted, and the ramp closed before they were all the way off it, sending them to the floor. 

 

The sound of the plasma cannon going off heralded their exit as Finn blew a hole in the blaster doors, and the Untouchable flew out and into the black. 

 

They weren't quite minimum safe distance away when the Aristarchus exploded, but Rey stabilized them quickly enough. 

 

Hux ran into the command center, finding another comm unit and shoving it into his ear. "Report!" he barked into it as soon as it went online. 

 

"This is Black Leader sounding off," Poe said, sounding breathless. 

 

"Red Leader, safe and sound, Commander," Sasha told him even as she soared by a window. 

 

"Blue Leader here," Pava said. "Only a few X-wing casualties, Commander. That medical transport saved a lot of lives."

"Good," Hux said curtly, curling one arm over his aching chest. "Ordo?" 

 

"We lost three fighters," Kiel said. "But our main force suffered no true deaths." 

 

Sylar snorted. "Your three fighters flew into explosions," he complained. "My Renegades are fine, Commander." 

 

Hux let himself sink into a chair, wincing. "Good. Well done, all of you. Supreme Leader Snoke is dead, his ship is destroyed. Start rounding up survivors of the Star destroyers, and TIE fighters. Congratulations." 

 

He closed his eyes, leaning his head back as he tried to catch his breath. With one hand, he called up General Organa's holocreds and placed the call. Literally everything hurt, but he had to make this one last check in. 

 

Leia appeared instantly. "Hux?" she asked, anxious. 

 

He smiled, tilted his head back down. "We were victorious," he said lightly. "Snoke is no more, and the First Order is in ruins. I have the Mando'ade fleet rounding up the 'trooper survivors, and the First Order personnel. Your brother is fine, though he's a bit banged up. Rey and Finn are fine as well. I think I've broken a rib," he added meditatively. 

 

Leia's face visibly relaxed. "It's over?" 

 

Hux nodded. "There's... One other thing," he said slowly. "I'm not really certain how to phrase this delicately," he added. "I make a poor diplomat. I unmasked Kylo Ren, the Master of the Knights of Ren. Leia... It's Ben. He survived the Finalizer."

 

Her face went slack with shock. "Are you... Are you sure?" she asked. 

 

Hux nodded solemnly. "I know his face better than I know my own," he answered. "He.. Didn't seem to remember me," he added. "But we sedated him. Leia, we're bringing Ren home." 

 

She covered her mouth with one hand, and Hux looked away politely to give her a chance to pull back together. "Alright," she said briskly, a moment later. "Come home, Commander, and please pass my congratulations on to your crew." 

 

"I will. Hux, out." He disconnected and slumped lower in his seat, looking for a comfortable position. 

 

Finn touched his elbow gently and indeterminate amount of time later. "Commander?" he asked gently. "We're an hour out from D'Qar, and you still need medical attention. Captain Phasma has been ordering the Mandalorians around on comm, telling them how to take prisoners or defectors." 

 

Alarmed, Hux reached for the unit in his ear, only to find it gone. He scowled at Phasma who looked unconcerned, and nearly cheerful as she ordered Kiel about. 

 

Hux didn't bother fighting Finn, letting him lead the way to the medical bay. Ren was laid out on one of the beds, still unconscious, with HK watching over him. When they entered, HK looked up, and if a droid could look uncomfortable, HK emulated it perfectly. "It's alright," Hux said, before HK could say anything. "I was merely a stopgap solution, and we both know it. No need to draw that process out more than it has to, HK. He was always your true Master." HK's shoulders slumped. "I do have one request though," Hux added as he stripped off his shirt. 

 

"What is that?" HK asked suspiciously. 

 

"You  _ don't _ go back to calling me meatbag." Finn snorted inelegantly from behind him, as he began wrapping Hux's ribs. 

 

"You call people meatbags?" Finn asked, as Hux sighed. 

 

HK regarded Finn dubiously. "Of course I do, _ meatbag, _ " he said. "How else should I refer to cannon fodder?" 

 

Hux laughed lightly, then winced with a groan as his rib tugged uncomfortably. "Ow." 

 

Finn patted his shoulder. "I'm almost done. Then you can have a shot of something to ease the pain." He nodded, but Hux couldn't pay him much mind, too distracted by Ren's face. "His mind is a mess,"Finn said quietly. "Master Luke said it was going to take every trick in the book to get Ren back to being... Well, not that." 

 

That hurt to hear. He had a truly uncomfortable moment when all he wanted to do was scream and yell 'it's not fair'. But Hux hadn't been a child since he was six, and the world had never been fair - especially not to him. 

 

So he nodded, accepting Finn's words. "It's more of a miracle that he's even alive," Hux said.

"Yeah," Finn agreed, with a grimace. "I've felt him die once already. I really don't know how this happened." 

 

Hux sank into the chair next to Ren's bedside. "You may wish to go check on Rey," he said after a moment. "She got some... Interesting news," he added. 

 

Finn frowned and disappeared through the door. The last hour of flight passed silently, with HK standing watch and Hux sitting vigil. Rey's voice came over the intercom system just before dropping out of hyperspace, saying, "Coming up on D'Qar, Commander." 

 

Hux hit the button with his elbow to respond. "Thank you Rey, exemplary piloting, as usual." 

 

Moving to the front viewports, Hux watched as the stars became solid again, and the fleet behind him appeared one ship after another. As they descended through the atmosphere and into the landing area of the Resistance compound, Hux made his way - slow and aching - towards the hangar doors. 

 

They lowered slowly, an audible grind to the gears, possibly because of the beating the ramp took. Hux stepped out into the sunlight with his haphazard crew at his back, to Leia and all the members of the Resistance who didn't fight. "General," Hux greeted cordially, affecting a half bow which was all he could manage. 

 

She smiled at him, bowing back. "Commander," she said kindly. "Welcome home." 

 

The crowd behind her burst into cheers as the Mando'ade ships began to land, followed by Sylar's medical transport and the X-wings. Hux watched as friends and family greeted each other, all cheering and laughing and crying. 

 

He leaned against the side of the Untouchable. He was eventually joined by Luke, who rotated his metal wrist with a wince. "You have quite the strong grip, Cian," he greeted. 

 

Shrugging his good shoulder, Hux grinned. "I promised your sister I'd take care of you," he said. 

 

Luke rolled his eyes. "She has other people to worry about." 

 

Hux gave him an unimpressed look. "Really?" he questioned flatly and gestured behind Luke where Leia was standing with Han Solo. They were watching Luke with twin expressions of unease, as though they could tell what Luke had said despite their distance and the general noise level. Skywalker turned around, and after a pause, went over to his sister and her husband. 

 

They talked in quiet tones that Hux more or less tuned out, going back to watching the people celebrate. Finn raced off the ramp and into Poe's arms, kissing him in full view of everyone else to whoops and cheers. 

 

Rey followed him, and then wrapped her arms around Hux's waist. "Do you think he was telling the truth?" she whispered, leaning her forehead on his shoulder. 

 

He slung an arm around her waist, taking her weight even though it made his rib scream at him. "Do you think it matters?" he asked in the same tone. 

 

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "It means I could... Be like him. Go... Bad." 

 

Hux shot her an amused look. "Rey, darling, anyone can go bad. Your blood doesn't own you, and your parentage can't define you if you don't let it." He smiled, a little bitter, a little elated. "Trust me, if you trust nothing else: whoever your father was, you don't have to share his choices." 

 

"How do you know?" she asked, sounding very young. 

 

"Because if I shared my father's choices, I would not be here today," he said. "Or, I would be, but it wouldn't be as Commander Hux of the Resistance Army, it would be as Commandant Hux, of the First Order, and I would be your emperor." He looked out over the people he'd just helped save. "I made my choice when I lost Ren, and I almost made it too late. You still have many choices before you, Rey." 

 

She leaned up on her toes and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Cian," she said. Then she giggled. "Rey Snoke," she said. "Eh. That sounds so strange together, doesn't it? I'd rather be Rey Hux." 

 

He looked down at her, faintly alarmed. "I'm not marrying you," he said hastily. "I'm very fond of you, but I'm not marrying you!" 

 

Rey frowned at him, pinching his side. "Of course you're not," she said. "But if I get to chose my name, I'd rather have yours. Finn would have Poe's if he could, and Ren is technically still a Solo. So I'd rather have yours." 

 

He chuckled. "Going to help me reclaim the honor of House Hux?" he asked. 

 

"Would you let me?" she asked him guilelessly. 

 

Deciding that he was halfheartedly trying to fight a losing battle, Hux finally just sighed. "You can try," he offered. "I never did get a little sister." 

 

Her grin was so wide it looked like it hurt her face, but she threw her arms around him, ignoring his pained hiss. "Thank you!" she said. "It's going to be okay, you know," she added when she settled back down on her own two feet. "With Ren. Master Luke is going to figure it out." 

 

"I hope so," he murmured.

 

_ [FRIEND-CIAN!]  _ SR-3 came barreling out of the ground, zigging and zagging around feet and limbs and straight up to Hux who scooped her up immediately.  _ [You're back!] _

 

"I am, little darling," Hux said gently, cradling her carefully. "And I brought a friend back."

 

_ [Friend-Rey? Friend-Finn?] _ She wrapped her arms around his thumbs, bouncing a little in his palms. 

 

"Them too, of course. This is someone else, though. Any guesses?" Hux asked, teasing. 

 

_ [Just tell me, Friend-Cian!] _ SR said, leaning in so they were almost nose to eyelight. 

 

Hux knocked his forehead against her headlamp. "I brought home Friend-Ben." Her happy squeals nearly deafened him, and she flung herself out of his hands to roll helter skelter into the Untouchable. "Med-bay, SR!" he called after her, and watched as she dramatically zagged to change course. 

 

"That was sweet of you," Rey said, looping her arms around his left one. 

 

"That right there," Hux said to Rey, "just made this entire trip worthwhile." 

 

* 

 

Prisoner processing took three days alone, and recovery from the battle took another three. All in all, it was a week before Skywalker came to join Hux in his quarters, his face very grave. "I've been meditating with Ren for much of the last week," he said in explanation. "We've kept him sedated, as the doctors fear his retribution, if he is... Not himself." Hux could well remember Ren's temper tantrums when he was in his right mind, he also didn't want to find out how terrible those same tantrums could be when he wasn't. "Rey, Finn and I healed the Force wounds, as best we could," he went on to say. "It took many days. None of us are as gifted as Ren is at healing, and there was... A lot of damage." 

 

"This doesn't sound encouraging," Hux said, nervously. 

 

Luke sat heavily, looking very old and tired. "Cian, I'll be frank with you because I can't quite come up with a better, or gentler way to say this. Whatever Snoke did to Ren, it... Destroyed him. There is very little I can do to restore how he was before he... Died." 

 

Hux stopped breathing. "What." 

 

"However," Skywalker said, raising his voice slightly, and speaking quickly, "I found a bright spot in the darkness of his mind. He protected it, even when he was undergoing horrific mental torture. There are... Other spots, that look like he attempted to protect them too. I found memory fragments there, it seems even after the first mental wipe and brainwashing, he kept memories of you with him. That is why he freed Captain Phasma and killed your betrayers." 

 

The pieces connected in his head, giving him a broad picture that made far too much sense. "And because he did that, Snoke did it again, didn't he?" he asked, flat and toneless. "He went back through and eradicated me." 

 

"Yes," Luke said softly. "But Ren protected his last piece of light inside his soul with every scrap of his power. I can restore him to that point in his memory." 

 

"Do it," Hux said. 

 

Luke licked his lips, his expression still closed and unhappy. "You won't even ask what point that will be?" 

 

Hux shook his head sharply. "No. Does it matter? Anything is better than the Snoke-controlled empty shell he is now," he said. 

 

He didn't know why he didn't expect it. Luke's demeanor, the language he was using, Hux should have known. "I'm sorry, Cian," Skywalker said. "The bright spot, the memories that Ren protected... When I restore him to himself, he'll be missing fifteen years. He won't remember anything past the day the Knights of Ren destroyed the Academy. He won't remember Akielo Ordo, or Sylar, or SR-3. He won't remember you."

 

Hux closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to steel himself. "Do it," he repeated, and if his voice cracked, Luke was kind enough not to comment on it. 

 

Hux should have known it was too good to be true. 

  
*


	25. xxv.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Perhaps not,” Hux agreed, inclining his head. “However, I’m still going to ask: get me out of here. Give me a mission, any mission, it doesn’t matter what sort. I cannot be here.” He dropped his head, mentally and emotionally exhausted. “Leia,” he murmured. “I am not emotionally equipped to deal with this. He’s alive, I can see him breathing and smiling in front of me, he’s alive.” He looked up, bleak. “But Ren is still dead.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex, Song, Sasha, and Spinning_Seraph <3
> 
> Some notes!! Okay, I know everyone is really concerned about Ren losing his memory and being 15. He's not actually going to be a 15 year old in a 30 year old's body. He's going to be _changed_ though. A little more childish, a little less the hardened smuggler he once was. More likely to cling to Leia as familiar, because his last clear memory is Rey's "murder". But he does remember certain things from his life after, especially the stuff he did as Snoke's puppet, though it isn't discussed in this chapter. There is NO underage ANYTHING in this fic. 
> 
> This chapter's subtitle is: "Commander Hux has no chill."
> 
> As always, I'm at [tumblr,](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/) for conversation (which I adore) and Kylux Positivity.
> 
> I love you all.

xxv.

 

It was another week before Hux could bring himself to meet Ben Solo. 

 

He saw him across the room sitting with Finn and Sasha, and when Finn caught his eye, he went over. "Finn," he greeted. "Sasha." Sasha grinned up at him. 

 

"Commander!" she said brightly. "How's the rib?" 

 

"Much better, thank you. I'll be back to destroying you and Pava in the rink before you know it," he said lightly. "I hope you enjoyed your wins." 

 

She wrinkled her nose. "What wins? Captain Phasma's just replaced you and she's a monster." 

 

Hux laughed, reaching out to pat Sasha's shoulder. "Oh, I do apologize," he said, still chuckling. "In that case, you'll get to watch me lose too." 

 

Ben cleared his throat, standing and holding out a hand to Hux. "Sorry," he said all graceless diplomacy. "I don't think we've met before? I'm Ben Solo." 

 

His heart hurt with a frustrated pang at that, but Hux forced himself to shake Ren's hand. "Commander Cian Hux," he said, shaking firmly. 

 

"Oh!" Ben brightened. "You're Rey's older brother." 

 

Hux blinked twice, looking over at Finn. "She really took that and ran with it, didn't she?" he asked rhetorically as Finn nodded sagely. "Well yes, I suppose you could say that I'm her elder brother," he said dryly. "Being as she adopted me on the spot." 

 

Ben grinned. "She mentioned that. She also told me - well, everyone really - that if you complained to go straight to her." 

 

Dropping his hand back to his side, Hux found himself standing in First Order military precision, hands behind his back. Finn kicked him gently but Hux was too uncomfortable to fall out of the habit. "I wouldn't dare," he assured him. He looked over to Sasha, who was biting her lip. "Have you any notion as to General Organa's location?" he asked. 

 

"She said she was spending her lunch break with Master Luke," Finn said. "They should be at the clearing." 

 

"Ah. Thank you," he said. "I'll join her there, then." 

 

Ben scrambled back out of his seat. "I'll come with you!" he said. "Oh, um. If that's okay, I mean." 

 

Hux would dearly, dearly love to say no. But Ben's expression was so open and guileless that he couldn't force himself to do so. "Certainly," he answered, keeping his tone and expression even. "I would enjoy the company." 

 

Finn winced, but Ben had already turned away from him, and Hux was forced to remind himself for the ten millionth time that it was unfair of him to punish Ben for not remembering him. He led the way out of the dining hall, and out into the compound courtyard. 

 

The first day after Ben's memory had been restored, everyone who had known him as Ren had been brought together in Hux's quarters as he explained what had happened. Sylar had punched a wall, Kiel had gone very pale and quiet, SR-3 had shut down on the spot. HK, however, had sighed, static and sorrow before stepping up and standing behind Hux's shoulder. "It seems you are still my master. Meatbag." 

 

If Ben had any inkling that half the people he interacted with on a day to day basis remembered him as someone else, he didn't seem to show it. "So," Ben said as they made their way down the path. "My mom said you were part of the First Order." 

 

Hux raised an eyebrow at him. "Did the accent not give it away?" he asked archly, and Ben laughed. 

 

"It did, a little," Ben said. "But I didn't want to be rude." He shrugged, looking suddenly uncomfortable. "I... Can I ask you something?" 

 

"You just did," Hux pointed out, stopping in the middle of the trail and turning to face him. "But go ahead." 

 

Ben ruffled the hair at the back of his head. "Did you know me?" he asked plainly. "My mom told me that fifteen years had passed, and I haved lived this whole life that's been stolen from me. But, are you one of the people I forgot?" 

 

Hux winced inwardly. Ren's face was earnest - too earnest, really - and this close to him, Hux could see the small changes that his time with Snoke had wrought. The most obvious were his eyes, back to the warm caf colored brown, but now they were rimmed with a hint of golden yellow. He tore his eyes away, looking at the canopy of trees overhead. "Yes," he said after another breath of silence. "You're actually the direct reason I am here." 

 

Ben bit his lip. "Really?" 

 

Sighing, Hux leaned against a tree trunk, putting some distance between them. "How much did your parents tell you about me?" he asked. 

 

Ben shrugged. "Not a lot. That you defected from the First Order, and killed a lot of the Knights of Ren." 

 

Hux blinked. "Oh kriff, that's it?" He was startled out of his self imposed formality, and Ben laughed a little. "Well," he said after a second. "I did both those things, so they weren't wrong. I was a General, in direct control of one of the flagships. I did a lot of terrible things," he warned Ben, who looked far too interested. "The deaths of many innocent people are on my hands." 

 

But Ben only shrugged. "I don't care," he said. "Maybe that sounds bad, but I didn't know any of those people and you're here now, so clearly you had a change of heart." 

 

Hux grunted. "I was betrayed by my closest comrades and left for dead. Phasma, I'm sure you've seen her around, she's hard to miss, saved my life." 

 

"I like Miss Phasma," Ben said solidly. "She promised to teach me hand to hand combat." 

 

"Force help us all," Hux said and Ben laughed again. 

 

He pushed away from the tree, gesturing Ben onwards. "Eventually I ended up in your company and you, despite my wishes might I add, brought me here. I defected from the First Order soon after." 

 

Ben nodded, chewing on his lip. "So... We were friends?" 

 

"You could say that," Hux muttered. 

 

"So why haven't you come to see me?" Ben asked frankly. 

 

Hux stopped walking again, running a hand through his hair. "R-- Ben. You must understand this is very difficult for me, too. Despite my camaraderie with the x-wing pilots or with Finn, I am quite the outsider here. You were once my only link to humanity, and though you are... Still yourself, in some respects, you are not the Ben I knew. I apologize if my absence harmed you in any way," he said slowly. 

 

"Am I very different?" Ben asked curiously. 

 

Hux was running out of diplomatic ways to answer Ben's incessant questions. He reached into his mind and touched his connection to Luke - oft underused but more helpful than Rey's much stronger link - and said,  _ Get. Me. Out. Of This _ . 

 

Luke's low laughter filled his head, before Skywalker answered him. _ We're on our way _ . 

 

Focusing on Ben, Hux sighed when he saw the beginnings of true upset on his face. "Do you wish for the truth?" he asked, a stalling tactic learned at his mother's side. Ben nodded vigorously. "Yes," Hux said gently. "To me, you are very different. But," he added, when Ben's face fell even further, "Different does not have to mean something bad. If I were to meet my family again, I'm certain they'd find me quite different too. If you've come to me looking for advice, then the only wisdom I can give you is this: don't try so hard to be someone you can't remember. Just learn how to be Ben." 

 

Ben scowled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Being Ben is hard," he said petulantly. “I have… two sets of memories.”

 

Hux snorted a laugh. "Trust me, it’s not easy being  _ anybody _ ." 

 

He was rescued from saying anything more when Leia and Skywalker came around the corner. Luke looked uncharitably amused but Leia's eyes held a shade of sympathy in them. "Ben," Leia said. 

 

"Mom! Uncle Luke!" Ben walked forward and hugged her, and Hux relaxed almost instantly. "I think Commander Hux wanted to talk to you," Ben said to her sheepishly, "But I distracted him." 

 

Leia smiled up at him. "That's alright," she said kindly. "You can train some with Luke, while I go talk to Commander Hux," she suggested. 

 

Ben nodded. "Sure." He turned back towards Hux who straightened almost without meaning to. "Thanks for the conversation, Commander." 

 

He let himself half smile, which was all he could manage. "Hux is fine, Ben," he said. "You certainly don't have to call me Commander." 

 

"Hux then," Ben said. "Come on, Uncle Luke, I want to show you the thing Rey taught me!" 

 

They went deeper into the forest together but Hux didn't speak until he could no longer hear Ben’s chatter. He exhaled sharply, relaxing out of his position. “That was… horrible,” he said tightly. 

 

Leia hmmed, patting his arm. “It didn’t look like it went too badly,” she said carefully.

 

“Perhaps not,” Hux agreed, inclining his head. “However, I’m still going to ask: get me out of here. Give me a mission, any mission, it doesn’t matter what sort. I cannot  _ be  _ here.” He dropped his head, mentally and emotionally exhausted. “Leia,” he murmured. “I am not emotionally equipped to deal with this. He’s alive, I can see him breathing and smiling in front of me, he’s  _ alive _ .” He looked up, bleak. “But Ren is still dead.”

 

Leia looked considering for a moment before she stepped in and gave Hux a gentle hug. “Alright,” she agreed quietly. “If that’s what you want, I’ll give you a mission.” 

Hux nodded, clearing his throat and stepping back. “Thank you,” he said. 

 

“It won’t help,” Leia told him gently. 

 

Pushing his hair out of his face, Hux sighed. “Yes, I know.” 

 

She looked like she was going to hug him again and Hux took a few steps back, distancing them. “Then why run?” she asked, genuinely curious.

 

“So I can delay it for a little while,” he answered. “What’s the mission?”

 

Leia sighed, huffing a light life. “Take Rey, Tempest, Blue, and the rest of the VT Unit to Yavin 4 and start the process of deprogramming the ‘troopers we captured,” she instructed. “You’re better suited to that, and it’ll take some time.”

 

Hux bowed, nodding sharply. “As you command,” he said, and left her standing in the forest path.

 

*

 

Rey wrapped her arms around Hux’s waist, hooking her chin on his shoulder. “He messages me every day, you know that?” she said in his ear, as they watched the liberated ‘troopers in the yard. Hux flicked her in the wrist in answer. “He seriously asks me about every time too, right at the end,  _ How is Commander Hux? Tell him I said hello! _ ”

 

Hux grunted. “Well, you’ve told me so you’ve done your job.”

 

Rey sighed loudly. “Cian!”

 

He flicked her again. “You’re my sister, not my mother,” he complained. “What do you want from me?”

 

“Send him a message, maybe? I know you miss Ren - we all miss Ren - but Ben is a person too and he doesn’t deserve the cold shoulder, Cian. Send him a holomessage.” Rey tightened her arms around him. “If you can look at me the same way after finding out who my father is, you can learn to like Ben.”

 

Hux scowled at her. “Those two things are  _ entirely  _ different.”

 

She pushed him. “They aren’t!” When Hux didn’t respond, Rey nudged him hard enough to turn him around to look him in the face. “Why are you avoiding him?” she asked him gently. “You are, don’t deny it - you and SR both are avoiding him. We’ve taken six of these missions to Yavin-4.”

 

Flicking her hands as they fluttered around his face he sighed. “Imagine you were in love with Finn,” he said slowly, ignoring her nose wrinkle. “And you see him, every day with Poe. You want to be happy because they’re you’re friends, and they’re with you. But at the same time… you just can’t, because it’s a constant reminder not only of what you’ve lost but of things you’re never going to find.”

 

Rey punched him. 

 

Staggering back, holding his shoulder, Hux blinked at her shock. “Ben,” Rey said succinctly, “is still Ren. Now princess up, your highness and send him a message!”

 

“ _ Princess up _ ?” Hux repeated incredulously.

 

“Leia was a princess and she decided to become a general,” Rey said primly. “Be like Leia! Go send Ben kriffing Solo a message or so help me, Cian.”

 

Deciding retreat was the better part of valor, Hux hurried into the Untouchable, scooping SR-3 from off the holocommand terminal. “Friend-Rey is very scary,” he told her when she beeped at him in confusion.

 

_[She learned it from you,]_ SR told him.

 

“Is every woman on this ship against me?” Hux asked the world at large.

 

Blue poked her head out of the kitchen, looking consideringly at him. “Are you still refusing to send Ben a message?” she asked. Hux made a face and she made one back. “Then yes.”

 

“Oh for… Fine!” He sat down at the terminal and turned on his datapad, opening a message template. 

 

He started and began, and deleted the message four times in quick succession. “You look like you’re struggling, Captain,” Blue said cheekily from the kitchen door. 

 

Hux let his shoulder slump, tilting his head down. “I… don’t know what to call him,” he said quietly. 

 

Blue patted his shoulder, and completely without remorse said, “Just write what comes naturally.”

 

_ Dear Mr. Solo, _

 

_ My sister, irritating thing that she is, has mentioned in passing that you’ve asked after my well-being. Though my rib still aches occasionally, I am nearly the perfect picture of health. Thankfully, Yavin-4 treats us well, and the ‘trooper reclamation program goes apace. Soon, we will be able to reintegrate them into the New Republic. Master Skywalker has sent message on your progress with Padawan Finn. I hope that his lessons are treating you well - Rey is over the moon with jealousy that I’ve taken her away from you two. We should be returning in a galactic week. I hope that this missive finds you well in yourself, and that your injuries no longer pain you. Yours in sincerity, Commander C. Hux. _

 

He handed the datapad over to Blue who skimmed it, before handing it back. “No,” she said. “That was terrible. It was more mission report than letter and you spent most of it sounding like a knob. Try again.”

 

He deleted the attempt and started again. 

 

_ Mr. Solo, _

 

“Nope,” Blue said, leaning over his shoulder. 

 

Hux scowled at her. “Then you write it!”

 

She grinned, leaning on his good side. “I’m not the one he wants to hear from,” she said. “You have a choice between me or Rey, here. Which would you prefer making fun of your for your inability to talk to people like an adult?”

 

“You can stay,” he said quickly. 

 

_ Dear Solo, _

 

“Really, Commander?” Blue asked dryly. 

 

He cleared the entry and put it on his lap. “I call everyone by their last name,” he said patiently. “I have done for my entire life.”

 

Blue took the ‘pad away and typed a few words before handing it back. “There, that’s all the help you’re getting.”

 

_ Ben, _

 

_ I hope this letter finds you well.  _

 

He glared at her. “That’s it?”

 

“It’s more than Rey would give you,” Blue said and ruffled his hair. “Just… be honest.”

 

Smoothing his hair down with another scowl, Hux looked back down at the cursor on the ‘pad. 

 

_ Ben,  _

_ I hope this letter finds you well. Things are very busy here on Yavin-4, but we should be wrapping up in little less than a galactic week. I look forward to returning to D’Qar. I realize that we didn’t have much chance to speak before I came here to design the ‘trooper reclamation program, which I regret. It will be good to sit down and remind you of all the embarrassing stories I know about you. It’s been quite the challenge not to tell Rey. Yours in sincerity --  _

 

“No,” Blue said.

 

_ Sincerel-- _

 

“ _ No, _ ” Blue repeated.

 

_ See you soon, Command-- _

 

“For kriffs sake,” Blue mumbled.

 

Sighing loudly, he sighed it,  _ Hux _ and sent it before Blue could steal the ‘pad and make him sign it by his first name. 

 

Blue hugged him briefly. “Was that so hard?” she asked. She easily dodged his swipe, dancing backwards and laughing. 

 

_ [Incoming message from Designation: Solo, Ben O.]  _ SR-3 chimed in. 

 

Hux whipped around, panicked, and Blue darted through the door to the hangar, calling for Rey. The chiming tune of a holocall filled the room and Hux climbed off the terminal and hit the button. Ben appeared, limned in blue light, and he smiled brightly. “Hux!” he said. “I got your message.”

 

He raised an eyebrow slightly, looking over the terminal set up. “Yes,” he said dryly, “I can see that.”

 

Ben looked him over. “Wait, you weren’t busy, were you?” he asked, clearly nervous and upset by the idea. “I thought if you were answering messages you might have a few minutes to talk.”

 

The datapad in his hand chimed lightly and Rey’s message popped up on the screen _ : tell him you’re never too busy for him _

 

Hux ran a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes. “I’m never too busy for you,” he said, with half a smile. “Today is a free day, I leave the hard things to Rey and Blue.” 

 

Ben sat, leaning his elbows on his knees. “We just got out of training,” he offered. “Finn’s jumps are  _ ridiculous _ , I watched him clear one of the tall fences.” 

 

Snorting a laugh, Hux nodded. “I’ve seen that. Rey cheats during races, and uses her Force speed.”

 

The datapad chimed again:  _ I DO NOT _

 

“She does?” Ben asked doubtfully.

 

Hux nodded solemnly. “She absolutely does.”

 

Ben narrowed his eyes, as though trying to figure out if Hux was telling the truth or not. “You wouldn’t really tell all my embarrassing stories to Rey, would you?” he asked, instead, still giving Hux the narrow eyed look.

 

“I absolutely would,” Hux said promptly. “How long am I supposed to keep that you were bought as a Huttese pleasure slave from Rey and the others to myself?”

 

Despite the filtered blue light that made up the hologram, it was patently obvious that Ben was blushing. “That did not happen,” he protested strongly.

 

“Did,” Hux shot back. “Ask Ganna.”

 

Ben covered his face in both hands. “Oh hells,” he muttered. “I’m never going to be able to look Ganna in the face again.”

 

“She was a pleasure slave with you - from what I understand, you got yourself captured because you were trying to rescue her,” Hux clarified. “It was before my time with you.”

 

“When did we meet?” Ben asked instantly.

 

Hux had to think about it, doing quick calculations in his head. “Just under a year ago, perhaps?” he said. “I was looking for passage off Tatooine, and you were there to smuggle some moisture vaporizors to the Jawas.”

 

Ben pulled a face. “I hate Tatooine,” he said. 

 

“So do we all,” Hux drawled. “You accepted me onto your ship when you left.” 

 

“The ship you’re on now?” Ben clarified and Hux nodded. “We must have been very good friends,” Ben said quietly. “A ship is a pretty spectacular goodbye present.”

 

Hux looked away. “We… You were all I had,” he said honestly. “My trust in you has never been--” he paused, sighing. “I don’t know how much of this you want to hear, Ben,” he said.

 

“All of it,” Ben said quickly. “Whatever you want to tell me, I want to hear. I might never recover my missing memories, but I want to know them all the same.”

 

Holding up a hand, Hux disappeared into the kitchen to get a chair, setting it in front of the projector. “It’s something of a long story,” he warned.

 

“I don’t care,” Ben said. “I like listening to you talk.”

 

“Uh.” Hux bit his lip and looked down as the datapad in his lap chimed again.

 

_ Say thank you. _

 

He cleared his throat, looking up towards Ben’s earnest face. “The first thing you’ll have to understand is this: when I met you, I did not know you as Ben Organa Solo.” Ben nodded. He’d likely already spoken to Kiel and Ganna and everyone else who knew him as Ren. “You went by Ren, I called you Ren, and you answered to Ren. So when Supreme Leader Snoke found us and attacked us, you knew that we couldn’t stand on our own and you… took me to D’Qar.”

 

Ben frowned. “Without asking?”

 

“I was unconscious, at the time,” Hux agreed. 

 

“Then I’m sorry,” Ben said. 

 

That brought Hux up short. “You-- what?” 

 

Looking visibly uncomfortable, Ben shrugged. “If you were unconscious, I’m sorry that I brought you into a place full of your enemies.” 

 

Hux waved that off. “It all worked out, really Ren. You don’t need to apologize.”

 

Ben shook his head. “No, I do. It was unfair of me.”

 

Sighing, Hux shook his head. “Fine. It’s alright, I forgave you quite some time ago. It all worked out, no?”

 

“When did you find out I was… me?” Ben asked, a hint of a challenge in his tone. 

 

Hux made a face. “After I woke up in prison,” he admitted. “I… wasn’t kind to you, when you came to explain.” 

 

Ben covered his face with both hands again, rubbing. “Kriff,” he swore. “It’s a wonder you even spoke to me again.”

 

Wincing, Hux looked away. “In point of fact, I didn’t,” he said. “You left to go on a mission - the mission that we assumed robbed you of your life - and the last thing I said to you was… well it wasn’t kind.” He looked back over at Ben. “I never got to apologize for that.”

 

“I think we’re sort of even now, don’t you?” Ben asked, with half a laugh. “We’re clearly both terrible at communication.”

 

Hux snorted a laugh. “That’s one way to put it.” He leaned back in his seat, putting the datapad on the floor. “You gave over the ship to me before I’d even talked my way out of prison,” he said. “You passed over the droids, the ship, your title. You’ve given me everything,” he said. “And now you’re here so I can thank you.”

 

“Apparently,” Ben said dryly, “It’s the least that I owe you.”   
  


“Ugh, Ren, you don’t owe me  _ anything _ ,” Hux said firmly. “It is I, who owes you.”   
  


Ben bit his lip, looking down, and Hux is  _ viscerally _ reminded of the way Ren had looked before he’d finally gotten to kiss him. “You know,” Ben said slowly, “That’s the second time you’ve called me Ren.”

 

Hux frowned, going over the conversation. “Ah,” he said awkwardly. “I apologize. It’s… habit.”

 

Ben shook his head, teeth digging into his lip. “No, I… I like it when you call me Ren.” 

 

“I… could continue to do so?” Hux asked hesitantly. “If you like.”

 

The slow smile that curled over Ben’s face made Hux’s breath catch in his chest. “I’d like that, Hux.” Then he looked away, off to one side. “I have to go,” he said apologetically. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” 

 

Hux stood. “Certainly.”

 

Ben’s grin widened. “Later, Hux.”

 

He disconnected and Hux turned around to glare at Rey, Blue and SR-3 all of whom had matching grins and were staring at him intently. “Not a word out of any of you!” he snarled, and they scattered, laughing. 

 

He picked up the datapad, looking down and seeing that Rey had messaged him a fourth time:

 

_ He fell in love with you once, ner’ori’vod. He can fall in love with you again. _

 

Hesitating a little, Hux finally wrote back:  _ I hope you’re right, Rey. _

  
_ * _


	26. xxvi.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Rey?” she questioned lightly. “What an interesting name. Your accent is Arkanis as well - what’s your family name, child?”_
> 
> _Rey smiled brightly. “Oh! It’s Hux!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this chapter. I've been struggling with it for 3 days, and I think I'm just going to post it and move on. It's a lot of talking, a lot of mental healing. Little action to speak off which is probably why I hate it. 
> 
> Since I've been asked a few times, Cian is pronounced "Key-ahn" and the name I'm going to through at you this chapter, Niamh, is pronounced "Neev" for reasons that make absolutely no sense to me.
> 
> For Lex, Song and Sasha, as always, they are my supports and my sounding boards and I love them.
> 
> As ever, I'm at [tumblr](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/), for all your needs. 
> 
> If you notice, there is now an end number for my chapters, I believe I've got 3 more to go. Two full chapters and an epilogue. Soon, my lovelies.

xxvi.

 

The chime of his personal holocomm woke him.

 

Hux groaned to himself and rolled over, thumbing the button to answer without bothering to look at the address. “Ren,” he mumbled, burying his face in the pillow, “It’s the middle of the night, I swear to all the hells…”

 

“As pleased as I am that you and my son are communicating again,” Leia said, “I’m afraid this is a very different holocall.”

 

Hux sat up so fast he nearly gave himself a head rush. “General?” he asked anxiously.

 

“Sorry to wake you, Commander,” Leia said, with a tired smile. “It seems I’m always interrupting your sleep.”

 

“What’s wrong?” Hux asked. 

 

“We received a transport ship an hour ago,” Leia said carefully. “Full of refugees from Arkanis.”

 

Hux’s eyes widened. “We’ll be there in two hours,” he said instantly. They disconnected, and Hux scrambled out of the bed, hitting the intercom button with his elbow as he tugged on his shirt. “I’m sorry to wake everyone,” he said, “but we’re desperately needed back on D’Qar. Rey, I need you to start lift off procedure as soon as you can see straight.”

 

“I’m already awake, Commander,” Rey said brightly. “Lift off in ten.”

 

Ducking into the ‘fresher to wet back his hair and keep it out of his face, Hux made his way to the kitchen to put some caf on. Blue had beaten him to it, though she was slumped over the counter, watching the slow drip of liquid from dispenser to cup. Hux took her arms gently and moved her over to the table, so she could slump there instead as Tempest stumbled in, rubbing his eyes. “Is everything alright?” he asked around a yawn.

 

“Apparently,” Hux said dryly, “a transport ship arrived on D’Qar earlier. It was full of refugees. From Arkanis.”

 

Tempest obviously didn’t understand immediately, he nodded and dropped into a chair before his head came up. “Arkanis?” he repeated incredulously.

 

“Now you see the reason for our haste.” He touched the place in his mind that Rey occupied.  _ Want some caf? _

 

_ Yes, please,  _ She answered him. 

 

Hux began filling up cups, handing one off to Blue and another to Tempest before taking the third to Rey. She smiled up at him as she took the cup away from him. “Nervous?” she asked.

 

“Incredibly,” Hux murmured. “Arkanis is full of memories I have long since buried. Arkanis is a large place, the likelihood that I’ll see anyone I actually knew personally is quite slim.”

 

Rey nodded, sipping at her caf. “At least you’ll get to see Ren,” she teased him.

 

He scowled. “Don’t you start,” he grumbled. He leaned against the back of her seat, one hand resting on the top of her head. “Whatever lies between us is just that,” he said, half a beg, half a warning. “Let it lie, please.”

 

She smiled up at him. “I’ve got your back,” she said, her pleased expression belying her seriousness. “What are sisters for?”

 

“Irritating all twenty seven hells out of me,” Hux said without missing a beat. “Take us up, sistermine.”

 

Rey beamed at him, and not for the first time did Hux wonder why she’d chosen his name. A failed general of a failed regime with nothing to his name but a borrowed ship, and she’d claimed him like scrap from Jakku. 

 

“Going up,” she said brightly. 

 

The flight was quick, Rey pushing the limits of the Untouchable, as they headed back towards D’Qar. Hux spent most of the trip pacing back and forth, checking his datapad for updates every ten minutes before Blue took it away from him, fingers gentle. 

 

It was almost dawn, planetside, once Rey touched them back down on D’Qar. Hux barely waited for the all clear before he was hitting the button to open the rampway doors and jogging out into the pre-dawn light. 

 

The group of people he could see was smaller than he’d feared, but larger than he’d like. Comm Officer Tannis, Leia, and Lanigan were all waiting for him, while other aides moved through the crowd depositing caf, food and blankets. 

 

“What’s the situation?” Hux asked in a low tone. 

 

Lanigan and Tannis both exchanged looks that spoke of their exhaustion. Leia smiled tiredly at him. “We’ve gotten them food, and warm things to drink,” Leia said. “But we haven’t started processing them. Some of them are… clearly traumatized. Many of them look like they barely escaped where they were with their lives.”

 

“Fantastic,” Hux said dryly. “I assume you’re looking for me to start this?” 

 

Leia smiled at him. “That would be very kind of you, Commander.”

 

Hux rolled his eyes, and climbed up on some metal crates used for shipping. The crowd was small enough that he only had to raise his voice a little to be heard. “Good morning,” he called over pleasantly, “Might I have your attention please?” The low murmur of voices petered out, and the sea of faces turned up to look at him. Hux drew in a deep breath, consciously letting go of the Arkanis accent he spent years of his life trying to smother. “My name is Commander Cian Hux, though some of you may better know me as General Hux of the First Order.” 

 

There was some outcry to that, and Hux held up a hand for silence. “That you came here tells me you already know that I defected, but perhaps you didn’t quite believe it. Let me tell you plainly: I am no longer affiliated with the First Order. In fact, their recent - and devastating loss - was orchestrated by myself, Commander Poe Dameron, and several former stormtroopers.” He smiled tiredly at them. “So, allow me to welcome you to D’Qar. Comm Officer Tannis, Lieutenant Lanigan and I will be taking all your information and we’ll find out appropriate accommodations. Anyone requiring medical attention please see me first, thank you.”

 

He climbed down off the crates, and accepted the mug of caf from Lanigan. “That was masterfully done,” she complimented him. 

 

Hux took a long drink of caf. “I threw you under it, a bit there,” he said apologetically. “I assumed that you’d be the one most used to handling this sort of information.”

 

She smiled at him. “The General and I will share the work, don’t worry.” 

 

They turned together to face the crowd, and Hux froze. The woman at the front of the crowd was staring at him, green eyes full of tears. There was a shadowed bruise over her left eye, though her hair was perfectly coiffed. Lanigan glanced at him. “Cian?” the woman whispered, reaching out one hand.

 

Hux exhaled sharply. “Mother?” 

 

*

 

“Your father,” Niamh Hux said, wrapping her fingers tightly around a mug, “was very… displeased when we learned you defected.”

 

Hux snorted, an unwilling laugh spilling out of him. “I’m sorry,” he said when he saw her disapproval. “It’s simply that I didn’t defect.” When she raised an immaculate eyebrow at him, he smiled a little. “I ended up here,” he told her. “But I didn’t leave the First Order under my own power. Snoke had me tortured and stripped of my titles - they struck me from the records and would have killed me.”

 

Niamh gasped, reaching out and touching his hand. “The Supreme Leader told your father that you had defected, destroyed Starkiller on your own,” she said in surprise. 

 

“He  _ what _ ?” Hux asked incredulously. “That-- no! I would... That’s not at all what happened.” Never before had Hux truly realized the allure of propaganda. “What have they been  _ saying  _ about me on Arkanis?” he asked. 

 

“Simply that you helped destroy Starkiller, defected to the Resistance,” his mother said, with a slight shift in her features that told him she was lying. 

 

Hux sighed. “Well, the truth is something of a long story, mother,” he said. “But I assure you, Starkillers destruction falls at the feet of someone else. I had nothing to do with it.” 

 

A knock on the door interrupted them, and Hux turned to see Rey slip into the room. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she murmured into his mind,  _ I could feel your distress.  _

 

She smiled at Niamh, taking the seat next to Hux. “Hi,” she greeted informally. “I’m Rey, Cian’s pilot, I thought I’d come help him with some of the processing going on.”

 

Clearly baffled, his mother inclined her head in greeting. “Rey?” she questioned lightly. “What an interesting name. Your accent is Arkanis as well - what’s your family name, child?”

 

Rey smiled brightly. “Oh! It’s Hux!” 

 

Wincing, Hux avoided his mother’s eyes, looking up at the ceiling, attempting to draw patience from somewhere. “Rey,” he said, dredging amusement up, “This is Niamh Hux. My mother.”

 

“Oh.  _ Oh _ .” Rey blushed, looking mortified. “We’re not married!” 

 

Niamh looked over at Hux, clearly waiting for an explanation. “Rey found her parentage somewhat lacking,” Hux said evenly. “She decided, for reasons she’s kept to herself, to take mine as recompense.” 

 

That made the disapproval ease from his mother’s eyes, at least, though she still seemed dubious. “I chose you because you were the only one who didn’t care,” Rey said quietly. “Master Luke is afraid I’ll turn out like he did. Captain Phasma thinks that going Dark side is inevitable, like it’s in my blood. But you don’t care, not even a little. I’d rather be a Hux, than be nameless, and I’d rather be nameless than share  _ his _ name.”

 

Imperial manners meant his mother wouldn’t ask about the name, and Hux reached under the table to take Rey’s hand and squeeze it. “Rey is one of the people who helped take… care of Starkiller,” he said slowly. “I had nothing to do with it. At the time, I was… quite angry but now it does rather seem like a blessing in disguise.”

 

Rey smiled at him, and his mother watched them for a moment. “Well,” she said tightly. “What did happen then?”

 

“Snoke did not take the destruction of Starkiller base very well,” Hux said after a moment. “He took out that displeasure out on my hide.” With a sharp gesture to his head, Hux said, “And my mind. He injured me severely, him and his blasted Knights of Ren. I only escaped with my life because of Captain Phasma. I bounced around the Outer Rim for a while, hiding my face, staying in the shadows.” 

 

“You didn’t join the Resistance immediately?” his mother asked, sounding surprised.

 

“No,” Hux answered. “At the time, I didn’t believe I’d truly left the Order’s ideals behind. I simply wished to survive.” He cleared his throat. “On Tatooine, I met Ben, he accepted me as his passenger and I traveled with him, for a time. He knew who I was, what I had done, he didn’t seem to care. Ben asked for my help, and I owed him my life.” He ran a hand through his hair, ever thankful that it had grown out and he’d been able to trim the black dye from it. “I wore this ridiculous rebreather mask to disguise my voice,” he said with a slight smile. “Changed my hair.”

 

His mother gasped, her hand flying to her own ginger locks. “Cian!”

 

“It was black, when I met him,” Rey offered.

 

Hux cringed, and Niamh turned pale. “Black, Cian?” she said. “Really?”

 

“I know, it was terrible,” he said. “But, Ben turned out to be Leia Organa’s son, and we ended up here. Ben… I thought he was dead. We heard the Knight Revan had killed him - and I… joined then.”

 

Niamh’s lips parted, and she gazed at him consideringly. “Your father wouldn’t approve,” she said. 

 

Hux snorted. “Mother, frankly I couldn’t care less about what father would approve of. And,” he added, eyes flitting over the bruise on her face, “I would guess that you feel the same way.”

 

She inclines her head. “I came here to find you,” she admitted. 

 

“And the rest?” Hux wondered.

 

“All fleeing for many of the same reasons,” his mother said. “Fleeing angry husbands or fathers, or siblings.”

 

Hux’s datapad chimed loudly and he looked down in surprise. It was from Ben, of course it was. “Apologies,” he said to his mother. 

 

She waved him off and he opened the message to quickly view it.

 

_ R: Hux, heard your mom was here?? You alright?? _

 

He huffed a laugh and wrote back:  _ Fine. Awkward, but fine.  _

 

Almost immediately there was a response:  _ Need help? _

 

_ No _ , he replied.  _ Rey’s here, will be done soon. _

 

There wasn’t a response and Hux looked up to see his mother smiling. “What?” he asked her, suspicious. 

 

“You know…” Niamh said, sounding light, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you happy before.” 

 

Hux felt a familiar well of bitterness rise up from that and he swallowed reflexively. “Yes well,” he said, not unkindly, “you left.”

 

She winced, looking away. “I did,” she said. “Your father and I… disagreed on how to raise you. Your father, he gave me an option: leave.” She smiled wanly. “He made it quite clear that I wouldn’t enjoy the consequences if I did not take it.” It was his turn to be shocked. “I’m certain Brendol demonized me,” she said, lightly. “I tried to fight for custody, to take you away from him, but he’d already sent you away to Academy and my hands were tied.” She glanced over at Rey who was watching her steadily. “It seems you survived, and even have a new family now.”

 

“That,” Hux said slowly, “doesn’t mean there is no room for you here.” There was another chime on his datapad, and when he looked down, it was a message from Leia, asking to see him. “General Organa is organizing where you and the others will stay.” He cleared his throat, feeling awkward. “It… was nice to see you, mother.”

 

When he stood, Niamh stood as well. “I’m proud of you, my darling,” she said quietly. 

 

Hux hesitated. For the first time in a very long time, he had no idea what to say. He managed a jerky nod, and ducked through the door with Rey at his heels. “Alright?” Rey murmured.

 

He shrugged. “Not really.” They turned the corner, and found Leia and Ben waiting for them. “What’s happened?” he asked, slightly alarmed. “I’m not certain I can deal with any more surprises this morning, Leia.”

 

She smiled, holding out her hands. “Nothing, nothing’s wrong. I’m sorry for alarming you.” He gave her his most unimpressed look. “Did you find out what prompted this… exodus?” she asked.

 

Hux sighed, scrubbing his hands through his hair. “It seems to be that they left out of displeasure with the Order following the destruction of the fleet.” He shrugged, head tilted slightly back. “My mother came because she heard I defected, apparently Order propaganda paints me as quite the vigilante, and laid the destruction of Starkiller at my feet.”

 

Ben snorted quietly. “We’ve cleared out one of the barracks,” he said. “Finn and Poe helped me.”

 

“Where’d the people in the barracks go?” Hux wondered.

 

“Kiel’s letting them use the encampment,” Ben said. “The Fleet went back to Manda’lor, leaving just a small force here, so there was space.”

 

Leia patted his arm. “Go get some sleep, Commander,” she said. “It’s been hours since I woke you.” 

 

With those words, Hux could feel exhaustion dragging him down. “Are you certain, General? I can help move them if you need.”

 

“No, I think I’ve asked quite enough of you,” she said kindly. “Go lay down, get some sleep. The world won’t end if you take a break, Commander.”

 

Rey gave him a gentle hug. “I’ll make sure your mother gets settled, Cian,” she said. “Go to sleep.” 

 

When Hux finally gave in, heading towards his quarters on the other side of the compound, he found Ben had fallen into step with him. “Are you here to make certain I actually go get rest?” Hux asked dryly.

 

Ben shook his head. “No, I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” he said. “You’ve been gone a lot.”

 

Hiding a wince, Hux simply nodded. “I feel responsible,” he admitted tiredly. “Not-- Not for this. You don’t remember this, but I’m the reason the Hosnian system was destroyed. I was following orders, I did what I thought was right at the time. I can never make up for what happened, but I can try.”

 

“Who says you have to make up for anything?” Ben asked him.

 

Hux glanced at him. “Everyone,” he said blandly. “General Organa told me not too long ago that there’s been an outcry for action against me.” 

 

“Do you think my mother will actually do anything?” Ben asked anxiously.

 

Hux shrugged. “I don’t think anything, Ren. I’m just… doing my best.” He pushed his door open, gesturing for Ben to follow him. “I know that they can’t do anything until they’ve reinstated some kind of Galactic Senate,” he said. “And I know that if the day comes that your mother can’t stop them from taking me, that I’ll defect from here before they can put me to trial.”

 

“I’d go with you,” Ben said solidly. 

 

“I know you would, Ren.” Hux sat down on his bed, his back popping loudly. “But I hope it doesn’t come to that.”

 

Ben sat down at his desk, looking at him. “Do you regret it?” Hux raised a questioning eyebrow. “Coming with me.”

 

“No,” Hux answered instantly. “There are a lot of things I regret, but that… No. That’s not one of them.”

 

Making a face, Ben looked down. “I wish I remembered.”

 

It would be heartless to say ‘me too’ so Hux stayed silent, watching Ben tug at the end of his shirt. “I can’t restore your memories,” Hux found himself saying, “But I might be able to show you. You were always gifted in the mental aspects of the Force, you could easily see into my mind.”   
  


Looking intrigued, Ben finally brought his eyes up from the floor. “You’d willingly let me in your head?”

 

Hux chuckled. “Ren, you spent so much time in my head you forged a permanent connection there.”

 

“I did?” Ben said incredulously. “That seems… irresponsible.”

 

Snorting, Hux shook his head. “Maybe, but I let you get away with it.”

 

The Force swelled up around them and then died just as quickly as it came. “I don’t have that much control yet,” Ben said apologetically. “I don’t want to hurt you. But, thank you, for the offer.”

 

Hux nodded. “Certainly. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve only gotten three hours of sleep since yesterday.” 

 

Ben jumped to his feet. “Sure, of course! Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”

 

“You could never bother me, Ren. I just don’t want to fall asleep on you.” He rubbed one eye tiredly. “Which seems disturbingly likely.”

 

Ben smiled at him, looking away. “Good night, Hux,” he murmured.

 

“Good night, Ren,” he said back, and when the door closed behind him, Hux flopped backwards on the bed. He  _ liked  _ Ben, but he had no idea what to do with the man-child he’d become. “Damnit, Ren,” he muttered, rolling over and facing the wall. 

 

*

 

“I have no idea what to do,” Hux muttered, leaning back against a tree. 

 

“Who says you have to do anything?” Luke asked him, head turned slightly towards him. “Will Ben be sad, if he doesn’t get what he wants? Maybe. But your feelings are valid too, Hux.”

 

Hux gave him a dirty look. “Ben is Ren,” he insisted. “I can see shades of the Ren I knew in the man that Ben is now. It just feels…  _ wrong _ .”

 

Luke raised an eyebrow. “What does?”

 

“Attempting to forge a relationship with Ben when he doesn’t even remember the relationship we had when he was Ren,” Hux muttered. “If you can call what we had a relationship.”

 

“Speaking from experience,” Luke said gently, “watching him forge a relationship with someone who isn’t you will hurt you just as badly.” 

 

Hux snorted. “Then you should be taking your own advice and talking to Solo.”

 

Luke winced. “Lost my chance thirty years ago,” he said. “You, however, still have one. You never know how things are going to go.”

 

Giving Luke a sidelong glare, Hux scowled. “You do.”

 

“Sometimes. And sometimes I’m  _ really  _ wrong.” He patted Hux’s shoulder. “I helped you get him back, the rest is up to you. Just remember, the Force works in mysterious ways.”

 

Making a disgusted noise, Hux threw a rock at Skywalker who easily deflected it. “I hate it when people say that. Is it too much to ask to be the master of my own destiny?” he complained.

 

Skywalker shrugged, settling into a more comfortable position. “You already are, fool,” he said lightly. “Can you really say that five years ago you’d be seeking guidance at my side? Or working with the Resistance at all? You made these choices as they came to you. You’ll make the rest as they come. It doesn’t have to be all space magic and doom.”

 

Hux grinned. “Don’t let Ren hear you call it space magic,” he said. “Missing memories or not he gets so angry about it.”

 

“How often do you do it then?” Luke asked him.

 

“Every time, it’s delightful.”

 

Luke chuckled. “So, your mother is here,” he said when silence fell. 

 

“Well done,” Hux drawled, “it took you an hour, that’s fifty minutes longer than anyone else.” 

 

Pulling a face, Luke sighed. “It was an honest question.”

 

Hux sat up, arranging himself more comfortably. “It’s awkward,” he answered honestly. “I’m not… the perfect, dutiful son anymore. My only clear memories of her are towards the end, when she left me with my father and never returned. I don’t know what to say to her; nor she to me, I think. So it’s just… one big awkward situation.”

 

“You expect blowback from her? On your choices?” Luke wondered.

 

“No, I don’t think she’s here to judge. But it’s just something else I can’t deal with on top of Ben.” Hux rubbed the back of his neck, sheepishly. “I’m not emotionally equipped to handle this,” he repeated to Luke. “But now that my mother is here, I really can’t just up and take off again.”

 

Luke gazed at him evenly. “You want my advice?” he asked.

 

Hux waved a hand. “Sure, why not, can’t be any worse than what I’m telling myself.”

 

“You should tell Ben,” Luke said. 

 

“Tell me what?” Ben asked from the footpath. “Uncle? Tell me what?”

 

*


	27. xxvii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _She beeped a few times, an echo of the chime on his datapad. [You have a new message from Friend-Ben. He says if you aren’t busy, he’d like to see you.] She paused, beeping a few more times. [He adds that he didn’t realize how late it was and if you’re sleeping, never mind.]_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Hux leaned back in his seat, tilting the chair up on it’s back legs to grab his datapad from off the bed. He scrawled out a quick affirmative, sending it unsigned. “Well that’s a good sign,” he murmured to himself. When SR-3 made an inquiring noise, Hux shook is head. “We fought, this morning.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _[That’s no good,] SR-3 said. [Fighting makes my gears hurt.]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very dialogue heavy chapter! It's a little shorter because of that, and also because I love cliffhangers and I wanted to break this up a bit. #sorrynotsorry
> 
> For Lex, Song, Sasha and Spinning_Seraph <3 
> 
> No Mando'a, just lots of dialogue. AND we finally get to hear a little bit about what happened to Poe on the Finalizer without Kylo there. Which I realized about four chapters ago that I never actually talked about. Oops. 
> 
> As ever, I can be found at [tumblr](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/) for all your needs. :D

xvii. 

 

Luke and Hux exchanged a loaded look, while Ben clearly stewed about being left in the dark. “Tell me  _ what? _ ” he demanded again, the beginnings of true upset on his face. 

 

“Someday,” Luke said with a flicker of blue fire, “Cian will have a choice. We are simply discussing that choice.”

 

Ben scowled. “What choice?” he asked.

 

Hux sighed. “Ren, we’ve already had this conversation, you and I. That someday soon I am either gone or I am on trial.”

 

“Yeah,” Ben scoffed. “Like I’m supposed to let you face trial.”

 

Hux raised both his eyebrows incredulously. “You don’t even know me,” he said. The upset on Ben’s face came back full force, his expression shattering. Hux looked away from his crumbled expression but he refused to take it back. It needed to be said. 

 

“Who’s fault is that?” Ben snapped. “Every time we’re alone, you run away. You’ve spent more time on Yavin-4 than here.” Hux looked away. “What, did you think I didn’t notice?”  he said angrily.

 

Hux hid a wince by virtue of long practice. “Shockingly,” he snapped back, “not everything is about you, Ren. Do try and keep in mind that the last ten months have been a nightmare from which I cannot wake? I don’t particularly wish to relive any of it, thanks and very much.”

 

Ben crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s unfair, Hux.”

 

His laugh was all bitterness. “Fair,” he repeated. “Fair doesn’t exist, Ren. If this gods forsaken galaxy was remotely fair, there would be a lot of things that went differently for us. Let’s recap!” He could see Luke move out of the corner of his eye and gave him a quelling look. “In a fair world, I wouldn’t have been punished for something I had no control over. Or, perhaps you wouldn’t have been tortured as a child. Or maybe you wouldn’t have died, or been captured, or lost your memories. No,” he snapped when Ben opened his mouth. “I have been through all twenty seven hells in the last two months alone. I am  _ allowed  _ to take time to mourn.”

 

“Mourn what?!” Ben burst out. “I’m right here!”

 

“You aren’t,” Hux said quietly. “You walk, and talk and smile, but you’re not Ren.” 

 

Ben’s face shattered, eyes growing glassy, skin pale. “What?” he whispered.

 

Hux looked away, seeing Luke’s sympathetic face. “Am I not allowed to mourn what I’ve lost?” he asked. “I’m sorry, Ren. Truly, I am. I know this is equally as hard on you.” He shook his head. “Time is not a luxury we can afford, though, and I am selfish enough to ask for it.”

 

Ben heaved a deep breath, swallowing audibly. “What was I? To you?” he asked. “No one will tell me.”

 

“Nor will I,” Hux said. “When you’re ready, you are welcome to look into my memories. Until then… I… If you find it unfair that I don’t wish to speak of the last ten months, then so do I find it unfair that I’m being asked to.”

 

His expression suddenly cleared. “Kriff,” Ben said. “You’re  _ angry  _ with me.”

 

Hux smiled, feeling the strain. “Oh, I’m livid,” he said, not unkindly. “But not with you, Ben. You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s Ren I’m angry with.”

 

Ben’s face was beginning to arrange itself into a familiar stubborn expression. “I  _ am  _ Ren,” he insisted.

 

“I’ll give you this one for free,” Hux said. “Ren left me behind and died. There is a lot we didn’t get to say to each other. So I need  _ time _ , Ben.”

 

Ben scrubbed his face with one hand, wiping away any trace of tears. “I’m sorry, Hux.”

 

Hux sighed. “I know. I am too.” He stood, brushing off his clothing, he’d had enough heart to hearts to last him a lifetime.

 

“Are you going to leave again?” Ben asked, his voice small.

 

Sighing, Hux shook his head. “No,” he answered. “I’m here.”

 

The small smile on Ben’s face warmed something in his Hux’s chest. “I’m going to practice,” Ben said stoutly. “I want to know.”

 

Hux smiled, gratified when Ben blushed and looked away. Luke cleared his throat. “If the two of you are done filling my clearing with crazy emotions, we have to practice.”

 

Turning to scowl at Luke, Hux said, “hypocrisy is not an attractive look on you, Skywalker.”

 

Luke just smiled placidly. “Rey is looking for you.”

 

“Of course she is,” Hux sighed. “Ren… I’ll… talk to you later.” He disappeared down the pathway before anymore embarrassing or difficult revelations could come out of his mouth.

 

Once back in the compound proper, the first person he ran into was Poe. Hux reached out and snagged the back of Dameron’s jacket, tugging him along. “Drink,” he demanded.

 

“It’s not even lunch,” Poe protested, dragged along with Hux.

 

“Don’t care. Drink with me.”

 

Poe twisted so Hux was forced to let go, but he fell into step with Hux anyway. “What happened?” he asked.

 

“Oh, I finally had the ‘ _ yes I’m angry, no I don’t want to talk about it, stop asking’  _ conversation with Ben,” Hux said, all in one breath. “Made the poor boy cry, and we still haven’t managed to really talk about anything important.”

 

Dameron visibly thought about it for half a second. “Yeah, alright. Let’s get a drink.” 

 

They made their way to the officer’s lounge, and Hux collapsed in a chair as soon as they entered the room. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I’ve recently found that today, my ability to deal with anything is… well, utterly nonexistent.”

 

Poe pushed a drink at him. “I don’t blame you.”

 

“Ben does,” Hux said. 

 

Snorting, Poe shook his head, taking a sip of his own drink. “Ben barely knows his right from his left,” he said. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the kid, he was my best friend growing up, but hot damn.”

 

Hux rubbed his forehead. “Yes, I… understand the phenomenon.” 

 

“I lost Ben a long time ago,” Poe said. “Before ‘loss’ was really something I understood. But you, you’ve really  _ lost  _ him.”

 

Hux pulled a face, find refuge in his drink. “And I can’t tell him anything about it. If Ren is gone forever, then Ben deserves a chance to find his own way.”

 

“Even if it’s not your way?” Poe asked gently. “Even if it’s not  _ with  _ you?”

 

Tapping his glass against Poe’s, Hux inclined his head. “Even if,” he agreed. “I’ve been lucky,” he said. “I survived, I got my mother back. I gained a sister. Friends. I found love. I can’t ask for more than that.”

 

Poe gazed at him skeptically. “You also were tortured horribly, fought a war on a side you never thought you’d be on, and if I haven’t missed my guess, you are also concerned that when the dust has settled and they reinstate the Galactic Senate that you’re going to face trial and lose.”   
  


Hux tapped the bottom of his cup against the table. “There’s that,” he muttered dryly. 

 

Poe leaned back in his seat. “Do you think you’ll lose?”   
  


Tilting his head back, Hux had to wonder what he wasn’t being told, since everyone kept bringing up the possibility of a Galactic Senate. “Dameron,” he said slowly, “Of course I’d lose. Even after killing Snoke myself, returning Ben… no matter what I’ve done to wipe my past clean, you can’t judge a life by checks and balances.” He half smiled. “I didn’t attack the Order’s fleet to clear my name after Hosnian.”

 

“No?” Poe wondered, refilling their glasses.

 

“No,” Hux murmured. “I did it for Ren.”

 

Tapping his fingers against the table, Poe looked contemplatively at Hux. “And you don’t think that will count in your favor?”

 

Hux snorted. “Any galactic senate that forgives a mass murderer because he was healed by the power of love is a senate you don’t want in charge for very long,” he said. 

 

Pulling a face, Poe conceded the point. “So if they reconvene a senate, and the New Republic demands for your head, then what? What are you going to do?”

 

Raising an eyebrow, Hux considered lying. Poe’s face was so earnest though that he sighed. “Leave,” he said mildly. 

 

“Hux,” Poe said disapprovingly. 

 

“What?” he protested. “Do I really seem like the sort of person who prostrates themselves on the goodwill of others? Or the kind of man who turns himself in because it’s the  _ right thing to do _ ?” he asked with heavy sarcasm.

 

Poe frowned at him. “You lead the Republic fleet into war,” he said in protest. “It was the right thing to do, and could have killed you!”

 

Hux rolled his eyes. “Dameron, I didn’t do that because it was the right thing to do. I did it for revenge.”

 

“Revenge,” Poe repeated. “For Ren?”

 

“And for me. Snoke took things from me that I’m only just now recovering. He deserved all he got - and, yes, so do I. But I’m not the type to self-sacrifice.”

 

Their conversation was cut short as they were joined by Sasha and Blue, would came into the lounge speaking loudly and quickly. “Hey, you two,” Sasha said, dropping into the seat next to Poe. “You look like you’re thinking heavy thoughts.”

 

“Our two Captains had a spat,” Poe explained, while Hux only scowled.

 

Blue, claiming the seat beside Hux, made a sympathetic face noise. She hooked her arms around Hux’s left one, leaning her head on his shoulder. “It was overdue,” she said wisely. “Everyone is too used to hiding themselves,” she said, a note of complaint in her voice.

 

“You sound like SR-3,” Hux murmured, leaning his head atop hers.

 

It had been disturbingly easy to get used to all the casual touching that circulated around Ren, Blue and Rey. He would miss it, when it was gone.

 

_ It’s never going to be gone, _ Rey’s voice skated through him.  _ If you run, we go with you. _

 

Hux tightened his grip on Blue. “Thank you,” he muttered with ill grace. 

 

Poe reached across the table to tap glasses with Hux. “You know,” he said thoughtfully, “I remember you from the Finalizer.”

 

Hux blinked. “I didn’t think you were awake.”

 

“Pretending to be unconscious works wonders when people are interrogating you,” Poe said, with the air of someone who didn’t want to go into details. “But I heard what you said to… to Revan.”

 

Hux well remembered the conversation between him and Revan that day. He’d taken her to task for the torture of Dameron, after seeing him hanging unconscious in his bonds. He’d disapproved of her treatment, concerned that it would make the process of extracting information last longer when they were already on a tight schedule. Her attitude had been even worse, storming off when he refused to let her in the door. He’d sent Mitaka in to clean up after her, offer food and drink to Poe. 

 

“I loathed Revan,” Hux said. “Her ways were…” His mouth twisted. “Not my ways. They were chaos.”

 

Poe chuckled a little. “We all know how much you hate chaos,” Poe said, smirking. “I never got to thank you, though. If you hadn’t sent in the squirrelly lieutenant with water, there wouldn’t have been anything for Finn to find.”

 

“Happy to help,” Hux muttered.

 

Poe grinned at him. “Liar.”

 

Shrugging his free shoulder, Hux smirked back. “Absolutely.”

 

Blue laughed at them, hiding her face in Hux’s arm. “Commander, be nice,” she said.

 

“Nice isn’t in my repertoire, Blue,” Hux drawled. “Dameron can take it.” He grinned around the rim of his glass. “Ren is the only one I’m nice to.”

 

Poe laughed, putting quotes around the word. “ _ Nice _ ,” he repeated sarcastically. “Is  _ that  _ what we’re calling it now?” he asked.

 

“No,” Hux shot back, “we usually call it  _ flight lessons with Finn _ .”

 

There was a pause, where Poe stared at them in shock, a slight blush over his cheeks. “You don’t,” he said, but he didn’t sound convinced. Hux smirked. “Rey told me.”

 

As though he’d gotten her attention by saying her name, Rey’s voice filled his head.  _ Officer’s Lounge?  _ She asked.

 

_ Yes, _ Hux responded, watching Poe sputter.  _ It’s quite the crowd. _

 

_ Be there soon.  _

 

Hux glanced around the table, and reflected that as successful as he was, he’d never had  _ friends  _ before, not in all his thirty six years. Poe and Sasha had begun bickering loudly about who had the fanciest flying (Poe, by a long shot) versus who had the fasted speed (Sasha, by three parsecs) and Blue seemed content to simple watch them while leaning into Hux’s side. 

 

Rey wrapped her arms around Hux from behind. “You okay?” she asked into his ear.

 

“Yes,” he answered with some surprise. “I will be.”

 

* 

 

Much later, Hux sat at his desk, tinkering with one of SR-3’s arms.  _ [It grinds _ , _ ]  _ she complained, holding it out straight for him.  _ [I think I got stuck in a vent, and pulled something, Friend-Cian.] _

 

“Looks like you pulled a gear out of place, little darling,” Hux said, leaning in closer. “I’ll have to take off the side panel to get to it.”

 

_ [That’s alright, I trust you.]  _

 

Hux gently unscrewed the side panel that protected the arm mechanics she had, and SR-3 rolled helpfully onto her opposite side to give him more room to work. Her mechanics, like her chassis, were tiny. “I’ve never seen anyone like you, SR,” Hux murmured, turning his light source towards her. 

 

_ [There are no droids like me,]  _ she answered him sadly. 

 

“Ben told me he dug you out of a Hutta scrap heap,” Hux murmured leadingly, as he carefully turned his minitool to reaffix the gear inside her chassis. 

 

_ [There were two other SR models before me,]  _ SR said, holding very still.  _ [SR-1 and SR-2, and neither of them survived the garbage chute.] _

 

“Well,” Hux said, giving her a dollop of oil where the gear was fixed, “their loss is our gain.” Once he was done, she pulled her arm in and out, rotating it carefully. “Better?” he asked.

 

_ [Much! Thank you, Friend-Cian.]  _ She beeped a few times, an echo of the chime on his datapad.  _ [You have a new message from Friend-Ben. He says if you aren’t busy, he’d like to see you.]  _ She paused, beeping a few more times.  _ [He adds that he didn’t realize how late it was and if you’re sleeping, never mind.]  _

 

Hux leaned back in his seat, tilting the chair up on it’s back legs to grab his datapad from off the bed. He scrawled out a quick affirmative, sending it unsigned. “Well that’s a good sign,” he murmured to himself. When SR-3 made an inquiring noise, Hux shook is head. “We fought, this morning.”

 

_ [That’s no good,]  _ SR-3 said.  _ [Fighting makes my gears hurt.] _

 

“We’ll work it out, I’m certain,” Hux soothed her. “Don’t worry.”

 

He might have said more, but someone knocked on his door. Hux rose and answered it, blinking a little when he saw the state of Ben. “Hi,” Ben said, nervously. 

 

His hair was in utter disarray, as though he’d been running his fingers through it wildly. His eyes were too wide, red rimmed and his face was pale. “What the kriff happened?” Hux asked.

 

“What? Nothing.” Ben said, arms crossing over his chest. 

 

“That was convincing,” Hux said sarcastically, and pulled the door open further so that Ben could come in. “How about you try that again?”

 

“I had a… there was… Force Ghosts,” he finally said. “They’re very… opinionated.”

 

Hux made a face. “You could say that. So why does it look like you’re coming down off the worst drug induced high in the galaxy?” 

 

Ben waved that off. “I’m not. I’m fine. I’m… nervous.” 

 

Raising an eyebrow, Hux gently took Ben by the shoulders and sat him down in the chair he’d vacated. “Take a deep breath, Ren,” he said, and reached past him to pick up SR and drop her in Ben’s lap. 

 

Ben looked down in surprise. “SR-3?”

 

_ [Friend-Ben!]  _ She rolled around happily in his hands, wrapping her arms around his thumbs.  _ [Friend-Cian fixed my arm for me!] _

 

Blinking slowly, Ben relaxed into the chair, curling his fingers around SR’s chassis. “I know you’re mad at me - or… you’re mad at Ren,” he finally said when the silence had started to grow uncomfortable. “And I… I’m sorry, for whatever I did, as Ren. I wanted to know… if you meant it. About your head.”

 

“Ah,” Hux said. It was much clearer now, Ben’s manic nervousness. “I said it I was, did I not?” he asked gently.

 

Ben lifted SR-3, and brushing an absent kiss over the top of her head, he put her down gently on the floor. “I know what you said,” he murmured. “But I spent all afternoon digging through my head, looking for something - anything. I found… After what I… found… of Snoke, and… and I what I  _ did  _ as his… as Kylo, I need to be sure.” Ben asked, reaching out with trembling fingers.. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

Hux snorted quietly. “I’m quite certain,” he said amused. “You’ve spent more time in my head than anyone other than myself,” he added. “If I didn’t want you there, you’d know it.”

 

Ben smiled a little, and the Force filled the room around them. It felt familiar, and it wrapped around Hux’s head. The connection Ren had left behind, long empty, snapped into place. Hux relaxed, and reached out to the place in his mind that had always belonged to Ren.

 

“Oh,” Ben murmured, and then his eyes rolled up into the back of his head and he collapsed at Hux’s feet.   
  


*


	28. xxviii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Hux snorted softly. "You ever get the feeling that with us, it's one step forward, twelve steps back?"_
> 
> _Laughing a little, Rey nodded. "Sometimes. The Force works in mysterious ways - don't roll your eyes - so there must be something we have to learn."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex, Sasha, Song, and Seraph, who have been unending supports. Also for Amonae, even though she hasn't seen TFA yet, but promised to follow me down this hell road and meet me.
> 
> As ever I'm at [tumblr](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/), for conversation. I love conversation. 
> 
> Here we are, my darlings, the last plot twist of the fic. The last hurdle. It's all happiness from here, I promise. Introduction of a new tag: Eventual Happy Ending. 
> 
> <3

Hux paced the length of the small room outside the medical bay, waiting for someone to come out and give him information that consisted of more than ' _ We don't know _ '. Leia and Luke had gone in almost an hour before, and Hux had reached his limit of ignorance. 

 

He made another circuit of the room, exhausted but very aware that when he sat down, he'd probably fall asleep even in one of the uncomfortable chairs. SR-3 made tiny beeps, her arms curled into his hair where she clung too tightly.  _ [Is Friend-Ben going to be alright?] _ she asked, with uncharacteristic hesitancy. 

 

Pressing his lips together, Hux had to bite back some of his irritation. "I don't know, SR," he answered honestly, when he was certain he wasn't going to snap at her. "No one has told me anything yet." 

 

He turned to stride across the room again, drawn up short when Rey practically materialized in front of him. "No," she said firmly. 

 

"No?" he asked, baffled. Rey had clearly been asleep before that moment, her hair which was usually in a three bun updo, was loose and curling in waves around her face. "No, what?" Hux asked her. 

 

"No more pacing," she said. "Come here." She pushed some of the chairs out of the way, and unwound the blanket that was draped over her shoulders, placing it on the ground. Pointing at the blanket, Rey said, "Sit." 

 

He gave half a thought to saying no, but Rey's eyes narrowed dangerously, so he capitulated, settling himself down on the blanket. Rey nudged his leg until he moved it and then she sat in front of him, her back against his chest. 

 

Hux twitched awkwardly, uncertain what he should do with his arms but then Rey pulled his hands until he'd wrapped himself around her waist. "I'll fall asleep," he protested, even as he leaned his chin on the top of her head. 

 

"I'll make sure you wake up when Master Luke and General Organa come out," she promised. She curled up in his arms, and Hux let her without protest. "Your aggravation and worry is everywhere," Rey murmured. "This way you won't distract anyone." 

 

Hux snorted softly. "You ever get the feeling that with us, it's one step forward, twelve steps back?" 

 

Laughing a little, Rey nodded. "Sometimes. The Force works in mysterious ways - don't roll your eyes - so there must be something we have to learn." 

 

"What sort of lesson could I possibly take from this pfassk up?" Hux wondered. 

 

"Maybe that Ben has to learn organically instead of mentally?" Rey suggested. "We don't truly know what Snoke did to his mind. For that matter, we don't know what Snoke did to yours." 

 

Hux made a face, hiding his expression in her hair. "The less said about  _ that _ the better," he murmured. "I was only trying to help. It seems as though all I've done recently is hurt him."

 

Rey just tightened her grip, and they stayed there, half sitting, half laying until Luke finally came out of the room. Hux was unaware of the passage of time, drifting in a doze until Rey shook him gently awake. "Cian," she murmured. 

 

He came awake all at once, stiffening and dislodging her when he sat up. "Sorry," he said, when she groaned quietly. "Luke, what happened?" 

 

Luke looked exhausted, dark circles under his eyes made darker by the pale skin of his face."We don't know," he said. "As far as the doctors tests say, there's no reason for him to be unconscious. As far as Leia and I can tell, his mind is fine. Whatever happened when he reestablished connection with you made him shut down - his defences are up, and he's more skilled in mental barriers than either I or my sister." He sighed, sitting down in front of them. "Is there anything you could tell us, Hux?" 

 

Turning his focus inward, Hux reached out for the places in his head that belonged to other people. His connection with Luke was underused but normal. His connection with Rey broadcasted her own exhaustion back to him. His connection with Ren was shut to him. He could feel the edges of it, but he couldn't access it. "Perhaps if I were a Force user," Hux admitted. "But it's shut to me." 

 

Luke nodded once. "Then we must let Ben heal his own mind the way he wishes it done. There's nothing we can do to change that until he wakes up or lowers his defenses enough for me to speak to him." 

 

Hux groaned loudly, thumping his head back against the wall. "So, even unconscious Ren insists on vexing me." 

 

"That does seem like it," Luke said. 

 

"How very typical." Hux stood, keeping Rey cradled in his arms. "I'll just bring her by her room, and go to bed myself. Do let me know if he wakes up before I do." 

 

Luke nodded, standing as well and retrieving the blanket. "I will," he promised, tucking the blanket around the sleeping Rey. "Rest well." 

 

"Get some rest too, Skywalker, you look like kriff warmed over." Luke laughed quietly as Hux carried Rey out of the med bay and towards the barracks where she'd claimed a room. 

 

He moved through the hall, nudging Rey's door open with his hip and laid her gently down on her bed. She murmured quietly, curling up into the pillow. "Good night, Rey," he murmured, pulling the blanket up over her shoulder. She made another quiet noise, and Hux smiled, brushing his fingers over her hair. He turned the light off as he exited the room, closing the door gently. 

 

He made his way back to his own rooms, yawning so hard his eyes watered. He probed the spot in his mind that connected him to Ren but found no change. "Damn it Ren," he murmured quietly, pulling SR-3 off his shoulder and plugging her into the wall. 

 

He moved past where HK stood, startling badly when the droid reactivated. "Master," HK drawled. 

 

Hux jerked, scowling at him. "Kriff, HK, give me some warning next time." He sat on his bed, rolling his neck and cracking it to loosen the muscles. "What's wrong, HK?" 

 

"Nothing but  _ boredom _ , Master." HK turned his head to glare narrowly. "Are you very certain there are no meatbags for me to shoot?" 

 

Snorting a laugh, Hux shook his head. "Not here, no. I know it's been a bit... Sedentary, lately. As soon as things are more settled, I'm certain General Organa will have a new mission for us." 

 

Making a disgusted noise, HK settled back on his seat. "Things were much more fun before you took over, Master." 

 

Hux laughed again. "Oh, there it is, I was wondering when the complaints would start. It took you a lot longer than I expected." 

 

"Hmph," HK muttered. "Let's at least attempt to try to find a few meatbags and shoot them," he said. 

 

Laying back on the bed, Hux turned so he was facing the droid. "Trust me HK, if things in the political climate don't go my way, you can shoot all the meatbags you like once we leave here." 

 

The droid's head tilted slightly to the side, a soft ticking noise coming from his chassis. "What political climate?" 

 

"Well," Hux drawled tiredly, "I think my kill count far surpasses yours, considering I blew up a seven planet system. And that, HK, is what I mean by political climate. It's been mentioned enough times in the last two days alone that if a galactic senate convenes, then I'm to go on trial." HK made a considering noise. "I have no intention of going on trial," Hux said. "So when the senate reconvenes, which it will because I'm certainly no fool, then we'll take Ben, the Untouchable, and whoever wants to come with us, and we'll leave." 

 

HK chuckled. "Fair enough, Master." Hux thumbed the light off, letting the room be lit by the red of HK's eyes. "How certain are you that Captain Ren would even come with us?" HK asked, quiet in the dark of the room. 

 

"I don't," Hux answered. "But I think he will. I... Have no reason to think otherwise." 

 

HK hmm'd again and the glow of his eyes dimmed. "Go to sleep, Master." 

 

"Good night, HK," Hux murmured, and let himself rest. The red light faded away entirely, leaving him in darkness and with one last attempt, Hux reached out for Ren in his mind. There was no answer, only the same smooth blank nothing. Hux slept. 

 

*

 

Knocking on the door woke up an indeterminate number of hours later, and Hux groaned quietly to himself as he climbed out of bed. Not for the first time, he wished for some mastery of the Force, to tell who it was that was at his door, which could tell him whether or not he wanted to answer it. Sliding the door open, Hux blinked down in surprise to see his mother, standing holding a metal box. "Mother," he greeted. 

 

Niamh smiled, a cautious, tenuous thing. "Good morning, my son," she said. "The pilot, Commander Dameron, he said you had a late night, mentioned I ought to bring you something to break your fast." 

 

It was only then that Hux realized how hungry he was, and he stepped out of the way to let his mother in. "That's very thoughtful," he said. "Thank you." 

 

She sat down daintily at the desk, opening the box and taking out a carafe of steaming caf, as well as an assortment of breakfast foods. "What caused your night to last so late?" she questioned. "You look exhausted." 

 

Hux sighed, running his hands through his hair to try and combat the natural curl. "Ben, General Organa's son, he collapsed late last night. I was in the medical bay with Rey, attempting to figure out what happened." 

 

Niamh looked faintly concerned, passing him a cup of caf. "Did the doctors have any answers?" she asked him. 

 

“None," Hux said, with palpable disgust. "As far as both Master Skywalker and the doctors can tell, there's nothing wrong." 

 

Busying herself with serving breakfast, Niamh simply nodded. "Well," she said, "There must be some explanation." 

 

He took the plate handed to him. "Yes," Hux agreed pleasantly. "Space magic. I hate space magic." Niamh poorly hid her smile from him behind her cup, and Hux made a face at her. "I'm certain he'll be fine, but until then, we're going to worry." 

 

"Is he your sweetheart?" she asked him lightly, looking at him over the top of the cup. Hux paused, lowering his fork back to the plate. "He was once," he answered honestly, meeting his mother's eyes. "We've had a rough time of it, but he is my choice." 

 

Niamh sighed, putting her cup of caf down. "This wasn't what I wanted for you, Cian," she murmured. When Hux opened his mouth to protest she gave him a familiar quelling look. "Do not assume that I am disapproving of your choice, Cian. I didn't wish for you to become a general either. I didn't wish for any of this." 

 

"You married my father," Hux said incredulously. "You had to know what he would expect from me." 

 

She traced a finger around the rim of her cup. "You were too young when I... Left, so you were never told this, but when the doctors told me I was pregnant, they also told me you were going to be a girl. They insisted that you were female right up until I went into labor and then, they told me, you were you." 

 

Hux blinked once, twice, thinking that over. "Had I been born a female, my life would have been very different," he observed. 

 

"Yes. You would have been afforded fewer opportunities, but you may have been happier. I saw how school made you miserable." 

 

Snorting, Hux nodded. "Being the son of the great Brendol Hux was... Difficult." He smiled a little. "But, I survived, and while it lasted... I was very good at what I did, mother." He ate some of the pancakes, before putting his fork down. "But I'm also very good at being a Commander, mother. I don't regret my choice to stay here." 

 

"Nor do I, my darling," Niamh said. "I'm so proud of you. And even if this wasn't what I would have chosen for you, all a mother has ever wanted is for her child to find the one they love." Her smile broadened. "Even if that love won't produce any grandchildren." 

 

"Oh kriff, mother, come on," Hux said, dropping his fork for the second time. 

 

She laughed, light and airy, reminding him of warm spring days on Arkanis. "Well," she said stridently, her smile cheeky, "even if you don't manage to give me a grandchild, I now apparently have a daughter." 

 

Privately Hux thought that he was more likely to have a child than Rey ever would be, but he just smiled and shook his head. "It's been a lot," he said quietly. "The last... However many years. There's been no time to rest." Niamh looked sad, and Hux cleared his throat. "So tell me," he said. "What did you do once you escaped Father?" 

 

Niamh smiled a little wider. "I became a teacher," she said. "I remembered your struggle in school, how the teachers either worshiped you or vilified you, and I resolved to become a teacher who did neither." Her smile faded, as she looked at her lap. "Your father eventually found me, long after you became a General. I returned to him, because I had no other choice. But I left again," she added fiercely. "I knew I could survive if I just made my way to you."

 

Hux put his empty plate aside. "I'm glad you're safe, mother," he said. 

 

"I realize this must feel terribly awkward to you," Niamh said, standing and collecting his plate. "I simply wished to tell you how proud I am, before you go." 

 

"Go?" Hux repeated. "Go where?" 

 

She looked confused for a second, frowning before her expression cleared. "Ah, I took luncheon with General Organa yesterday, she told me she had a specialized mission for you and your crew, though I imagine her informing you fell by the wayside when her son fell ill." 

 

Relief cascaded through him. "Mission?" he asked, and out of the corner of his eye he could see HK's eye's glow as he reactivated silently. "Did she tell you where?" 

 

"No," Niamh said, "Only that it was classified." 

 

Excitement burned under Hux's ribs, and he let himself hope for just a moment that Organa wouldn't give him up to a galactic senate. "Thank you for the information, Mother. And the breakfast," Hux said, standing and walking her to the door when she glanced at it. 

 

"Of course," she said graciously. "Do come say good bye, before you leave." 

 

He inclined his head. "I wouldn't dream of forgetting," he promised her. 

 

As soon as she was gone, Hux quickly got dressed and ran some pomade through his hair, taming back the wild strands. He had to find Leia, and soon.

 

*

 

"Ah yes, I'm still creating the dossiers for your mission," Leia said, sounding tired. "But I can give you the short of it as we walk." Hux fell into step with her as she left the medical bay, heading towards her office. "With the fall of the First Order fleet, there are a number of planets left in a vacuum. Now, Arkanis, as an obvious example was always a pro-Imperial planet, as were several others, Ord Mantell, Dromuund Kaas, as more examples. However, there are also several planets that you - or the other Generals - colonized in the name of the First Order. With the capture of the star destroyer Pathfinder, we now have the information of which planet signed itself over to the Order." 

 

Hux made a considering face. "Several of those treaties I signed myself," he admitted. "What would you want us to do?" 

 

"Why, convince them that with the Order in pieces, it would best to sign a new treaty with the New Republic," Leia said lightly. 

 

Hux snorted. "I have a list of problems with this plan, but I'll give you the top two for expediency. One, no one in their right mind is going to want me to spearhead a New Republic colonization move." Leia looked amused, and she waved him on. "And two," Hux said, "at least half of those planets signed a contract with me personally - what's it going to look like that I turned around and left the Order to them?" 

 

"Like good taste, I expect," Leia said smartly. 

 

Hux shot her an annoyed look. "That's hardly what I mean." 

 

"Oh, I know what you mean, Commander," she said, sounding amused. "But I simply feel that using your diplomacy to paint you as the beleaguered defamed General who defected as a consequence of the Order's stupidity will go over very well with the outer rim planets you treated with.”

 

Grudgingly Hux had to admit she was right, but he refused to say that out loud. "I suppose," was all he'd commit to. "But I'm not going anywhere until I know how Ben is faring," he said. 

 

"Of course not, I'd expect nothing less," she said with the distinct air of someone who knew they'd won an argument. Leia stopped at her office just long enough to gather a datapad and her comm unit before turning around and heading right back towards the medical bay. 

 

"Who would be on this mission with me?" Hux asked, curiously. 

 

"My son, should he be fit enough to serve," Leia answered. "Rey, of course, since Finn is still in training ot become an X-wing pilot. Blue, and Tempest, and HK-51 of course."

 

"That's..." Hux trailed off, giving Leia another considering look. "That's exactly who I would pick," he admitted. 

 

She smiled. "I take it the crew meets your approval?" she drawled, and Hux scowled at her. 

 

"Arrogance doesn't become you, General," Hux said archly. 

 

Leia laughed, patting him on the arm. "Arrogance is perfectly befitting the royalty of Alderaan," she said primly. "Even if I don't go by Princess any longer." 

 

He might have said more, but a commotion just inside the med bay drew their attention, as medical droids fled the building. Hux and Leia glanced at each other and picked up their speed, not quite running towards the door. 

 

The medical droids all hovered outside the door, beeping frantically at each other, speaking too fast for Hux to pick up on. One of the doctors - the one who treated him in the aftermath of his collapse before Ren had died - ran out and nearly barreled into them as they entered the front room. "Get him out of here," the doctor snarled, pointing back towards where Hux had left Ben the night before. 

 

The other two doctors quickly fled the room as well, one nursing a bloody nose and the other looked peaky, like she'd been electrocuted. As they drew even with the door, Hux could hear a mix of Ryl and Basic, as Ben swore quietly to himself. 

 

Then, the door swung open, startling everyone. 

 

Ben stood frozen, mid-motion to pull the last of the sensors away from his temples, Leia blinked where she stood by the door, and Hux had stopped halfway in the middle of the room, almost exactly where he'd been pacing the night before. "Ben?" Leia asked cautiously. 

 

Ben yanked the last of the sensors off him, letting them fall haphazardly to the ground. He met Hux's eyes, and cleared the space between them in three large steps. Hux stood very still as Ben's fingers touched his face gently, cupping his cheeks and sinking into his hair. "I've been waiting a very long time to do this," Ben said softly. 

 

And then, in full view of his mother, kissed Hux full on the mouth. 

 

Hux felt like he'd turned to stone. He stood frozen in Ben's arms, tilted slightly up but not kissing back. Ben didn't seem to care, he moved his mouth gently over Hux's sliding one hand from his cheek to the back of his neck, trying to coax a response out of him. When Hux felt his resolve weakening, that's when Ben pulled back. 

 

They stood chest to chest, barely an inch between their faces. He frowned, struggling to connect Ben's actions to reality. "Ben?" he asked, a little incredulous. Had the first memory Ben seen been their night together? 

 

Ben wrinkled his nose. 

 

Hux had seen that expression before. Ren had made it every time someone called him by his given name. He hadn't seen that face of distaste in months. Not since the day that he found out Ren was gone. 

 

"... Ren?" he whispered. 

 

Ren's mouth tilted up in a cocky smirk. "Cian," he drawled. "Long time, no se--mmph." 

 

Hux kissed the rest of his sentence away, dragging Ren closer to him, and burying his fingers in Ren's wild hair. He kissed Ren until he had no air left in his lungs, and breathing through his nose was less important than finally, finally having Ren back in his arms. 

 

When air truly became an issue, he finally dragged himself back, their foreheads touching. Ren met his eyes, kiss swollen lips quirking up in a full fledged grin. "I'm back," he said, and again: "I'm home." 

  
* 


	29. xxix.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Ren rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “There’s a perfectly rational explanation,” he complained._
> 
> _Hux scowled at him. “Does it begin or end with the words ‘I used the Force’?”_
> 
> _“... It might,” Ren muttered._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Lex, Song, Sasha and everyone else's unending support. <3
> 
> As ever I can be found [at Tumblr](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com/), for all your Kylux needs. Including plans, sneak peaks and other fun facts about my insane life.
> 
> I apologize for the delay, this chapter was bittersweet for me.
> 
> In which we earn our rating, for the second time :)

Xxix.

 

As they stood in the middle of the room, foreheads touching, Hux felt a tentative touch to his mind. Luke’s felt like ice, cold and remote while Rey’s felt like flames licking at the corners of his head. That touch though, like the gentle buffeting of wind, was all Ren. Hux threw open the corners of his mind, welcoming Ren back with no hesitance. 

 

The connection snapped into place and Hux opened his eyes to see Ren’s familiar cheeky grin. Slowly he pulled away, elation fading into something far more manageable. “Cian?” Ren asked, grin dimming into confusion.

 

Hux punched him.

 

“That,” he said stridently, “is for dying.” He reached over and slapped Ren across the side of his head. “ _ That  _ is for leaving without saying goodbye.” He stepped in close and gave him a hard kiss on the mouth. “But that, that was for coming back.”

 

Ren rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “There’s a perfectly rational explanation,” he complained.

 

Hux scowled at him. “Does it begin or end with the words ‘I used the Force’?”

 

“... It might,” Ren muttered.

 

He was saved by further vitriol when Leia ducked around Hux’s narrow frame to gather Ren into her arms. Ren looked slightly surprised by that, as though not all of his memories had assimilated properly, but after a moment, he hugged his mother back. “I’m so glad you’re safe,” she murmured. 

 

Hux backed up, poking his head out of the medical bay and looking for someone familiar. “Ah, Comm Officer Jamar? Tannis?” Hux asked, getting her attention where she stood, off to one side of the building. “Is there any way you could page, Akielo Ordo, Sylar and Ganna for me?”

 

She looked startled but offered him a kind smile. “Sure, of course, Commander. Shall I have them meet you here?” she asked.

 

He inclined his head. “Yes, that would be good, thank you.”

 

A few minutes later, Ganna - recently arrived from Nar Shaddaa - strode up to him, flicking one of her lekku behind her. “Well you don’t look like you’re sick, or bleeding,” she said flatly. “What’s going on?”

 

Hux smirked, placing a hand low on her back and nudging her through the door. “I’m quite well, thank you for your concern, Ganna.”

 

Whatever pithy comment she might have made to him was lost as Ren dove across the room to scoop her into his arms. “Ren?” she asked, as he hugged her tightly. “Holy pfassking kriff,  _ Ren _ ?!” Ganna wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding on. 

 

Leaning against the wall, Hux watched as Ren and Ganna talked rapidly in Ryl, not even bothering to try and follow the intense conversation. At one point, Ganna balled up a fist to punch him but Ren held out his hands and sped up his words, and Ganna lowering her arm a second later.

 

“Does anyone else know?” Ganna asked in Basic, turning to Hux.

 

“Sy and Kiel are on their way,” he answered mildly. 

 

Ren grinned. “They’re all okay?” he asked.

 

Hux nodded. “We have a lot to catch you up on,” he said neutrally. There was a flicker of something in Ren’s face, as though he could hear what Hux was trying to suppress, but Ganna distracted him again by telling him about Rikka and Clio and how Master Luke was helping them.

 

Leia glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, touching his arm lightly and leading him back out into the courtyard. “Are you alright?” she asked frankly. Hux blinked in surprise at her and she smiled kindly. “Commander, you and my son never had a chance to fix what he broke. Now here he is, and even I can feel your anger and indecision from here.”

 

Hux grunted. “I’m fine,” he said stiffly. “The others deserve to know he’s here, and whole, and whatever… else can wait.”

 

She patted him on the arm. “I thought you were a selfish man, Hux?” she asked him, light and amused.

 

He glared. “I am. But not with him.”

 

Her expression softened. “That’s why I asked how you were,” she said gently. 

 

Hux sighed, waving her off. “I’m fine,” he repeated, insistently. He might have said more but Ren and Ganna exited the medical bay a moment later. They were smiling, but as soon as Ren caught sight of Hux’s expression, his grin faded. 

 

Proving that the Force once again had a terrible sense of humor - or timing - Kiel took that moment to amble up, greeting Hux first with a warrior’s clasp. Ren’s eyebrows raised almost to his hairline when he saw their interaction. “Al’verde!” Kiel said, clapping him on the shoulder. “Tannis said you had something important to speak of. What is it?” Hux glanced over at Ren, who looked put out at being ignored. Kiel nodded to him, shortly, “Ben.”

 

Ren’s nose wrinkled. “You’ve never called me Ben a day in my life,” he protested. “Kriff, Kiel, are you mad at me too?”

 

That visibly brought Kiel up short. He blinked, glancing between the two of them. “Me’vaar ti gar?” Kiel demanded, reaching out and fisting his hand in the shirt Ren wore. 

 

“Naas!” Ren said. “I’m fine,” he said. “My head hurts a little, but kriff, Kiel.”

 

There was a seconds worth of pause, then another, and Kiel yanked Ren into a rough, hard, hug. Ren laughed, relief audible to Hux and then Kiel reared back and headbutted him. “That’s for being utreekov,” he said, but he was grinning when he said it. 

 

“Yeah,” Ren drawled, “I didn’t miss your mirshmure’cya,” he added.

 

Kiel ruffled his hair. “Haar’chak, Ren, you gave us all a scare.” 

 

Leia glanced over at Hux again and by silent agreement, they began herding everyone towards the dining hall. Kiel and Ren fell into step with Ganna easily, and Sylar met them at the door, seemingly taking one look at Ren and whooping.  “You pfassker,” the Devaronian exclaimed. “Good to kriffing see you!” 

 

Hux reached out and touched Ren’s mind gently.  _ I’ll be back in a moment,  _ he sent to the ever receptive Ren.  _ I’m going to get SR-3. _

 

Ren’s mind lit up in happiness and he grinned at Hux over Ganna’s head.  _ Thank you, Cian _ , he responded, and Hux made his escape.

 

When Hux was a child, he’d struggled in high emotional states, unable to regulate himself. His mother had called him sensitive, his father had called him weak. When he was ten, about to go to the First Order Academy, Hux practiced tirelessly, attempting to smother the weakness out of him. 

 

Now free from the prying eyes of Ren and his friends, Hux leaned against the side of the wall, just outside his quarters. He took several deep breaths, willing away the anxiety that came with crowds, and the chest deep hurt of Ren’s return. His door slid open on it’s own and even without the Force, Hux knew Rey was watching him. “I’m alright,” he murmured.

 

“You aren’t though,” Rey said gently, reaching out and offering him her hands. She stood still, holding that position, letting him decide that he wanted the embrace she was willing to give him. 

 

He stepped into the circle of her arms, submitting to a brief embrace before spinning them and heading into the bedroom. “SR-3, little darling,” he called quietly and the droid perked up, activating herself and unwinding from the charge port. “Come with me,” he invited, “I have something to show you.” He leaned over and smacked HK’s chassis with the back of his hand. “You too, rustbucket.”

 

“He’s awake, then?” Rey asked, excitedly and Hux nodded, scooping up SR and dropping her onto his shoulder. “I’m coming with you.”

 

The group of them made for a strange procession across the Compound, finding that in Hux’s absence, the group of people around Ren had grown exponentially. Finn was there, and Skywalker, with several of the X-wingers around, all speaking and laughing. Someone had fired up the kitchen, and he could see Sasha, Blue and Tempest all helping the normal cookers with something as a celebratory feast.

 

As soon as Hux entered the room though, Ren’s undivided attention was on him - and the little droid sitting on his shoulder. Ducking around both Kiel and his mother, Ren strode over to them and for a heartstopping second, Hux thought Ren was going to kiss him again.

 

Instead, Ren’s lips tugged up into a sweet half smile, and he reached out and touched the top of SR-3’s head. “Hello, little darling,” he murmured.

 

SR-3 stared up at him, her eyelight widening until it was the size of a marble. HK coughed out a static sounding invective and he said, almost hesitantly, “ _ Master? _ ”

 

Ren looked up, fingertip still resting on SR-3’s head. “Hello HK,” he said sounding amused. “I do hope you haven’t given Cian any trouble.”

 

HK scoffed. “This meatbag? Master,  _ he  _ was the one giving  _ me  _ the trouble.”

 

Hux elbowed him in the chassis. “I did not, you traitor,” he said lightly. “Don’t lie to Ren.”

 

Ren looked absurdly delighted at their play and then SR-3 squeaked out,  _ [Friend-Ben?] _

 

“Yeah, SR,” he said quietly. “I’m back.” SR-3 squealed in delight, nearly breaking Hux’s ear drum as she did, and she reached out all of her arms to hook around Ren’s wrist and swing from Hux’s shoulder to Ren’s. She released a babble of binary that Hux was not quite skilled enough to parse but the tone was all joy.

 

Rey grinned widely, stepping in and hugging Ren briefly around the waist. “Welcome back, Master Ren,” she said cheeky, “by the way I adopted your boyfriend,” she added before ducking away and heading over to Finn and Poe. 

 

Ren twisted and stared after her for a second before turning back to raise an eyebrow at Hux. “You know, I remember a lot of the last few weeks, but I don’t remember when  _ that  _ happened.” 

 

“It’s something of a long story,” Hux muttered. “I’ll be certain to tell you later, when there aren’t so many ears about.”

 

Ren leaned in, pressed his cheek to Hux’s. It wasn’t a kiss, it was strangely more intimate than that and Hux caught his breath. “I’ll hold you to that,” he said. “Your quarters? Later?” Hux nodded, his cheek brushing against Ren’s. 

 

He spent an hour with Blue and Tempest, using them to hide from the ever growing crowd in the dining hall. Eventually, once food has been eaten, and Ren has told the story of his dramatic return at least six times, Hux sought out Rey’s mind, and told her he was leaving. 

 

Though she expressed surprise at being the one he told, she caught his eyes across the room and smiled at him, shooing him off with a hand gesture.

 

Hux escaped.

 

*

 

Without HK and SR in his rooms, they seem very empty. Millicent slunk out from under the bed, leaping onto Hux’s lap when he sat down, which helped abate some of the quiet from the room. Her purring is loud, and he rubs her nose in just the way she likes it. Leaning back against the wall, Hux buries his fingers into Millicent’s fur, trying to relax. 

 

He didn’t know how long he sat in the quiet dark of his room, holding his sleeping cat, but eventually the silence was disturbed by a hesitant knock on his door. Hux opened his eyes and murmured, “Lights, twenty-five percent,” and louder as the lights came on, “Come in, Ren.”

 

Ren slipped through the door, blinking in the dim gloom. “You were so sure it was me?”

 

Hux snorted, stroking a hand over Millicent’s back. “Rey forgets to knock, Finn calls my name while he’s knocking, Skywalker would get my attention through our minds, General Organa would holocall me first, all the X-wingers knock in the same fashion, and everyone else used to serve on the Finalizer and knows not to disturb me after a certain hour in the cycle. The only other person who would come to my quarters now, is you.”

 

For the first time, Hux had the ability to see Ren’s unease, and he gestured to the seat at the desk. “So,” Ren said, and he even sounded uncomfortable. “Rey adopted you?”

 

Inclining his head, Hux noded. “After taking you from the Aristarchus, we sought out Snoke. He informed us of some very disturbing information - that Rey is in fact his daughter. She was understandably upset by that. Wondered if she too could ‘go bad’ the way Snoke had obviously done. I simply reminded her that she may be his blood, but she never had to share his choices.” Dryly, he added, “She decided that Rey Snoke did not have a good sound, and claimed my name in it’s stead.”

 

“Which she then took and ran with, I assume,” Ren murmured with some amusement.

 

“Decidedly so,” Hux agreed. 

 

Ren looked down, focusing on the floor. “I remember the conversation you had with… Ben. You’re angry with me.”

 

Hux sighed, scrubbing his free hand through his hair. “Yes,” he said after a moment. “The list of your sins is innumerable, but I think by now so is mine. If you had returned from Revan Ren’s ship the day we lost you, I might not be here right now. That does not, however, absolve you of my anger. You lied to me, multiple times. You broke promises, and you died before we could settle the score.”

 

“I’m here now,” Ren said hesitantly. 

 

It was discomfiting to hear Ren sound so uncertain. Hux gently encouraged Millicent to sit on the edge of the bed instead of on his lap, and he sat up. “I’m going to ask you some questions,” Hux said. “You will answer them truthfully.”

 

Ren nodded. “Of course, yes.”

 

“If I even for a second believe that you are lying to me, when you wake in the morning I will be  _ gone _ , Ren. Do you understand?” Hurt speared over Ren’s face, chased by fear but he nodded emphatically. “Good. Why did you bring me here, after Snoke attacked?”

 

Flinching a little, perhaps at the memory of the attack, Ren said, “I came to D’Qar because I didn’t believe we had anywhere else we could go. He had been in my head, he had seen our location, my ship. I had no way of knowing how much or how little of my life he’d peeled away when he attacked us. Going anywhere else would have put Ganna, Sy or Kiel in danger. He already knew the base of the Resistance, it seemed like the least of all evils, and the safest as well.”

 

Narrowing his eyes, Hux turned that over in his mind. “Would Snoke have come for them?”

 

“Absolutely,” Ren murmured with a haunted expression collapsing his features inward. 

 

“Why did you kill Unamo, Thanisson, Mitaka, and Kaplan?” Hux asked. 

 

A strange expression replaced the fear, as though Ren was no longer himself. “They were fools,” he said evenly, with no intonation to his words. “They hurt you. I had a promise to keep.”

 

Hux sighed through his nose, sharp and annoyed. “You expect me to believe that after Snoke destroyed your mind, you remembered what my Lieutenants did to me and killed them for it?”

 

Ren tilted his head to one side. “Yes. I spent most of my Power on keeping Snoke out of certain areas of my mind. Killing them tipped my hand, and Snoke destroyed the rest of what I had managed to save.”

 

“Then how are you before me right now?” Hux asked.

 

The strange alien expression faded from Ren’s eyes and he grinned a little, looking pleased with himself. “I hid me in you,” he said. When Hux startled at that, his grin widened. “I mean, our connection, the one you let me leave inside your head. I placed every memory I could save in the link between us. Rey wouldn’t disturb something I left behind, Uncle Luke and Finn aren’t as skilled as we are, and you’re not a Force user. I knew what was left of me would be safe there.”

 

“Except that when we got you back, you didn’t remember you’d done it,” Hux pointed out acerbically.

 

Ren shrugged. “I didn’t say it was a good plan,” he said. “It did work though,” he added. “Eventually.”

 

Hux watched him for a second. “Why did you kiss me?” he asked slowly. “Before, on the Untouchable, or earlier in the med bay.”

 

“Because I wanted to,” Ren said in surprise. “Is that so hard to believe?”

 

“A bit, yes,” Hux said. 

 

Ren gave him a look that Hux was hopeless to translate. “Cian,” he murmured. “Didn’t you realize?” he asked rhetorically. “I  _ love  _ you.”

 

Hux blinked, staring at him. In all his years, he’d never heard those words directed at him. He’d heard them whispered between cadets too foolish to rid themselves of emotion, and again between officers on the Finalizer. It was a surprisingly heady feeling, being the sole cause of a power like love. 

 

The open expression on Ren’s face was beginning to fade, to close up. He was taking too long to respond. Hux licked his lips, gratified when Ren followed the motion with his eyes. “I never learned how to love,” Hux murmured, thoughtfully. “It was beaten out of me, and never allowed to cultivate once I grew too strong for physical retribution.” Ren’s face had collapsed entirely, he looked stricken, horrified. “And as a General, I could never allow for such a weakness to define my decisions.”

 

“Cian?” Ren whispered weakly, very pale.

 

“I suppose then,” Hux continued lightly, “it is a very good thing I’m not a General anymore.” Ren’s face went from devastation to hopeful in the span of a parasec, and Hux smiled a little. “Because I feel the same, as much as a man like me can feel for another. I feel the same.”

 

Ren cleared the distance between them in two large steps. “Cian,” he murmured, reaching out. “I’m going to kiss you again.”

 

Hux tilted his face up, linking their fingers together. “Is that all?” he asked lightly. “How disappointing.”

 

When their lips finally met, Ren practically collapsed on to Hux’s lap. Millicent howled in aggravation, disappearing under the bed and Hux laughed breathlessly against Ren’s mouth.  Ren was straddling Hux’s lap, fingers tight against his hair and the back of his neck. “‘Fresher?” he asked, still kissing Hux.

 

“You saying I smell, Ren?” Hux asked, loosing Ren’s hair.

 

Ren laughed, kissing him deeply, ending the clinch by biting Hux’s lower lip gently. “Not at all,” he drawled, “But I’ve spent several hours in the medical wing and I am dying for a real shower instead of the sonic one they gave me.”

 

Hux wrinkled his nose. They both hated sonictech. “Was that an invitation, or a request to wait?”

 

Ren lifted himself off the bed, tugging on Hux until they stumbled into the door together. “Definitely an invitation,” he murmured, and kissed Hux again.

 

Together they tumbled into the hall, making their way to the ‘fresher at the end, it was late enough that the room was empty. Hux watched unashamed as Ren stripped off his clothing, leaning against the wall as he did so.

 

“Are you just going to watch or are you going to join me?” Ren asked, standing naked and glorious by the spray. 

 

“Oh, I think I might just watch,” Hux teased him, dragging eyes from Ren’s toes to his forehead. 

 

Ren shrugged, throwing a grin at Hux. “If that’s what you want,” he drawled and stepped under the spray.  Slicking back his hair, Ren turned a little towards Hux. “Coming?”

 

“No,” Hux said, tugging off his shirt, “Not even breathing hard.” 

 

“That was  _ terrible _ ,” Ren protested. But he still leaned back into Hux when he slid into the ‘fresher and under the spray. They stood there, Hux pressed up behind Ren, arms wrapped around his waist. “I missed you,” Ren said.

 

“I was never gone,” Hux murmured, pressing a kiss to the back of Ren’s neck. 

 

Ren turned in the circle of Hux’s arms, sliding his hands up his arms to frame his face. “I missed you anyway,” he said and kissed Hux again. He crushed his lips to Ren’s, pressing up and wrapping his arms around Ren’s neck. 

 

As the kiss deepened and grew more heated, Ren hooked his hands under Hux’s thighs, lifting him easily and pressed him against the wall. Hux laughed again, wrapping his legs around Ren’s waist. “You still have a penchant for pressing me against walls,” he said, and rolled his hips just so.

 

Groaning, Ren pushed harder against him. “Can you blame me?” he asked, rolling his hips harder against Hux’s, grinding their erections together. 

 

Hux bit Ren’s neck in retaliation, worrying his teeth there until Ren cried out. “Only a little,” Hux said, lips still pressed to his skin. The water of the ‘fresher was aimed directly between them, making the rolling motions of Ren’s hips delightfully slick. 

 

“I hate to tell you this,” Ren murmured, with a note a strain in his tone, “but this really isn’t going to last that long.”

 

Laughing breathlessly, Hux unwrapped his legs from Ren’s waist, pushing him under the spray. “For me, either,” Hux said. “Not since our first time on the ship.” Ren looked a little awed at that, tugging Hux back in and kissing him directly under the water. Hux was so hard that he hurt a little, a bone deep ache that grew worse with each kiss. “Bed?” Hux asked, not bother to erase the note of desperation in his voice.

 

“Bed,” Ren agreed, and turned off the water. His hair dripped in wild tangles down his neck, and Hux fisted his hands in it to drag him in for another kiss. “Cian, if you keep doing that, we’re not going to  _ make it  _ to the bed.” 

 

Taking pity on Ren, Hux wrapped himself in a towel, passing one to Ren as an afterthought. “Well come on then,” he said, and grinned to himself when the towel did nothing to hide Ren’s erection. He stepped in for another kiss, brushing his fingers across the bulge in the towel, grin widening when Ren made a strangled noise against him.

 

They quickly made their way down the hall, and Hux thanked every one of the gods that no one was around to witness their hurried run, fingers tangled together like children. As soon as the door to Hux’s room slid shut behind him, Ren reached out and touched the lock on the door. Hux sat back on the bed, pulling Ren down on top of him. 

 

The towels were rough between them and Hux slid his hands under Ren’s, freeing him from it. In retaliation, Ren was quick to unwrap the towel from Hux. “I’ve been dreaming about you,” Ren said. “Even when Snoke stole my mind and took my memories. I dreamt of you.”

 

Hux leaned up on his elbows to kiss Ren gently. “I dreamt of you,” he repeated. “There would never be another,” he murmured, lips pressed to Ren’s throat. Ren gasped a little, pressing Hux back down into the bed, kissing him fiercely. Hux reached over into the bed side table and fished out the pot of salve he’d left there and handed it to Ren, curling his fingers around it. 

 

“Uh,” Ren said, sounding breathless. It punched a hard curl of desire through Hux, to see Ren so flustered. “You want me to…?”

 

It took real effort to raise an eyebrow, but Hux managed it. “Unless you want to do it another way,” he offered.

 

Ren shrugged. “I’m not fussed either way. We can take turns.” He grinned wickedly. “I rather like that idea, actually.” He pressed a hard kiss to Hux’s lips and slid back to open Hux’s legs. When he leaned down and licked a stripe from the base of his cock to the tip, Hux cried out in shock. Ren grinned, and laid an open mouth kiss on Hux’s hip bone as one cooly slick finger touched him. 

 

“Get on with it,” Hux barked. 

 

The finger breached him slowly, while Ren looked at him seriously from his position between Hux’s legs. “I don’t want to hurt you,” Ren protested. “I never want to hurt you again.”

 

Hux dropped his head back on the pillow, throwing an arm over his eyes with a groan. “Tease,” he accused.

 

Ren laughed a little, placing little bites on Hux’s inner thigh as he stretched Hux out. Hux drifted on a haze of pleasure as one finger became two. When Ren pulled his fingers away, Hux couldn’t help the whine he made. “Patience, Cian,” Ren murmured.

 

Hux tilted his hips up for Ren when he aligned them and Hux could see the strain in Ren’s face. The tight way he held himself, and when Ren pressed himself to Hux, Hux just… yielded. In a few smooth motions, Ren was seated inside him, and Hux shuddered hard. “Careful, Ren,” he said with a soundless laugh. “I might think you were treating me like glass.”

 

“You?” Ren asked, with a hard thrust. “Never.”

 

Hux wrapped his legs around Ren’s waist, pushing into his shallow thrusts. When Ren’s hand snaked between them and wrapped around Hux’s cock, he cried out, unable to muffle his reaction. “It’s not going to take that long,” he ground out between gritted teeth.

 

“For me either,” Ren promised, and stroked Hux twice before leaning down and kissing him gently. 

 

The angle of his steady thrusts, the way his cock was caught between their bellies, the sweetness of the kiss, Hux cried out again, arching up hard and coming without warning.

 

Ren muffled his cry against Hux’s mouth as his thrusts turned erratic, and Hux could feel the way he twitched and came inside him. At least Ren had the foresight to flop next to him on the bed instead of on top of him. They laid there in the circle of each other’s arms, breathing quietly for long minutes before Hux murmured, “We need another shower.”

 

Laughing, Ren pressed a kiss to Hux’s temple. “Later,” he said. “Just lay here with me.”

 

Hux rolled onto his side, letting Ren cuddle up to him. They were sticky, and it was too warm in the little room but Hux had never felt more comfortable in his life. 

 

The connection between them opened gently and Ren brushed across Hux’s mind.  _ Good night, Cian. _

 

Hux smiled.  _ Good night, Ben. _

 

Against the back of his neck, he could feel Ren’s indignant nose wrinkle. 

  
*


	30. xxx.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Ren joined Hux by the console, fingers brushing against his. “We have,” he said lightly. “Other than Captain Phasma, and HK-51, both of whom demanded to be included,” he added dryly, “We have approached Rey Hux, my padawan. Cadets Blue and Tempest, who were both on the Finalizer when during the colonization effort. Padawan Finn, also on the Finalizer, and if he is willing to put aside his commanding duties for the duration, Commander Poe Dameron.”_
> 
> _“Very well. You have the week to prepare. Dismissed.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys... here it is. The final chapter. I wrote 110,000+ words in less than two months, and this is now officially my longest work to date. I've described it as a "shutting up problem" but now, looking over this work, I'm realizing that it's no problem after all.
> 
> I want to thank each and every one of you, not only Lex - for whom this story was written - or Song and Sasha - both of whom were converted to Kylux on my insistence - but all of you who left me such lovely reviews. FemaleSpock, MajesticalJeff, Iamnumber3, MsModernity, AnnaTaure, Gu, CaesarVulpes, SpinningSeraph, and everyone else who has commented, followed me on [tumblr](http://missdreawrites.tumblr.com) or simply given out kudos. This story would not have been written nearly so quickly without your unending support. Thank you all so much for your devotion, and your inability to lose hope even when I ~~lied to you~~ killed Ren.
> 
> Now, that's all out of the way, on to the story.

Xxx.

 

“As you all know,” Leia said, “the war with the First Order is over. Thanks to our Commanders, X-wing pilots, and the tactical advantage granted by our First Order defectors, we not only stopped another atrocity from happening, but truly defeated the Leader of their Order.” The room erupted in cheers, and Leia waited for them to taper off before beginning to speak again. “The Stormtrooper reclamation program, put in place by Commander Cian Hux, and currently run by ex-’troopers Eagle, Tens and Day, is getting more defectors by the day.” More cheering, and Leia smiled indulgently. “Commander Sylar of Dantooine has opened the town of Khoona to us, as well, for a medical base. Thank you, Sy.”

 

The devaronian bowed, hands pressed together in front of him. “Of course, General.”

 

“Now, though the war is over,” Leia continued, “there are still a number of planets in the Galaxy under First Order control.” There was a smatter of boos to that, and Hux hid a wince. Most of those planets that had signed themselves over to the First Order were his fault. “We cannot allow them to languish under the oppressive regime of the Order,” Leia went on to say, her voice strong. “Therefore, I have decided to send a small team to the planets we know about to do what they can to help overthrow the Order.”

 

Hux prepared himself, feeling Ren stiffen beside him as well. “So who’s going?” one of the other Generals asked.

 

“Commander Hux and Captain Ren,” Leia said, her tone far more light than the information required. The entire room stopped dead - the only sound was a quiet “Oh my,” from a golden protocol droid in the corner. 

 

Someone cleared their throat awkwardly. “General,” an unknown officer said. “I don’t want to question your decision, but… do you really think it’s a good idea to send Hux anywhere?” There was a derisive sort of snide hook to the way the officer said Hux’s name, and he could feel Ren flinch.

 

“Are you doubting me or Commander Hux?” Leia asked evenly, raising an eyebrow at the officer. 

 

“Uh,” the officer said, clearly unused to being on the spot, “General Hux, ma’am.”

 

Leia looked over at Hux, expression inviting him to join the conversation and with a short sigh, Hux stood. “I can assure you,” he said, scrubbing his voice of all the dry sarcasm he wished he could use, “I will best suited to head this operation, if you wish to hear the reasons, I have an annotated list.”

 

Now the officer looked truly alarmed, but one of his friends shoved him before he could sit again. “Annotated list?” he said weakly.

 

Hux smiled, kept it closer to Ren’s in tone than his own nexu-like grin. “I’m  _ so _ glad you asked,” he said. “There are three very good reasons that Commander Ren and I should be the two front runners, the first is thus: Ren knows the area intimately well, he has contacts in many major ports and cities, many of which coincide with our flight path. The second: he and I have worked quite well together in many capacities over the last year, and we are more likely to survive an encounter together should negotiations turn contentious. And three, the most important:  _ I  _ was the one to draft these First Order treaties with each of the planets on our list, I know what the Mayors and Governors want, I know where the Order bases are hidden, and I know the officers installed on the planets.”

 

The officer looked pale, but he swallowed hard and said, “Isn’t that last part the reason we shouldn’t send you at all?”

 

Hux scoffed. “Why in all the twenty seven hells would I go to such trouble to dismantle the First Order and help kill Supreme Leader Snoke only to turn around and rejoin them?” he asked.

 

“Maybe you want to take over?!” someone shouted from the back.

 

Ren whipped around but Hux dropped a quelling hand on his shoulder. “Truly,” he said disparagingly. “That would be a stellar plan if I wanted to be assassinated.” 

 

“Maybe we should let him go if that’s the outcome,” another voice jeered. 

 

“ _ Hey!” _ Finn’s voice cracked through the room, and everyone fell silent as he stood. From where Hux leaned against a table with affected nonchalance, he could see that Finn looked nervous with everyone’s attention on him. “Commander Hux saved my life,” he said strongly. “He saved a lot of lives, actually - including Captain Ren’s - and everyone who fought in the battle against the First Order.” There were grumblings to that but Finn slapped a hand on the table next to him. “You are surrounded by people who were once Stormtroopers,” he said incredulously. “Why are you treating them like comrades when they were once your enemy too? When  _ I  _ was once your enemy?”

 

There was a slight shift, as people looked around and caught sight of Blue and Tempest. Blue looked upset, hugging her arms around herself while Tempest’s face was set in a blank expression. “They’ve been working with us,” someone in the crowd of dissenters said.

 

“So has Hux,” Finn said stubbornly. “Why is he the one under fire?”

 

“He blew up the Hosnian system!” someone shouted from the back. 

 

Finn made a tormented face, and shook his head. “Yes, he did. And between all of us, our kill count is just as high,” he said gesturing between his fellow ex-stormtroopers. 

 

“You were brainwashed,” another person said. “It wasn’t your fault.”

 

Finn’s lip actually curled up in disgust. “That doesn’t erase my past, or the blood on my hands,” he said. “It doesn’t make knowing I killed all those people any better.”

 

Leia held up a hand, and Finn fell silent, leaning back against Poe’s arm. “Commander Hux has proven himself an ally of ours,” she said, a note of steel in her voice. “He has gone on many supply runs, smuggling jobs and other errands for several of you, and he has never turned against us.”

 

“He took the killshot on Supreme Leader Snoke,” Rey piped up from Finn’s other side. “He brought General Organa’s son back from the Aristarchus.”

 

“He will lead this operation and that is final,” Leia said firmly. 

 

The dissenter scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Don’t say you weren’t warned, General,” he muttered before finally sitting. 

 

Leia sighed, gesturing to the star map console. “Commander, the floor is yours.”

 

Hux inclined his head, pushing away from the table and pulling up a mostly complete map of the Unknown Regions. “Thank you, General,” he said lightly. “I’m certain we all know the history of the Order so I’ll keep my lesson brief,” he began. “We all know that the Empire receded into the Unknown Regions after the Battle of Endor. There, they settled on a planet we called ‘Lehon’ which would later be revealed to be Rakata Prime. It was a technological goldmine,” he added, zooming in on the planet. “There were ships from every era, in every sort of shape one could imagine. It almost seemed like it was used as a graveyard, from the way the Commandant, my father, told it. From there, the Order used plans from those ships to create the Armada.” 

 

“I  can’t imagine we’re going to go there,” Poe said in surprise. “That’s the heart of the Order.”

 

Shaking his head, Hux smirked at him. “No, this is a history lesson, not a flight plan. After successfully colonizing Rakata Prime, the Order turned to the surrounding planets. Here,” he pulled up a list of planets, their images next to the names. “These are the planets I personally visited to secure an alliance,” he said. “Several of them - the highlighted ones here - have connections to Captain Ren personally. Captain Phasma helped me secure most of these alliances, between the three of us, we are well able to offer what is needed. Everyone has been sent the list of planets and a proposed order, on their datapads.” 

 

“When do you plan on leaving?” Leia asked, though she already knew the answer.

 

“As soon as Captain Phasma is fully recovered,” Hux answered promptly. “She posits that in a week, she’ll have regained full use of her arm.”

 

Leia nodded. “Very well. Have you and Captain Ren chosen who will be joining you?” 

 

Ren joined Hux by the console, fingers brushing against his. “We have,” he said lightly. “Other than Captain Phasma, and HK-51, both of whom demanded to be included,” he added dryly, “We have approached Rey Hux, my padawan. Cadets Blue and Tempest, who were both on the Finalizer when during the colonization effort. Padawan Finn, also on the Finalizer, and if he is willing to put aside his commanding duties for the duration, Commander Poe Dameron.”

 

“Very well. You have the week to prepare. Dismissed.”

 

Hurriedly shutting down the console, Hux turned his immediate attention to Blue who hadn’t moved from her place near the door. Tempest was talking to her in quiet tones but her expression didn’t change. Once the computers were off and the room had emptied, Hux glanced over at Ren.  _ You want this one?  _ Ren asked him.

 

_ I got it, _ he responded and went up to Blue and Tempest. “Commander,” she murmured sadly. 

 

“They are fools, Blue,” Hux said softly, fingers gentle on her arms, urging her to let go of herself. “They will never understand.”

 

“I didn't ask for this," Blue murmured. "If we even showed the slightest hint of doubt... Day went for reconditioning  _ fifteen _ times in one year, did you know that? I only went once - I just got better at hiding things, after." 

 

Tempest nodded solemnly from his position next to her. "I only got hit three times," he said. "I'm still missing huge chunks of memory, but when Revan said you were coming - when we were positioned for your arrival, I knew I had to try." 

 

Hux winced, rubbing his thumb over Blue's arm. "We all did things to survive," he told them. "The only thing we can do now is move forward." 

 

Blue nodded, expression clearing just a little. "Do you really want us to come with you?" she asked curiously. 

 

He let himself smile, patting her arm. "I wouldn't have it any other way." 

 

*

 

Ren wrapped an arm around Hux's waist, leaning his cheek against his hair. "You sure you want to do this?" 

 

"No," Hux muttered. "I do have to though, best to do it now." He raised a hand and knocked on the door before them, trying not to shrug Ren's arm off him. Either Ren caught the thought, or felt his tension, because just before the door opened, he stepped away from Hux and stood a respectable distance away, loose limbed and smiling. 

 

"Cian," Niamh said in surprise. 

 

"Mother," Hux said, "Might we come in?" 

 

She blinked sharp blue-green eyes over to Ren, and back before nodding and opening the door so they could step through. "So," she said pleasantly, already moving to gather tea, "what brings you here, my son?" 

 

"When last we spoke," Hux said slowly, sitting in the proffered chair, "we talked of choices, and what mine were. At the time, this meeting couldn't have been possible, but... I'm slated to go, in less than a week. I wished for you to meet my choice, before we left." 

 

Her hands paused on the tea set, and she turned a considering expression on Ren, visibly gathering his measure. "I see," she said, demurely. "You must been the Captain Ren that I've heard so much about." She held out a hand, arm gracefully arched. "I am Niamh Hux." 

 

Ren took her fingers lightly in his own, bowing over her hand and pressing a delicate kiss to her knuckles. "It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am," he said smoothly, and Hux was impressed despite himself. 

 

Niamh smiled a little, putting tea out in front of them, and taking her own seat. "Tell me, Captain. My son has made it quite clear to me that you are his choice in all things - can the same be said for you?" Hux hid a wince behind his cup, busying himself with drinking instead of meeting Ren's gaze. 

 

Despite his avoidance, Ren smiled and nodded. "Yes, ma'am," he said evenly. "I knew Cian was my choice before he knew I was his," he answered her. 

 

His mother gave him a considering look. "And you both are to leave shortly, am I understanding that correctly?" 

 

"Yes, mother," Hux said. "We're to finish the last of the war through bureaucracy, rather than battle." He tapped his fingers on the table. "So if there's anything or anyone you need to warn, you should probably do it before we leave." 

 

Ren leaned over and flicked him, though he looked entertained rather than annoyed. "There have been rumors of a new Galactic Senate being tied together soon," his mother said offhand. "Several of my acquaintances have been approached to join it." 

 

Hux blinked, processing that. "Really?" he asked after a second or two. "Whom?" 

 

"Tiphane Tarkin," his mother said immediately. "Her mother, Victoire Tarkin, though she's getting on in years and may simply cede the seat to Tiphane. Your father too, has been approached, as the voice of Arkanis." 

 

That was even harder to parse. "Father?" he exclaimed. "He's a well known Commandant of the First Order!" 

 

"Your father is nothing if not resourceful, Cian," Niamh said severely. "As soon as you took over the New Republic Fleet, Brendol left the Order twisting in their own storm and immediately set about proving himself invaluable to the Tarkin’s." 

 

Ren whistled between his teeth, expression admiring. "That's clever," he said when Hux gave him a dirty look. "The Tarkins are old Empire, aren't they? Family of a Grand Moff? If he's in with them, they'd get him a seat in the Senate easy." 

 

Hux frowned at him. "I'm aware of how clever it is," he said. 

 

Niamh took a sip of her tea, looking steadily over the rim of her cup at Hux. "I believe your friend Skywalker was also approached," she said. "Since he is the last of the Jedi." 

 

Both Ren and Hux snorted at that. "He would loathe that," Ren said when Niamh looked disapprovingly at them. "Uncle Luke is much happier in the shadows." 

 

"My dear boy," she said gently, "none of you can be in the shadows any longer." 

 

Hux cleared his throat. "Have you been in contact with Father?" he asked. "Since you left again?" 

 

Niamh looked over at her datapad. "He's messaged me a few times," she said lightly. "Told me about the senate seat. He sent me the forms for our legal separation," she added. "But we've not spoken in person nor in holocall." 

 

"Are you going to stay here?" Hux wondered. "Even after we go?" 

 

She looked thoughtful, finger tracing the rim of her cup. "I believe so, yes," she said. "Or I shall go where everyone else goes, when this base is no longer needed. I'm not going back to Arkanis again." 

 

Privately Hux agreed with that sentiment. "I'll keep in contact," he promised. 

 

Ren grinned at him. "And I'll be sure to remind him, when he forgets."

 

Hux scowled at him. "Yes, thank you Ren," he growled, heavy with sarcasm. 

 

Much to his chagrin, Niamh beamed at Ren. "Oh good," she said brightly, "I'm glad that between the two of you, at least one will be paying attention to something other than work." 

 

Offended, Hux drew back in his seat. "I pay attention to things other than my work!" he said indignantly. 

 

"No, my darling, you don't," his mother said consoling, reaching across the table to pat his hand. 

 

"Not really, you don't," Ren chimed in with, ducking away from Hux's swipe. 

 

"There's nothing wrong with taking pride in your work, Cian," his mother said with heavy amusement, "as long as you remember to eat, or drink or emerge like a normal person." 

 

Hux scoffed. "I'll just leave you two to gossip about me then, shall I?" he asked. 

 

Ren laughed, free hand curling around Hux's under the table. "I wish," he said, "but we have to meet up with Rey, Finn and Poe shortly." 

 

Niamh stood from the table, leading them to the door. "Do be safe, my son," she said quietly, giving him a brief, heartfelt hug. "And you as well, Captain. Take care of each other." 

 

Hux nodded, allowing the embrace and returning it gently. "We will, mother. Be careful." 

 

Ren took Hux's hand as they left the building, and tugged Hux over to a shaded alcove just before the main courtyard proper.

 

He followed Ren willingly but confusedly, stepping into the shade between building and outside wall. "I thought we were meeting the others," he said, even as Ren crowded him up against the stone. 

 

"Oh we are," Ren said, pressing Hux into the wall, "but we have some time." He slipped his leg between Hux's, pushing against him with light pressure, and Hux went very still. "Yes?" Ren asked leadingly. 

 

Hauling Ren closer, Hux kissed him in answer, hooking his hands around his shoulders. They kissed for languid moments, until Ren stepped closer and ground his thigh into Hux's burgeoning erection. "Ren," he hissed, pulling away. 

 

"Mm?" Ren chased his mouth, pulling Hux back in for another kiss. 

 

Hux poked Ren in the side until he squirmed. "Ren, I swear to all you hold dear, if you make me come in my pants like a boy, you will not like my retaliation," Hux growled in his ear, grinning when Ren shivered. 

 

Ren paused, thigh still tense against Hux's cock, and he made a considering noise. "Well, if that's the only qualifier, then this shouldn't be out of the question." And then he dropped to his knees, hands already busy with Hux's belt and pants. Hux couldn't help the noise he made, staring down at the crown of Ren's head. "Yes?" Ren asked leadingly, looking up at him. 

 

"We're still in public!" Hux hissed. 

 

"No one is going to come over here," Ren hissed back, a laugh caught behind his words. 

 

"Cian!" Rey cried, and there was a mad scramble for Ren to get off the ground and Hux to fix his belt, scowling over at Ren who could barely stop laughing. 

 

"You were saying?" Hux asked acidly, tugging at his shirt, and stepping out of the alcove and into Rey's arms. "Hello darling," he murmured, ruffling her hair. 

 

She grinned up at him, blowing the hair out of her face. "Finn and Poe are in the officer's lounge, they sent me to find you because you're a half hour late." 

 

Hux twisted around to scowl at Ren who just grinned at him, utterly unashamed. "Sorry about that," Ren said, falling into step with them. "Unavoidably delayed." 

 

"Is that what we're calling it?" Rey asked, cheeky and irreverent.

 

"That's enough out of you," Hux said immediately before Ren could answer her with something worse. "We have a lot of work to do." 

 

Ren's mind brushed his with ease.  _ Love you _ , he said, voice filling up the empty space between them. 

 

_ And I, you _ , Hux replied, the tone grudging but no less heartfelt. They had five days to prepare, and Hux was determined not to squander even a moment of it - even if that meant he was slightly uncomfortable for his meeting with Poe. 

 

*

 

Phasma, Poe, and Tempest pushed the last of the crates up the ramp of the Untouchable while Hux made several notations down on his datapad off to one side. "That was the last of the weaponry, yes?" Poe asked, out of breath and sweating in the early D'Qar heat. 

 

"The weaponry, yes," Hux reported. "Lastly is the extra water filter, since the original is a bit... Mm, dodgy." 

 

Ren poked his head up from behind the crate in the docking bay of the ship, scowling impressively. "It is not dodgy!" he defended. 

 

"It really is," Hux said, not apologetic in the slightest. "We don't have to replace it yet, but I'd rather not find out that we must while in the middle of the black." Ren made another offended face and disappeared back behind the crate.

 

Blue and Rey came up then, Millicent riding on Rey's shoulder like a deranged bird, her tail wrapped around Rey's neck. He blinked at them, surprised, and moved into pet Millicent when she reached out a paw for him. "I tried to carry her," Rey said, "but she wouldn't get into the case, she just leapt onto my back and climbed up there. I didn't have the heart to move her." 

 

"Probably best," Hux answered. "None would survive her ire if you'd succeeded in tricking her into the case." 

 

Phasma snorted a laugh where she leaned against the crate. "I still have war wounds from that creature’s claws," she drawled, scratching her forehead above her eyepatch. 

 

Rey frowned, reaching up to pet the cat. "She was rather sweet with us," she said doubtfully. "Should I lock her in your room?" she asked Hux. 

 

"No, let her have the run of the ship," he said. He helped Phasma push the last crate up the ramp, ticking time down in his head for when Finn would finally arrive. 

 

The last to arrive was Finn, with Leia, Han, the wookie, Luke, and several others in their retinue. "Sorry," Finn said sheepishly. "I couldn't find my jacket." 

 

Hux watched impassively as the next ten minutes - putting them eight minutes behind schedule - were taken up with hugs and goodbyes. Luke was the first one to come up to him, offering a hand to clasp. "Be safe," Luke said, with no trace of the Force or of the power he held. "We're going to miss you around here." 

 

Clasping Luke's arm, Hux snorted quietly. "I'm certain there are many who will be pleased to see the back of us." 

 

"No one of consequence," Luke said firmly. 

 

Hux smiled, looking away for a second. "You should tell them," he said to Luke, keeping his tone quiet and even. "Leia and Han." 

 

Luke rolled his eyes. "Away with you, meddler. One would think that you were the jedi and not I." 

 

Letting him get away with it, Hux nodded. "I spent enough time with Ren, haven't I?" 

 

"Too much, it seems." Luke drawled. "I'll keep your words under advisement." He moved away to hug Rey, and Hux turned his attention back to the growing crowd. 

 

Leia was the next to approach him, standing a foot away. "Commander," she said warmly. "Good luck on your mission." 

 

Hux inclined his head. "Thank you, General. Take care of my mother?" he asked, when he realized he had nothing else of importance to say. 

 

"Of course," Leia said with a smile. "Don't let Ben ignore his reports." 

 

That made Hux grin. "Trust me, I won't," he said. He glanced down at his datapad, taking note of the time. "We're behind schedule," he said sourly. 

 

As though hearing him, Ren pulled away from his father and bounded up the ramp, the rest of the crew behind him. "Any last words, Commander?" he asked Hux. 

 

Hux looked out over the crowd, and shook his head. "Let's go," he told Ren. "Load 'em up!" he called over the Phasma, who took Millicent from Rey's shoulders and then they were ensconced in the dark of the docking bay. 

 

Together they made their way to the cockpit where Rey was getting settled in the pilot's seat, Poe in the place next to her. Hux leaned on the back of her seat, watching intently as she and Dameron completed their systems check and they began their ascent. 

 

Glancing over at Ren, who was grinning over at Hux, he said to Poe, "Set a course for O'reen." 

 

"Setting course," Poe repeated, tossing a smile over his shoulder. 

 

Ren placed a hand on Rey's shoulder, his other hand on the back of Poe's seat. "Rey," he said, as soon as they hit the black. 

 

She twisted in her seat to grin up at him. “Yes, Captain?” she asked.

 

He grinned wildly back. "Punch it." 

 

* the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I'm sure you're all noticing this has a very open ended last chapter, obviously Hux and Co. are off on an Adventure. 
> 
> So it is my very great pleasure to announce that this story will have a sequel, as of a yet unplanned length called **"let your heart hold fast (for this soon shall pass)"**. I have a few other things to write before this - the last chapter of Only Today, first and foremost - and then another Kylux fic that I promised to Sasha. However, if you take nothing else from all these notes...
> 
> TLDR: There's gonna be a sequel, yo.


End file.
